Passion Novel - Volume 5 - Chapter 121

That man’s body was also beautiful. He had thought so before. In fact, not just his body. His hands and feet were also smooth, and sometimes he would suddenly think that the lines of his earlobes or jawline were also smooth.

Whenever he felt that way, he regretted his personality.

Jeong Taeui sighed and shook his head. It’s a pity that I have to endure his personality by his side.

When would he be able to escape? After some time, when this man’s persistent grudge faded a bit, would he be able to go somewhere else? No, considering that personality, he might just conclude, “It’s no longer fun or interesting to torment him, so I’ll just kill him.”

…That’s too realistic.

Jeong Taeui shivered, rubbing his goose-bumped arm, and clicked his tongue.

“Don’t just wander off wherever you please.”

At that moment, Ilay, still looking at the pool with indifferent eyes, suddenly mumbled. “Huh?” Jeong Taeui turned his head.

“Don’t think about wandering off alone without a word,” Ilay said again, clicking his tongue. Jeong Taeui frowned with an ambiguous expression, then muttered, “Anyway, on this small island, I’d be caught within a few steps if I tried to run away.”

When he planned to escape, he intended to do it properly, at the right moment, even leaving a note. Don’t look for me anymore. With phrasing that would clearly provoke anyone who read it.

However, Jeong Taeui’s casual remark seemed to have taken a different direction from what Ilay intended. Suddenly, Ilay sighed and turned his eyes to Jeong Taeui.

“Running away. You were thinking that again.”

“…”

Didn’t I mean it that way? Jeong Taeui blinked. Damn it. I must have made a slip of the tongue.

Is this guy going to hound me again? Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue inwardly and subtly watched him. Ilay silently tapped the back of the bench with his fingertips. He felt like he was developing a trauma from that gesture. Fingertips lost in thought. And rarely had anything good happened to Jeong Taeui at the end of those thoughts.

“Then, shall I ask you something?”

His fingers stopped abruptly. At the same time, his languid voice flowed out. Jeong Taeui frowned inwardly. See, I knew it. There’s no reason for a decent question to come from him here.

“Well… I hope it’s something I can answer. What is it?”

“Why do you want to run away?”

Jeong Taeui closed his mouth and stared intently at Ilay.

His voice was utterly ordinary. He was looking indifferently at the clear water of the pool, as if he had no interest in Jeong Taeui’s answer.

Jeong Taeui pondered, unable to understand his intention in asking. Surely he wouldn’t ask if he didn’t know. Although he was a person with a seriously twisted mind, he wasn’t unaware of himself.

The reason for running away. It would inevitably lead to negative words, and he would use that as an excuse to stomp on him… No, that wasn’t it. If he didn’t like something, he would just stomp on it without needing a reason; he wasn’t the type to deliberately fabricate excuses.

“Wouldn’t you run away if you were me?” Jeong Taeui finally gave up pondering and lay down on the hammock, sprawling out. But the reply he received was utterly hateful.

“I wouldn’t have run away. I don’t gamble on losing bets from the start.”

Right, go ahead and try to run away, he means. He can catch me anytime. Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue bitterly. It must have been a warning.

But just when he thought the conversation was over, Ilay pressed him again a moment later.

“Tell me. The reason you want to run away.”

“…You’re not asking because you don’t know, are you?”

“A few reasons come to mind, but I’m wondering which one it is.”

Jeong Taeui let his indifferent tone wash over him and looked at the sky. As the day slowly brightened and the faint morning fog lifted, the sky gradually took on a bluish glow.

The reason for running away.

It would be better if he just thought it to himself, but this man seemed determined to wait for an answer.

“Why do you suddenly want to hear me insult you…? Ugh. It’s because I feel like I won’t live a full life if I stay next to you.”

Jeong Taeui grumbled in reply. He spoke half-jokingly, but that was actually the most fundamental reason. He didn’t know how he would die. He might die at this guy’s hands if things went wrong, or he might accidentally get hit and die at the hands of some assailant targeting this guy, or he might die from anger while cleaning up after this guy. There were countless reasons to die, but the conclusion was one: he definitely felt like he wouldn’t live a full life.

“Right… preserving one’s life is certainly the primary concern. And?”

“What?”

“Is that the only reason you want to run away from me?”

Still asking languidly, as if uninterested, Ilay began to slowly tap the bench back with the tip of his index finger again. He’s thinking again, he’s thinking something again. Jeong Taeui frowned, looking at those fingers whose thoughts he couldn’t decipher.

“My goodness,” he muttered, sitting up from the hammock. He scratched his head, his mouth twisted in displeasure.

“The reason I ran away before was because you tied me up, attacked me, and beat me, so of course I couldn’t help it—you just said it yourself, preserving life is the primary concern—and now, look. The current situation is so difficult that I’m dying. Isn’t it natural for a person to try to live in a more comfortable environment? Even an animal would do the same, let alone a human.”

“What’s wrong with the current environment? Are there so many difficulties?”

Jeong Taeui glared fiercely at Ilay. When can I finally tear that hateful mouth of his, which speaks so calmly despite knowing everything?

“Ilay. Ilay Riegrow. You said it back then, didn’t you? That you intended to kill me when you met me. You said you wouldn’t kill me, but you’d torment me for the rest of my life. Where’s the idiot who would willingly live a tormented life forever?”

Even if there was such an idiot, it certainly wasn’t him.

Jeong Taeui felt that revealing his true feelings so completely wasn’t very wise, but he had no particular excuse, and these were words he had actually heard in the past. Rather, it was strange that this guy was asking such things again.

“Torment for life…? Ah, right. You said you hated being with me.”

Ilay looked puzzled for a moment at Jeong Taeui’s words, but then nodded as if something had occurred to him. The fingers tapping the backrest suddenly put a little more force into it.

“Then, let me ask you again. Why do you hate it?”

“Huh?”

Jeong Taeui couldn’t smooth out the frown on his forehead and continued to stare at him. From a moment ago, he had only been asking difficult questions. It would be very easy to answer, but it was such an obvious thing that he had never seriously thought about it.

He was still looking at the pool with a languid expression. In some ways, he looked half-asleep. Although he had never seen him look half-asleep, even right after waking up.

“I’ve been thinking, Taei. I haven’t actually harmed you much.”

Jeong Taeui couldn’t help but glare at his words, which he mumbled slowly, as if to himself. This man might equate harm with murder. How else could he say such a thing? No, if Jeong Taeui had been just a little less perceptive and unable to take care of himself, he would have been buried in the cold ground a long time ago.

As Jeong Taeui remained silent, only his mouth twisted, Ilay seemed to understand that silence. He thought for a moment, then mumbled, as if he wasn’t entirely unaware of reality.

“Though there might have been times I almost did.”

Jeong Taeui scratched his head, looking at his profile as he mumbled to himself. What is this man thinking, saying such things? But even if there were several errors in his words, one thing was certain.

“Clearly, terrible things happen on a daily basis when I’m with you,” Jeong Taeui mumbled. Just yesterday, for example. The degrading treatment that didn’t treat him as a human being. The feeling of his heart being torn into pieces might have been a first. He couldn’t expect even minimal human dignity from that man. And he couldn’t stay with such a person for long. He wouldn’t be able to respect himself.

“People usually have a wide range of emotions—you’re a bit different—and among them, the most important is the feeling about oneself. Because it’s the foundation that sustains life itself. So at least that shouldn’t waver.”

But with this man, that wasn’t possible.

Come to think of it, Jeong Taeui grew up in a very privileged environment. Jeong Taeui himself knew that.

It was something he didn’t realize at first. It was an ordinary home, like any other. Aside from having an extraordinarily gifted brother, there was nothing particularly unusual about it. So, he lived thinking that everyone else was probably like that too.

It wasn’t long ago that he realized how precious and privileged it was for a person to grow up receiving sufficient, untwisted, proper affection from their parents and siblings.

“The only reason I can maintain such a saintly personality even next to a guy like that is all thanks to my parents… Thank you, Father and Mother.”

Jeong Taeui mumbled almost inaudibly, bowing his head to his deceased parents. And he thought, My personality is already good, so please give me some good luck too. I need to live too.

“So, being with me means you can’t compose your feelings about yourself?”

But Jeong Taeui stopped mid-sentence, cutting off his prayer to his parents, because Ilay suddenly spoke.

“It’s not that I can’t compose them, it’s that they arise regardless of my will…”

Jeong Taeui stopped speaking and closed his mouth.

He didn’t know why this guy was asking such things so early in the morning. Besides, it was difficult to answer. There wasn’t really a correct answer either.

Jeong Taeui scratched his head again. This time, a little harder, scratch, scratch. Then, he glanced at Ilay. As always, he was a truly excellent poker face. Sometimes, when he sat like this on purpose, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. Not even a guess.

Had there ever been anyone in his life who started a conversation with “Why do you hate me?” He thought about it. No, there hadn’t.

But this man was wrong from the start. He hadn’t completely misunderstood the direction, but his starting point was flawed.

Jeong Taeui lay back down in the hammock. Even though it was dawn, it wasn’t cold at all, and he felt like he could fall asleep again. If that man hadn’t been there, he might have closed his eyes for a short nap.

“But you’re wrong. A person’s words can change drastically by an inch. I sometimes really dislike being with you, but I’ve never said I dislike you.”

As Jeong Taeui answered whatever came to mind, he thought, Surely the question “Why do you dislike being with me?” won’t come up…

“If it’s a reason you dislike being with me, what is it?”

“…”

Jeong Taeui only turned his head in the hammock to look at Ilay. He still wasn’t looking at Jeong Taeui.

“Why do you ask such things when you don’t even care what I think or feel? My will doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Tell me.”

“See, it’s like this even now. You don’t even acknowledge that I have a personality. Who would happily stay in a relationship where their personality isn’t treated as equal?”

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue. After all, this man was not unaware of such things. Ilay Riegrow was neither foolish nor dull. He wasn’t the type whose judgment was clouded when it came to his own affairs. From the start, he lived knowing everything rationally—even knowing his own human characteristics well. Yet, Jeong Taeui simply couldn’t understand the intention behind him asking such things again.

However, at that moment, Ilay looked at Jeong Taeui for the first time. He shifted his indifferent gaze from the pool and glanced at Jeong Taeui. Jeong Taeui saw that subtle expression, a faint frown, for the first time.

“Jeong Taei. The person who determines the value of whether one’s personality is equal to another’s is oneself, not the other person. You’ve never thought that you weren’t equal to me, have you?”

“Right. But you keep trying to erode that thought. Just think about yesterday, for instance.”

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue and said. Yes, yesterday too. More precisely, just a few hours ago.

Ilay said nothing. He simply stared silently at Jeong Taeui. However, Jeong Taeui couldn’t discern whether that gaze was affirmative, negative, or held some other meaning. He had no intention of trying to persuade this man anyway. Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue in displeasure, then turned back over. It had been a peaceful morning, but it was now ruined.

“Yesterday,…”

Suddenly, he spoke. But after uttering a single word, he fell silent again. A displeased aura emanated from behind Jeong Taeui, who had turned over. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m going to sleep. Jeong Taeui squinted at the sky, which was becoming distinctly bluer, and closed his eyes.

But then, upon reflection, this was infuriating again.

Yesterday, just a few hours ago, he had completely upset him, so why did he have to dig up that memory again? What inhuman treatment.

Jeong Taeui closed his eyes and mouth, thinking that if this man asked him the same thing again, he would say, “This is exactly why I hate it.”

“Yesterday… I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

It was then.

A low click of the tongue and a sigh were mixed in, but those words pierced his ears. Jeong Taeui’s eyes widened involuntarily. His blank, doll-like gaze slowly shifted towards Ilay.

What did I just hear? I think I heard something wrong. Not wrong, per se; there’s nothing wrong with the content of the words themselves, nor with the voice, but there’s a serious problem with the congruence of the words’ content and the voice. Perhaps the problem is with my own ears.

Jeong Taeui turned his head and stared intently at Ilay with suspicious eyes. He was looking indifferently at the fruit trees on the other side of the garden. His face was no different from usual.

Jeong Taeui blinked blankly at Ilay for a long time, then, unable to bear it, even sat up.

“…”

Jeong Taeui ran a hand through his tousled hair, still looking at him with a sleep-deprived face.

…Did I hear wrong? I must have heard wrong. If it were anyone else, maybe, but not from that mouth, not even if everyone in the world died. He must have been incredibly indignant yesterday. To hear such nonsense. Or maybe he was just too tired lately.

Jeong Taeui tilted his head, blinking, and looked at him. Seeing him sitting calmly as if nothing had happened, he thought he must have heard wrong.

What? It was a hallucination. Of course.

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue and sighed, then lay down again. But even for a hallucination, it was a strange one. Was it because he had just closed his eyes to sleep? Perhaps he had fallen asleep for a moment without realizing it.

Jeong Taeui looked at the sky before him. It was no longer dawn. Morning had already arrived. It was a clear blue morning. It felt a waste to close his eyes again on such a morning, but perhaps enjoying such a waste could also be considered leisure. And who knew? If he fell asleep here like this, he might hear the same strange hallucination again.

Jeong Taeui sighed and closed his eyes. Fortunately, Ilay didn’t speak to him again. Indeed, everything he had said from the moment he first spoke had been strange. Perhaps this entire situation was just a dream.

As he closed his eyes, even though it had only been a short while since he woke up, he felt like he could fall asleep. The languid unconsciousness that approached felt pleasant. Except for that one gaze that disturbed his unconsciousness.

He felt a gaze. Surely if he opened his eyes now, that man would be looking at him. That gaze bothered him, but surely he wouldn’t kill him.

Rustle, footsteps were heard. The sound of feet slowly approaching, treading on grass, stopped beside Jeong Taeui.

He seemed to be trying to disturb his morning nap. Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue and opened his eyes.

“Why again…”

But his words were cut short.

Ilay, who had been looking down at Jeong Taeui with a frown, as if displeased with him peacefully closing his eyes, suddenly grabbed Jeong Taeui by the collar and effortlessly pulled him up from the hammock.