Passion Raga Novel (Completed) - Chapter 8

As he said that, Yuri felt a small shock in his heart.

It was unbelievable that he had never thought about it before, but even after realizing it, it was still unbelievable that he had no distinct first love. It wasn’t that he had lived without loving anyone. Though not for long, he had dated women a few times, and those relationships weren’t superficial either. He still had memories of each person he dated being precious and lovely.

But as the young man said, a love “dedicated a part of one’s youth” he couldn’t recall anything like that. There were few intense emotions that swept over his entire body and mind.

Yuri became a little melancholic, realizing anew that he might be a very bland person.

The young man, who had been intently watching Yuri, smiled subtly. That smile, which somehow turned up the corners of his mouth as if he had won, was irritating for no reason. As if he had seen through that twisted state of mind, the young man patted Yuri’s shoulder in a deliberately magnanimous, comforting tone.

“Well, don’t be too depressed. You just can’t remember, but if you think hard, you probably had one too. A moment when you lost yourself to someone, or couldn’t take your eyes off them, something like that.”

“If not, then not,” the young man said irresponsibly, looking very pleased. It seemed his mischievousness was finally satisfied. He had a truly nasty personality.

Yuri looked askance at the young man, who was briskly walking a step ahead. Then, once again, this time more desperately than before, he rummaged through his memories. Had there ever been a time when he lost himself to someone and couldn’t take his eyes off them?

“………”

There was.

He didn’t need to ponder long; it came to him quickly. It was because the memory remained so vivid. Even after that, it would surface repeatedly.

Unconsciously, his steps had slowed. The young man, who had been three or four steps ahead, looked back. With a puzzled expression, he slightly raised an eyebrow, seeing Yuri staring blankly at him.

“Was there such a time?”

It was clear he was deflated, having just satisfied his mischievousness. Yuri silently nodded and resumed his slowed pace. He heard a ‘tsk’ sound.

Yuri looked at the young man’s slanted side profile, who was slightly ahead.

A bright and beautiful flower that bloomed in the water.

A life that existed for only a moment, yet was more beautiful than anything Yuri had seen or felt in the water.

Even now, that image remains vivid.

…Thump.

Suddenly, his heart beat loudly.

“Oh,” Yuri tilted his head.

It didn’t hurt, but the dull thud, nonetheless, was as vivid as if a long-forgotten childhood passion had briefly awakened.

“Huh…?”

The young man, who had again walked a few steps ahead, turned back to Yuri, who had slowed his pace, tilting his head. Yuri gazed at the young man, who was lightly holding the watermelon in one arm. The young man was looking at him with a ‘what’s wrong?’ expression.

“………..Hair.”

“Excuse me?”

“There’s a bug in your hair…”

Yuri blurted out whatever caught his eye. In truth, no bug had entered his mind, but his eyes and mouth moved automatically in sync.

The young man frowned and patted his head with the hand not holding the watermelon. The bug that seemed to fly off then landed on the opposite side.

“Is it gone?”

“No. It landed on the other side.”

As Yuri mumbled with his mouth still moving independently of his thoughts, the young man quickly shifted the watermelon to his other arm and vigorously shook that side of his head. This time, the bug flew up and hovered for a moment, then, cunningly, landed right back in the same spot after the young man had just lowered his hand.

Yuri strode towards him. He raised his hand over the young man’s head, who stood still, and made a light tapping gesture. He waved his hand in the air until the hovering bug finally gave up and flew away.

All the while, Yuri’s gaze was on the young man. And the young man also met Yuri’s gaze directly. The young man, who had been keenly scrutinizing Yuri, who was staring intently at him, eventually narrowed his eyes into a mischievous, cat-like smile, as if he had thought of something.

“It’s gone.”

Yuri said briefly, and this time he walked ahead. Then, the young man behind him quickly moved to stand beside Yuri.

“Thank you. I hate bugs.”

“Is that so? It was a small grass bug. Harmless.”

“Still, a bug is a bug. I hate them. Whether it’s a grass bug, a flying bug, or a larva.”

“………”

“But depending on the case, I don’t dislike human bugs so much. They’re interesting.”

Yuri only turned his gaze to look at the young man. The young man was cheerfully shifting the watermelon between his two hands as if playing with a rubber ball.

“You’re very strong, aren’t you? …”

“Unlike how I look?”

The young man, who had cleverly guessed the words Yuri was about to say but swallowed, added with a smirk. He must have heard such remarks many times before.

“Since I was young, I’ve had a lot of human bugs clinging to me. It’s understandable, isn’t it? Handsome appearance, smart, solid background, overflowing with money, even seems gentle-natured… Ugh, even I’d be charmed. But because of all this, it’s not just harmless bugs that cling to me. What can I do? I also worked out a bit. So, I became stronger than most people.”

“I’ve never lost an arm wrestle,” the young man said, waving his well-proportioned arm, which, perhaps because it was covered by his clothes, didn’t give off any impression of being overly muscular or rough.

Come to think of it, Ling Tangyun had mentioned before that his youngest brother had entered UNHRDO as the top student. If he was the top student in the UMTODO assessment, which was notoriously grueling, his physical strength must be extraordinary.

“That’s very good for you.”

Yuri’s physical condition was not significantly inferior to others, but he sometimes felt his stamina lagging these days, as his work primarily relied on his brain (and quick wit). When he occasionally met and talked with people doing similar work, he often envied those with good physical strength. He genuinely envied the young man’s youthful stamina. Even now, his arm, holding the watermelon, was starting to feel heavy and achy, yet this person was casually playing with the watermelon as if it were a ball.

As Yuri mumbled, the young man burst into laughter. The young man met Yuri’s bewildered gaze with beautifully crinkled eyes.

“Mr. Gable, you’re quite interesting. If you just listen to the words, it sounds like sarcasm, but you have a strange knack for not sounding that way at all.”

“? …I wasn’t being sarcastic.”

“I know.”

The young man laughed cheerfully and waved his hand lightly. Then he lowered his laughter.

“Anyway, I don’t dislike all human bugs. It’s interesting to see them buzzing around, saying they like me. It’s also fun to see them flinch and fly off with a single gesture, then hover around, not knowing what to do.”

Yuri wondered why the young man had been staring intently at him without taking his eyes off him for a while. After a moment, it occurred to him that his gaze was related to what he was saying.

“Am I that bug?”

“Ahaha, I wasn’t saying that.”

“No way,” the young man said, waving his hand, but his gaze never left Yuri. He scrutinized every corner of Yuri’s face, as if trying to find something very subtle within it.

Yuri also stared back at the young man, slowly looking at each of his eyes, nose, and mouth.

…Somehow, his heart felt like it would thump again.

Eventually, the young man, who had been looking at Yuri, subtly frowned. Like a twisted smile, he smiled with his mouth while frowning with his eyes, and tilted his head.

“Goodness… he’s really a person with a sparse expression… I can tell when someone is staring at me like a ghost, but now I’m not so sure. …Ah, or is he looking for another reason…?”

The young man, who had been muttering half to himself, paused in thought for a moment and then asked.

“Did your eldest brother tell you to watch me? Of course, he probably said to take good care of me or look after me nicely.”

“…He did say to look after you well so you don’t get seriously hurt.”

“What, so that’s what it was.”

The young man let out a ‘tsk’ again, looking deflated and bored. He was naturally fast-paced, and when he didn’t deliberately try to match Yuri’s pace, he quickly walked a few steps ahead. Then, he tilted his head as if thinking of something and looked back.

“It’s boring, and I’m starting to get sleepy. I’ll get going now.”

No sooner had he said that than the young man casually threw the watermelon, which he had been holding in one hand like a basketball.

Yuri, flustered, quickly shifted one watermelon to his other arm and caught the flying watermelon with his empty arm. Fortunately, he didn’t drop it and managed to catch it safely, but the watermelon, which mercilessly dug into his embrace and thumped against his ribs, conveyed a throbbing pain as heavy as its immense weight.

“Ugh,” Yuri swallowed a low groan and only managed to straighten his hunched body after a few seconds. The young man was already far away, disappearing into the opposite end of the dim alley. Yuri looked at the back of the young man’s head. It was an unexpected remark that Yuri shouted as he gazed at the young man, who seemed to have lost interest in him and walked away without even looking back.

“What is the criterion for a person and a bug?”

The word ‘bug’ itself wasn’t offensive. He had heard all sorts of insults while working throughout his life. Including expletives, curses, and even maledictions, that level of insult was cute. Besides, he thought that such words indicated a problem with the speaker, not the listener, so he didn’t care much.

But Yuri somehow felt bothered now. It was a feeling different from displeasure, a sense of regret or bitterness.

The young man stopped his steps and turned to Yuri. His eyes, slightly wide as if he hadn’t expected such a question, then narrowed with a smile. “Well,” the young man said, looking up at the sky as if he was just now considering it.

“The criterion for a person and a bug… In any sense good or bad isn’t it whether or not I perceive the other person even slightly seriously? Ah, were you offended?”

If Yuri were to ask the young man, who replied and smiled nonchalantly, ‘Am I the latter?’, he felt that the young man would smile for a moment without a word and then calmly lie, ‘No way.’ Somehow, Yuri felt as if he knew this young man well enough to gauge that much.

“…No. Be careful on your way home tonight.”

When Yuri spoke, the young man smiled even more beautifully and waved both arms widely. Then, he turned and walked away with a lighter, more graceful step than before.

Silently watching his retreating back, Yuri’s honest heart felt a little dejected. And Yuri was aware of that fact. It was the first time, at least as far as he could remember, that his emotions had been swayed by someone else’s reaction.

So, Yuri, who had good intuition, soon realized why he was downcast, why the watermelons felt unusually heavy, and why his heart had been beating with slow but distinct, large thumps for a while now.

It seemed he needed to go out for a while.

At this rate, he wouldn’t be able to pinpoint Jeong Jaeui’s location even in a thousand years.

“I’ll be gone for two or three days starting tomorrow. If you need anything, ask Anna, and if it’s urgent, contact me. My phone will work.”

“Ah, yes. Are you going far?”

“Not that far. To Sana’a for a bit.”

There, Al-Faisal had a close friend he had known since his student days in England. It was also the last trace before Serengeti. If he tried that direction, he might have some success. Jeong Taeui, who had been quietly watching Yuri reply indifferently, ambiguously mumbled, “I see. If it’s not far, then it’s not far.”

Jeong Taeui, who was sitting alone, occupying a spacious outdoor lounge and watching a soccer broadcast, made a gesture to slightly make room for Yuri, who sat beside him, saying, “Is it the Germany-Italy match?” Even without that, there was enough space for two or three more people.

“For some reason, I watch my home country’s games more intently when I’m abroad.”

Jeong Taeui said to Yuri, who had been traveling abroad for a long time searching for Jeong Jaeui. However, at Yuri’s calm reply, “Is that so?” as if it were someone else’s business, he made an ambiguous face again.

“I’ve never particularly cheered for my home country. Sports are something where you win some and lose some, so as long as you enjoy it while it’s happening, that’s enough. Come to think of it, aren’t East Asian countries generally more nationalistic?”

“Ah well, I don’t particularly put meaning into winning or losing either, but somehow, I still find myself cheering for my country, hoping they win if possible.”

Jeong Taeui said with distant eyes, recalling how he had once enthusiastically cheered for his home country alone with Kyle’s family at Kyle’s house during a Korea-Germany match. Yuri recalled the family members of that household and surmised that the Legrow brothers probably watched calmly without much excitement, and Peter and Jeong Taeui probably competed enthusiastically.

Indeed, while there might be a general national character, whether one obsesses more over winning or losing is more heavily influenced by individual personality than national character.

Aren’t there even siblings with very different dispositions, even if they grew up in the same country and environment? For example, Ling Xinlu, whom he met earlier this morning, and his elder brother, Ling Tangyun.

Ling Tangyun was the type to be generous and allow for some losses when it wasn’t a crucial moment, but believed he absolutely had to win in decisive moments. However, Ling Xinlu seemed like someone who didn’t even know what defeat meant. Since he was always ahead of others, falling behind, let alone losing, was extremely unfamiliar to him.

‘I can’t live with losing. In fact, I only just realized this recently. Before that, I’d never lost, so I didn’t even know what losing was.’

Beside Yuri, who was wiping his wet body after coming out of the sea, the young man had started by complimenting, ‘If you swim that well, you’d sweep all the awards in a competition.’ When Yuri replied, ‘Well, I don’t particularly like competitions that determine winners and losers. I don’t particularly enjoy beating anyone, and I don’t like losing either,’ the young man said that he couldn’t live with losing.

Yuri meticulously wiped the water from his hair, even though he would have to shower with fresh water back at the lodging anyway, and stared intently at the young man. His beautiful eyes, blinking as if he had cut into his sleeping time to come out this morning, looked a little sleepy.

‘How can a person never have lost in life? For example, if we were to have a swimming competition, I would win, wouldn’t I?’

Yuri tilted his head, wondering how there could be a human who had never lost to anyone, and the young man shook his head, saying, “Ah, ah.”

‘But that’s not what I want. I wanted to be smarter than others, to have good athletic ability like agility and endurance to be popular, and to have exceptional talent for making money and social status. In those areas that I ‘wanted,’ I’ve never fallen behind others in terms of achievement relative to my age.’

“Excluding extreme comparisons like Olympic gold medalists or rich fathers like mine,” the young man said, laughing heartily.

Indeed, he meant he couldn’t stand this situation where the tide had turned and defeat was looming in a love rivalry that started on equal footing or rather, from a more advantageous position for himself.

The more he talked to him, the more Yuri felt that this young man was a different kind of person from himself. In that regard, it seemed Jeong Taeui was more similar to him. A disposition that could be described as finding peace and contentment in one’s lot.

And in that respect, Yuri sympathized with Jeong Taeui. He himself would be saying goodbye to this whole situation once this matter was over, but Jeong Taeui wouldn’t, would he?

“It must be quite troublesome to antagonize a belligerent and persistent person.”

As Yuri suddenly mumbled, Jeong Taeui, who had been supporting Germany and had just relaxed his fist and let out a sigh of relief when an Italian player missed a goal, turned back and asked, “Huh?” Yuri didn’t take his eyes off the screen and mumbled, “No, just…” but this man, who was surprisingly quick-witted, rolled his eyes for a moment and then, seemingly understanding, subtly asked.