Passion Raga Novel (Completed) - Chapter 16

“……..” 

Thinking back, he couldn’t remember when he had last smiled. He didn’t consciously smile, so he just couldn’t recall; perhaps he might have smiled once or twice recently, but lately, with one difficult situation after another, there had been nothing at all to smile about.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Yuri mumbled to himself, looking down at Ling Xinlu.

This man used to smile so beautifully and often, but it would be difficult to see that smiling face for a while now. …What a pity.

What had he been thinking all night? Wavering between consciousness and unconsciousness. Between the terrible physical pain and the rage that bound his spirit.

Thinking about it, he was truly a tough person, ill-suited to his appearance. Yuri could guess what the pain would be like once the anesthesia wore off, given how badly his body was damaged. It was like that before, when he was shot twice in the torso. All his nerves seemed to cling to that spot, tearing, burning, and incinerating him, making it hard to even breathe.

Yet, despite it being no less severe than that, he didn’t ask for a single painkiller and never once complained of pain. What tormented him even more was the wound that gnawed at his heart. His pride and self-respect, or something even more important, had been shattered.

Yuri pulled over the chair that had been tossed beside the bed since last night and sat down. Beside the bed, right behind where Ling Xinlu was facing away. And quietly, he watched him.

How much time had passed? Not long after.

“Don’t look at me. Your gaze makes me uncomfortable.”

A low murmur came from over his shoulder. The voice was hoarse, as if exhausted, but sharply edged, and hearing it, Yuri felt a sense of relief. A harsh voice was better than a weak, dejected one.

“You haven’t touched anything since yesterday, are you not hungry? Do you need anything?”

When Yuri asked calmly, Ling Xinlu’s shoulders seemed to flinch slightly. For a moment, a tense atmosphere rose.

After a short pause, Ling Xinlu slowly got up from the bed and turned to sit facing Yuri. Yuri quietly gazed at him.

He had visibly grown thinner overnight. His sunken gaze was fiercer than yesterday.

“A gun.”

“Pardon?”

“I need a gun.”

Yuri closed his mouth. Conscious of the weight of the device in his pocket, he asked.

“What for?”

“Either shoot my head or your head. One of them has to be blasted.”

“……..”

Yuri fell silent. Meeting Ling Xinlu’s piercing glare, he thought for a moment, then let out a silent sigh. He took out his phone from his pocket and contacted the supervisor of the security personnel waiting in the hallway outside the door.

“…Yes, this is Gable. Please reinforce security by morning, and prepare a reliable pair of personnel for security inside the hospital room. …No, nothing special is happening for now. But the situation might change soon. …Yes, please.”

In front of Ling Xinlu, who was looking at him with suspicious eyes, Yuri ended the call with a few words and took out the gun from his pocket. Without even noticing Ling Xinlu’s slight eyebrow raise, he silently emptied all the bullets from the gun into his palm. He pushed only one back in, then stood up and went to the bathroom. Yuri discarded the remaining bullets into the toilet and flushed.

Returning to the bed, Yuri extended the grip of the gun to Ling Xinlu.

Ling Xinlu frowned in disbelief and glared at Yuri.

“A gun with no bullets? Are you playing a trick?”

“I left one bullet. Remember this. Not your head.”

Yuri placed the grip in Ling Xinlu’s hand and turned the muzzle towards himself. As if to say, if you’re going to shoot one of us, shoot this one.

“Ha,” Yuri snorted, facing Ling Xinlu who looked at him with an incredulous gaze. He sat neatly back in the chair, remained silent for a while, then opened his mouth. He hesitated for a very brief moment even after opening his mouth, but then calmly tapped his own temple and spoke.

“This is the head that remembers everything from yesterday, when you were filled with rage and shame. You just need to get rid of this.”

“……..”

Ling Xinlu’s clenched jaw twitched.

The head that remembered yesterday, when his pride and self-respect were shattered into pieces. If he got rid of all of them, would that event return to being something that never happened?

No, it wouldn’t.

Ling Xinlu knew that fact, and so did Yuri.

Ling Xinlu’s lips trembled as he bit them, and Yuri calmly said, “Then the wound on your lip won’t heal and will just open again. Don’t do that.” Ling Xinlu glared at Yuri with eyes that wouldn’t have been strange if they had turned his head into a beehive right then. A chillingly low voice leaked from between his twisted lips.

“Are you planning to mock me before I die? Or do you think if you provoke me like that, I won’t shoot you?”

“That’s not what I’m thinking.”

Yuri shook his head. It wasn’t his way to imply other meanings or mock someone with his words. Ling Xinlu probably knew that too.

Ling Xinlu, who had been glaring at him, mumbled slowly through his teeth.

“It’s the same.”

And the next moment, his finger pulled the trigger.

The silenced gun made a light, dull thud.

At close range. The bullet, which couldn’t possibly miss, struck Yuri’s body. Instantly, a bright red light stained Yuri’s chest. Yuri lowered his gaze. He looked down at his chest, dyed crimson, then slowly raised his head. His gaze met Ling Xinlu’s, who was staring at him blankly, eyes wide open.

“Not the head.”

“…What?”

“It’s an ambiguous spot to die. If we were far from a hospital, maybe, but if you get hurt here inside a hospital, you’ll probably live.”

“What is this?!”

Ling Xinlu shouted furiously and threw the gun. The gun hit Yuri’s forehead and flew off, rolling on the floor some distance away.

“Paintball?! Are you messing with me?! Is this real?!!”

“Do you feel better?”

Yuri rubbed his chest and coughed slightly. Even though it was a paintball, the impact on his chest was considerable, followed by a dull ache. He would probably bruise. He didn’t want to die like this. But he also wasn’t trying to mess with Ling Xinlu. He truly thought it would be good if this, even this, could help him feel a little better.

…But it’s a bit sad that he actually shot, even knowing it was a live round.

Still, at least he shot a place that wouldn’t cause instant death. Yuri relaxed, got up, and picked up the gun.

“Damn it! I hate you more than Riegrow now!!”

Ling Xinlu raged like a lion stung by a bee, throwing pillows, cups, anything he could get his hands on at Yuri. Yuri dodged and caught them appropriately, then returned and pulled his chair back a few steps to sit at a distance.

Eventually, when Ling Xinlu had nothing left to throw and was just panting, glaring menacingly, Yuri, who had been silently watching Ling Xinlu until then, opened his mouth.

“Even if you shoot me, you can’t go to Seringe immediately. It’s true there are security personnel lined up outside to guard you. They are more professional than I am in these matters, so it would be difficult to shoot all of them.”

“Security? More like surveillance! Who sent that kind of crap?”

“It’s security. They are carefully selected people from the Riegrow family, so they should be trustworthy.”

“Ha! The Riegrow family! What nerve do they have?! Are they planning to apologize on his behalf? I’m already blind in one eye?!”

Ling Xinlu shouted.

The end of his voice trembled faintly. The uncontrollable rage, the resentment that had somewhat subsided during the sleepless night and fatigue, exploded all at once. His remaining eye gleamed black.

“I can’t see the world with both eyes for the rest of my life! And even in this state, I couldn’t properly strike him! Ha, like an idiot, wasn’t it funny how I acted recklessly without even the ability to do so? Yes, how much he must have mocked me! He! Mocked me!!”

Yuri already knew how much terrible hatred a human voice could contain. But he had never heard a voice so deeply imbued with hatred as the tone he was hearing now.

“I hate him so much it makes me sick just thinking about it! I can’t stand the thought of living under the same sky as him!”

Thump, Ling Xinlu kicked the foot of the bed. The metal frame creaked and tilted. He kicked it again and again, thump, thump, thump, as if unaware that his own fist was swelling.

Suddenly, his pale face turned ashen. Ling Xinlu clutched his mouth. “Wha…” A choked sound escaped through the hand covering his mouth. As if unable to endure what was surging up from within, he bent his body out of the bed.

“………!”

Almost no vomit came out. It was because he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday. Even as only stomach acid dripped to the floor, Ling Xinlu hunched his body, as if that was even more agonizing. His body convulsed several times, unable to soothe his churning stomach.

Yuri got up. He wet a clean towel with water and poured drinking water into a cup before returning.

Silently, he wiped Ling Xinlu’s soiled hand. After wiping his mouth and dirty face, which still intermittently flinched as if his stomach was churning, he placed the cup of water in his hand. Then he wiped the floor.

He said nothing and showed no expression.

Suddenly, he wondered what expression might be on his own face now, the face Annette had once described as ‘always looking the same, but surprisingly easy to read once you know it.’ And he hoped it wasn’t a pity. So that Ling Xinlu’s feelings wouldn’t become even more miserable.

After bowing his head and wiping the floor clean, Yuri wrung out the towel, hung it in the bathroom to dry, picked up a new towel, and returned to the hospital room. He walked a few steps, then stopped.

Ling Xinlu was crying.

Silently, quietly, sitting like a doll in the hospital room, where the morning sun had risen and filled the window with a pale lemon light.

His face, wet with tears, was expressionless, but his jaw was tightly clenched, and his interlocked hands, with prominent white knuckles, trembled faintly. That sight revealed the most miserable state of mind Yuri had ever witnessed.

His once noble and fastidious pride, now shattered into pieces and rolling on the dirty ground. The utter despair of falling to the very bottom, revealing a hideous self he couldn’t tolerate. And the misery of exposing all of it, completely, before another person’s eyes.