Passion Raga Novel (Completed) - Chapter 69

Ling Xinlu looked at the uncle with a slight smile. Ling Xinlu chuckled awkwardly as if troubled, then coldly looked down at the bloodied mass sprawled on the floor.

“My head is neither hot nor disturbed; it’s perfectly calm. When it comes to this guy.”

Thwack, a light kick, mechanical, devoid of hatred or anger.

The uncle watched Ling Xinlu with furrowed brows, then gestured to the two men behind him, who were faintly shocked and frozen.

“Hey, hey, take Xinlu out of here. Xinlu, go home for today.”

As the uncle tutted and waved his hand, the two men hesitated and then approached Ling Xinlu.

Ling Xinlu looked at them with indifferent eyes, and then, amidst them, who couldn’t even bring themselves to touch him but led him towards the door, he turned his steps.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, Uncle.”

“Before you go, stop by the office, wash up, and change your clothes. If you go out drenched in blood from head to toe like that, anyone would run a thousand miles away.”

Ling Xinlu, stepping out the door the two men held open, lightly chuckled as he heard the uncle’s cold words from behind him.

“What does it matter? Who would run—”

However, Ling Xinlu’s words, mumbled like a joke, stopped mid-sentence. It was the moment he came face to face with Yuri, who was standing outside the door, and their eyes met.

Not just his words stopped; his movements did too. Ling Xinlu froze mid-step, his expression rigid, staring at Yuri.

Yuri silently looked at him, then lowered his gaze slightly. He handed the ledger to the shaggy-haired man, who had just opened the door. The shaggy-haired man glanced between the ledger and Yuri a couple of times, then took the ledger.

“Thanks for bringing it,” he mumbled. Behind him, Yuri’s eyes met the third uncle’s. The uncle frowned and tutted, as if he hadn’t expected Yuri to be standing there, having come so far, but he didn’t say anything specific.

Yuri slightly bowed his head, then nodded a greeting to the other two men before finally returning his gaze to Ling Xinlu. Ling Xinlu still stood there, motionless, staring blankly at Yuri. Yuri gazed at him for a moment, as he blinked his eyes, looking dumbfounded as if caught off guard, and then quietly said,

“Shall we go?”

The flickering, unstable glint in his black eyes was instantly imprinted on Yuri’s mind.

The moment their black eyes met, Yuri realized that Ling Xinlu’s words to his uncle, that his reason was perfectly intact, were not a lie.

His eyes were as black as if emotions had died, but they were cold and rationally calm.

However, the moment those eyes saw Yuri.

Those eyes quickly began to flicker and tremble unstably, like a shimmering heat haze. The black, dead calm pupils became dark and shiny.

Why are you here? His lips subtly parted, seemingly asking without a sound.

But no sound actually came from those lips, and his eyes, which had been looking at Yuri, soon shifted elsewhere, hiding the flickering light within them.

Yuri sat at the dining table, looking down at the cup in front of him. The cup, which had been steaming warmly, had now cooled down a bit and was quietly settled.

Then the sound of water in the bathroom stopped. Yuri turned his head.

The door, which had been silently closed for a moment, opened soon after. And Ling Xinlu came out from inside.

He was wearing a spotless, clean robe, and the towel he used to dry his hair was also white.

It was hard to believe that the person who had been covered in dark blood from head to toe just moments ago was this very man.

“I’ve brewed tea.”

When Yuri spoke, Ling Xinlu, who had been silently rubbing his head by the door, glanced at him. He silently approached the table and sat in the chair opposite Yuri, where the cup was placed. And he just quietly looked down at the tea, which had cooled just enough for him, who couldn’t handle hot drinks, to drink.

Yuri drank his tea silently. He drank slowly, sip by sip, moistening his throat, yet Ling Xinlu didn’t take a single sip until Yuri finished his cup.

“It must have cooled down, so I’ll brew it again.”

Yuri got up, intending to brew another cup for himself, taking his empty cup and Ling Xinlu’s cooled-down cup.

Just as Yuri was about to leave his seat, Ling Xinlu, whose eyes seemed to anxiously follow the empty cup disappearing from his sight, met Yuri’s gaze.

Seeing those eyes still filled with unstable flickering light, Yuri unconsciously slowed his steps.

“Are you angry?” Ling Xinlu asked. His low, steady voice seemed to tremble as much as his eyes. Although it didn’t actually tremble, it sounded very unstable.

Yuri blinked at him, then slowly shook his head.

“I’m not angry.”

A slightly puzzled expression seemed to surface on Yuri’s face, as he didn’t understand why he was suddenly asked if he was angry. Ling Xinlu, who was scrutinizing Yuri’s face, slightly frowned.

“You don’t like it when people get hurt like that.”

Only then did Yuri understand what he was saying.

Ling Xinlu was asking if Yuri was angry because he had seen him harm someone.

Because he hadn’t expected him to ask such a thing—or to even be thinking such a thing—Yuri stared at him blankly for a moment, then shook his head.

“No one enjoys seeing people get hurt. Generally speaking. I’m the same, but I don’t think I have any reason to be angry with you, Ling Xinlu.”

“—…Wasn’t it scary or creepy?”

Ling Xinlu asked again. Each question he asked was so unlike him that Yuri looked at him in surprise, then shook his head again.

“I’ve seen plenty of such things. It’s not scary or creepy anymore.”

There was no need to even bring up the numerous dangerous places he had visited while working. Even the brutal scenes he had witnessed while occasionally cleaning up after Riglow during his time at T&R were too many to count on two hands.

He had even seen people literally “beaten to death” from start to finish several times right before his eyes.

So, there was nothing scary or creepy about such an event itself anymore.

However.

“I was surprised.”

He said quietly to Ling Xinlu, who was looking at him with suspicious eyes.

Just as Yuri had seen unstable agitation in Ling Xinlu’s eyes when their eyes met earlier, Ling Xinlu must have seen a surprise close to shock in Yuri’s eyes.

Therefore, Ling Xinlu, who had been looking at Yuri with suspicious eyes, not fully convinced by his words that he wasn’t angry or afraid, slightly relaxed his suspicious gaze at the word “surprised.”

“It’s the first time I’ve seen you, Ling Xinlu, directly lay a hand on someone. What was it about today? I thought you wouldn’t do such a thing.”

Yuri looked at Ling Xinlu as he heated the water for tea. Ling Xinlu remained silent for a moment, then replied curtly.

“I don’t. It just happened. From my perspective, I actually don’t need to step in directly. So, this won’t happen again in the future.”

“Just now, it was just… my mind was complicated with various thoughts.” He didn’t say “as a way to vent.” As he closed his mouth and glanced at Yuri, he seemed to think that saying such a thing would make Yuri’s expression turn unpleasant again.

Yuri quietly brewed tea during the ensuing silence, then placed the steaming cup of tea in front of Ling Xinlu.

It would need to cool a bit before he could drink it, but since he had been merely looking at the cup from the start, he didn’t seem to intend to pick it up soon.

He had thought he had become somewhat stronger. Seeing Ling Xinlu no longer show unstable light, always wearing a pleasant and bright smile, and looking ahead with a confident gaze, he had thought he was no longer as unstable as before, unable to control himself.

That his increasingly stable and solid mind had found its own kind of stability.

Perhaps he wasn’t entirely wrong.

Even when Yuri met him earlier, Ling Xinlu was not in an emotionally fluctuating state. His eyes were clearly calm and rational.

His instability had changed form, manifesting in a distorted way, unlike before.

“It’s difficult.”

Although he wasn’t unstable to the point of being dangerous to himself, unable to control himself as before, he still seemed precarious. Even now, as he looked down at the teacup in front of Yuri, occasionally lifting his gaze to look at Yuri.

—But.

It might sound strange to say this, but Yuri felt a certain comfort in the current situation.

For some time now, they had barely spoken when they were alone at home. Ling Xinlu only spoke a few short, necessary words.

And for Yuri, it was difficult to initiate conversation with Ling Xinlu, who wouldn’t even meet his gaze.

Yuri only now realized that the oppressive silence, like death, might have been quite distressing without him even being aware of it.

That now, talking slowly like this, even with a somewhat melancholic tone, felt much more comfortable.

So, although he found it a bit absurd himself, Yuri unconsciously smiled. Even if it was just a faint spread around his eyes, hidden within his indifferent expression, Ling Xinlu, who had been looking at Yuri with dark,沉静 eyes, seemed to recognize that smile. He subtly raised an eyebrow, as if puzzled.

“Right after we went from Serengeti to Berlin, while staying at the same hotel,” Yuri quietly began. Ling Xinlu looked puzzled but listened silently.

“There was a time, right after I injured my eyes, when I couldn’t sleep and tossed and turned every night from the pain.”

Ling Xinlu said nothing, but he seemed to recall the time Yuri was referring to.

There had been such a time. Every night, his eyes aching as if on fire, his body in pain, drenched in cold sweat, yet forcibly enduring without a single scream. And every time, Yuri had stayed by his side, watching him writhe and gasp in pain, unable to even breathe, and thought:

“Watching you, Ling Xinlu, biting your lips to suppress screams, gritting your teeth, gasping for breath, yet forcing yourself to hold it back even with a pale face, fearing that your painful breathing would be too loud, I thought then.”

Looking at Ling Xinlu’s lips, which were bitten and broken every night, and bleeding again before they could heal, perpetually crusted with blood, Yuri, applying medicine to the clear bite marks on his own hand, which he bit to distract himself, truly thought in his heart:

“Rather than harming yourself, Ling Xinlu, to somehow overcome unbearable pain, it would be better to harm others. I know it’s a very selfish thought, but no matter what anyone said, I truly wished for that.”

When Yuri spoke, Ling Xinlu looked at Yuri with a strange expression. It was a very bizarre face. It was as if he was looking at a stranger, or as if something was intensely painful but he didn’t know where it hurt and couldn’t even cry. Such expressions were mixed, creating a strange look.

“So, even though you look unstable now, Ling Xinlu, I’m rather relieved that you’re not harming yourself. I’m sorry to that person just now, but—” Yuri said calmly. Meanwhile, he picked up the tea, which had cooled to a drinkable temperature, and wet his throat.

Ling Xinlu just stared at Yuri. He still showed no sign of picking up the teacup, and he looked at Yuri as if he were someone not to be missed for a single moment.

Then, Yuri’s gaze suddenly fell on the calendar hanging on the wall behind Ling Xinlu. His eyes were drawn to a large date that suddenly caught his attention, and the small character ‘吉’ (auspicious) written next to it.

It was a character with no particular meaning, and it didn’t necessarily always come true, but it somehow calmed his heart.

Yuri murmured as he drank his tea.

“There are many auspicious days this month. There aren’t many days left, but it seems it will be a good month.”

The days marked on the calendar for this month, with only a few days left, were at worst ordinary. Even if he didn’t believe it literally, he still found a measure of comfort in it.