Passion Novel - Volume 4 - Chapter 85

“Will he buy it? Will this young man buy this coveted book…!”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying. If you can speak English, please speak in English.”

“…”

The man closed his mouth. And for a moment, he blankly thought about what the young man had said, then realized his mistake. He had been so desperate that he had momentarily forgotten the young man didn’t understand German.

“…I’m sorry. This book, are you going to buy it?”

The man politely apologized and repeated the same question. Only then did the young man seem to understand, saying “Ah,” and nodding.

“Yes, I was going to.”

“…! Haven’t you been looking at this book for a while? Haven’t you roughly finished reading it?”

As the man spoke again urgently, the young man, startled by his intense demeanor, hesitated for a moment before muttering, “I just skimmed through it, and it seemed interesting… I was just about to buy it to read it properly.”

The man felt like he was going to faint. Was this how an Arab merchant felt watching his treasure turn into sand and disappear before his eyes? But he, whose face had turned pale, came to his senses. From what the young man said, he must be a novice who didn’t know the book’s value. Wasn’t his tone like, “I happened to pick up a book, skimmed it, and it seems interesting, so should I read it?”

“Ah… actually, that book, you see. It’s a book I’ve wanted to read for a long time, but it’s rarely seen. Since I’ve seen it now, I’d like to read it myself, would you mind letting me have it?”

The man spoke politely to the young man, using a way of speaking that didn’t lie but didn’t reveal all the facts. The young man seemed to consider it for a moment. He flipped through the pages a few times, looking regretful, then readily nodded and offered the book to the man.

“Yes, go ahead. Here.”

“Ah. Thank you.”

The man rejoiced. And at the same time, he clicked his tongue, feeling sorry for the young man. Beyond its entertainment value, this book was priceless. “You just missed a treasure because of your ignorance.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel guilty for seemingly deceiving the innocent young man, but the man had no intention of using this book for monetary gain. Moreover, a possession is happier when it goes to someone who knows its value and cherishes it. Thinking that he would never have such a lucky day again, the man secretly shed tears. He felt as if he wouldn’t need to eat for about a year.

The poor young man, unaware of the unfortunate event he had just experienced, calmly scanned the bookshelves again, then suddenly noticed the books the man was clutching. After examining the books, the young man said casually, “Rumpels, Henry March, Heinz… You’ve found some rare books.”

The man paused upon hearing the young man’s words. He glanced at the young man. His words didn’t seem to carry any particular meaning. But the fact that he knew the correlation between those names and rare books meant he wasn’t just an ordinary person passing by. This young man must also be quite fond of books and interested in rare ones. But if that were the case, why did he so readily give up Kavli? The man, feeling suspicious, spoke to him in a friendly manner.

“Yes, they just happened to catch my eye. …You seem to like old books, don’t you?”

However, the young man casually shook his head as if it wasn’t really the case, and turning to leave the bookstore, he said, “No, I just get them for free, but I have someone around me who’s into that kind of thing. …But this bookstore has a lot of strange things. Just the other day, I bought Ayers here and was quite impressed.”

“………!!!!!”

As soon as he heard “bought Ayers,” the man instinctively grabbed the young man’s arm. The young man was startled again and looked back at him.

“Ay, Ayers, you mean…?”

“…Pablo Ayers, yes. …Do you want to see that too?”

The man nodded vigorously at the young man’s hesitant question. Pablo Ayers, that too was a book the man had desperately searched for. The man became afraid that this might be a dream. If it was a dream, he prayed it wouldn’t end.

The young man, like the only angel left on earth, nodded readily again. He said he had left it at his accommodation and didn’t have it now, but it was nearby, so they could go together and get it. The man thanked the young man profusely.

He couldn’t believe it. This young man knew the value of the book. He clearly knew what a precious treasure it was, yet he was generously offering to give it to him. Not only were there few people who shared such a hobby, but to find such a kind-hearted young man was truly rare. If Helena hadn’t gotten married, he would have introduced them.

The man felt a pang of regret, then, noticing the young man about to leave, he quickly rushed to the counter. He shouldn’t make him wait, so he had to quickly buy the books and follow him.

However, at that moment, the man realized that this reality was not a dream. He still had no money.

“…”

As he stood blankly for a long time with a dazed expression, the young man approached him curiously. The man looked back at the young man with a forlorn face.

“What’s wrong?”

“…I just realized that I was pickpocketed today, and I’ve been wandering around wondering what to do… I don’t have any money…”

The man mumbled, his face grim with despair. The young man looked at him with a sympathetic expression. The problem had returned to square one. The man had no money. Although he held treasures in his arms, there was no way to make them truly his own. If this was the case, he would have to call James and tell him to drop all his schedules and rush over here…

“If you don’t mind, would you like me to lend you some? I can lend you as much as I have right now.”

He was definitely an angel. The man almost hugged the young man tightly. If it weren’t for the precious books in his arms, he would have just thrown them aside and embraced the young man. But he came back to his senses. The price of these books was by no means negligible. No, if he added up the prices of all these books, it could easily amount to the cost of a rural house. However, whether he knew the man’s worries or not, the young man took out his wallet from his pocket and approached the old man, who was still dozing at the counter, gently waking him up. The old man blinked, opened his eyes, and recognized the young man. It seemed he had gotten to know his face since he had come the day before yesterday.

The young man, who couldn’t speak German, and the old man, who couldn’t speak English, began to communicate with gestures. They seemed quite accustomed to it, as if this wasn’t their first time.

By the time the man, unable to bear watching, approached to offer translation, their conversation was already over. The young man took out a 50-euro note from his wallet and handed it to the old man. The man flinched, looking back and forth between the young man, the 50 euros, and the old man. But the old man calmly accepted the money, and even gave him some change.

The young man smiled and bowed to the old man, and the old man also smiled, his face creased with pleasure.

“Shall we go then?”

The young man gestured to the man and walked ahead. The man, with a bewildered expression, looked at the young man and the old man, then hurriedly followed him. The young man, who had already gone outside the shop, waited for the man to follow, then led the way. The man, clutching the books, followed the young man, rolling his eyes. Perhaps all of this was still a dream. These treasures for about 50 euros. That couldn’t be right.

“You hit the jackpot today, didn’t you?”

The young man turned back and smiled. The young man, lifting his hat slightly and smiling, looked somewhat familiar. And the man quickly remembered where he had seen the young man before.

However, before the man could speak, the young man turned forward again and continued, “It seems he just does it as a hobby. He doesn’t know about valuable books or anything. He said that a few years ago, when a relative passed away, their books had nowhere to go, so they ended up with that old man who runs the used bookstore. Since it’s such a small town and the books are old and worn out, hardly any customers come, so he just considers it a library where he can bask in the sun during the day.”

“Ah-ha…”

The man nodded, thinking it was a pity for the deceased relative who must have known the books’ value. At the same time, he looked at the young man with wonder, as the young man explained with a cheerful laugh that he had found out by communicating with gestures, and that it surprisingly worked well.

The accommodation wasn’t far. He was staying at a small guesthouse a couple of blocks away. On the way, the man learned that the young man was traveling without a specific destination. And the young man learned about the unfortunate incident the man had experienced the previous night. The young man mumbled that pickpocketing was common in Italy, but he hadn’t expected it to happen even on a train crossing the border, and he comforted the man.

The more he saw him, the more refined the young man seemed. He had a good personality, spoke cheerfully, and, moreover, had excellent hobbies. As they talked, he realized that the young man wasn’t deeply knowledgeable about antique books, but had heard a lot on the side, which was still not common. The man quickly took a liking to this young man, thinking that sharing hobbies was the best way to become close to someone.

Upon reaching the accommodation, the young man went inside, asking him to wait for a moment, and didn’t come out for quite a while. It wasn’t actually that long, but it took a considerable amount of time for just one book. As he waited, thinking he was late, the door opened again, and the young man emerged. In one hand, he held a book, and in the other, a large sports bag.

“This is what you were looking for, right?”

The young man offered the book. The man’s eyes lit up, and he took the book.

“Pablo Ayers! How long I’ve searched for this book!”

The man exclaimed with emotion, clutching the books in one arm and shaking the young man’s hand vigorously with the other.

“Thank you, thank you!”

“Haha, no problem. Well, then, I’ll be going…”

The young man looked at his watch and pulled his hand away from the man. Only then did the man’s gaze fall on the sports bag tucked under the young man’s arm.

“It seems you’re going somewhere.”

“Yes, I didn’t originally intend to stay here long, but it’s so quiet and peaceful that I ended up staying for ten days already. I get restless if I stay in one place for too long, so I have to go somewhere else.”

He couldn’t understand why staying in one place for too long would make him restless, but he figured everyone had their quirks.

The man, genuinely regretful to part with this young man whom he had taken such a liking to, said, “It’s a shame we just met. If you ever happen to visit Berlin later, please contact me. My contact information is… Oh, dear. I don’t have my business card…”

The man habitually reached into his pocket, then fumbled through empty pockets and regretfully withdrew his hand. Then, he suddenly remembered the 50 euros he had borrowed earlier.

“That’s right, the money! I need to return the money you lent me for the books. If you give me your contact information, I will definitely return it later.”

“Huh? Oh, contact information… No, it’s fine. Just give it to me if we ever meet again.”

When asked for his contact information, the young man looked momentarily embarrassed for some reason, then waved his hand. The man was about to shake his head, saying he couldn’t do that, when the young man suddenly seemed to have an idea, muttering “Hmm,” and then said, “By the way, do you live in Berlin?”

“Oh? Yes, I live there. Though I was on my way to Salzburg.”

In his current penniless state, he probably wouldn’t be able to go to Salzburg or anywhere else anyway.

He sighed, thinking he would have to call James, his fastidious secretary who specialized in nagging. Then the young man muttered “Hmm” again, pondered for a moment longer, and then cautiously said, “Salzburg is in a different direction, which is a problem, but I was just about to head towards Berlin myself. If you don’t mind, you’re welcome to come along.”

“It’s a bit cramped since it’s a two-seater Ritz,” the young man added, pointing to a small car parked in the driveway next to the house. The man’s eyes widened. Thinking of the nagging he would endure from James for a while, he was willing to give up Salzburg. No, it was obvious that if he called James here, Salzburg would be out of the question anyway.

The man carefully placed the books he was holding like treasures on the nearby mailbox. And with both hands, he firmly grasped the young man’s hands. This young man was definitely an angel.

“I will gratefully accept your offer. It’s not much of a repayment, but if you haven’t decided on a place to stay in Berlin, I would be grateful if you would stay at my house and give me a chance to repay your kindness, even a little. My house is quite spacious for one person, so you won’t be uncomfortable.”

The young man, who seemed a little flustered by the man’s polite request—or perhaps by his firm grip—smiled awkwardly and nodded.

***

Sometimes you realize how much a person gets used to their environment, and it can be terrifying.

When he first entered the military academy, there was a time when he was put through a grueling week, barely eating or sleeping. He thought he was going to die. He couldn’t eat well either. There was enough food, but as his body became exhausted, his stomach naturally weakened, and he couldn’t eat properly. Perhaps at that time, like Jeong Taeui, many others thought they were going to die but survived. When he talked with his同期 (donggi, classmates/peers) later, that training topic often came up as their most cherished and painful memory.

But it turned out that training was a quarterly event. It wasn’t a regular training course. They were unofficially put through it. With every change of season, they were put through the wringer on dusty ground, under the scorching sun, on asphalt, and in snow. He couldn’t describe how much he cursed. In fact, what was more agonizing than the physical pain was the mental anguish. How much his spirit was eroded in that irrational world where he had to blindly follow absurd commands.

Then he graduated. As graduation approached, the training became much easier to endure. His stamina had improved, and he had also developed some tricks, but he had, in his own way, gotten used to it.

That was still better. If getting used to an environment was like that, there was nothing to complain about. Jeong Taeui truly realized what it meant to get used to an environment when he went to the army.

After graduating from the military academy, he soon entered the army as an officer, stationed in a rural area. There were plenty of poor young men under Jeong Taeui who had been dragged there with no choice. However, he didn’t have the luxury to flaunt his authority. There were countless people above Jeong Taeui as well.

It would be hard to find a hierarchical society like the military. There, refusal simply didn’t exist. If they were told to crawl, they crawled, and if they were told to lick, they licked. There was a lieutenant whom Jeong Taeui didn’t have much of a connection with, only knowing his name and face through mutual acquaintances. This lieutenant was an absolute bastard. He was the epitome of a person who was weak to the strong and strong to the weak. Moreover, his personality was filthy; every time he went out, he’d go to a brothel and then gather his subordinates to boast disgusting things like how certain women were “masterpieces” or how good it felt to relieve himself with women. And he would try to get any subordinate he found even slightly attractive to “lie down” for him. Among the guys who were “laid down” by that bastard, there was one Jeong Taeui knew. “Knew” might be an overstatement. They had only exchanged a few words during a march. The handsome-looking guy was as weak-willed as he looked. He had just the face and personality to be targeted by that bastard.

Naturally, that guy hated it. He was anxious about being discovered by others, vomited several times, cried in corners, and there was even a time when one of his peers, who had joined the company at the same time, was startled and stopped him after seeing him trembling with a cutter pressed to his wrist.

But it didn’t last long. As time passed and his discharge date approached, when that bastard called for him, he would just click his tongue as if annoyed, go and sleep with him. He would complain to some close friends, saying, “That bastard can’t even fuck properly, but he’s so damn horny, a dirty bastard.” He also heard rumors, whether true or not, that the guy had started messing with other junior subordinates.

That didn’t mean he had gone down that path. He heard through the grapevine that after his discharge, he graduated from school normally and even got married early.

Such stories came up when he met his peers who had joined at the same time for drinks. At that time, Jeong Taeui thought, ‘There’s nothing you can’t get used to. Even painful and difficult things eventually become familiar.’ It might vary from person to person, but as long as the prerequisite of ‘proficiency’ wasn’t attached, getting used to something itself didn’t take much time.

“Maybe I’ve gotten too used to it too…”

Jeong Taeui mumbled, staring blankly at the ceiling above him. No sooner had he finished speaking than a chIlay voice was heard.

“To upsetting me, perhaps?”

Flinch.

Jeong Taeui stopped stretching and slowly pulled back his arm, which he had flung onto the bed. Then he quietly got out of bed and looked at the old woman standing perfectly straight and unyielding by the door.

“No… there’s no way, Rita.”

“Dinner is ready. The young master is also waiting, so please come. If the host fulfills their duties, I hope the guest will also fulfill theirs.”

The old woman spoke in a firm voice and turned away. Her movements were not fast, but they carried such a chill that it felt as if the wind was whistling. Jeong Taeui scratched his head, and as the old woman’s footsteps faded down the corridor, he got out of bed. He went into the attached bathroom, washed his face, and looked up. Streams of water dripped down, covering his face. It was a familiar face. Well, it would be strange if a face he had lived with for decades felt unfamiliar, especially when things could become familiar in just a few months. He sighed. Yes, things become familiar in just a few months. He was feeling it now.

He had only been in UNHRDO for a few months, but he seemed to have gotten used to that life. When he woke up in the morning, he immediately felt a sense of incongruity. If he lay still, holding his breath without making a sound, he would faintly hear the sound of the air conditioning, the room without windows, the odorless air—all those things that had enveloped him for months were gone. Now, the window where sunlight streamed in, the boisterous sounds from outside, the air that, if he quietly sniffed, had a mixture of everyday smells—these things were actually natural, yet he felt a sense of incongruity towards them. It was because he had gotten used to life in UNHRDO.

Jeong Taeui wiped his wet face, thinking, “It makes sense.” Yes, a few months is enough time to get used to something. There are even things you get used to in just a few days. This is exactly the case now.

He had another dream. He dreamed every day. Sometimes there were days he didn’t dream, but those were days he didn’t dream any dreams. People say that even if you think you don’t dream, you actually do, so perhaps Jeong Taeui just couldn’t remember them, but was actually dreaming that dream every single day.

The content of the dream was always different. But the person who appeared was always the same. There was also a consistency in that it was always about past events.

…Ilay.

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue bitterly. He had resolved never to see him again—if he did, it would be the ultimate disaster of his life. Why ultimate? Because it wouldn’t be a “disaster” but a “tragic death”—but he never expected to see him in his dreams all the time.

Yesterday, no, just a few minutes ago, it was the same. He had already guessed it while sleeping last night, but he dreamed of Ilay again. At this rate, he would dream of him tonight and tomorrow night too. Surely it wouldn’t last his whole life, but how long would it continue?

Last night before going to sleep, he prayed to someone, he didn’t know who. He prayed that if he was going to dream of that bastard, at least let him appear in a relatively more human form. For example, him eating, him in a drill sergeant meeting, or him reading a book.

“Damn it. I’ll never pray again…”

Jeong Taeui grumbled while brushing his teeth. Perhaps his prayer was heard too well; if he thought about it slightly differently, he had dreamed of Ilay in the most human form he had ever seen him in. He blankly recalled the dream for a moment, and it was so chilling that he spat out the foam in his mouth with a loud phooey.