Passion Raga Novel (Completed) - Chapter 75

Yuri put his hand on the door, crouched down, and knocked.

“Ling Xinlu, are you alright? Is something wrong?”

Although blocked by the door, he spoke loudly enough to be heard outside, but there was still no answer. It seemed he intended to keep blocking the door, not open it, and not answer for some reason.

Ling Xinlu, Ling Xinlu. He called his name several times with some intervals, but no answer ever came.

“…”

Yuri stood silently for a moment, then rose. And he tried to open the door for the third time. When he pushed the door with all his weight, it opened about a hand’s breadth again. “Hold on, what’s wrong? Open the door and let’s talk…” he spoke through the gap, but Ling Xinlu only pushed to close the door without a word.

And just as the door was about to close, pushed by force… Thunk, the door caught, leaving a gap of one or two centimeters.

“Agh! My hand! My hand!”

A scream burst from Yuri’s lips. At the same time, the forceful pressure on the door instantly vanished, and the door swung open in a hurry.

Ling Xinlu rushed in, his face pale.

And Yuri, putting the wallet he had wedged in the doorframe back into his pocket, stepped over the threshold and looked down at Ling Xinlu impassively.

Ling Xinlu stared at Yuri blankly, as if caught off guard.

A surge of anger, the emotion of being ‘deceived,’ flashed across his face as he alternated glances between Yuri’s unharmed hand and his face. Yuri slowly examined Ling Xinlu from head to toe, confirmed he was unharmed, and then quietly asked.

“Was something wrong?”

Ling Xinlu stared intently at Yuri, who was scrutinizing every corner of his face as if concerned. He examined him thoroughly, as if there was something unknown hidden in Yuri’s expression.

Yuri looked at Ling Xinlu, who was staring at him with an expressionless face, and tilted his head.

Then, his gaze suddenly fell on a large bundle abandoned beside the main door. A huge bouquet of flowers lay there, as if someone had carelessly discarded it.

Seeing the massive, beautiful bouquet, large enough to obscure his view if he picked it up, Yuri cast a bewildered look at Ling Xinlu.

“Did you bring that, Ling Xinlu?”

Without waiting for an answer, Yuri was just about to bend down to pick up the bouquet when Ling Xinlu, as if startled back to his senses, flinched and roughly pulled him inside, pushing him into the house.

As Yuri stumbled back into the hallway, he looked down at him in bewilderment.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen? It’s okay. Tell me.”

“Don’t come out. Don’t go out. You can’t go out. I won’t open it.”

Ling Xinlu spoke firmly, his lips set in a stubborn line. The door had already opened, and Ling Xinlu had already stepped into the hallway, so he failed at pushing Yuri back inside and closing the door from outside as he had initially intended.

Nevertheless, Ling Xinlu, having successfully entered the house with Yuri, went to block the main door, standing with his back against it.

Yuri stared at him, dumbfounded. Ling Xinlu glared at Yuri with a cold, expressionless face.

Somehow, his face looked pale. He bit his bluish lips, like someone incredibly angry, distressed, and at a loss.

“What’s wrong? Open the door. Are you going to stay there all night?”

Yuri, concerned about the enormous bouquet left outside, approached the door, but Ling Xinlu remained unmoving, blocking his path.

Even when Yuri gazed down at him intently, he didn’t move.

Soon, a hint of displeasure appeared on Yuri’s face.

“You have to tell me for me to understand. I was worried when you were late, what were you doing in front of the door? It’s like you locked someone in.”

“—I did lock you in.”

Yuri fell silent at the cold reply.

Ling Xinlu’s face was cold, devoid of any smile. His eyes, flickering 불안 불안하게, looked dangerous. As if they would explode if touched the wrong way.

“Me?”

When Yuri cautiously asked, Ling Xinlu didn’t answer. However, the answer was implicit in his piercing gaze, and Yuri found himself speechless again.

“Why?”

“—You’re going back, aren’t you?”

Ling Xinlu’s lips seemed to tremble slightly as he retorted briefly. He tried to close his mouth firmly again, clenching his jaw, but once the words had erupted, they wouldn’t subside. His trembling lips uttered words disjointedly.

“You’re going to go back as soon as it’s light… Yes, it’s past midnight now, and our contract is over.”

Ling Xinlu, who had poured out his words as if overwhelmed, fell silent for a moment. As if what he had kept inside had begun to overflow with each word, his eyes, which had been dull and lifeless, now glinted with a chilling intensity.

Yuri tried to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out quickly.

The face staring at Yuri, pale, looked as if it would crumble at any moment. I thought you would still sign the contract.

Sometimes, I felt like I was going crazy from anxiety, but I still thought you’d stay by my side.

I definitely thought that, I thought that…

The disjointed words became slurred. Slowly, the words slowed down and then stopped altogether.

Ling Xinlu looked at Yuri, pale as a wax doll, not moving at all. As if he would collapse with the slightest touch.

Then, at some point.

“What should I do?”

A faint voice, barely audible, whispered like a soliloquy. With that voice, drip, drip, drip, large teardrops rolled down his pale cheeks.

With an expressionless face, like a beautiful doll crying, Ling Xinlu began to weep silently, staring at Yuri as if lost.

“What do I do? There’s no way to tie you down. I… I’m nothing…”

His body, leaning against the door, slowly tilted. The tears that had gathered in his eyes began to spill, covering his cheeks. A short whisper was heard, “I can’t breathe.”

“—Ling Xinlu, I—.”

“If it was going to be like this, why did you save me?!”

Yuri, who had opened his mouth in bewilderment, stopped mid-sentence.

A heartbroken voice, barely escaping from a chest so constricted he could barely breathe, reproached Yuri.

“Why did you say you liked me? Why did you make me hope? Why do you make me so miserable! Why, if it was going to be like this, why did you appear before me? Why did you make it so I could only see you?

Why did you make me only think of you? Why did you make my heart pound only when I see you?!”

The sobbing whisper grew louder and louder, filling the space as he shouted.

His voice, bursting forth like a scream from a breaking heart, cried out, bitterly blaming Yuri.

His dark eyes glared at Yuri. Tears soaked them, making them glint even darker, and they stared intently at Yuri before slowly blurring. Blink, blink, with each blink, tears flowed incessantly, wetting his long eyelashes and falling in drops.

Ling Xinlu bent his waist as if suffocating, his gaze fixed downwards, clutching his chest. He faintly appealed, saying his heart hurt and he couldn’t breathe.

“I… I can’t see with one eye, and I do things you dislike, and I’m younger than you…” Words, miserably escaping between choked sobs, reached Yuri’s ears. Ling Xinlu couldn’t even bring himself to look at Yuri and wiped his face with the back of his hand.

Wiping his face haphazardly with the back of his hand like a child, yet continuously shedding tears that wouldn’t stop, he whispered.

“But what do I do, even though I’m this kind of person? What do I do, being this kind of person?”

His hands, thoroughly wet with tears, slowly approached Yuri. Carefully, whispering, “Please don’t push me away,” his hand touched Yuri’s arm.

That hand, which seemed to barely brush him, soon fiercely pulled his arm, embracing Yuri. Tears transferred onto Yuri’s neck from the face pressed against it.

“Can’t you fix me and live with me? I’ll try, I’ll really try my best. So, don’t go. Please stay with me. Please.”

Ling Xinlu sobbed, clinging to him. Yuri remained perfectly still, standing blankly as if in a place that wasn’t quite real.

It felt incredibly strange that this lovable young man, who was hugging him and crying aloud, was right there, pressed so closely against him.

It was so strange it felt unreal, but the tears flowing down and wetting his neck were so hot.

“You… you are my water.”

Ling Xinlu suddenly whispered. A faint, choked sob escaped near his ear.

“Without you, I’ll spend my whole life with a weight on my heart, crushed to death. Without you, I can’t rest.”

The two arms embracing his back and waist were strong, as if they would never let go, and Yuri couldn’t move. But even if he had let go of his arms, Yuri wouldn’t have moved.

In this man’s embrace. In this cozy place. And yet, Yuri wouldn’t move from this man’s embrace, who called him cozy, a place to rest comfortably and calm his breathing.

“Ling Xinlu. I…”

Yuri quietly began to speak. But at that moment, Ling Xinlu flinched, and his arms around Yuri tightened even more, as if afraid of what Yuri might say.

“You can’t go. After all this, after making me like this, you’re going to leave? You can’t go. I will absolutely not let you go. Just try to leave on your own.

Wherever you go… whatever water you enter, whatever ocean you enter, I’ll dry up all that damn water.”

His voice, gnashing his teeth and saying, “I’ll even pour cyanide,” was once again soaked with tears. He just hugged Yuri tightly, tightly, sobbing miserably.

Yuri stood still for a long time in Ling Xinlu’s embrace, holding him as if he would never let go.

Then, slowly, he wrapped his arms around Ling Xinlu’s waist.

He could feel Ling Xinlu’s shoulders subtly stiffen at the light weight of his arms. At the same time, as Ling Xinlu tightened his embrace on Yuri even more, Yuri hugged him back just as tightly.

This is why I said it would be hard for me to like you in the same way you like me.

Yuri quietly murmured like a sigh.

He thought he would try to grant what Ling Xinlu wished for.

He still thought that way. While waiting for him, feeling his heart pound with faint anxiety and anticipation, and calling him, he thought perhaps it wouldn’t be such a difficult effort.

But now, the thought that it might indeed be a difficult effort became clearer.

But still.

Yuri would be here.

The ideal Ling Xinlu wished for, he would live here with him.

Yuri gently, very slowly, tried to push Ling Xinlu away. Ling Xinlu flinched and held him even tighter, hugging him fiercely with the arms that embraced him. Yuri gently patted his back.

“I’m not going. Let go.”

Ling Xinlu didn’t move an inch. As if Yuri’s words didn’t reach him, he ignored them and simply hugged Yuri tightly, tightly. Yuri tilted his head sideways. And then he pressed his lips to Ling Xinlu’s ear, which was right in front of him. After lightly touching his lips once, and seeing that Ling Xinlu flinched but still didn’t move, he hesitated for just a moment before biting his earlobe with his lips.

“What are you doing?”

“Why are you trying to disappoint me again?” the voice, still wet with tears, muttered.

Yuri moved his lips from Ling Xinlu’s earlobe and pressed them to his temple. From there, he slowly moved his lips downwards, to in front of his ear, on his cheekbone, on his cheek. Each time, Ling Xinlu flinched and recoiled slightly, then gradually tilted his head. To make it easier for Yuri to kiss him.

“Why are you like this? Why do you keep doing this to me?” Ling Xinlu, who had been quietly receiving Yuri’s kisses while still sobbing, loosened the arms that were embracing him.

Yuri pressed his lips to Ling Xinlu’s one last time, then slowly detached himself from his arms.

He stepped back one pace, creating just that distance, and stood facing him.

Yuri silently watched Ling Xinlu, who was still looking at him anxiously with a wet face, tears still streaming down. Then, he turned and went into his room.

A short while later, when Yuri returned, Ling Xinlu was still standing rooted to the spot in the hallway, unmoving.

Approaching him and standing one step away again, Yuri held out what he had in his hand.

It was the contract.

The paper Ling Xinlu had given Yuri a few days ago, with the contract period written as ‘lifelong’, was now being offered by Yuri to Ling Xinlu.

Ling Xinlu lowered his head and gazed blankly at the paper.

Yuri Gable. His own neatly written name was inscribed at the bottom of the contract.