Projection Novel (Completed) - Chapter 65

The day he couldn’t honestly tell Sejin he was going to meet Doyoon and lied instead. The day he couldn’t bring himself to leave Sejin, who was clinging to him, and ended up breaking his promise to stay home with him. And the day he almost kissed Sejin right in front of him. He had never felt that way with Doyoon. Nor with any previous lovers or partners. The only times Cheon Sejoo had truly wanted to kiss someone were then and now.

However, the reason he denied that attraction and tried to ignore his feelings was that Sejin was too innocent and too young for him to harbor such desires.

Cheon Sejoo, who killed precious lives and profited from it, was no different from a parasite living at the bottom of the world. Dozens of people had died by his hand, and such acts would continue endlessly. For such a person to embrace Sejin was absurd. Cheon Sejoo desired innocent Sejin, but at the same time, he had no shame in violating his innocence.

‘But, even so, if you want me…’ Cheon Sejoo closed his eyes to find an answer to his endless dilemma. The moment of choice was approaching.

“Goo Haewoong.”

Cheon Sejoo, who was lounging on the sofa, spinning a pen, called out to Haewoong, who was happily fiddling with his phone. Haewoong replied, “Yeah?” then, after tapping the keypad dozens of times, turned his head.

A face that looked like it would split from smiling came into view. Cheon Sejoo stared blankly at his grinning face and asked,

“Is it that good?”

Haewoong had gotten a girlfriend. He met her at a club, had a few meals with her, and after practically a one-sided love, he confessed and they started dating. Thanks to that, Haewoong’s mood lately has been sky-high. Of course, it was unlikely, but he never got angry no matter what Jinyoung said, making it seem as if his anger management disorder had been completely cured.

“Oh, yeah. It’s good. So good. I love it so much.”

Although he was a member of a corporate gang, Haewoong didn’t show any rough edges. He was big and had short hair, but no tattoos, and his clothes were casual, making him look like a physical education student at first glance. His solid build seemed to have captivated his girlfriend as well. She called him during every break from class, and the “honey” voice flowing through the phone speaker was enough to annoy Cheon Sejoo even more.

“Seriously, everything she does is so cute and pretty… I really want to marry her.”

For someone who had been dating for only a week, it sounded excessively radical, but at any rate, Haewoong was happily in love. Unlike someone else who was troubled by love.

“……”

Cheon Sejoo rested his chin on the sofa and looked at Haewoong. Although he had the significant flaw of anger management disorder, Haewoong possessed a simple and positive charm. Perhaps his girlfriend liked him for that very reason, Cheon Sejoo thought, and then suddenly became curious and asked,

“Does she know you have anger management issues?”

“Are you cra… No, Chief. What kind of scary talk is that…?”

Haewoong gasped in horror, about to ask, “Are you crazy?”, but then cleared his throat and changed his words. He sprang up from his seat, clutching his phone like a sacred object, and approached the sofa where Cheon Sejoo was sprawled. On the way, he took two apples from the refrigerator, tossed one to Cheon Sejoo, bit into the one he held, and sat down opposite Cheon Sejoo.

“How can I tell her that? She’d run away if she knew…”

“……”

Was it a problem big enough to run away from? Many people claimed to have anger management issues, but few actually suffered from the disorder. Haewoong, aware of the dangers of his own condition, seemed to think it would appear as a major flaw in the eyes of ordinary people. Cheon Sejoo silently pondered Haewoong’s words, then spoke again.

“And what do you do for a living? Did you tell her?”

“……”

At that question, Haewoong looked at Cheon Sejoo with a disgusted expression. ‘Is he upset that I’m dating…?’ He thought glumly, then shook his head.

“How could I explain that? I just told her I work in an office.”

“Are you planning on never telling her?”

“Not never, but it’s a bit much right now, you know. But do I really have to tell her? I haven’t even told my family. Well, I do work in an office, don’t I?”

No matter how much he liked her, it seemed he couldn’t tell her immediately. Cheon Sejoo, who was debating whether to reveal his flaws to Sejin, let out a short sigh and fiddled with the apple in his hand.

He couldn’t leave Sejin like this. If he kept staying close to him, there would surely come a moment when he couldn’t control this feeling, and rather than revealing the truth belatedly then, Cheon Sejoo had thought he might as well get the pain over with sooner and tell him everything.

Haewoong had asked if it was necessary to tell her, but Cheon Sejoo couldn’t do that. Bringing Sejin in the first place was an act born from projecting Hyein onto him, and even some of the things Sejin thought Cheon Sejoo did for him were caused by that projection.

He felt that accepting Sejin’s feelings without revealing that fact would be deceptive. Cheon Sejoo didn’t want to deceive Sejin.

But, did he really have to tell him everything? As he continued to ponder, the thought crossed his mind that perhaps Kwon Sejin might not even want to know. Each time, Cheon Sejoo would let out a self-deprecating chuckle, finding himself cowardly wanting to hide the truth.

He sighed and pressed his forehead. He couldn’t quite grasp which choice to make. As he was pondering, Haewoong’s voice suddenly reached him.

“But sometimes, I wish I could tell my mom.”

“……”

Haewoong met his eyes as Cheon Sejoo, surprised by the sudden remark, lifted his head. Haewoong, despite his large build, had an innocent face and adored his mother. He had heard that Haewoong had cut ties with his brother and father after being expelled from the police academy due to an assault incident, but the woman who gave birth to him still loved Haewoong.

“When I go on a date with my mom on weekends, she always asks me, ‘Isn’t work hard? If anyone bothers you upstairs, tell Mom. You’re just a little sick, so don’t worry too much about having anger management issues. Everyone has a little something wrong with them.’ She always tells me that. When I hear that, it just… here…”

Haewoong pouted his lips and caressed his thick chest. He continued in that state.

“It just stings here. So sometimes I feel like I want to tell Mom honestly what I do. I want to tell her not to worry too much, that her son Haewoong has found his calling and is living well. But I can’t, so it feels like I’m deceiving her, if that makes sense. I didn’t mean to… but just by not saying anything, I feel like I’m deceiving Mom, and it makes me uncomfortable.”

At Haewoong’s words, Cheon Sejoo nodded unconsciously. He felt the same way. He felt like he was deceiving Sejin. And listening to Haewoong’s words, something resonated with him.

Just as Haewoong loved his mother, he too loved Kwon Sejin more deeply than he realized.

“I guess you want to tell everything to someone you truly love. Honestly, Hyungju… I like her, but not yet to that extent. So I can’t even tell her about my anger management.”

Saying that, Haewoong awkwardly smiled, perhaps feeling sorry for his girlfriend. Cheon Sejoo silently smiled back and sank into the sofa. His heart was leaning towards wanting to tell Sejin everything.

It was childish, but it was close to a desire to be loved by Kwon Sejin exactly as he was. It wasn’t just a lover’s emotion, but a greed born from wanting to show him all his flaws and be understood, to form a bond deeper than blood.

Since when had it been? Since when had Sejin started propping up his shattered life after Hyein’s death? Cheon Sejoo couldn’t even pinpoint the beginning. He simply wanted to show Sejin all of his bottomless self now and ask, “Is this still okay?”

But for now, he didn’t have the courage. Just as Haewoong ultimately couldn’t tell his mother anything, Cheon Sejoo also lacked courage for similar reasons. It seemed he needed a little more time to frankly tell Sejin everything.

He let out a short sigh, checked the time, and rose from his seat. It was past 4 PM. Given that Sejin hadn’t contacted him yet, he might still be out of it. He had been desperately trying to suppress the urge to rush home because he was worried, but now he had reached his limit. Cheon Sejoo grabbed the report he had prepared for Shin Gyoyeon and waved to Haewoong.

“I’m going.”

“Goodbye, sir!”

Haewoong grinned and bowed. Cheon Sejoo chuckled, left the office, and went down the stairs. It was early February, and the weather was fickle, bringing an unseasonable spring breeze. A cool breeze blew through the collar of his shirt, where his loosely tied tie hung.

Cheon Sejoo leisurely smoked a cigarette in front of the workshop, then got into his car. He was supposed to meet Shin Gyoyeon at the main office today, but his sudden absence had postponed the schedule until tomorrow. Thinking that psychopaths certainly had a way of annoying people, Cheon Sejoo slowly drove his car.

It had been a long time since he had left work early after taking over Shinsa Capital, so the empty road felt unfamiliar. He had given Sejin medicine at dawn before leaving, but he was full of worry that the fever hadn’t gone down.

Cheon Sejoo, driving like a speed demon in his haste, was only able to calm his impatience after parking his car in the underground parking lot. The thought that Sejin was just around the corner finally started to stabilize his mind, as he didn’t want to reveal his true feelings. Cheon Sejoo took a deep breath in the car before taking the elevator up to the 41st floor.

He entered the passcode, and a deep silence enveloped him. Cheon Sejoo stood there, confirming that no sound came from inside, and then hurriedly took off his shoes. The image of Sejin groaning and suffering on his bed came to mind.

“……”

However, as he passed the hallway and approached the kitchen, there was a faint sound. At the familiar sound effect coming from the TV, Cheon Sejoo took a deep breath and turned the corner. There, on the sofa where he usually lay, was Sejin, crouched with his cheek resting on his knees.

His white face had red cheeks and eye rims, and his hair was slightly damp. It was impossible to tell if it was from cold sweat or from washing. Cheon Sejoo approached him with quiet steps.

“…Cheon Sejoo.”

Sejin noticed him when Cheon Sejoo was about ten steps from the sofa. Sejin’s eyes, which had been blankly turned, widened, and his eyebrows sagged before he suddenly jumped up and ran towards him with a face that looked like he was about to cry. The blanket fell to the floor, and a sweet scent of shampoo wafted from the breeze Sejin had stirred. And Sejin immediately began to explain in a sulky voice.

“I-I really didn’t lie… I was really sick! Look, look at this!”

Sejin stretched out his arm and grabbed Cheon Sejoo’s hand. He took Cheon Sejoo’s unmoving hand and placed it on his own forehead, confirming that he still had a fever. He seemed completely unaware that Cheon Sejoo had been there last night. It was a relief. His efforts to give him a fever reducer and clean up the cup at dawn had paid off.

“I was really sick yesterday. My fever was much higher than this. That’s why I sent the message. I didn’t lie…”

Cheon Sejoo just nodded at his words, which were spoken with a hint of apprehension. Sejin’s hand, gripping his wrist, was still warm. It was better than yesterday, but it felt like the fever hadn’t completely broken.

Cheon Sejoo’s rough fingertips brushed Sejin’s forehead and cheek. Sejin blushed blankly and quietly accepted the touch.

“Did you take your medicine?”

Cheon Sejoo asked quietly, and Sejin shook his head slightly.

“The fever reducer ran out, and I couldn’t go out to buy more…”

“Is that so?”

Cheon Sejoo silently walked to the cupboard. He had placed the fever reducer behind the first-aid box at dawn. He stood on his toes and reached out to find it, and Sejin blinked, his mouth opening with an incredulous expression.

“No, there really wasn’t any… I didn’t intentionally not take it…”

“I know. You might not have seen it.”

Before Sejin could shrink further, Cheon Sejoo firmly stated that it wasn’t his fault. Sejin was completely dispirited. He seemed to think that he had lied again, which was why Cheon Sejoo hadn’t come home.

He felt sorry for him, but he didn’t want to bring up yesterday’s events, so Cheon Sejoo silently took out the fever reducer. He placed two pills on Sejin’s palm and handed him lukewarm water. Sejin took the medicine and drank the water, all the while watching Cheon Sejoo’s reaction. Cheon Sejoo watched his Adam’s apple bobbing, then turned his head and asked Sejin,

“Did you eat?”

“No…”

“How long have you not eaten?”

“Since yesterday morning…”

It pained him that the boy, who usually ate ten bowls of rice a day, had gone two days without food. Suppressing the urge to hug and comfort him, Cheon Sejoo led Sejin to his bedroom. Sejin, seemingly surprised by his gentle demeanor, quietly rolled his eyes. Cheon Sejoo laid him on his bed and picked up his phone.

“I’ll order some porridge, so just lie down for a bit.”

“…My knee hurts.”

However, Sejin, though flustered, did not back down. As if this moment of Cheon Sejoo’s gentleness was an opportunity, he quietly revealed his weakness. Cheon Sejoo found Sejin absurd yet endearing and chuckled softly.

“Again. What else hurts?”

“…Here, and here.”

At his gentle question, Sejin quickly pointed to his ankle and wrist. Cheon Sejoo squinted one eye and smiled, then wrapped his other hand around Sejin’s ankle. As he gently massaged his knee and ankle, the faint lingering ache slowly subsided. Sejin, his face flushed, looked at the man who was bending down to ease his pain.

‘What is it? Why is he so gentle? Is he sorry because he knows I wasn’t lying after all?’ Sejin thought quietly, then asked him,

“Were you angry yesterday, that’s why you didn’t come in…?”

“…No. I was too busy with work. I saw your message today and came home right away.”

“Really…?”

He swallowed, his voice a little excited as he replied. Cheon Sejoo looked at him, smiled silently, and then quietly reached out to caress Sejin’s hair. His still-damp hair felt soft between his fingers, and as he met Sejin’s blank stare, Cheon Sejoo thought, ‘This won’t do,’ and gently tugged his hair.

“Ow!”

“Doesn’t your head hurt?”

Then he said to Sejin, who was frowning and rubbing his scalp,

“You said you were sick, but you’re acting like a baby, so your head must hurt too…”

“I am not!”

When he teased him, Sejin finally yelled and regained his vigor. Only after seeing his listless face brighten with life did Cheon Sejoo smile and move away from him. Leaving him huffing and glaring, he picked up his phone and ordered porridge for him.

“I ordered porridge. I’m going to wash up, so just lie down for a bit.”

“Okay…”

As Cheon Sejoo pulled the blanket over him, Sejin glanced at him and replied. Cheon Sejoo left Sejin there and went to the dressing room to get clothes, then headed to the living room bathroom. After a long, careful shower, a message arrived saying the porridge had been left at the door. He went to the entrance, retrieved the still-warm samgyetang porridge, served it into a bowl, and set the table before returning to his room and calling Sejin.

“Kwon Sejin.”

However, when he reached the bedside, Sejin was lying on his side, lightly asleep. With only his face peeking out, holding the blanket tightly with his long, white fingers, he looked as harmless as a child. Of course, he was probably the only one who saw a man over 180cm tall as a child…

“Sejin. Eat, then sleep.”

Cheon Sejoo knelt by the bed and quietly woke him. His comfortably relaxed brow furrowed slightly, and at the hand caressing his forehead, Sejin finally opened his eyes after not too long. However, the short nap had a powerful effect, and Sejin’s gaze was hazy. Seeing his clear eyes blankly staring at his face, Cheon Sejoo stood up.

“Wake up. Eat, then go back to sleep.”

“…Cheon Sejoo.”

Sejin called him just as he was about to turn and leave the room. When he turned his head, he saw Sejin had already gotten up and was sitting on the edge of the mattress, blinking. He stared blankly at Cheon Sejoo in that state, then at some point, asked,

“Did you… come home last night?”

“……”

His peaceful face seemed to stiffen slightly, then softened again. Cheon Sejoo frowned and smiled. He casually denied the fact.

“I told you I just saw your message today, didn’t I? Come out quickly.”

Sejin stared intently at his disappearing back. It was strange. Cheon Sejoo’s dreams had never been so vivid until now, but the faint image of Cheon Sejoo that had surfaced during his recent doze was excessively clear. His body heat, his breath, even his scent—everything felt as distinct as if he had actually experienced it.

‘Did I dream because I missed him so much?’ But the scene that had just appeared before his eyes felt less like a forgotten dream replaying and more like a reconstruction of something he had experienced. Sejin tilted his head suspiciously and got up from his seat.

As he went into the living room, he saw Cheon Sejoo sitting on a high chair. On the island bar were a bottle of water Cheon Sejoo had put there, and a bowl of porridge that had been transferred. Sejin faintly smiled, looking at the meal he had prepared.

“I’ll eat well.”

“I went to a lot of trouble to make it, so eat a lot.”

‘He ordered it…’ Sejin didn’t react to Cheon Sejoo’s silly joke and picked up his spoon. As something finally entered his empty stomach after two days, his stomach immediately reacted. He cleaned the bowl, but somehow he felt even hungrier than before he ate.

As Sejin clicked his tongue with a regretful expression, Cheon Sejoo chuckled as if he had expected it, then got up and walked to the microwave. What he pulled out was a bowl of octopus porridge. Sejin saw that Cheon Sejoo had ordered another bowl for him and smiled.

“You knew I’d eat a lot?”

He liked that Cheon Sejoo was so thoughtful in taking care of him. To his excited question, a laughing reply came back.

“You’re a pig.”

“…I am not.”

Sejin pouted at being called a pig and picked up his spoon again. After eating the samgyetang porridge and then the octopus porridge, the flavors were different, and his hand moved instinctively. Sejin finished both bowls of porridge Cheon Sejoo had ordered before finally getting up from his seat.

After starving, filling his belly made him feel alive again. Even with the lingering fever, warmth returned to his cold hands and feet, and strength surged through his body. When he, now invigorated, tried to clear the table, Cheon Sejoo, who was opposite him, reached out and grabbed the bowl in Sejin’s hand.

“I’ll do it.”

The fingertips that gripped the bowl to take it away touched his fingers. Sejin bit his lip tightly, nodded, and then very slowly released his hand. He watched Cheon Sejoo clear the table with an indifferent expression. Sejin followed his back with his eyes, his mouth closed. A tattoo was visible on his back as he crouched in front of the dishwasher. The small black tiger, moving slightly with his arm, seemed alive. Sejin stared at his overly sensual lower back, then couldn’t resist and ran to the bathroom.

He barely managed to calm down by splashing cold water on his face and brushing his teeth. What was he doing, being sick like this? It was a good thing Cheon Sejoo hadn’t seen him. If he had, he would probably suspect Sejin was faking his illness now. After a while, he emerged with a calm face, and Cheon Sejoo was sitting on the sofa.

He was resting his chin on the armrest, watching TV, but when his eyes met Sejin’s, he immediately got up.

“Going to sleep?”

“I’ll lie down.”

“Okay.”

Cheon Sejoo nodded and headed to the kitchen. He took out lukewarm water and a muscle relaxant and handed them to Sejin, who accepted them with a surprised expression. Although Cheon Sejoo had been with him whenever he was sick, he had never taken care of every single thing like this before. It felt very unfamiliar but also good, so Sejin silently accepted his kindness.

After drinking all the water, Sejin stealthily glanced around, then headed towards Cheon Sejoo’s room. Confirming that Cheon Sejoo wasn’t stopping him, he hid his triumphant expression and lay down on the bed. Meanwhile, Cheon Sejoo drew the curtains to block out the city lights and closed all the doors leading to the dressing room and bathroom. After that, as he was about to say good night and leave, Sejin called him.

“Cheon Sejoo.”

He slowly turned, as if asking why. Sejin looked up at his impeccably handsome face and quietly requested him,

“Put me to sleep…”

He was leaning on the fact that he was sick, indulging in a little childish whim. Since Cheon Sejoo had left home and returned, they had barely slept together, so Sejin missed his embrace. Cheon Sejoo might scold him for talking nonsense, but for some reason, Sejin didn’t feel like he would refuse. Sejin, brazenly looking up at the silently standing Cheon Sejoo, spoke again.

“I don’t want to sleep alone.”

And as Sejin had expected, Cheon Sejoo did not refuse his request. Shaking his head, he murmured, “Such a baby, a baby,” then closed the door and got onto the bed. He lay down next to Sejin and extended his arm. Kwon Sejin forced down the corners of his mouth, which were trying to ascend to the sky, and snuggled into his embrace.

“Sleep. You’ll feel better if you sleep.”

Cheon Sejoo’s hand gently stroked Sejin’s back. Somehow, it felt as if his pounding heart would reach him. Sejin struggled to suppress his quickening breath and reached out to wrap his arms around Cheon Sejoo’s waist.

Cheon Sejoo’s body, covered in firm muscles, looked very solid to the eye, but when touched, it felt soft. His waist was slender compared to his shoulders, making Sejin want to confirm its presence repeatedly, and his chest smelled unbelievably good.

Even though they used the same body wash and shampoo, the scent from him was somehow different. Perhaps because his usual perfume lingered faintly in the dressing room, Cheon Sejoo always carried a subtle vanilla scent.

Sejin closed his eyes, thinking he wanted to kiss the two moles before him. He thought he should at least pretend to sleep, lest Cheon Sejoo leave if he didn’t. However, Sejin’s growing body needed much more rest than he realized, and Sejin drifted off to sleep without noticing.