Projection Novel (Completed) - Chapter 43

Cheon Sejoo chuckled softly as he asked again. He thought for a moment as he turned right towards home, then, truly amused, he looked back at Sejin, his eyes curving into crescents. Sejin, at nineteen, seemed so young expressing his feelings so honestly like this. No, he really is young. Cheon Sejoo looked at Sejin, who was twelve years younger than him, and smiled, then asked him.

“Shall I call you ‘baby’?”

“……”

“Baby, that’s perfect.”

I’m sulking. Expressing one’s feelings like this was a habit of kindergarteners. That thought came to mind, and when he called him ‘baby’, Sejin scowled fiercely and glared at Cheon Sejoo. His fair face, his chin still without a trace of stubble, his pretty features and actions. Why did Kwon Sejin look so young? Cheon Sejoo smiled, thinking such thoughts.

“Sejin, baby. Let’s go home and study.”

“Don’t.”

“Without baby, the house is a mess. Baby might curse at hyung when he goes home later.”

“Stop it!”

Sejin, whose cheeks were flushed from Cheon Sejoo’s ‘baby’ talk, yelled. Watching Sejin turn his head, huffing and puffing with the window open, Cheon Sejoo finally couldn’t hold back and burst out laughing loudly. At that clear, difficult-to-hear laughter, Sejin pulled his gaze back from outside and secretly glanced at Cheon Sejoo.

His usually cool face was pleasantly relaxed. His lips were parted, and his laughing appearance was very splendid and 멋졌다. No, actually, it wasn’t just ‘splendid’. There was something about Cheon Sejoo’s laugh that made one’s heart flutter. Just the fact that his always cold, rigid face looked happy made Sejin’s heart feel like it would burst.

“Anyway, don’t…”

Sejin, deflated, spoke quietly. Cheon Sejoo laughed for a long time before he felt the steady gaze on him and closed his mouth. Returning to his cool, serious expression, he checked the signal, stepped on the brake, and said.

“Alright. I won’t call you ‘hey’ or ‘baby’.”

“Okay.”

“Then ‘babe’ is fine, right? Since you’re a Westerner.”

“Cheon Sejoo!”

Once he gave in, the teasing had no end. At the word ‘babe’, which sent shivers down his spine just hearing it, Sejin yelled again in annoyance. Then Cheon Sejoo laughed again, saying, “Alright, alright.”

Since his mother was hospitalized, Cheon Sejoo’s teasing had increased. Sejin felt infinitely grateful to Cheon Sejoo because he knew it was to lift his lowered spirits. But still, it was true that he got annoyed when he said such ridiculous things.

Sejin didn’t want to look like a child to the man he liked. How much of an age difference is there anyway to treat me like a baby? In fact, he wasn’t even sure of the exact age difference, but that wasn’t important anyway. Age was just a number. Anyway, Sejin, who hated being treated like a child, firmly closed his lips and maturely ignored his teasing.

While Sejin was doing that, the car was getting closer to home. Cheon Sejoo, who had been driving slowly and timing his moment, opened his mouth when he judged that Sejin’s mood had improved a little.

“Let’s get a caregiver, Sejin.”

“…What?”

Sejin, who had been resting his chin on the door trim, snapped his head around and widened his eyes. Then Cheon Sejoo reached out and grabbed his left arm. Sejin looked down at Cheon Sejoo’s rough hand, which was pressing down on him with a little force as if to calm him, then sighed deeply and asked him again.

“A caregiver?”

“Yes. I think that would be better.”

“…Don’t you remember watching the news?”

Cheon Sejoo knew exactly what Sejin was going to talk about. Coincidentally, there had recently been news reports about a caregiver abusing an elderly person at a nursing facility. Sejin, who usually didn’t even glance at the news, had seen it while in the hospital room with Kim Hyunkyung, and since then, he had been rejecting the yet-to-be-hired caregiver as if she were an atrocious criminal. Thanks to that, he hadn’t even thought of using a caregiver until now.

Cheon Sejoo slowly nodded and explained.

“I remember. I know. But not everyone is like that. They were just particularly bad people, which is why it made the news.”

“Of course not everyone is like that!”

Sejin wasn’t stupid. What he was worried about was the possibility. He had gotten pancreatic cancer, which hardly anyone else gets, so there was no guarantee that a caregiver wouldn’t be such a person.

“But what if such a person happens to become our mom’s caregiver? So I don’t want it, I’ll do it. I can do it.”

Sejin flatly refused and turned his head. Cheon Sejoo frowned, seeing him cross his arms as if he no longer wanted to talk after just one sentence. He thought for a moment in that state, then began to speak words to persuade Sejin.

“You know now that I went to medical school, right? I also did my internship and residency at Hankook University Hospital where your mom is, so I know much more about patients than you do.”

“…So?”

“Do you know what’s most important for a patient? It’s peace of mind. It’s important to be in a state where they can focus only on treatment without any worries. That way, the chemotherapy is effective, and recovery is faster. But if you’re doing that in the hospital, how uncomfortable do you think your mom would feel?”

He didn’t want to do this, but to get Sejin away from the hospital, he needed to make him realize that his presence wasn’t entirely helpful to his mother. Since it wasn’t pleasant to hear, Sejin immediately reddened around his eyes and raised his voice.

“What about me!”

“I know you’re working hard. Your mom knows it too, and all the ward nurses know it. I’ve heard them say countless times, ‘Where in the world is there such a filial son?’ But right now, that’s not the only thing you have to do. The Suneung (college entrance exam) is less than three months away.”

“Are you telling me this now because you wanted me to go home? Did Mom say that? Did Mom tell you to send me to school?”

His words were sharp. Sejin glared at Cheon Sejoo with a betrayed expression and asked. His eyes were moist. With a face that looked like he was about to cry, Sejin was angry at him. Cheon Sejoo slowly lowered his hand and grasped Sejin’s hand. He intertwined their fingers as if to comfort him, gently stroking the back of his hand with his thumb, and said.

“Yes, your mom told me to. But think about it carefully. If you mess up the Suneung like this, what do you think your mom will think? Will she think, ‘Our Sejin must have found the test too difficult’? You know that’s not it. She’ll think, ‘Because I was sick for no reason, I kept my child stuck in the hospital and he messed up his test.’ Wouldn’t she think that? You know your mom’s personality well. Your mom will already be sad about being sick, so what if you make her feel guilty about it?”

“Mom is… Mom is.”

Sejin’s murmuring voice trailed off. Cheon Sejoo looked at him, tightly biting his lip and breathing heavily, and continued.

“While you’re in the hospital, you also need to shower and things like that, and you can’t help with those. Even if Kim Hyunkyung says she can do it alone, how much easier would it be if there was someone helping her? Right now, she’s doing it alone because there’s no one to help, but if there was someone to help, wouldn’t she be able to get by with less effort and more comfortably?”

“……”

“And think about it. Have there been any days in the past few days that you’ve been with your mom without fighting?”

Even when Cheon Sejoo had gone, Kim Hyunkyung had been angry with Sejin. Since the situation had continued for several days, Sejin couldn’t say anything to Cheon Sejoo’s point. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he bit his lip in frustration. Sejin couldn’t hide his sadness, as if he was deeply frustrated by the fact that he couldn’t help his mother.

“I’ll find someone around your mom’s age. Then they’ll have plenty to talk about, and it’ll be great. I’ll find a good person so you don’t have to worry, so now leave mom to the caregiver, and let’s go to school. Okay?”

Sejin roughly wiped his cheek with his right hand, which wasn’t holding Cheon Sejoo’s, and raised his reddened eyes to look at Cheon Sejoo. Before he knew it, the two were in the parking lot. Cheon Sejoo, who had parked his car in his spot, turned off the engine and turned to face Sejin.

“You’ll do that, right?”

“……”

Sejin silently lowered his head. Sweat was pooling in his tightly clasped palm. Cheon Sejoo realized he was still holding Sejin’s hand and tried to pull his arm away, but Sejin wouldn’t let go. His damp right hand covered the back of Cheon Sejoo’s hand. Only Cheon Sejoo could calm Sejin. In a situation he had never wanted to believe until now, only Cheon Sejoo had been a comfort to him.

Sejin remained silent, his hands clasped together, then after a long while, he opened his mouth.

“…Can Mom get better?”

“What a silly question.”

Cheon Sejoo answered without hesitation. The five-year survival rate for stage 3 pancreatic cancer was in the 10% range. For the cancer center at Hankook University Hospital, it was slightly over 15%, but it was undoubtedly a too-low number to be optimistic about survival. However, it still meant that if treated, 15 out of 100 people would live for more than 5 years. Cheon Sejoo had no doubt that Kim Hyunkyung would be among them. Kim Hyunkyung was younger than other patients, and the cancer had not yet metastasized.

“She will get better, of course she will, so don’t worry and just think about taking the Suneung. There’s nothing better than making patients smile. If you do well on your test, it’s just like helping your mom’s treatment.”

“……”

At Cheon Sejoo’s words, Sejin finally nodded slowly. He had stopped crying by now and raised his head. His moist, reddened eyes gazed steadily at Cheon Sejoo. Sejin felt the warmth of Cheon Sejoo through their clasped hands and thought.

Why is Cheon Sejoo so kind? Why does this person care for me so much?

He was the first adult man Sejin had ever met in his life. The men he had met before were all beasts in human skin, hardly worthy of being called adults. Sejin suddenly wondered what it would have been like if Cheon Sejoo had entered his life a little earlier. It would definitely not have been like this.

“…What if someone like you were my father?”

The deep thought came out as a question. Sejin felt the question was strange even after speaking it and closed his mouth again. And it seemed Sejin wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

“Don’t say anything gross, 21st place.”

At Cheon Sejoo’s words, said with a frown and a smile, Sejin lowered his gaze. Sejin didn’t really want to become family with Cheon Sejoo. But it was worth thinking about. What if someone like Cheon Sejoo were my father? What if such a responsible, kind, and wonderful man were my father…? Would Mom and I have lived happily?

Thinking such thoughts seemed to remind him of how good a person Cheon Sejoo was. Slowly raising his head, Sejin faced Cheon Sejoo, who was silently looking at him and smiling, and suddenly felt a lump in his throat.

He liked Cheon Sejoo so much. But every time he became aware of that feeling, his stomach churned. He was pathetic for thinking of holding Cheon Sejoo’s hand one more time when his mom was sick. It was horrifying that he fluttered at a single smile from him when he didn’t even have enough time to grieve his mother’s pain.

Is this okay? Guilt welled up, and Sejin turned his gaze away from him. He felt as if no other emotions should be mixed into his sadness.

After finding a caregiver, Sejin spent several days attending school in Gangdong-gu with Cheon Sejoo in the mornings, then stopped by the hospital before going home. This was because Sejin was very anxious, even though a caregiver had been hired. However, after having several conversations with the kind and energetic caregiver and learning that she was getting along with his mother like a friend, Sejin’s worries lessened. Three days after leaving the hospital, he decided to visit the hospital only on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends.

And so, after Kim Hyunkyung collapsed, the first weekend the two of them welcomed each other for the first time in a long time. Since Sejin had been staying at the hospital for several weeks, Cheon Sejoo felt the smell of food wafting from the kitchen a little unfamiliar in the late afternoon, with the sun high in the sky.

Due to not being in good condition, it was difficult to get up from his seat. Cheon Sejoo lay in bed, clenching and unclenching his trembling hands, trying to guess what side dishes Sejin was making in the kitchen. The smell of perilla oil was savory. Had he seasoned some vegetables? Thinking such thoughts, he opened the door and went out, and Sejin, feeling his presence, turned to look at him.

“Wash up and eat.”

Sejin, wearing an apron, stirred a pan with chopsticks and said to him, Cheon Sejoo, still not fully awake despite it being past noon, stood in the living room and simply gazed at Sejin far away. The back of the apron, which had fit his small body perfectly, was now open. Sejin was so big that he seemed squeezed into the apron, unable to fasten the velcro. Cheon Sejoo, who had been laughing to himself at the sight, received a steady gaze from Sejin, as if asking why he wasn’t washing up, and belatedly moved. After a quick wash in the bathroom, Sejin was perfectly timing the serving of rice.

Cheon Sejoo took two bottles of water from the refrigerator, placed them on the table, and sat opposite Sejin. On weekdays, he would eat a shake for breakfast to keep his body light, but on weekends, he tended to wake up late and have lunch. Thanks to this, Sejin also put more effort into preparing weekend lunch, so the table was lavish for the first time in a while.

There was Cheon Sejoo’s favorite, thickly cut braised potatoes, seasoned radish salad, seasoned seaweed, and even Goongchae, which Sejin liked. The table was full of side dishes diligently made early in the morning. Cheon Sejoo drank about half a bottle of water and picked up his chopsticks.

“I’ll eat well.”

“Yeah.”

Sejin glanced at Cheon Sejoo and picked up his spoon. He scooped a large spoonful of rice from the bowl, put it in his mouth, and then picked up a handful of side dishes, chewing them heartily. His eating seemed combative in action, but perhaps because he made no noise, his eating looked good. Cheon Sejoo slowly chewed his food as he watched Sejin’s white cheeks bulge and then disappear.

By the time Sejin emptied his second bowl of rice and was scooping his third, Cheon Sejoo had barely finished half a bowl and put down his chopsticks. He drank water and rested his chin on the table, then gazed steadily at Sejin, who still seemed hungry despite having eaten two bowls of rice, and said.

“We should buy a new apron. Yours is too small.”

“It’s fine, why buy a new one? It’s not uncomfortable. I can use it more.”

“Shall I buy you one with lace? I think it would suit you.”

“……”

At the playful voice, Sejin stopped eating and looked up, eyes wide. Feeling the cat-like sharp gaze fixed on him, Cheon Sejoo smiled silently back. Sejin didn’t react.

“Don’t talk nonsense and eat more.”

Sejin, in many ways, had more of an ‘old man’ quality about him than Cheon Sejoo. He disliked talking while eating, and he abhorred useless wordplay. In some ways, it seemed like he lacked social skills because he had no friends… Or perhaps he had no friends because he lacked social skills?

As Cheon Sejoo stared blankly at Sejin, analyzing the reasons for his lack of friends, Sejin suddenly flushed red and looked up.

“Stop staring. Do you want me to get indigestion?”

“I’m looking because you’re in front of me, why are you so bothered? Just eat your meal.”

“Then go away. Because of you, I don’t even know where my food is going.”

“You can say things like that?”

He didn’t know where his food was going. Wasn’t that a comment based on a proverb, in its own way? Cheon Sejoo, finding Sejin rather commendable, reached out and stroked his head. Sejin, forgetting his irritation, lowered his eyes and let him stroke his head. When Cheon Sejoo lowered his hand, Sejin gestured towards the sofa with his chin.

“Go over there.”

Ultimately, Cheon Sejoo, having been chased away, got up. He went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, then lay down on the sofa and picked up his phone. He stared blankly at the date.

It was September 14th, the day before Hyein’s memorial day. The reminder of that fact made his stomach churn and a headache pound. Cheon Sejoo pressed his forehead with slightly trembling fingertips and turned to lie facing the TV.

Quite some time had passed since Hyein died, but he had never once held a memorial service or prayed for her. It wasn’t because she had taken her own life, violating Catholic doctrine. The reason he hadn’t prayed, even though he could have, was due to the guilt he carried. Living a life in a way she would have least wanted, he couldn’t be so shameless as to pray for her.

Therefore, Cheon Sejoo chose to let her memorial day pass by unnoticed, but it wasn’t easy. He usually drank or met Doyoon to get through this period. He had done so last year, and the year before that, so he planned to do the same this year.

Kang Doyoon I’m at my sister’s house now, but I’m going home tonight! Want to come over? XD 12:59

It seemed like meeting Doyoon in the evening and spending time until Monday morning would work. Cheon Sejoo sent him a reply suggesting they meet at a hotel and casually put down his phone.

He looked up and saw Sejin, having finished his meal, tidying the table. Cheon Sejoo watched him wring out the dishcloth and hang it up before getting to his feet.

“Are you going straight to the hospital?”

“No, Mom’s playing with the ajummas (middle-aged or older married Korean woman) in the lounge, she told me to come in the evening.”

“Okay. Then let’s exercise for an hour.”

“Exercise?”

At Cheon Sejoo’s words, Sejin subtly furrowed his brow. He had exercised quite a bit in July. Their exercise time, dubbed “self-defense training,” was practically wrestling from Sejin’s perspective, but Cheon Sejoo was teaching him with surprising seriousness. During that time, Sejin learned how to push away an opponent who grabbed him by the collar, and how to subdue an opponent after taking a harmless blow to prevent it from becoming a one-sided assault.

At first, being constantly overpowered by Cheon Sejoo, he felt rebellious, wondering what use any of this was. However, after he began to grasp how to deal with violence, Sejin also started to enjoy the time. But the problem was the excessive contact with Cheon Sejoo during exercise, and his lack of confidence in reacting to that contact indifferently.

“Do it. You have to. You’ll forget quickly if you don’t.”

As Sejin hesitated, Cheon Sejoo said so in a firm tone and turned away. Watching him flop back onto the sofa, Sejin ultimately couldn’t say no. Just as he didn’t want Cheon Sejoo to notice his physical reactions, he also wanted to touch him.

Sejin quickly finished tidying the kitchen and returned to his room. He needed to digest before exercising, and also…

“Ha…”

Sejin closed his eyes tightly and leaned his head against the door, letting out a sigh.

His mother used to say that a man should be modest and gentle. Fortunately, Sejin was indeed a very modest man. He had never held another woman’s or man’s hand, and he rarely had a proper conversation with others. His excessively low social skills weren’t something to brag about, but anyway, wasn’t this good enough? Sejin thought positively.

However, while Sejin’s mind might have been modest, his body was full of vigor. What would Cheon Sejoo think of him if he got an erection during their sacred exercise time?

Not wanting to be treated like a pervert, Sejin, desperate at the thought of Cheon Sejoo seeing him like that, hurried into the bathroom. He closed the shower booth door so the inside couldn’t be seen even if the main door was open, turned on the hot water to obscure the view, and then drained all the vigor from his body.

By then, Cheon Sejoo’s hour was almost up. Sejin washed himself thoroughly to ensure no smell, then came out. He stood in front of the mirror, caressed his flushed cheeks a few times, then put on a short-sleeved T-shirt and long training pants before leaving the room.

“What, did you shower for an hour?”

“…”

When he entered the matted room, Cheon Sejoo was stretching, enjoying the air conditioning. Sejin’s gaze went straight to his exposed lower abdomen.

“Why… why are you undressed?”

Cheon Sejoo’s firm body was covered only by a pair of pants. At Sejin’s flustered question, Cheon Sejoo glanced down at his upper body and shrugged.

“I was exercising in the next room and got sweaty, too lazy to change.”

It took less than a minute to go from the room with the exercise equipment to Cheon Sejoo’s room. Even if he changed and came back, it would only take two minutes, but the idea that he was undressed because he was “too lazy” infuriated Sejin.

The fact that Cheon Sejoo, who liked men, was acting so carelessly in front of him felt like he absolutely didn’t see him as a romantic interest, and resentment surged within Sejin. With puffed cheeks and a displeased expression, Sejin looked at him and asked,

“If even that’s too much trouble for you, how do you eat and breathe?”

“Good point. Should I order an oxygen mask?”

“…”

Sejin, irritated by his relaxed reply, sighed and lifted his arm. Whoosh, he threw the T-shirt he was wearing at Cheon Sejoo. Cheon Sejoo snatched the shirt mid-air, frowned, and gave him a “what do you want me to do?” look.

“Wear that.”

“You… got some confidence, huh?”

Cheon Sejoo, looking bewildered, chuckled and eyed Sejin’s body up and down. That blatant gaze made a fiery sensation erupt within him. Sejin thought three times wouldn’t be enough, his cheeks flushing as he turned his head. He replied in a curt tone.

“I don’t like looking at other people’s bodies.”

“That’s OCD.”

“If you know, then wear it.”

He had blurted it out, but fortunately, the excuse seemed to work properly. It was thanks to having nagged Cheon Sejoo several times before about being “unsightly” or telling him to “wear clothes.”

Sejin watched Cheon Sejoo, who fit perfectly into his T-shirt, with trembling eyes, then quickly turned and ran back to his room. He pulled out a new T-shirt, put it on, and returned to the matted room, turning his back to Cheon Sejoo before stretching. Cheon Sejoo laughed as if he was being overly dramatic, then soon got up and adjusted the air conditioning. He raised the temperature and lowered the fan speed so Sejin wouldn’t be too cold, then, a moment later, stood facing Sejin, who had finished stretching.

“I told you last time, what do you do if someone with a knife attacks you?”

“You said to run away.”