Projection Novel (Completed) - Chapter 34

The distance from Cheon Sejoo’s room to Sejin’s room was far enough that even shouting wouldn’t be heard. But since they lived together, he should have been more careful. Cheon Sejoo readily admitted his fault and apologized to Sejin once more. At that, Sejin’s face grew increasingly sulky. With narrowed eyes, a displeased mouth, and puffed-out cheeks, Sejin glared at Cheon Sejoo with an almost aggrieved look, then hung his head.

Since he said nothing, it was impossible to know what he was thinking. But his reaction was completely understandable. Unable to end the conversation like this, Cheon Sejoo recalled his male friends who had reacted to his coming out, and searched his memory. Sejin also seemed heterosexual, so he opened his mouth, thinking he wouldn’t react much differently from them.

“I’ll be careful from now on. And I didn’t intend to tell you like this, but I think I should be clear: I like men.”

At the sudden confession, Sejin flinched and raised his head. His widely opened eyes, transparent as glass beads, sparkled and shone. Feeling his intense gaze, Cheon Sejoo spoke to reassure Sejin.

“But you don’t need to worry. You’re not my type, so you don’t have to worry about me liking you or doing anything.”

Usually, when he said such things, his heterosexual friends who accepted his coming out would be bewildered but would laugh it off. However, Sejin’s reaction was different from anyone else’s.

“What? What’s wrong with me?”

Kwon Sejin… got angry. His drooping eye corners shot upwards, and his clear eyes burned with intensity. Glaring at Cheon Sejoo, Sejin asked in a biting voice.

“What am I lacking? What about me is worse than that guy for you to say such a thing?”

That reaction was baffling. Cheon Sejoo, who had been fiddling with his water bottle, stared at him with slightly widened eyes, then laughed incredulously and asked him,

“Hey, why are you getting angry? Are you upset?”

“When did I get angry?”

Sejin immediately denied it, but Cheon Sejoo could see it. And Sejin’s appearance is like that…

“You’re angry right now. You’re acting like you…”

…like you like me.

Cheon Sejoo, unable to finish his sentence, was momentarily flustered and fell silent.

Situations he had dismissed during his time with Sejin, thinking ‘no way,’ flashed through his mind in an instant. The persistent gaze that had started following him at some point, the look in his eyes when he glared at the hickey on his neck, Kwon Sejin blushing every time he ruffled his hair, even last night’s struggle to keep Doyoon and himself in one room…

No, damn it.

No way? The uncontrollably growing suspicion turned towards Sejin in front of him. Thinking back to how he had been all this time, the pieces fit together perfectly if he considered Sejin’s anger at this moment to be because he liked him. Really? Cheon Sejoo looked at Sejin as if he couldn’t believe it. At his gaze, Sejin flared up.

“I’m not angry!”

He was utterly perplexed. Looking at Sejin, who was still angry even as he insisted he wasn’t, Cheon Sejoo silently opened the water bottle cap. He drank the lukewarm water, trying to calm himself, and observed Sejin’s huffing reaction.

Still, it was a blessing in disguise. Kwon Sejin was only 19 years old, and even if he genuinely liked him, it was highly likely to be a fleeting emotion. He didn’t think it was sincere.

However, it was still an awkward situation, even if it was just a brief incident, given that they lived in the same house. Cheon Sejoo rested his cheek on one hand, gazed at Sejin with a troubled expression, and then with difficulty opened his mouth.

“Kwon Sejin.”

“What.”

His glaring eyes were impure. With eyes that seemed to burn, as if on fire, Cheon Sejoo frowned and asked.

“Do you like men?”

Just in case, if Sejin was truly feeling such emotions, he intended to help him sort out his confusing situation as an adult. Cheon Sejoo himself had also had times when he couldn’t distinguish between sexual curiosity and affection. That’s why he asked, but Sejin’s eyes widened at the question, then he soon frowned and clenched his fists.

“Do you know how many times you’ve asked that question? I said no! Why does the conversation keep turning that way? Just because you like men, do I look like one of ‘those’ people too? Wake up! I don’t like you!”

His babbling lips were red. Observing Sejin, whose eyes were reddened as if he was heated with anger, Cheon Sejoo narrowed his eyes. Then he pointed out an error in Sejin’s recent words.

“I asked if you like men, I never asked if you like me.”

“……”

“Why is the subject ‘me’ specifically?”

Sejin finally realized his slip of the tongue and frowned. Right. Why did I say that? But even thinking about it, his heart just thumped strangely, and he couldn’t find a reason.

What’s wrong with me? Annoyance surged from the baseless excitement that had been going on since last night. He felt like he would go crazy at the sight of the annoying man resting his chin on his hand in front of him. In the end, thinking that this whole conversation was a waste of time, Sejin glared at Cheon Sejoo and said. Anyway, that cunning man’s actions were obvious.

“If I had answered that I liked men, you would have asked if I liked you, wouldn’t you? No? You seem very confident just because you’re handsome. Even if I did like men, it would never be you!”

Yes. That was correct. There’s no way I would like you. Sejin denied the suspicion that was slowly creeping up from deep within his heart, then got up from his seat. He had completely lost his appetite and didn’t want to eat any more rice. His chest was still churning, and he felt so nauseous that he felt like he would vomit for the first time in his life if he ate anything more.

Sejin glared at Cheon Sejoo, who was quietly observing him, and cleared the table. He responded to Cheon Sejoo’s ‘Are you sure?’ look with ‘You’re full of yourself, aren’t you?’ and went into his room to brush his teeth.

While brushing his teeth in the bathroom, something churned inside him.

Sejin was angry simply because an older man, much older than him, was talking nonsense about him being ‘not his type.’ It wasn’t because he was sad that he wouldn’t catch Cheon Sejoo’s eye, nor was he angry that Cheon Sejoo preferred a guy like Doyoon over him. It was absolutely NOT because he felt wronged, thinking, ‘I’m prettier than that guy? Why am I not your type?!’

‘Who are you to reject me?’ That was precisely the feeling. ‘If a guy like me says he likes you, shouldn’t you naturally say you like me too?’ Sejin fumed illogically, then rinsed his mouth and splashed water on his face as tears kept welling up.

“Damn…”

He bit his lip and glared at himself in the mirror, seeing a face full of sadness. Sejin shook his head, hitting it against the mirror. Unreasonable suspicions kept rising. Sejin didn’t want to admit that Cheon Sejoo was the reason for his baseless irritation and anger from last night until now.

It was just a guess, but if he had affirmed Cheon Sejoo’s question ‘Do you like men?’ earlier, Cheon Sejoo would have immediately asked Sejin,

‘Then, do you… like me?’

Recalling Cheon Sejoo’s voice asking that, his cheeks and ears flushed hot. The moment he put ‘you’ and ‘me’ as the subjects of the verb ‘to like,’ his heart thumped painfully. Wanting to deny reality, Sejin muttered, ‘No, no!’ repeatedly, shook his head, turned on the cold water, and started showering with his clothes on. His body shivered, but he didn’t care.

He had managed to clear his head with such difficulty, even giving up on studying to go to bed, but unfortunately, Sejin’s instincts were far more honest than his reason. Cheon Sejoo appeared in his dream again.

‘Sejin.’

He was lying in bed, just like in yesterday’s dream. Sejin looked down at Cheon Sejoo, caressing the back of his foot where blue veins stood out. His heart pounded at the sight of his handsome face with a relaxed smile. Even in the dream, his shirtless appearance was so alluring that Sejin felt a significant change in his body in reality.

‘Do you like me?’

Cheon Sejoo in the dream asked Sejin that. Sejin in the dream answered without hesitation. “Yes.” The moment he uttered that short affirmative, he screamed and woke up.

“No!”

Sweat beaded on his forehead as if he had a nightmare. Sejin gasped for breath and threw off the blanket. His damp underwear was despair-inducing. An unbelievable situation was unfolding.

He went to the bathroom to wash his underwear and hang it to dry, then came out to the living room and started making side dishes with a coldly hardened face. He usually didn’t cook much in the morning, but he needed something to focus on to erase the absurd imagination filling his head.

While he was doing so, Cheon Sejoo returned from his workout, and, seeing Sejin engrossed in kitchen chores, unaware of his arrival, he approached him and lightly ruffled his hair.

“What are you doing without eating? Why are you making side dishes so early in the morning?”

Yesterday, Sejin had reacted so strongly that he only ate two bowls of rice when he usually ate five per meal, so Cheon Sejoo had definitively dismissed any suspicion that Sejin might like him. Also, if Sejin really liked him, he wouldn’t have given him such a blatant ‘don’t be ridiculous’ look. So he ruffled Sejin’s hair as usual, but Sejin suddenly turned his head and glared at him.

“Don’t touch my head. Am I your dog?”

His sharp retort was no different from usual. In fact, his attitude was even more prickly than usual, which completely put Cheon Sejoo at ease, and he chuckled.

“Does it wear out if I touch it? Don’t be petty.”

Saying that, Cheon Sejoo demonstratively pressed his body against Sejin’s and rubbed his face into his hair. At that, Sejin huffed, closed the lid of the side dish, and disappeared into his room. He was incredibly cute, all flustered. Cheon Sejoo watched his stomping retreat and then headed to the bathroom himself to shower.

And Sejin, who had slammed his door shut, was leaning his head against the door with a flushed face. Thump, thump, Sejin gnawed on his lips, hitting his head against the door.

No, there’s no way…

However, his body’s reaction was clear. Cheon Sejoo’s body, which had hugged him from behind, was excessively warm, and a fragrant scent emanated from him as he rubbed his cheek against Sejin’s crown. Far from thinking he smelled bad in a situation where he was being hugged by a man drenched in sweat, he perceived it as fragrant.

“Am I crazy…?”

Sejin buried his face in his hands and sighed. He couldn’t believe it. The fact that he liked this dissolute, cunning, always playful, nagging man…

Of course, Cheon Sejoo wasn’t just like that. Cheon Sejoo was the most handsome man Sejin had ever seen in his life, and honestly, aesthetically, he was flawless. His dashing face, captivating enough to make one’s head spin even doing a somersault, exuded a cool and serene aura, his smooth skin felt as soft as a chick’s down if one closed their eyes and touched it, his lips were perfectly shaped as if he could be a lipstick model, and even the way he smoked, which Sejin disliked, was breathtakingly cool.

Furthermore, he was surprisingly kind, he was both charmingly smooth and polite to people, and he didn’t exhibit the typical male bravado of throwing out careless remarks. And he also studied extremely well, and was intelligent…

As Sejin thought about Cheon Sejoo, he suddenly realized that there was an endless stream of compliments for him, and he bit his lip, slumping to the floor.

Do I really like Cheon Sejoo? He couldn’t believe it.

Sejin’s denial lasted for what felt like a long, yet short, time.

When he nagged him and taught him to study, he thought it was ridiculous, but when he ruffled his hair to solve a problem well, he couldn’t stop his heart from pounding. When he sat disheveled in a gown, he would scold him, but at night, he couldn’t stop shirtless Cheon Sejoo from appearing in his dreams. When he sat next to him while he drove terribly, he thought ‘this man is the worst,’ but when he watched his profile as he turned his head to reverse, he kept feeling thirsty and wanted to touch the lips in front of him.

Time flowed endlessly during these countless repetitions of denial and fluttering excitement.

In late May, before getting into the car to see Kim Hyunkyung at Hwagaek, Cheon Sejoo gave Sejin an antipyretic. He had been having a low fever for several days again. Cheon Sejoo now knew it was a prelude to Sejin’s growth spurt.

“You really seem to be growing taller.”

“I told you I would.”

“I thought you were just insisting because you wanted to.”

“……”

Sejin glared at Cheon Sejoo disapprovingly. However, even with his cheeks flushed reddish, he wasn’t scary at all. Cheon Sejoo brushed away small beads of sweat clinging to Sejin’s long eyelashes with his fingertips, then took a blanket from the back seat and covered him with it.

Perhaps stimulated by Cheon Sejoo’s repeated stories of going to school even when his fever rose to 40 degrees Celsius, even a sick Sejin tried to attend school without skipping. It was fine that Cheon Sejoo commendably sent him to school, but after school, taking a sick child to Hwagaek made him uneasy.

Cheon Sejoo looked at Sejin, who was sweating profusely, and placed his hand on his forehead. His reddened eyelids twitched. With the added heat on his sensitive face, he looked even more vulnerable than usual.

“Can you go? Or do you want to just rest at home today and go next week?”

Cheon Sejoo asked, but Sejin quietly shook his head. He didn’t want to postpone something that only happened once a month. Knowing Sejin’s stubbornness well, Cheon Sejoo didn’t ask again. He focused on driving, thinking they should go quickly and return home quickly.

Sejin had fallen asleep sometime during the drive on the familiar road, which he now knew without a navigation system. Cheon Sejoo, unlike usual, drove carefully, constantly checking Sejin’s condition. Even after arriving at Hwagaek, Sejin couldn’t regain his energy. Watching Sejin, with a listless face, go and hug his mother, Cheon Sejoo clicked his tongue and left the dorm. He didn’t want to disturb Sejin’s time, as he had come with a sick body.

“Chief Cheon.”

As the summer wind grew warmer by the day, Cheon Sejoo leisurely smoked a cigarette. While he was doing so, Han Jiwon, who was heading somewhere while reading a file, spotted him and approached.

“Manager Han. Hello.”

When Cheon Sejoo smiled and greeted her, she also smiled with her eyes and bowed her head. He stubbed out his cigarette and looked at Han Jiwon, asking,

“Have you been well?”

“Me? Oh, I’m always well. By the way, I heard from Hyunkyung last time. You’re on a diet, right? She didn’t properly say why, but hearing that, I felt a little relieved. Well, women are sensitive about their weight, you know.”

“Do you need to be sensitive? Manager Han, and Kim Hyunkyung, I don’t think you need to worry about such things.”

At his smiling words, Han Jiwon burst out laughing and hit his shoulder. He had noticed it last time, but her punch was no joke. Cheon Sejoo pretended not to notice the impact on his shoulder and said,

“Has anything happened since then?”

“Nothing special, but even though I told Hyunkyung she doesn’t need to diet anymore, she’s not eating well. She seems quite bothered by it.”

“Has she lost more weight than before?”

“Well, yes. A little?”

Han Jiwon replied, shaking her head. She also seemed to agree that Kim Hyunkyung didn’t need to diet. Cheon Sejoo talked with Han Jiwon for a while, then, hearing Sejin call him, he entered the dorm.

The dorm living room was empty. Unlike the day he hurt his hand, today only Kim Hyunkyung and Sejin were there, as if all the other staff had gone to work.

Standing in the kitchen, her face was definitely thinner than before. Cheon Sejoo swallowed a bitter feeling as he looked at her frail form, so delicate it seemed like she would break with a slight touch. Did she really have to go this far? In his eyes, she was beautiful enough as she was. But saying so wouldn’t reach her. Cheon Sejoo dismissed the thought and sat in the chair Sejin pointed to.

“Stay for dinner. It’ll be late if you go home to eat.”

Dinner, prepared by Kim Hyunkyung, was laid out on the table. He naturally looked at Sejin. Judging by his condition, it seemed better for him to go home and rest early, but Sejin was leaning back in his chair, as if he couldn’t leave his mother’s meal, and sat next to him. Worried, Cheon Sejoo, fearing he might collapse, made Sejin stand up and then swapped seats with him. Even after seating Sejin against the wall, he still seemed uneasy, pulling his chair right next to him before starting to eat.

“Honestly, at first I was worried Sejin would trouble you, Chief, but now I don’t have to be. You take such good care of Sejin that I feel relieved.”

Kim Hyunkyung watched them intently, then smiled and said that. It seemed he was the only one worrying about Kwon Sejin. Cheon Sejoo chuckled lowly and asked,

“You weren’t worried I’d be hard on Sejin, I suppose?”

“Why would I worry about that? As you know, he’s very strong-willed…”

“Just eat your rice.”

“See?”

At Sejin’s abrupt and cold retort, Kim Hyunkyung chuckled and gestured towards him. Cheon Sejoo also snorted and looked at Sejin. Sejin was stuffing Kim Hyunkyung’s food into his mouth, even while sweating. How delicious it must be, having his mom’s cooking after several months.

Nineteen years old. It hit him anew how young Sejin was. Cheon Sejoo looked at him with an endearing expression, then pushed a side dish bowl towards him. Sejin’s sullen gaze went from Cheon Sejoo back to his rice bowl.

“When he comes next time, our son will have grown this much again. What will he do without his mom?”

During the meal, Kim Hyunkyung muttered worriedly. She also seemed to think Sejin was going through a growth spurt. Sejin’s reaction wasn’t very positive.

“What do you mean, ‘what will he do’? I’m not a kid, I can just take medicine…”

“If it hurts a lot, ask Chief Cheon to hug you. He says it hurts less then.”

“Ah, stop it.”

Sejin snapped, annoyed by Kim Hyunkyung’s playful tone. In her words, Cheon Sejoo recalled last winter. The day he brought Sejin home from school after hearing he had hit a classmate. Sejin, whose fever had sharply risen, clutched Cheon Sejoo’s clothes tightly after Cheon Sejoo laid him on the bed. Was that a request for a hug? Cheon Sejoo chuckled and said to Sejin in a teasing voice,

“Okay, if you say so, I’ll hug you. Why wouldn’t I do at least that much for an 8th-place student?”

“Stop it…”

At Cheon Sejoo’s banter, Sejin’s face reddened, and he put down his chopsticks. Sejin had ranked 8th in the last midterm exam. The reason he hadn’t done better was that some kids who guessed answers got higher scores than Sejin, who had diligently solved the problems.

Kwon Sejin was so shocked by that fact that he put down his pencil for a while. But then, encouraged by Cheon Sejoo’s comfort that those kids wouldn’t be able to climb higher than 8th place anyway, he was currently concentrating on studying again.

Kim Hyunkyung laughed, playing along with Cheon Sejoo’s joke. Sejin remained sullen, but it was still an enjoyable meal. Watching Kim Hyunkyung and Sejin caring for each other, Cheon Sejoo thought of Cheon Hye-in. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of bitterness, realizing how rarely he had shared such laughter with her during meals.

After dinner, on the way home, Sejin’s fever escalated to a high fever, just as it had before. Cheon Sejoo carried Sejin, who was breathing heavily with his mouth open, on his back into the house. He went to Sejin’s room, turned on the air conditioner first, and gently laid Sejin on the bed.

And Sejin, this time too, held onto him.

“……”

Cheon Sejoo quietly looked down at Sejin, who had his eyes closed and was clutching his clothes. Despite his still small face, his hands were as big as Cheon Sejoo’s. Only 8 months. The days he had spent with Sejin were so short, yet seeing him so much bigger than when they first met made the time feel much longer.

Kwon Sejin seemed alright these days. The shadow that had hung over him when they first met had seemingly lifted, and Sejin no longer seemed anxious. He was also moving away from instability and regaining stability. Cheon Sejoo could see him quietly walking towards the direction he had set for himself, albeit clumsily.

How much did I contribute to your happiness? Did I make you a little happier?

At some point, Cheon Sejoo couldn’t imagine Sejin not being home. The mealtimes with him, the presence of Kwon Sejin commuting together morning and evening, had now grown to an undeniable size.

However, only 7 months remained for him to be with Sejin. Just until then… Just a little longer. Cheon Sejoo swallowed his desire and lay beside Sejin. He held the hand clutching his clothes and hugged the body cradled in his arms tightly. Hoping that Kwon Sejin wouldn’t be sick while he was by his side…