Projection Novel (Completed) - Chapter 62

Cheon Sejoo first met Chae Beomjun when he was in detention. Chae Beomjun, who came with Shin Gyoyeon’s proposal, was kind to Cheon Sejoo from the moment they first met. Cheon Sejoo didn’t know it himself, but at that time, he desperately needed someone on his side. He had thought that he couldn’t go back to the hospital from the moment he ruptured the assailant’s tendon. He was prepared never to see those he cherished again, so to Cheon Sejoo, who was steeped in despair, distress, and loneliness, Chae Beomjun, who tried to care for him like family, felt incredibly heavy.

He worked hard to help Cheon Sejoo adapt to the organization and taught him how to live within it. Because it was the hardest period of his life, Chae Beomjun’s presence, on whom he could lean without burden, was incredibly precious to Cheon Sejoo. He followed Chae Beomjun like an older brother and relied on him for many things. He realized that Chae Beomjun’s kindness wasn’t purely goodwill about six months after he joined the organization.

It was the day Shin Gyoyeon called them, and the three of them, including Chae Beomjun, had a meal together. It was a welcome break after being tormented under Seok Yoon-hyung. Shin Gyoyeon left first, and Cheon Sejoo didn’t refuse the alcohol Chae Beomjun offered. It wasn’t alcohol for enjoyment, but alcohol for comfort.

The drinking session continued to Chae Beomjun’s house, and that’s where trouble started. Chae Beomjun, completely drunk, suddenly started exuding a strange atmosphere, then tried to kiss Cheon Sejoo.

As his clean face drew closer and a large hand fumbled at his backside, Cheon Sejoo snapped back to his senses. It was the period when he was actively learning to fight under Seok Yoon-hyung, so his fist flew first, and the two soon began to argue. To Cheon Sejoo’s question of “What the hell are you doing?”Chae Beomjun gave a rather vulgar reply, saying he thought Cheon Sejoo wanted this too.

Cheon Sejoo felt betrayed by Chae Beomjun, whom he had considered like a brother. There had been many men who had wanted to have him under them. They all wanted to conquer Cheon Sejoo, who seemed to symbolize the alpha male itself, and Chae Beomjun was no different from them. Chae Beomjun protested, saying it was just lust, not a desire for conquest, but the process by which that answer was derived was the problem.

‘Conquest? Do I look like such an ambitious person? I just like sex. For that, acting like a brother is nothing to me; I’m just a human being.’

‘…Acting like a brother?’

‘My lifelong dream is to die having sex. I worked hard for that, not for conquest or anything… I’m not Napoleon, I have no such hobbies…’

Completely drunk, Chae Beomjun blurted out everything, saying things he shouldn’t have. That’s how Cheon Sejoo faced Chae Beomjun’s true nature. Chae Beomjun was a bastard whose brain was in his dick.

Recalling the betrayal he felt that day, his stomach still churned, and his neck felt hot. It was probably because some resentment lingered even now. Anyway, that day, Cheon Sejoo couldn’t hold back and hit Chae Beomjun, who kept clinging to him, and the two fought. The next day, they were called in by Shin Gyoyeon, subjected to insulting remarks, and even slapped across the face side by side. So, he had never even considered reconciling with Chae Beomjun.

After their relationship soured, the rumors he heard about Chae Beomjun were things Cheon Sejoo could never have imagined. That the number of partners he had met so far exceeded hundreds, or that if you went to a certain club on his day off, you would definitely find Chae Beomjun. Cheon Sejoo even felt ashamed that he had treated such a dissolute and utterly vulgar person like an older brother.

It was no exaggeration to say that the incident with him became the decisive reason why Cheon Sejoo drifted away from the organization. If Chae Beomjun had been the good person he thought he was, he wouldn’t have been so wary of others, but that incident remained a trauma, and for a while, Cheon Sejoo pushed away those who approached him, and in that process, he also had a dispute with Baek Seong-hwan.

Anyway, since he was a person accustomed to deceiving others and presenting himself well, it was understandable that Sejin thought he was kind. However, separately from that, Sejin ignoring his warning was enough to twist Cheon Sejoo’s guts.

“Just try going to the 42nd floor. When someone tells you something, listen carefully.”

At Cheon Sejoo’s threatening words, Sejin snorted. Sejin, who had put down his chopsticks earlier than usual, seemed to have no more will to eat. He looked at Cheon Sejoo with a sullen face and said shamelessly,

“That won’t happen unless you kick me out. But how can I help being curious about him when you keep not explaining why?”

“Curious about what?”

At Sejin’s composed attitude, Cheon Sejoo finally raised his voice in annoyance. He ran a hand through his hair, sighed, and glared at Sejin. He didn’t want to talk about this, but he felt it necessary to properly advise the naive Kwon Sejin. Cheon Sejoo slowly chose his words, selecting appropriate ones.

“That guy… he can’t leave kids like you alone. He’s not trying to help you, he just wants to mess with you… he’s playing tricks, so don’t even look at him, no matter how kind he acts. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

But strangely, a smile seemed to spread across Sejin’s lips at that explanation. He immediately raised his hand to cover his mouth, so it wasn’t certain, but Cheon Sejoo thought he saw the corners of his mouth curving upwards.

Soon, Sejin cleared his throat and met Cheon Sejoo’s eyes. Long eyelashes fluttered, and Sejin stared intently at Cheon Sejoo, asking,

“What are ‘tricks’? You mean that old man wants to have sex with me?”

“…”

The word “tricks,” which Cheon Sejoo had struggled to choose, instantly lost its meaning in the face of the stark expression “sex.” Is he crazy? He blinked and closed his mouth. But unlike him, who was stunned, Sejin’s attitude was triumphant. He almost seemed to have been waiting for this topic. As if it wasn’t his imagination, Sejin soon leaned forward, placing both hands on the table. His beautiful face drew closer, and smelling faintly of sweet shampoo, Sejin asked him,

“Why do you hate me having sex with that man? Cheon Sejoo. Do you know something? Other people don’t care what a mere ‘housekeeper’ does. They don’t care who a boy not related by blood sleeps with.”

“What?”

He wondered if he was hearing correctly. Cheon Sejoo stared blankly at Sejin, who was suddenly demanding an explanation. Would it be a delusion to feel that his crystal-clear eyes were sparkling? Sejin somehow seemed excited, like someone who had discovered crucial evidence in an unsolved case.

“But why did you get so angry? You kicked me out, and then you immediately changed your attitude and let me back in when I said I was going to the 42nd floor? Did you hate me going to the 42nd floor? Did you hate me being with that man? You meant you hated me having sex with him, right? Then why did you hate it? Have you ever thought about the reason?”

It felt like a bomb of question marks had been dropped. Cheon Sejoo couldn’t answer Sejin’s barrage of questions immediately and closed his mouth. Then he grasped the meaning of Sejin’s questions and frowned. He sighed, bewildered, and slowly ran a hand through his hair.

Keeping his distance by living and sleeping at the studio had been pointless. Even though he hadn’t seen him for three weeks, Kwon Sejin was talking as if meeting Chae Beomjun had happened yesterday. Cheon Sejoo stared fixedly at him and opened his mouth.

“Reason? What reason could there be? I’ve watched you since you were this big, so why the hell wouldn’t I get angry when the kid I was protecting wants to go to some worn-out slut?”

As he spoke, he grew increasingly heated. At Cheon Sejoo’s question, which ended almost shouted, Sejin, however, calmly tilted his head and pointed out,

“See? You’re getting angry again.”

“Hey, think about it. If you were in my shoes, wouldn’t you get angry?”

A sigh naturally escaped him. Feeling frustrated, Cheon Sejoo opened the water bottle and chugged the lukewarm water. Sejin replied to him with an indifferent expression.

“I do get angry. Because I like you.”

“…This crazy kid.”

Cheon Sejoo, who had been momentarily speechless, soon muttered in a stiff voice. He truly felt like he was going crazy. Every time Sejin acted like this, Cheon Sejoo felt so frustrated he wanted to explode. He couldn’t understand why Sejin didn’t understand his feelings. He was starting to get angry at Sejin, who kept crossing the line even though he should know that if he acted this way, Cheon Sejoo would have no choice but to push him away. But before he could truly get angry, Sejin spoke first.

“But why are you angry? Did you change my diapers, or raise me? You told me to just do my job well at home. You called me a housekeeper. So why are you getting so angry?”

“No, think about it! Even a friend would get angry, isn’t it obvious? You—!”

“What about me, then? I’m not your friend. We’re not family either.”

Sejin was shamelessly baiting him into a predetermined answer. It felt like talking to a wall. Cheon Sejoo swallowed the rising anger in his chest, then closed and opened his eyes. He tried to calm himself down and took a deep breath, then spoke in a much calmer voice.

“I’m your guardian. But you’re fearlessly saying you’ll freeload without even properly knowing who the other person is. Is it normal for me not to get angry? Kwon Sejin, I know you’re foolish, but try to think for a moment.”

“I’m an adult now. I don’t need your protection. And what’s wrong with that? I came into this house without properly knowing what kind of person you are. But you were a good person. That person could be too.”

“…”

Sejin’s retort left him speechless. Cheon Sejoo, truly at a loss for words, clenched his fists and closed his eyes. The more they talked, the more he felt like he was being drawn into Sejin’s orbit. The reason was clear. Cheon Sejoo himself was lost, while Sejin was confident in his own thoughts. Trying to convince someone who already believed they knew the answer, it was natural that words wouldn’t get through.

Cheon Sejoo finally shook his head and got up. He didn’t want to get further entangled. He didn’t want to give Sejin any more leeway. He regretted coming home. He had stopped by because he was worried about Sejin, but it seemed it would have been enough to come back a year later. Cheon Sejoo regretted his earlier decision and turned away. But before he could leave the kitchen, Sejin, who had gotten up from his seat, grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t go. I’m sorry.”

When he had been shamelessly shouting earlier, now the voice reaching his ears was weak. Cheon Sejoo sighed briefly and turned his head. But contrary to his expectation that Sejin would be making a tearful face, Sejin was just looking at him with a serious expression.

Sejin’s face, seen up close after a long time, hadn’t changed much from when he left home. His complexion was healthy, and his beautiful face, pretty enough to appear in dreams, was also the same. However, Sejin’s eyes were different from before. A heavy emotion lay beneath his transparent brown pupils. Meeting Sejin’s eyes, Cheon Sejoo wanted to run away.

If Sejin knew what kind of person he was, he would never look at him with such eyes again. That was the crystallization of Cheon Sejoo’s fear. But he still couldn’t be sure what lay at the foundation of that fear. Was it simply because he cherished Sejin with a familial affection and didn’t want to lose him, or…?

“Just answer this one thing…”

Sejin painfully grabbed Cheon Sejoo’s wrist as he turned his head and averted his gaze. As if he would never let go, he held him like a lifeline with both hands and whispered,

“Back then… why did you try to kiss me?”

Sejin remembered it clearly.

Last winter, Cheon Sejoo, who had his gaze lowered as he received his touch. He remembered the moment when Cheon Sejoo suddenly looked up at him, giving him a lingering gaze that seemed to lick his face. And Sejin had not forgotten for a moment the moment he finally gazed at his lips and felt Cheon Sejoo’s hot breath on them.

For a while, he had thought it was his imagination or due to the alcohol, but now, looking back, he didn’t think that was the case.

“You ran away then too.”

Cheon Sejoo, suddenly coming to his senses as if waking from a dream, had left Sejin a warning not to enter his room and disappeared. Thinking about it now, Cheon Sejoo had run away even then. Just like now, to avoid something that distressed him.

“…”

At Sejin’s words, Cheon Sejoo fell silent. He exhaled quietly, looking only at the floor, and only after a long time did he open his mouth.

“…It was a mistake fueled by alcohol.”

A lie.

Sejin repeated it inwardly and pulled Cheon Sejoo’s wrist. He turned weakly, and his face became visible. The man who was always composed and nonchalant suddenly began to feel so vulnerable. Sejin gently stroked the wrist he had been gripping tightly and took a step closer to Cheon Sejoo.

The beginning of the change was clear. It was from the day Sejin’s feelings for Cheon Sejoo were exposed. From then on, Cheon Sejoo began to fear something, and from then on, he began to weaken. Sejin didn’t dislike that. He liked the cracks in the strong man whom he thought he couldn’t possibly get close to.

“Then drink with me.”

Sejin pulled Cheon Sejoo’s arm as if whining. He lifted Sejoo’s hand, kissed the scraped skin on his knuckles, and whispered,

“Make a mistake with me…”

I’m an adult now. At Sejin’s confession, Cheon Sejoo bit his lip tightly and met his eyes. A lingering gaze swept over Sejin’s face. Long eyelashes fluttered, revealing delicate eyes that conveyed sensitivity, and a small, red mole that had newly appeared beneath them.

Cheon Sejoo recalled the day Sejin mentioned. Sejin’s body scent that he felt right in front of him, and his small, faint breath like a child’s. Thinking about it, Sejin’s physique hadn’t changed much from then to now, yet the feeling was distinctly different.

At this moment, Sejin standing before him was radiating intense heat. He had grown into a man, and now he was looking at Cheon Sejoo with eyes full of a powerful longing that seemed ready to devour him. It was suffocating. He suppressed the revulsion rising to his throat and turned his head.

“…Are you scared?”

After a brief silence, the voice that reached his ears was very cautious. It was tender and gentle. Cheon Sejoo felt that kindness reaching his own immense anxiety, which was thrown into confusion.

Being near Sejin made him so comfortable that he constantly wanted to forget everything. He kept making mistakes. That’s why he had left home. Because he didn’t want to be swayed by Sejin.

But now that he had returned to Sejin, he only wanted to stay by his side forever. He didn’t want to leave him alone.

Cheon Sejoo sighed and pushed him away. His mind was complicated. The discrepancy between what he had to do and what he wanted to do was so great that it was causing him a headache.

“Go to sleep.”

He said firmly, pushing Sejin away and turning around. His back was like a sturdy castle again, showing no gaps, but Sejin now felt he knew what lay within Cheon Sejoo’s interior that he hadn’t been able to see.

“I’m not going anywhere, Cheon Sejoo.”

At Sejin’s declaration, Cheon Sejoo, who had been opening the door, paused. Slowly turning his head to meet the gaze of the man looking at him, Sejin spoke once more.

“I promise.”

Cheon Sejoo stared at Sejin for a long time, with a stunned expression. Silence ensued, and at some point, with the sound of the door closing, he disappeared from view.