Passion Raga Novel (Completed) - Chapter 15

It wasn’t just anger at Yuri. The rage at this entire situation, the resentment searching for an outlet, was simply erupting onto anyone nearby.

At this moment, Yuri truly realized he was facing death. He wondered if this was what the murderous intent, piercing his entire body like needles, felt like. He unconsciously, reflexively, gripped Ling Xinlu’s hand. Yuri held his wrist with both hands, trying to pull away the strong hand that was blocking his breathing, but after a brief struggle, he gave up.

It wasn’t resignation that he couldn’t overcome this grip, or indifference to dying. It wasn’t some clumsy humanism, and he found it amusing himself, but a melancholic thought came first: What should I do with this man? This young beast who has lost his loved one, his pride, his flawless body, and is now at a loss.

Yuri stopped trying to pull away the hand choking his neck and, with his fading consciousness, gazed at him.

Their eyes met.

Ling Xinlu’s eyes, which had been looking at Yuri but seeing another object of terrible hatred beyond him, suddenly returned to Yuri at that moment. The instant their eyes met, Ling Xinlu’s expression suddenly contorted. Not vague, but immediate anger covered his face.

“—!!”

The hand choking his neck seemed to let go. But instead, that hand struck Yuri. Yuri stumbled back from the door and slid down to sit on the floor, rubbing his choked neck as he looked up at him.

Ling Xinlu looked down at Yuri and laughed, “Ha,” with a face on the verge of going mad from anger.

“You’re smart, aren’t you? You even make killing you feel dirty.”

A kick flew. Because he instinctively flinched slightly, the foot that would have originally hit his waist now struck his lower back.

“Ha, I’ve become blind for life, miserably defeated by the most hateful bastard, and now I’m pitied by this insignificant guy? Me? Ling Xinlu?”

“Haha,” Ling Xinlu let out a hollow laugh. He looked up at the ceiling, laughing several times as if dumbfounded, then muttered, “I’m really going crazy.” Yuri slowly stood up. His back, leaning against the door, throbbed. His face hurt too. But with a heavier, throbbing heart, he silently watched Ling Xinlu. Ling Xinlu, who was still staring at the ceiling and not looking at Yuri, curtly muttered, “Look away,” in a bleak tone. Yuri slightly lowered his head, directing his gaze to Ling Xinlu’s tightly clenched fist.

He seemed about to cry. But after a moment, there was no sign of crying. Perhaps he was barely holding himself together, his mind on the verge of truly breaking.

“This is a really dirty feeling.”

Finally, a low voice was heard, spoken between his teeth. He muttered to himself, then threw the jacket he was clutching in his hand at Yuri. When Yuri pulled the clothes off his head, Ling Xinlu was limping towards the bed.

Yuri silently watched him get onto the bed, turn his back, lie down, and pull the blanket over himself. He then carefully hung Ling Xinlu’s clothes back in the built-in wardrobe and quietly sat on the chair by the door.

‘He said he was scared? Of you?’

Annette laughed incredibly loudly, as if she had heard the funniest joke in the world. It was a good thing her chair was against the wall, or she would have fallen backward.

‘What a surprise, I want to go tell Derek right away. He’ll surely weep with joy too.’

‘Please, don’t.’

Yuri thought he had spoken unnecessarily and muttered gloomily. If those words reached Derek’s ears, he would surely drop whatever he was doing, even in the middle of work, come find Yuri immediately, point a finger in his face, and burst out laughing. He’d lecture him, saying, “See? What did I tell you? Don’t try to look tough, just smile.”

‘So, you must have liked hearing that he was scared, right? That’s what you wanted to hear, wasn’t it?’

‘No, Annette.’

Yuri sighed. Indeed, he shouldn’t have told her the real reason he came back less than an hour after a blind date arranged by James.

Annette, a colleague five years older than Yuri, was a mischievous older sister who loved to tease people by latching onto such stories. However, she was also a very kind and gentle partner. Enough to quickly stop laughing when she saw Yuri feeling down.

‘Oh, Yuri, Mon sucre, don’t be sad. Your only mistake was moving your facial muscles a little less.’

Leaning forward, Annette gently hugged Yuri and kissed his forehead. With a French father, she was always honest and expressive with her emotions, often calling Yuri, who was merely a partner—at this time, they weren’t dating yet—”my sweet.” Moreover, she was incredibly perceptive; as soon as they met and exchanged greetings, when Yuri looked at her with his usual indifferent expression at her using such a familiar endearment, she immediately guessed his thoughts, saying, “Oh, are you flustered, darling?” (After that, she even made Yuri speechless with a poker face by asking, “If you don’t like Mon sucre, how about Mon MM?”)

Annette pulled her lips away from Yuri and gently stroked his cheeks, tilting her head.

“But that young lady is strange too. A young lady who grew up in a greenhouse, only seeing flower-country princes, they say? No matter how little he smiles, how can this face possibly look scary?”

Yuri subtly raised an eyebrow. Annette had always been like that.

Even after they first met and were introduced as colleagues, she tilted her head for a moment and asked, “Is something wrong at home?” When he answered no with a puzzled look, she replied, “Because you don’t smile at all.”

When he seriously told her, “I don’t smile because I’m afraid of being underestimated,” Annette was silent for about a second, then burst into hearty laughter. She actually clapped her hands while laughing, then poked him in the side, asking, “Why? Does smiling make your face look stupid? I’m curious!” Yet, Yuri didn’t smile at all that day.

Now, of course, a good amount of time had passed since they started working together, and they had become comfortable enough for him to occasionally show a smiling face, but Yuri truly didn’t want to smile at work, whether in front of her or anyone else.

Having started working at T&R from a young age, he didn’t originally have such a strong impression, and he looked younger than his age—this was getting worse as he got older—so he was often underestimated. No, it was rare for him not to be.

Moreover, when dealing with difficult tasks and meeting someone for the first time, it was hard to gain trust with a young, neat face. Just two or three years ago, there were even clients who seriously protested, saying, “We don’t do business with minors.” (Kyle still occasionally brought that up with a smirk.) It was a good thing Yuri was exceptionally capable, or it would have been difficult for him to even get work.

After pondering on his own, he spent a day researching various expressions in front of a mirror. He concluded that an expressionless face suited him better and wouldn’t make him seem underestimated, rather than an exaggeratedly fierce one. He had been using that face for quite some time. Thanks to his naturally indifferent personality, he soon became as accustomed to it as if he had been born with it.

Later, when Annette heard about Yuri’s tearful efforts, she scoffed, dismissing it as worthless, “It’s not because of that face, it’s because of your career that everyone no longer underestimates you.”

“Smile, Yuri, I love your smiling face so much,” she would say sometimes, as if remembering. She was excessively playful, but Yuri liked her too. He preferred her smiling face to her frowning one. It was natural to prefer the smiling face of someone you liked.

‘But I really don’t understand. Why did she say he was scary? She absolutely wouldn’t have said that just based on his appearance…’

She stared intently at Yuri’s face, then muttered, “Perhaps,” and gave him a skeptical look.

‘Did you tell her the story about when the Sicilian mafia boss liked you after you finished the last project and asked you to work for him, and you replied to his face, “I’d consider it if you don’t ask me to do anything that goes against human decency, but I doubt that will be the case,” and almost got a bullet hole in your forehead?’

Yuri subtly turned his head away from her rapid-fire questions.

At that time, as soon as he left that place, she had given him a terrifying slap on the back. Along with the words, “If you’re going to die, die alone.” So all that talk about liking me and Mon sucre was a lie, Yuri had thought with his unchangingly indifferent face.

After that, Yuri was occasionally nagged by Annette, “This kid, who usually isn’t like this, sometimes throws out dangerous remarks like landmines when things go wrong.” Even now, given the opportunity, she brought up that incident without fail, and Yuri shook his head awkwardly.

‘No. It’s not that. She said my expression was too sparse, making me scared.’

“Expression,” Annette murmured, then nodded as if she understood. Is that so? Is it understandable? Yuri thought silently, and she, with a face full of smiles, said, “No, it’s not.”

‘Well, that’s because you weren’t together for even an hour. If you just open up a little and get to know you, your expressions are really easy to read.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Yes. Look now. You have a face like you’re about to drop to the 70th floor underground. Why are you so gloomy? Did you like that young lady that much?’

Yuri blinked slowly at the ceiling for a moment. “Rather than that,” he murmured calmly.

‘I’m bothered by the fact that I caused discomfort to someone else. That’s all. I’m fine, Annette.’

Yuri shook his head at Annette, who was stroking his hair comfortingly. Annette smiled bitterly and pulled Yuri closer.

‘Absolutely not, Yuri.’

She lightly kissed his cheek in comfort, then suddenly winked playfully.

“But well, good. It’s good you got rejected. I think I’d be disappointed if you started dating someone.”

Yuri fell silent. He felt as if he had just heard something meaningful, and he stared at her. She stared back at Yuri, then narrowed her eyes.

‘You’re flustered now, aren’t you! See, it’s all over your face.’

Annette laughed out loud, clearly amused. Listening to her prolonged, cheerful laughter, Yuri, who had been looking at her with an expressionless face, at some point also let out a small laugh. Then she clapped her hands and laughed even brighter.

‘Ah, Mon sucre, I really do love your smiling face. It becomes the gentlest face in the world.’

Yuri looked a little embarrassed, but listening to her cheerful laughter, he soon shook his head again and laughed.

He learned through dating her that compatibility as colleagues or friends was an entirely separate matter from compatibility as lovers.

Yuri and Annette’s serious relationship didn’t last very long, but they didn’t break up badly. Regardless, they were partners at work, and their comfortable friendship continued afterward.

“……”

Come to think of it, they hadn’t contacted each other for almost a year. How is she doing these days?

After leaving the intelligence agency, they only met perhaps once every few months, and sometimes contact was lost for years, but no matter how long it had been since they last met, they could share unreserved laughter. This comfortable atmosphere was also part of growing older. These were the moments when life felt good as it flowed.

Yuri blinked a few times and rubbed his heavy eyelids.

He had only closed his eyes for a very short time, but he had dreamed.

Looking at the clock, only about 20 minutes had passed since he last checked it.

When he raised his head, Ling Xinlu was still turned away from him. He wondered if Ling Xinlu had rested at all. But at least he must have slept more than Yuri. Even by instinct to forget the pain, he must have drifted in and out of consciousness.

“……”

Yuri rose from the chair. The blanket had half slipped off Ling Xinlu’s bed. If he shifted even once, it would fall to the floor.

He quietly walked over, pulled the blanket up, and covered his body again. As he straightened his bent body, the faintly dawning sky was visible outside the window. The night was passing like this.

He didn’t know how many times he had picked up his blanket during the night. It was certainly more than six times.

Ling Xinlu hadn’t slept properly all night either. Perhaps his body and mind, tormented by anger and pain, wouldn’t let him fall into a deep sleep; just when Yuri thought he had finally fallen asleep, with no sound of breathing for a long time, faint, animalistic groans of suppressed rage would occasionally leak out. Then, sometimes, he would gasp with rough, convulsive breaths and crumple the blanket as if to tear it apart. Because of this, Yuri had silently pulled up the blanket, which had slipped long onto the floor, many times.

Both knew they had barely slept all night, but no one said anything.

Yuri rubbed his aching lower back and looked at the sky, which was beginning to turn reddish. The clouds, like tangled red threads, were exactly the color of Annette’s hair. Come to think of it, he had dreamed of her.