Passion Novel - Volume 5 - Chapter 123

It’s just a neighborhood stroll, but even that’s not easy, he thought, then turned to look at the boy standing in front of him. Then, he suddenly tilted his head inwardly, Huh?

He felt like he had seen him somewhere before. Where was it? In truth, just as Westerners often have difficulty distinguishing Asian faces, Jeong Taeui sometimes found that people of other races looked very similar. So, it might just be that his impression was overlapping with another Black boy he had seen somewhere else.

However, even as he thought that, Jeong Taeui searched his memory. He didn’t have to search long to recall it. It was the boy who had looked up at Jeong Taeui from outside the house wall on the day he arrived on this island.

“…Hello. I’m Taei.”

“I’m Totu. …I’ve seen you. You’re staying at the house where Bibi works, right?”

The Black boy rubbed his nose and spoke haltingly. Jeong Taeui recalled the shy Black girl who had greeted him this morning and nodded, “Ah, yes.”

“That’s right. Are you her friend?”

“No. Just her name… Um… I’m kind of close. A little. Actually, she and I are very close.”

Jeong Taeui stared down at the boy. He slowly replayed the meaning of his halting words, spoken with simple vocabulary and imperfect grammar. More precisely, the meaning embedded within his words.

“…Right, friend. Please stay close with her in the future too.”

Jeong Taeui smiled calmly and lightly patted the boy’s shoulder. The boy mumbled, “Okay, no problem,” chewing on his lips, then suddenly turned around.

“You’re going to the sea, right? It’s this way. You go this way. Follow me. I’ll guide you.”

The women they had encountered earlier in the alley had already disappeared, and Jeong Taeui could continue on his way. However, he quietly watched the boy, who had walked a few steps ahead and then turned back, then suddenly chuckled and followed him.

“Alright, let’s go. The path is a bit different from what I originally thought, but it’s the path I was going to take anyway.”

The boy looked up at Jeong Taeui’s smiling face with a somewhat uneasy expression. As if to reassure him, Jeong Taeui lightly patted the boy’s shoulder. The boy glanced at his hand, then awkwardly walked a few steps ahead.

Jeong Taeui followed the boy. The narrow alley, just wide enough for two people to walk side-by-side, was otherwise deserted. Tap, tap, the boy’s footsteps, and thump, thump, his own footsteps, echoed in unison.

“Where did you go this morning? In that fancy car.”

The boy, walking a few steps ahead, asked. Jeong Taeui recalled the old, worn-out four-wheel-drive car the accommodation had provided and mumbled, “Hmm.”

“Right, to another village. To see if my brother wasn’t there.”

“Brother?”

“Yeah. I have an older brother. He might be on this island, or he might not. I’m looking for him. Have you seen a man who looks like me recently?”

The boy seemed to think for a moment, then shook his head. “I see,” Jeong Taeui nodded. Since Asians were rare here, he would have remembered if he had seen one. The boy’s brief contemplation must have been for another reason.

Every time the boy nervously looked back, Jeong Taeui smiled kindly. Then, seeing him quickly turn his head without smiling back, Jeong Taeui felt a touch of tenderness.

There wasn’t much conversation. Jeong Taeui simply walked leisurely behind the boy walking ahead.

The boy turned a few corners in the alley. The shortcut he led them on required several turns through a maze of narrow alleys, but they didn’t walk for long. The alley ended ahead, and the low, crumbling wall also stopped. Beyond it, short trees lined the path.

“Over there, if you go straight ahead, there’s the sea. It’s very beautiful.”

The boy, who had stopped in front of a tree shorter than himself, pointed beyond it and spoke. As the boy said, the sea was visible ahead. Beyond the sparsely standing trees, a white sandy beach stretched out, and behind it was the ocean.

Jeong Taeui couldn’t help but admire it. The color was incredibly beautiful. Just as he had seen it from high in the sky when flying into the island in the small plane, transparent water with a bluish-purple hue stretched endlessly.

On the distant shore, where white sand spread abundantly, three or four young men in only shorts seemed to have just returned, pulling a small boat onto the land. Further beyond, where people looked like dots in the distance, a few more small boats floated on the shallow sea, scattered here and there.

Crunch, the dirt path ended, and white sand crunched under his feet. The wind blew. The salty scent of the sea permeated his hair. It rustled his clothes and pleasantly brushed against his skin.

Jeong Taeui, who had unconsciously been walking towards the sea, suddenly stopped and looked back. He was about to say, “This is truly a beautiful place.” But the boy was nowhere to be seen.

“…It would have been nice if he had said goodbye.”

Jeong Taeui mumbled regretfully. Then, he sighed and put his hand in his pocket. There was nothing substantial to grasp. Only a few coins, worth mere cents, jingled.

This is awkward, Jeong Taeui mumbled to himself, looking down at his feet. His shoes were half-buried in the white, fine sand. There were no suitable pebbles to pick up.

A few feet away, he saw a seashell the size of his finger. He picked up the thinly cracked piece from the sand. He lightly brushed the cracked part with his finger. It was quite sharp, but soft. It would break with just a little force.

“If you need something that could be a weapon, Taei Hyung. I’ll lend you mine.”

A voice came from behind him, over his shoulder.

It was a familiar voice. One he had heard countless times.

Jeong Taeui dusted off his hand, which had been sifting through the sand, and straightened up. Then, he turned around.

“You wouldn’t do anything that would require a weapon against me, nor would I against you.”

Six or seven steps ahead, a familiar face stood. He was a little thinner and had a slightly more subdued expression than Jeong Taeui remembered, but it was undeniably Xinlu standing there.

Jeong Taeui raised his eyebrows slightly.

It had only been a few months, but the fresh, lovely boy seemed to have vanished without a trace. His gaunt face exuded a distinctly masculine aura.

“Something that would require a weapon…” Xinlu mumbled, smiling awkwardly. It wasn’t his usual bright, cheerful smile, but a low, calm one. It was a familiar face with an unfamiliar expression.

“Why? Are you going to?” Jeong Taeui asked quietly. Then that would be a problem, he muttered. Jeong Taeui had no weapon whatsoever. The coins, light and utterly useless, were no help at all.

“I’m generally someone who doesn’t care about means or methods. If something can be done with proper means and methods, I stick to them, but otherwise, achieving the goal is my top priority.”

“That’s a necessary attitude for living. By the way, have you been well?”

Jeong Taeui asked that, then plopped down on the spot. The soft sand formed a small mound beside him. Xinlu, seeing Jeong Taeui unconsciously patting his chest pocket, smiled quietly and took out a cigarette from his pocket.

Jeong Taeui took the cigarette he offered, put it in his mouth, and looked up at him.

“You smoked, Xinlu?”

“At UNHRDO? Not much. I kept them because I sometimes felt like smoking, not knowing when that might be, but they were almost useless there. It wasn’t enough to buy and smoke them deliberately, but I would smoke them very occasionally, I suppose. Similar to you, Hyung?”

“Hmm. But I started smoking a lot more at UNHRDO…”

There’s just no one who doesn’t cause trouble, except you, Jeong Taeui muttered, grumbling, and chewed on the filter. Xinlu rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a lighter. Click, he lit it and held it out. The wind blew and extinguished it. He lit it again and shielded the flame with his other hand, holding it out to Jeong Taeui.

“…”

The hand holding the lighter, offered defenselessly. It was a hand that Jeong Taeui could easily seize and break if he wanted to. Jeong Taeui knew it, and Xinlu knew it too. They also knew that Jeong Taeui would never do such a thing.

Smoke curled from the tip of the cigarette.

“Come to think of it, this is the first time I’ve smoked since leaving UNHRDO.”

“Really?”

“Hmm… Did I smoke once before? I don’t quite remember. But I’ve hardly smoked since leaving UNHRDO. At least, I don’t remember buying cigarettes with my own money.”

“You probably didn’t have a reason to smoke. I’ve been smoking constantly since leaving UNHRDO.”

Xinlu took out a cigarette for himself, put it in his mouth, and sat next to Jeong Taeui. Click, with the sound of the lighter, another wisp of smoke soon curled up.

“By the way, how is that person?”

“That person?”

“The one who was clinging to me in Hong Kong. He got into trouble with Ilay and was taken to the hospital.”

“Ah. That guy? He died.”

Jeong Taeui flinched, hearing Xinlu’s casual reply. Then, he looked at him with strange eyes. For a moment, he heard “I killed him.” But Xinlu was looking at the sea with an indifferent expression, and Jeong Taeui silently flicked off the cigarette ash. He felt it was better not to ask any more questions. He merely muttered, “That’s too bad.” A perfunctory reply came back: “It is too bad.”

“You must have had a hard time getting here.”

“Not really. It’s a hundred times easier to go looking for someone when you know they’re in the African wilderness, rather than not knowing where they are at all. I’m glad I could meet you, Hyung.”

Xinlu said, smiling. There was no hint of sarcasm. He truly smiled happily, looking at Jeong Taeui. The cigarette in his mouth felt very unfamiliar. But seeing his curving eye-smile, Jeong Taeui finally found a familiar aspect. The cigarette had already burned down close to the filter. Jeong Taeui, holding the cigarette in his hand, hesitated for a moment, then lightly buried it in the sand and pulled it out. He felt a bit sorry about stubbing out the cigarette in the pristine white sand.

“Xinlu. I’m sorry.”

Jeong Taeui said, putting the extinguished cigarette butt into his pocket. His voice was almost a whisper. It was so faint, mixed with the sound of waves and wind, and the distant chatter of people, that he could barely hear it himself, but Xinlu seemed to have understood.

He, too, stuck his almost completely burned-out cigarette into the sand. And then he smiled faintly.

“But if you think about it, Hyung didn’t do anything wrong. I understand you’re emotionally sorry, given your personality, but practically speaking, you don’t need to apologize to me. Rather, I should be the one apologizing.”

“Hmm… …That might be true.”

Jeong Taeui readily nodded and agreed. Xinlu then let out a short laugh, as if he had heard something amusing.

“Now… then, Hyung, it’s about time.”

“About time for what? To drag me away?”

By knocking me out, or with drugs, or by force? Jeong Taeui muttered, unconsciously glancing at Xinlu’s slender wrist. No, but come to think of it, that delicate-looking wrist had surprising strength.

Xinlu, who was about to reach out to Jeong Taeui, paused. Then, he looked intently at Jeong Taeui with a troubled expression.

“I was going to… but do you dislike it?”

“Of course I dislike it. Who likes being dragged around?”

“Then what do I do?”

“What do you mean, ‘what do I do’? Just don’t drag me.”

“But you won’t follow me obediently, will you?”

“Hmm. I need to find my brother.”

“Jeong Jaei, you mean? You don’t necessarily need to find him. He’s someone who’ll eat well and live well wherever he goes.”

Jeong Taeui closed his mouth. Then, he looked at him with a subtly frowning face. Xinlu shrugged calmly. Suddenly, his gaze became serious. He looked directly at Jeong Taeui.

“Whoever told you to find Jung Jaei, I don’t care. I don’t care what happens to Jung Jaei. I only need you, Hyung.”

“Xinlu.”

“So come with me, Hyung.”

Xinlu stood up. Sand rustled down. He took a step back to brush off the sand so it wouldn’t get on Jeong Taeui, then extended his hand to him.

“Hyung. I was wrong before. It’s because I liked you too much. So I couldn’t bear it. You liked me too, but something kept not aligning, kept going wrong, and so I got so angry. I wanted to have you no matter what. Really. Everything. It was all because I liked you, Hyung.”

Jeong Taeui listened to Xinlu’s slightly anxious and excited voice, looking at the hand extended before him. It was a soft, lovely hand. There was a time, long ago, when he had been so desperate to touch this hand.

Jeong Taeui reached out and took his hand. Xinlu’s expression, which had been smiling but tinged with anxiety, brightened faintly.

“Taei Hyung.”

“Xinlu. How are you now? You quit UNHRDO, are you doing well? You liked working there.”

Jeong Taeui asked calmly, holding Xinlu’s hand. Xinlu’s bright expression clouded slightly.

“Well… I’m doing well. My father handed over a small business, and I started learning the ropes a while ago. That’s fun too.”

“Right, that’s good to hear. I’ll visit sometime if I get the chance.”

“…Hyung.”

The expression vanished from Xinlu’s face. Flinch, the soft hand that touched Jeong Taeui’s hand recoiled.

“I’m sorry.”

As Jeong Taeui whispered, that hand recoiled even further. The hand eventually formed a fist and slipped out of Jeong Taeui’s grasp.

“…Hyung. You like me, don’t you?”

Xinlu said quietly. He stared intently at Jeong Taeui with an expressionless face. Jeong Taeui felt a sudden throb in his chest.

“Yes, I still like you. You’re lovely. And cute. But… I’m sorry. The relationship you want and the relationship I want seem to be different.”

“No, the relationship you want is the relationship I want.”

“Then what you think of as ‘the relationship I want’ has changed.”

Jeong Taeui spoke quietly. After speaking, a stinging pain lingered on the tip of his tongue.

Perhaps he was the one who had changed. He still considered this lovely person lovely, but he couldn’t respond to him as he wished. He felt, once again, that his feelings were fading slightly, changing shape from before. It was a feeling of regret and pity.

Xinlu just stared down at Jeong Taeui. On that unfamiliar, mature face, which he had never seen before, a hint of anger seemed to flicker. But that anger was mixed with sadness, resentment, and regret.

“Hyung, I can’t. Since I left UNHRDO, I’ve only thought of you. I can’t do without you. Somehow, in some way, you have to be next to me. Otherwise, it won’t work. Why are you next to someone else when you’re not next to me? You have to be next to me. …I only thought about that, Hyung.”

“Even if I don’t want it?” Jeong Taeui’s low question made Xinlu fall silent for a moment. How much time passed? He answered briefly, “Even if you don’t want it.”

Jeong Taeui stared blankly at him. Then he sighed and stood up. He didn’t take the hand Xinlu offered, but stood up on his own and brushed the sand from his trousers. Rustle, rustle, the sand fell and hit his shoes.

“That’s why you and I can’t be together. That’s why I don’t consider being with you.”

Jeong Taeui’s voice was slightly lowered. Xinlu seemed to notice the faint, harsh aura in that tone. His expression darkened.

Jeong Taeui suddenly thought that he had seen this irritating stubbornness somewhere before, besides what he had felt from Xinlu at UNHRDO.

He didn’t have to think long. It was similar to that man. The man who was now appearing from among the short trees, walking leisurely.

With one hand in his pocket and the other rubbing his stiff neck, Ilay Riegrow was walking towards them. His gaze, directed straight at them, never left Jeong Taeui. His slow, leisurely steps, one by one, passed the dirt path and sank into the white sand.

A few steps behind him, Gable was approaching. His face, looking at Jeong Taeui, was still expressionless and gruff. He glanced at Xinlu without any particular reaction. Only then did Jeong Taeui recall what Gable had said: that the security wasn’t good, so he shouldn’t go out alone.

It wasn’t that the security wasn’t good. Gable had known. That someone was following Jeong Taeui. Probably just as Ilay had already known.

Xinlu, realizing Jeong Taeui’s gaze was directed over his shoulder, turned around. Xinlu, who had turned his body halfway and only his head, seemed to have expected the face he saw, as he didn’t even pretend to care and turned his head back.

“Did you say that’s why you can’t be with me, Hyung?” Xinlu opened his mouth. His expression had changed. It wasn’t the face that had been smiling gently, even if only slightly. That distinctly altered face was like a young lion who had just become an adult. Unrestrained, unyielding, confident.

“That’s just an excuse. Because you’re with that man.”

Jeong Taeui didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer. Clearly, his words were right. That stubbornness, forcing his will, wasn’t unique to Xinlu. But he was with Ilay, not Xinlu.

“You two look like you’re having fun, can I join in? It’s rare to see a familiar face.”

A slow voice interjected over Xinlu’s shoulder. That voice, tinged with a hint of amusement, approached from behind Xinlu. Five steps, four steps, three steps, two…

Jeong Taeui moved almost instinctively. Perhaps some old habits remained. An unconscious protection, to shield the lovely, gentle boy from that brutal, cruel man.

Pushing Xinlu aside, Jeong Taeui stepped in front of him. Intercepting the space between Ilay and Xinlu, Jeong Taeui instantly clicked his tongue, realizing his mistake. He had acted instinctively, not calculatingly, and that was wrong.

Ilay, who had just raised his hand, paused. The amusement slowly faded from his cool, yet slightly smiling, face. He turned over the hand he had extended and then stopped, looking at his empty palm, then slowly folded his fingers one by one.

“The familiar face I want to shake hands with isn’t you, Taei.”

“…”

Jeong Taeui stood awkwardly, his face troubled. It felt ridiculous to back down now, and equally ridiculous to continue blocking the way.

“Um… I wanted to shake hands. With you. Because I’m glad to see you.”

Jeong Taeui spoke haltingly. Then, he unfolded the fingers of the hand that had been clenched into a fist, gripped them with both hands, and gently shook them. “Handshake, handshake,” he mumbled.

“…”

“…”

A stinging gaze fell on the top of Jeong Taeui’s head, which was bowed. From behind Ilay, Jeong Taeui heard Gable chuckle. When he glanced up, Gable was already looking at Jeong Taeui with his usual gruff expression.

Jeong Taeui looked down at the white hand full in his own two hands, wondering for a moment why he was holding this hand. But then he thought again, Indeed, he didn’t want to see Xinlu being torn apart by the fangs of this monster.