Passion Raga Novel (Completed) - Chapter 57

“I thought I liked him. I still think so. But it’s true that I brought him to my side to see Regrow’s face twisted in agony. It was also true that I considered doping him to prevent that guy from having him… But if that’s not ‘liking’ someone, then what is ‘liking’ someone?”

Ling Xinlu seemed to tilt his head slightly. Even if he hadn’t turned his head enough for their eyes to meet, it was clearly a question directed at Yuri.

However, Yuri couldn’t answer. No one would be able to answer that question. What is ‘liking’?

Joy. Sadness. Suffering. Ecstasy. Hatred. Pain. Who could draw a line and say that none of these could ever be ‘liking’?

“If those feelings aren’t ‘liking,’ then I don’t like anyone. …Does that mean I’m a human who can’t like anyone?” A bitter laugh tinged the end of his words. But surely the mouth that laughed like that must have been twisted. His unseen expression must have been so.

Yuri felt a pang of sadness. His heart ached heavily, and he took a deep breath.

It was a question Ling Xinlu must have pondered countless times, even after whipping himself countless times, enduring bone-cutting pain, and tempering himself hundreds of times to solidify his instability into solid stability. If I’m wrong, what’s right? Can I not accept what’s right? And if so, will I have to suffer like this again someday?

“People’s ways of liking someone can’t all be the same, can they?”

Yuri quietly began to speak.

He couldn’t draw a line between what was right and what was wrong. There would be no uniform line for such matters. But—

“I still don’t agree with the way you tried to forcibly bring Jung Tae-ui-ssi to you, Mr. Ling Xinlu. I don’t think that’s truly liking someone either. …But, well. Does liking someone necessarily have to be intense?”

Yuri spoke haltingly, deep in thought. Everyone might be different, but he thought so. Being satisfied just by a chance encounter from afar, feeling happy hearing news of their well-being, pleasantly recalling them while looking at something they liked—he thought that was good too.

Ling Xinlu said nothing. He remained silent, still leaning on Yuri’s shoulder, his back turned, listening to his words, and then he let out a deflated laugh.

“Is that really ‘liking’ someone?”

It’s like chewing on bland grass, Ling Xinlu mumbled, a bit bewildered. Yuri stared at him for a moment, then quietly said,

“But I like you. That way.”

Ling Xinlu couldn’t tell Yuri that such a feeling wasn’t ‘liking’. Even if it was a quiet, persistent love like bland grass.

Suddenly, Yuri wanted to kiss Ling Xinlu’s head resting on his shoulder, but he refrained and only watched. Perhaps this is the difference between us, he thought.

“Mr. Gable, you and I are really too different in nature…”

Ling Xinlu, who had been silent for a while, exhaled a sigh-like puff of air.

“I can’t do it that way. I can’t just stare blankly; it doesn’t suit my personality.”

That’s not the method I’d choose, he stated definitively.

Ling Xinlu knew there was as great a difference between himself and Yuri as there was between a leopard and grass. They would have had no connection whatsoever if nothing unusual had happened. So, just as he firmly shook his head at Yuri’s words, he wouldn’t be able to like someone the way Yuri did.

“But,”

Ling Xinlu paused, frowning slightly, yet spoke freely.

“I don’t dislike Mr. Gable’s way. I like it. Because it’s so you, Mr. Gable.” A laugh mingled with the end of his words. No, he actually laughed aloud. He laughed for a moment, sounding pleased.

Yuri looked down at Ling Xinlu for a moment, then he too chuckled. He didn’t know what had pleased him, but if Ling Xinlu’s heart felt lighter, that was enough.

Yuri felt his own spirits lighten, and he let out a light sigh.

“Lift your shoulder a bit, so I can lean more comfortably,” Ling Xinlu even made a demand for his own convenience as he adjusted Yuri’s posture. This time, as if truly intending to sleep, he leaned back comfortably and stretched languidly. And he rubbed his head against Yuri’s shoulder.

Suddenly, Ling Xinlu stopped moving and remained still for a while, then he tilted his head.

Ah, it’s that scent again, it’s me again, he mumbled, then turned his body sideways and buried his nose in Yuri’s chest. And he inhaled deeply.

“You don’t wear perfume, do you?” Ling Xinlu confirmed a fact he already knew, then remained still, his face buried in Yuri’s chest.

“…Do you smell it again?”

“Hmm… what is it? It’s definitely familiar. Don’t be offended. I told you it wasn’t a bad smell. …It’s sort of, comforting and cozy, like…”

Ling Xinlu lowered his voice languidly, then suddenly fell silent.

Rubbing his cheek against Yuri’s chest, taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes comfortably, as if about to fall asleep.

And then.

“…Ah. …It’s the smell of water.”

A soft whisper.

Ah, that’s what it was.

Whispering slowly as if in an exclamation, he buried his face in Yuri’s chest. The hand gripping Yuri’s arm subtly tightened.

Yuri looked down at Ling Xinlu, who had stopped moving with his face buried in Yuri’s embrace, not lifting his head. Ling Xinlu clung to Yuri, gripping his arm as if he might lose that faint, elusive scent if he relaxed even for a moment, burrowing into Yuri’s embrace.

…The smell of water.

Yuri quietly tilted his head and brought his nose close to his own body, but still, he couldn’t detect any particular scent. From the first time Ling Xinlu had said he smelled a familiar scent, Yuri had never been able to detect it.

The smell of water.

The smell of a place where one’s heart relaxes and becomes cozy and comfortable.

Ling Xinlu closed his eyes there and let out a long breath. Slowly, a voice so small it was barely audible escaped his lips.

“You were right. It feels like it’s melting. This heavy feeling. Like salt. …Yes. This is it.”

He spoke disjointedly, his words out of order, then mumbled to himself, “This was it.”

Ling Xinlu didn’t move for a long time. He seemed to be asleep.

Holding him in his arms, Yuri also remained still. Afraid that if he moved even a little, Ling Xinlu, comfortably nestled, might wake up.

But it seemed he hadn’t fallen asleep.

Yuri, whose back had become stiff from staying in the same position for a long time, very carefully, just slightly, moved to straighten his waist, and immediately Ling Xinlu lifted his head and pulled away.

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“Yes, a little… I’m fine now. You can lean back again.”

When Yuri spoke after adjusting his posture, Ling Xinlu burst into laughter.

“Any posture would become uncomfortable if you stayed in it for a long time.”

“That’s true for me, but it would be more uncomfortable for you, Mr. Ling Xinlu, sitting in the passenger seat and leaning on me.”

“It’s not uncomfortable.”

Ling Xinlu replied immediately. When Yuri looked at him, he met his gaze calmly and smiled with his eyes. “Really, it’s not uncomfortable,” he said easily.

Ling Xinlu, however, perhaps pitying Yuri for being unable to move for so long, merely tilted his head sideways from the passenger seat and lightly rested his head on Yuri’s shoulder.

“This is enough for now. …My heart suddenly feels so comfortable, I really do feel languid. I’m going to sleep a bit.”

“Shall I wake you?”

“Hmm… no. Just let me sleep.”

After those words, he didn’t speak again. Instead, only low, even breaths escaped him. Yuri also said nothing more.

Soon, the weight on his shoulder increased a little more. He must have truly fallen asleep.

Yuri looked down at Ling Xinlu, then let out a big yawn. His own eyelids grew heavy in turn. Yuri glanced at the clock and closed his eyes. There was nothing sweeter than a short nap.

But. The smell of water.

Yuri lifted his arm again and quietly sniffed.

He still didn’t know what that scent was, but if it melted Ling Xinlu’s heavy heart, he thought that was good enough.

Yuri leaned his head against the headrest. Drowsiness came in waves.

The weight transferred from his shoulder felt good.

Yuri thought the car, filled with Ling Xinlu’s body heat and breathing as he leaned on his shoulder, felt just like being underwater, and he peacefully let go of his consciousness.