Projection Novel (Completed) - Chapter 6

Bang, through the door that opened without a knock, the first thing he saw was the bed. The neatly folded blanket and the pillow placed on it made his heart sink. The window behind it was thankfully tightly closed, but there was no trace of a person anywhere in the room. Sejoo bit his lip and turned his head.

The light in the dressing room leading to the bathroom was off. Cheon Sejoo strode in and confirmed that the closet was empty. There was no trace of Sejin left anywhere in the house. As if he had packed everything and left.

But the front door of this house had never opened. Cheon Sejoo inwardly cursed soundlessly at the horrific scene that flashed before his eyes. Then he turned the doorknob of the last door he hadn’t checked. Whoosh, the sound of the shower water suddenly penetrated his muffled ears.

Could he be showering? By the time that thought occurred to him, it was already too late.

The steam seeped out through the wide-open bathroom door. Cheon Sejoo finally found the person he was looking for. Kwon Sejin was cleaning the floor with the showerhead inside the open shower stall. The wary eyes hardened, filled with surprise.

Kwon Sejin was alive and well. Damn it.

“I’m sorry…”

For a brief moment of relief, Cheon Sejoo quickly apologized and closed his eyes, thinking he had done something unspeakable to a girl. However, Sejin’s naked body, which had been imprinted in his mind in just one second, plunged him into a whirlpool of confusion.

What did I just see?

“…Are you crazy?”

At the irritatingly husky voice, Cheon Sejoo’s eyes snapped open. It wasn’t a mistaken impression. There was something attached to the eighteen-year-old girl that shouldn’t have been there.

“Get out!”

As he stared at Kwon Sejin’s vibrant lower body, a trembling voice echoed in the bathroom. Belatedly, Cheon Sejoo came to his senses and lifted his head. Despite confirming he had a penis, the beautiful face, which he still couldn’t believe belonged to a boy, was filled with shame. With red cheeks and eyes, Sejin was glaring at him.

“I’m sorry.”

Seeing that face, Cheon Sejoo felt somehow that he was in the wrong, so he apologized and closed the door. Click, the sound of the doorknob engaging was heard, and his vision was blocked, but he couldn’t move and stood there for a long time.

“He’s a boy…?”

In his bewilderment, the question surging in his mind came out as words. Cheon Sejoo stood with his mouth agape, uttering a foolish sound. Kwon Sejin’s genitals, clearly showing signs of secondary sexual characteristics with dark hair, shimmered before his eyes.

“Fuck…?”

In an instant, Cheon Sejoo, drained of energy, took weak steps and perched himself on the dressing table in the dressing room. Drip, drip, cold sweat ran down his spine. His heart, which had been racing from the shock of thinking something had happened to Kwon Sejin, now beat for a different reason.

Cheon Sejoo slowly inhaled and exhaled, calming his mind. As coolness returned to his pitch-black eyes, his gaze wandered briefly in the air before fixating on one spot.

What the hell is with that bastard…?

Once he understood the situation, incredulity washed over him. Kwon Sejin was a boy? When he asked if he was a girl, he clearly…

“D-don’t you know by looking?”

Cheon Sejoo narrowed his eyes, recalling the memory from a few days ago. Indeed, he had never explicitly said he was a girl. He only asked back if he really had to ask such a question after seeing him with his own eyes.

But, damn it…

Who would look at that face and think he was a boy? Moreover, Sejin hadn’t said anything even after seeing the one-piece pajamas and underwear Cheon Sejoo had bought. That meant he knew Cheon Sejoo was misunderstanding him and just let it happen.

Cheon Sejoo let out a hollow laugh, dumbfounded. To think that he, of all people, couldn’t tell a boy apart. He was completely fooled.

To make an excuse, Cheon Sejoo had never seen a man with such a pretty face. Everything was slender and delicate, with no discernible masculine lines, so he naturally thought it was a girl. To think it was just an underdeveloped boy.

“Ha…”

Could it be that even when he was rude, he only seemed cute because Kwon Sejin was a boy? A gay man’s instinctive intuition…? No, that couldn’t be it. I wouldn’t be that superficial… Just then, as Cheon Sejoo was feeling self-loathing for not recognizing Sejin sooner,

Suddenly, the sound of the bathroom door opening made him snap his head around. Kwon Sejin was peeking his face out through the slight door. Then, their eyes met, and he bit his lips hard as he came out.

Perhaps no longer trying to hide it now that he was caught, Sejin was dressed in his school uniform pants and a school uniform shirt with a few buttons undone. It was the first time he had seen him without his hoodie. Dressed like this, he finally looked like a boy.

Despite being thin, Sejin’s shoulders were sharply angled, and his build wasn’t as small as Cheon Sejoo had thought. The hair that had made Cheon Sejoo mistake him for a girl, now that he knew his gender, was just the common, messy haircut of a boy. Even so, his face was still pretty, but knowing that Sejin was a boy explained the occasionally neutral atmosphere, including his voice.

“Ha.”

Cheon Sejoo stared intently at Kwon Sejin, then let out a sigh of exasperation. At his deep sigh, Sejin flinched his shoulders and looked down only at his toes. Then, he secretly raised his head and peeked at Cheon Sejoo. But his demeanor was exactly like a puppy watching its owner, afraid of being scolded.

“Am I hitting you? Why are you looking so nervous?”

Unable to watch any longer, Cheon Sejoo spoke first. At his calm voice, Kwon Sejin lowered his head deeply and approached him. Somehow, with his solemn appearance, as if truly prepared to be hit, Cheon Sejoo was speechless and looked down at him.

His black hair was a mess, not properly dried, and parts of his shirt and neck were wet. Perhaps he had showered with hot water, as his ears and cheeks were a peachy pink, looking as if juice would come out if touched. Sejoo saw Sejin’s collarbone peeking out from between the worn shirt collar and cursed inwardly, then moved away.

“Dry your hair and come out.”

Without waiting for a reply, Cheon Sejoo left Sejin’s room. He went to the kitchen, chugged two bottles of water from the refrigerator, crushed the bottles, and then waited on the sofa. Sejin came out a few minutes later. Dutifully, his ebony hair was already completely dry.

Cheon Sejoo placed a bottle of water in front of Sejin and picked up the cigarettes lying on the living room table. He had shown all sorts of consideration thinking he was a girl, but now there was no need for that.

Click, the lighter opened and closed, and the tip of the cigarette burned orange. Cheon Sejoo took a deep drag and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, his head aching. Soon, he exhaled smoke like a sigh and opened his mouth.

“Why did you deceive me?”

Even as he asked, he somehow didn’t expect this temperamental brat to give a proper answer. And his prediction was perfectly accurate.

“…I never said I was a girl. You misunderstood.”

He was still speaking informally in this situation. Cheon Sejoo let out a hollow laugh. He had felt it before, but this kid was a bit, no, quite a lot, shameless and rude. If he were in such a predicament, he would probably tolerate someone being a bit unpleasant if they fed him, housed him, and helped him meet his mother, but Kwon Sejin acted as if the option of enduring didn’t exist at all.

But it wasn’t bothersome. It was just rather cute. Conviction, belief, values. Everyone has one thing they can never yield, and for Sejin, that might have been his pride. Cheon Sejoo nodded, partly acknowledging his statement.

“Right, you never said you were a girl. But you knew I thought you were a girl and kept quiet, didn’t you? Why did you do that?”

“…”

At the specific question, Sejin remained silent for a long time, and Cheon Sejoo patiently waited for him. Finally, Sejin revealed the reason:

“I was afraid I’d be kicked out if you knew I wasn’t a girl…”

Sejin replied in a husky voice, as if his voice had broken. So? Cheon Sejoo didn’t say anything, just crushed out his cigarette in the ashtray and propped his chin on his palm. As he simply stared, Sejin added a further explanation.

“I thought you were a pervert who liked young girls… I deliberately didn’t say anything because I thought you’d only help me until I met my mom if you kept thinking I was a girl…”

He did it on purpose. Cheon Sejoo rubbed his cheek with his fingertips, rolling his tongue inside his mouth. Yet, despite the clear situation of being fooled, he wasn’t angry. He was just dumbfounded.

Actually, if Cheon Sejoo had known from the beginning that Kwon Sejin was a boy, he wouldn’t have brought him home. As far as he knew, Han Jonghyun was heterosexual to the bone, so there was no way he would touch a boy, no matter how pretty.

If that had been the case, would Sejin still have been there? …Considering his brazen and stubborn personality, who even added the word “pervert” right to his face, he probably would have.

And if he had stayed there, the outcome would have been obvious. Kwon Sejin, collapsed from hunger, would have been taken to the hospital. After that, he would have been handed over to the police, and Sejin would have mentioned Shin Sa Capital, complicating things.

So, regardless of how it happened, following him was the right thing to do. Kwon Sejin made the best choice in the worst situation.

“Now that you know, are you going to kick me out…?”

As he was lost in thought, Sejin asked in an anxious voice.

It was a valid question. If he hadn’t picked him up in the first place because he was a boy, should he kick him out now? Cheon Sejoo pondered and came to a conclusion.

He had no intention of kicking Kwon Sejin out immediately. What could he do now that he had already brought him in? After even asking Chae Beomjun for a favor, he couldn’t now say, get lost because you’re a boy. However, Cheon Sejoo changed his plan. He decided that after Sejin met his mother, he wouldn’t hand him over to an orphanage, but simply send him out of the house.

He was hard on men, if not on women. Unlike girls, who couldn’t protect themselves when bad things happened, men were different. Even if it was a discriminatory way of thinking, he couldn’t help it. An eighteen-year-old boy was already old enough to be considered an adult, capable of taking care of himself without his help.

Cheon Sejoo had already made plans for his life when he was eighteen. Although all of them had gone awry, he had the ability to take responsibility for himself back then. So, he couldn’t help but apply the same standard to Sejin, who was also a boy. But before Cheon Sejoo could add anything to that, Sejin pleaded desperately.

“I was wrong… I’ll take the beating if you hit me. You must be angry, so you can just kick me out… Just let me see my mom once. If you do that much, I’ll wait in front of the house until tomorrow…”

His perpetually sullen voice, which always conveyed displeasure, became surprisingly fragile only when he spoke of his mother. It meant Kwon Sejin was that desperate. However, a different part caught Cheon Sejoo’s attention. He looked at Sejin with a chillingly calm gaze.

“You’ll take the beating if I hit you?”

He wondered if an eighteen-year-old should be saying such a thing. But in response to his seemingly cold question, Kwon Sejin showed an even more absurd reaction.

Moving closer to Cheon Sejoo, Sejin knelt down, clasped his hands together on his lap, and raised his head. He lowered his eyes and closed his mouth in that position, leaving Cheon Sejoo so flabbergasted that he was almost angry.

“……”

It was already too much to handle Kwon Sejin, who had audaciously deceived him, but with him acting like this, he truly had nothing to say. Feeling his insides filled with unutterable words, Cheon Sejoo got up to relieve his frustration. Sejin’s gaze followed his retreating back as he left the living room and headed for the kitchen. Steam wafted out from the wide-open bathroom door. Cheon Sejoo finally found the person he was looking for. Kwon Sejin was cleaning the floor with the showerhead inside the open shower stall. His guarded eyes hardened, filled with surprise. 

Sejin replied in a husky, seemingly adolescent voice. “So?” Cheon Sejoo didn’t say anything, stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray, and propped his chin on his palm. As he just stared, Sejin added further explanation.

“I thought you were a pervert who liked young girls… I deliberately didn’t tell you, thinking you’d only help me until I met my mom if you kept thinking I was a girl…”

He did it on purpose. Cheon Sejoo rubbed his cheek with his fingertips, rolling his tongue in his mouth. But even in a situation where he was clearly fooled, he wasn’t angry. He was just dumbfounded.

In fact, if Cheon Sejoo had known from the beginning that Kwon Sejin was a boy, he wouldn’t have brought him home. As far as he knew, Han Jonghyun was heterosexual to the bone, so he wouldn’t touch a boy, no matter how pretty.

If that had been the case, would Sejin still have been there? …Considering his brazen and stubborn personality, adding the word “pervert” even with Cheon Sejoo right in front of him, it seemed likely.

And if he had stayed there, the outcome would have been obvious. Kwon Sejin, collapsed from hunger, would have been rushed to the hospital. Then he would have been handed over to the police, and since Sejin would bring up Shin Sa Capital, things would have gotten complicated.

So, regardless of how it happened, following him was the right thing to do. Kwon Sejin made the best choice in the worst situation.

“Now that you know, are you going to kick me out…?”

As he was lost in thought, Sejin asked in an anxious voice.

It was a valid question. If he had been a boy, he wouldn’t have picked him up in the first place, so should he kick him out now? Cheon Sejoo pondered for a moment and came to a conclusion.

He had no immediate intention of kicking Kwon Sejin out. What could he do now that he had already picked him up? After even asking Chae Beomjun for a favor, he couldn’t now say, “You’re a boy, so get lost.” However, Cheon Sejoo changed his plan. He decided that after Sejin met his mother, he wouldn’t hand him over to an orphanage, but simply send him away from the house.

He was harsh towards men, if not women. Boys were different from girls who couldn’t protect themselves when bad things happened. Even if it was a sexist way of thinking, he couldn’t help it. An eighteen-year-old boy could already be considered an adult and was fully capable of taking care of himself without his help.

Cheon Sejoo had already made his life plans at eighteen. Although they all went awry, he had the ability to take responsibility for himself back then. So he couldn’t help but apply the same standard to Sejin, who was also a male. But before Cheon Sejoo could add anything more, Sejin pleaded desperately.

“I was wrong… If you hit me, I’ll take it. You must be angry, so you can just kick me out… Just let me see my mom once. If you do that, I’ll wait outside the house until tomorrow…”

The sullen voice, usually filled with displeasure, became surprisingly fragile when he spoke of his mother. It meant Kwon Sejin was that desperate. However, the part that caught Cheon Sejoo’s attention was elsewhere. He looked at Sejin with a cool, sinking gaze.

“You’ll take it if I hit you?”

It seemed like a strange thing for an eighteen-year-old to say. But to the question, which seemed cold at first glance, Kwon Sejin showed an even more absurd reaction.

Sejin moved closer to Cheon Sejoo, knelt, clasped his hands, and looked up. In that state, he lowered his eyes and closed his mouth, making Cheon Sejoo so flustered that he was almost angry.

“……”

It was already not enough to scold Kwon Sejin for brazenly deceiving him, but with him acting like this, he truly had nothing to say. Feeling his insides filled with unspeakable words, Cheon Sejoo stood up to relieve his frustration. As he left the living room and headed for the kitchen, Sejin’s gaze followed his retreating back.

Kwon Sejin was looking at Cheon Sejoo with an expression difficult to decipher. His face seemed to convey that he couldn’t understand Cheon Sejoo, who wasn’t even getting angry, let alone hitting or cursing him, despite the fact that his deception had been exposed.

Cheon Sejoo returned from the kitchen with a can of beer. He opened the 500mL can, emptied half of it in one breath, then sat cross-legged on the sofa and propped his chin up again. His large palm pressing against his cheek made one of his eyes squint. As he simply stared at Sejin in that state, Kwon Sejin finally spoke first.

“You’re not angry?”

“……”

Cheon Sejoo didn’t answer. He just remained still, looking as if he didn’t know what to do with Sejin.

“…You’re not cursing either?”

“……”

He had already cursed enough inwardly. There was no need to voice it.

“You’re really not going to hit me? I tricked you. If you’re going to hit me, hit me quickly…”

Hearing that, he was truly dumbfounded. If he was caught deceiving him and worried about being hit, shouldn’t he first fix that way of speaking?

“You need to fix your disrespectful way of speaking to people who are helping you.”

“……”

At that, Sejin frowned. It straightened out immediately, but it was enough time for Cheon Sejoo to read his thoughts: Why would he say such a thing? Cheon Sejoo clicked his tongue, realizing Kwon Sejin’s brazenness anew. Then he asked,

“Were you beaten growing up?”

“What…”

Sejin avoided his gaze and nodded. He seemed to not want to discuss this topic, so Cheon Sejoo reluctantly twisted his lips. Then, seeing Sejin still asking “Why aren’t you angry?” with his expression, he said,

“Don’t show off that you’ve been beaten. There’s nothing that makes a person look more foolish.”

“……”

Sejin frowned again and remained silent for a moment. Then he retorted, as if deeply offended to hear such words from none other than Cheon Sejoo.

“I was just going to take the beating because you said you’d let me see my mom, I wouldn’t act like this with anyone else.”

“Right. Very proud.”

“……”

His pretty face twisted again.

Sejin made a sulky expression, as if dissatisfaction filled him to the brim, and stared at Cheon Sejoo. He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t bring himself to. Sejin nervously fiddled with his hands for a long time, then let out a small sigh and finally asked,

“Are you really not going to kick me out?”

“Are you asking because you want to be kicked out?”

“No!”

“Then shut up. I’m thinking.”

Sejin shouted at Cheon Sejoo’s irritated retort. Even so, his gaze towards Cheon Sejoo remained the same. It was clear he thought he was an utterly incomprehensible being. Cheon Sejoo met his gaze, then rubbed his forehead as a headache began to set in.

If there was a reason to kick Kwon Sejin out immediately, it would be because he was a gay man who preferred small and pretty boys. But Cheon Sejoo had no intention of touching a minor, and to be more specific, he had no interest in children with an age difference of five years or more.

While the pretty face was shocking enough to make him forget Do-yoon’s face, with whom he had been in a relationship for several years, Kwon Sejin was a minor regardless. The kid hadn’t once used polite language, even in a clear power dynamic, acting as if he was in a staring contest, which was far from Cheon Sejoo’s preferred personality type.

Anyway, if he had to give a reason, there was no other reason to immediately kick Sejin out of the house. A child deceiving him to meet his mother was a problem that could be overlooked as a cute lie, and there was no shortage of rooms. In fact, seeing him pretend to be a girl just to meet his mother made a corner of his heart feel proud. It must have been embarrassing. As he was thinking that, Sejin, noticing his thoughts, asked,

“…Did you really bring me here just to help me?”

In Sejin’s eyes, as he asked that, a hint of expectation flickered. Cheon Sejoo easily recognized that emotion and hardened his expression.

He had seen Hyein’s last moments in Sejin, who was crouching in the hallway, and he extended a hand to him because he wanted Sejin to have a different ending than Hyein. And on the way home, he felt pity for Sejin, who, driven by the sole desire to meet his mother, humbled himself before him.

It was these emotions that moved Cheon Sejoo. A desire to reverse the past and compassion, not an act stemming from any goodwill or favor that Sejin might have expected.

Cheon Sejoo chugged the remaining beer in the can and looked at Sejin. The child’s glassy brown eyes sparkled and shone. At that moment, Cheon Sejoo felt his blood run cold instantly.

He knew what emotion Sejin held towards him now. It was an expectation. The expectation, based on the fact that Cheon Sejoo had tried to help him without expecting anything in return, that he might not be as bad a person as he had thought. Perhaps a slight delusion that he might even be a truly good person.

But now, Cheon Sejoo didn’t want to be the object of anyone’s expectations. He had disappointed everyone who had placed expectations on him. He didn’t want to do that anymore. Though emotions are said to belong solely to the one who harbors them, he disliked even the thought of someone having expectations of him.

His thoughtful face instantly became expressionless. A chill returned to Cheon Sejoo’s eyes.

“No.”

Crunch, the empty can crumpled in his hand. Cheon Sejoo made a brutal sound as he noisily threw the crumpled can onto the table. Then he sank into the sofa. In that state, he pulled up the corners of his mouth and replied,

“I was going to sell you because you’re pretty, but the plan’s all screwed up now.”

It was a lie. But at those words, Sejin’s expression instantly crumbled. He recoiled, clenching his fists tightly, and glared at Cheon Sejoo. He could see the expectation in his eyes shatter and hostility surge. Seeing that, Cheon Sejoo quietly continued,

“Otherwise, why would I be crazy enough to buy food for a kid who hasn’t even dried his blood yet, and let him speak informally… I’m not a philanthropist.”

“……”

Sejin bit his lip, his face exactly like the day they first met. Watching his pink-tinged lips turn a deep red, Cheon Sejoo took out another cigarette.

“Anyway, it’s a promise, so I’ll let you see your mom. Until then, behave yourself. We’re going tomorrow.”

The fabricated chilly tone, just like last time, was utterly cold. Cheon Sejoo rested his chin on the armrest and averted his gaze. As if he no longer cared, he looked down at Seoul Forest and the Han River beyond the transparent window. As he did so, he soon heard Sejin getting up beside him. Without turning his head, he said,

“Come out when I call you later. I’m ordering lunch.”

“……”

Sejin left without a word. Cheon Sejoo, watching his retreating back, raised his voice.

“Aren’t you going to answer?”

“…Okay.”

Sejin replied, half-looking at Cheon Sejoo. Then he quietly walked away and disappeared.

Left alone in the living room, Cheon Sejoo clutched his head at the throbbing headache. He felt like he had done something unnecessary now. For the first time in a long while, regret filled his mind.