Passion Novel - Volume 4 - Chapter 100 - A Clue

Even before opening his eyes, he thought.

Ah, it’s that again.

It was a sensation he had felt several times before. That ticklish, yet stinging feeling, as if a gaze was intently falling upon his face.

Sometimes, when he was in a light sleep, not quite deep enough to immediately open his eyes, he would feel it. The gaze of someone quietly watching him.

Jeong Taeui wasn’t particularly sensitive. Even if someone stared intently at him, he wouldn’t immediately notice and turn around. But when he was asleep, his senses seemed to heighten instinctively; it had happened occasionally since he was a child. Those times when he was asleep but not deeply, as if a corner of his mind was awake. At such times, he could tell what was happening around him without seeing it with his eyes. Who was looking at him, if someone was picking up a book nearby, or tidying up discarded clothes. He could feel it even without hearing a sound.

This gaze was the same.

When he was asleep, he sometimes felt it. A gaze intently fixed on him.

And then Jeong Taeui, knowing the owner of that gaze, would wonder. Why is that person looking at him like that? A person can never fully know another. The appearance shown to parents, to siblings, to friends, to strangers, are all different, and there are even aspects shown to no one. There were even aspects unknown to oneself.

So, one could not say that one person fully understood and knew another.

Thinking of that, understanding that man was also difficult. No, in fact, just looking at what he showed, it was impossible to understand him. Jeong Taeui had never even imagined the countless things he nonchalantly committed. For instance, the incident that happened recently—when he tried to remember when it was, it somehow wouldn’t come to him, though it was certainly very recent—was one such example. Who would set a forest on fire in their right mind? He had seen him kill people without a second thought many times already. So, he was no longer surprised by that aspect, but sometimes, beyond admiration, he was terrified by his recklessness and the courage with which he brutally shattered common sense.

…Well, even if you say he set a forest on fire in his right mind, he couldn’t exactly be called sane in his usual state, so from that perspective, it might be understandable.

But come to think of it, Ilay sometimes did strange things. Aside from those kinds of incidents, should he say they were difficult to understand, or that he simply didn’t know why he did such things?

One of them was that gaze.

At night, Ilay would sometimes come to Jeong Taeui. Sometimes he would just chat idly for no reason and leave. Rarely, he would come with work as an instructor. But most of the time, when this guy came at night, it usually meant he was here for that.

At first, it felt quite unpleasant and uncomfortable, but after a while, he just got used to it. In fact, if you excluded the penetration, he was very skilled with his hips, and by the time it was over, he felt good, so he wasn’t in a position to complain. Come to think of it, perhaps, excluding the rape, his bedroom manners were rather good. Although he always took care of his own desires, once he satisfied them, he would always make sure Jeong Taeui also felt good enough to briefly lose consciousness. Moreover, in most cases, he took care of everything from foreplay to the aftermath.

…

Jeong Taeui felt a little regretful. If he were just a little less sexually conservative—in fact, he wasn’t conservative at all even now, but in front of that guy, he felt like a very conservative person—it would be hard to find someone who provided such enjoyable sex, so he would have just enjoyed it without a care. However, having his body intertwined with someone who didn’t treat him as a person but merely as a means to satisfy their desires, he couldn’t fully enjoy it. A fleeting thought crossed his mind that perhaps this part had nothing to do with being conservative or open-minded.

After a bout of “territory marking,” to borrow Ilay’s expression, Jeong Taeui would feel languid and good, and would fall asleep just like that. In such cases, almost eight or nine times out of ten, he would feel that gaze while sleeping. It hadn’t been like that at first, but it started happening one day. When he felt the gaze falling intently on his face, if he felt like it, he would sometimes lift his heavy eyelids. And without fail, he would meet the face looking down at him and ask, ‘Why?’, or if he was too tired even for that, he would lift his hand to close Ilay’s eyelids and say, ‘You sleep too,’ before falling back asleep. Then, there would be a faint stir of laughter before silence.

When he was tired like waterlogged cotton and couldn’t possibly open his eyes, or simply couldn’t be bothered, he would pretend not to notice such a gaze and sleep. There was no reason for him to react to someone staring at him as they pleased, and the gaze wasn’t confrontational, so there was no need to be wary.

Then, when he woke up in the morning, he would forget what had happened during the night and live his day completely oblivious, until sometimes, when a night returned where that gaze touched his face, he would unconsciously think, ‘Ah, come to think of it, it was like this before too.’ In a state of half-sleep, half-consciousness, he sometimes wondered why this guy was like this.

He was someone who would stare intently at people even during the day, but that was mostly when he had a purpose or something to say. At night, when he felt the gaze and opened his eyes to ask ‘Why?’, there was never an answer. Once, he endured his overwhelming sleepiness and kept his eyes open, hoping for an answer, only for the guy to laugh and then close his eyelids with his hand, just as Jeong Taeui sometimes did to him. Telling him to sleep.

It would be a lie to say that the gaze didn’t bother him, but he felt it was somewhat awkward to force an explanation, and telling him not to look was also funny, so he just let it go without a word. Thinking, what would come out of staring intently at someone’s face? Yes. Perhaps it was similar to a dream.

While dreaming, he would remember that he had dreamt that dream before, but upon waking, he would forget the fact that he had dreamt at all. Then, when he fell asleep again, he would wonder why he had forgotten it during the day and revive the memory of the dream. Just as the memories of dreams and reality felt separated, his thoughts about that gaze felt somewhat similar. When he woke up from sleep, he knew what he had been thinking and what had happened at that moment, but after moving around in reality for a while, he remembered nothing. He didn’t even remember the fact that he didn’t remember.

It was like this. While asleep, he thought he was really persistent in staring, but upon waking, the memory would vanish.

“…—.”

Jeong Taeui debated whether to open his eyes or not. And half-conscious, half-asleep, he thought, that guy’s gaze is on my face again. He thought he would stop soon enough, but he kept staring, and staring, and staring. He was unusually tired and languid and was about to give up, but Jeong Taeui finally gave in. He struggled to open his eyes and met that gaze.

“I told you to sleep too.”

“…….”

When he spoke with a sudden burst of anger, Ilay, who had been resting his chin on his hand and gazing down at Jeong Taeui, blinked and stared intently at him. He looked somewhat surprised.

It was understandable for him to be surprised, as the person who had just been breathing evenly and sleeping peacefully suddenly opened his eyes and yelled at him to sleep, but Jeong Taeui briefly wondered why this guy, who would usually just smile subtly and say nothing, was staring with such a dumbfounded expression. But sleepiness rushed over him like a tsunami, and he closed his eyes, ignoring Ilay who was clearly staring at him. Then, with a mind half-conscious, half-unconscious, a thought suddenly struck him.

Wait. But why was Ilay here?

Ah. Come to think of it, he was often one to watch people while they slept. But while he understood that, something felt off. Usually, after finishing their “territory marking,” he would be looking at Jeong Taeui, half-naked. But now, he was impeccably dressed—though it was just a plain t-shirt and cotton pants—sitting on a separate chair by the bed.

“…….”

Jeong Taeui, with his eyes closed and half-asleep, suddenly recalled. He suddenly realized what situation this was.

He shot up from the bed.

“The fire!”

His face turned pale, and he urgently cried out, tugging at Ilay’s collar. Ilay looked surprised again. Or rather, he looked like he was asking, What nonsense are you talking about?

“What fire?”

“You set a fire, a fire! You set the forest on fire, the birch forest! You brought drums of gasoline and poured it all over, burning everything down!”

As Jeong Taeui yelled frantically, his face pale, Ilay frowned slightly and stared intently at him. Without a word, with a gaze that seemed to look at an utterly hopeless idiot, Jeong Taeui tilted his head and glared back at Ilay. Why is this guy looking at me like this? Ilay looked at Jeong Taeui with a dumbfounded expression, then quietly opened his mouth.

“Before the fire, actually, do you even know what situation you’re in right now?”

His face was nonchalant, but Jeong Taeui soon understood the meaning of his question, asked with genuine interest. He closed his mouth and silently stared back at him.

“What about my situation?”

Jeong Taeui shrugged, speaking nonchalantly. Ilay looked at Jeong Taeui again with a dumbfounded expression. He suddenly raised a hand and placed it on Jeong Taeui’s forehead. After holding his forehead for a moment, he sighed and muttered to himself.

“This guy, whenever he gets a little fever, he can’t tell front from back… Sleep, sleep. You got yourself kidnapped like an idiot, and beaten up, just beaten up.”

Ilay clicked his tongue and pushed Jeong Taeui. As he was pushed and fell back onto the bed, Jeong Taeui inwardly cheered. It seemed he intended to let him sleep for now.

Come to think of it, he did seem to be in a state where he couldn’t tell front from back. His head was hazy and dull, and he felt a bit feverish all over. As he collapsed onto the bed and turned onto his side, he saw gauze on his forehead and temples. Now that he looked, all the severely injured places on his elbows, knees, calves, etc., were neatly bandaged. His ankle, though unseen, felt stiff in a cast against his other foot. Kyle must have called someone to treat everything while he was asleep. Gratefully.

Jeong Taeui closed his eyes and touched his own forehead. As Ilay said, he seemed to have a bit of a fever. But his hand was also hot, so he couldn’t tell for sure.

In fact, his injured body was aching and feverish, but his mind wasn’t feverish, so he was quite clear-headed.

…Being clear-headed, when Ilay pushed him to sleep, he promptly chose to lie down and sleep. Though now, a chilling realization had jolted him awake, and his sleepiness had vanished.

He didn’t think he would be able to sleep, but he also had no intention of staying awake and seriously confronting Ilay right now. So, Jeong Taeui resolutely closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

Come to think of it, as far as Jeong Taeui knew, Ilay was an extremely quick-witted man, so he probably didn’t fail to notice his pretense, but perhaps he felt a little pity since Jeong Taeui had been kidnapped and returned like a rag doll, so he deliberately didn’t try to wake him. (However, looking back later, Jeong Taeui was indeed a bit out of his mind due to the fever at this time, for that man was not the type to feel pity just because someone was kidnapped and covered in injuries.)

He still felt it. The gaze on his face.

He wondered if he could even sleep with such an intense stare making his face feel hot, but perhaps his body instinctively sought sleep for recovery, for even though he didn’t think he could sleep, sleep gradually covered his eyelids again.

Anyway, what was up with that guy…? Considering the grudge he must hold against me, even if I were a wreck unconscious in the emergency room, he should be the kind of person to wake me up and beat me to a pulp. He thought, Has he turned over a new leaf while I wasn’t looking? But then Jeong Taeui briefly recalled the scene of him dousing gasoline and quickly erased that thought. And he came to the most plausible conclusion. This is a dream.

…—See, it is a dream.

Otherwise, such a careful touch wouldn’t gently caress his forehead.

This kind of dream isn’t good. Sometimes before, he would have such strangely vivid dreams that felt like reality but would never happen in reality.

These dreams felt bizarre yet good when he had them.

But these dreams were bad because they caused ridiculous delusions after waking up.

Jeong Taeui stirred his body to avoid the touch. The hand that had lingered on his head fell away.

***

“What a strange dream…”

Jeong Taeui muttered as he opened his eyes. His head was still hazy and sleep-drunk, so he didn’t even realize he had muttered aloud. He had dreamt of a demon smiling kindly and acting affectionately.

Strange, strange, this guy was clearly a demon, look, he even had a pointed tail behind his butt, and his hands were stained with bright red blood, but he was smiling with a gentle face he had never seen before and acting affectionately.

He kept thinking strange, strange, and then opened his eyes. But after opening his eyes, he realized. Jeong Taeui already knew the answer to that dream, or rather, what that dream was trying to enlighten him about.

It was that if you were deceived by a demon like that, you would later be stabbed in the back and feel heartburn. There was no use complaining and feeling wronged later. From the beginning, the demon walked around without a mask, openly revealing that he was a demon. It was the fault of the one who was deceived. It was a very instructive dream, containing the theme that one should not be deceived by the outward appearance and the very brief moments of kindness.

Jeong Taeui blinked at the ceiling with a hazy mind.

Why did he have such a dream? It was a slightly sad dream. It was even sadder because it brought back memories he didn’t want to recall.

Jeong Taeui quietly sighed and closed his eyes. The person he didn’t want to recall came to mind. A person who came to mind with a bitter feeling.

“…Wait a minute…”

Suddenly, Jeong Taeui’s eyes snapped open. The moment he involuntarily recalled the person he didn’t want to, memories he didn’t want to remember rushed in like a flood. Very recent, extremely recent memories.

—Aha…—

Those pitch-black eyes that looked down at him from two steps to the side, beyond the rock. The moment their eyes met, those eyes that narrowed thinly, Jeong Taeui had seen them in the very recent past.

“……!”

No way…

The color drained from Jeong Taeui’s face in an instant.

I’m dead. That thought instantly occupied his mind. What on earth was he thinking, lying here so comfortably asleep? Ilay. Ilay Riegrow.

The image of that man standing nonchalantly amidst the flames vividly came to mind, as if stuck to his retina. It wasn’t a dream. That monstrous man was definitely there. Holding a knife that had cut off a person’s neck in one hand, and flames in the other.

My God.

Just thinking about it made his heart stop. His heart, which seemed to clench and stop, began to pound madly the next moment. Damn it. He had sworn he would never be caught, and of all ways, it had to be like this.

Jeong Taeui clutched his chest. Only the thought of failure came to mind. At the same time, his audacious past flashed before his eyes like a panorama. What should he do? How should he handle this situation? Wait, if he just bolted again before being discovered… Yes, anyway, he didn’t have much luggage, so he didn’t need any of it. He would just climb down the window and run away with just his body…

It was then. Just as Jeong Taeui was about to get up, there was a rustling sound next to him. Jeong Taeui finally realized there was someone else in the room, flinched, and turned around. And the moment he turned, his wildly pounding heart stopped dead again.

Ilay.

How long had he been there? He had probably been sitting there since before Jeong Taeui woke up, casually flipping through a notebook. His expressionless face didn’t even glance at Jeong Taeui, as if he didn’t know he was awake.

Damn it. Running away was out of the question. Now that he knew Jeong Taeui was awake, would he try to kill him immediately? No, he had said he wouldn’t kill him. That was even more terrifying.

—How could I let you die so easily? You said you hated being with me. Then, live that terrible life until you die. Live every day hating it terribly, suffering.

His low voice, heard sometime in the past, suddenly came to mind. He had said then, until you die.

Jeong Taeui subtly shifted his gaze to the side and looked at Ilay. No way, even so, to do that until he died. Unless he beat him to within an inch of his life and then killed him right before, saying, ‘You suffered until you died, didn’t you?’, he couldn’t torment him for life. Even if he was monitored 24 hours a day, there would be at least one moment when the surveillance was lax, and he could escape then.

Jeong Taeui felt a little pathetic for thinking about escaping the moment he opened his eyes. He wondered how he had ended up in this situation, but come to think of it, it was half his fault for having to run away like this.

He timidly regretted it a little. Why did I do that? I should have just packed my bags quietly and left the branch office. Why did I do such a thing to get revenge on this guy and leave? Without even knowing how scary he was. Jeong Taeui thought gloomily.

However, if the same situation were to happen again, Jeong Taeui would undoubtedly make the same choice. The choice Jeong Taeui made at that time was, by the standards of that time, correct. If someone were to seriously ask if he truly regretted it, Jeong Taeui would think for a moment and then shake his head. Choices were always like that. A choice always left room for regret. To make as few choices as possible that he would truly regret and wish to undo when looking back later, that was what Jeong Taeui considered ‘the way to live well’. And fortunately, Jeong Taeui had not yet made any choices in his life that he would regret when looking back later.

Yes. No regrets. Considering what that guy did to me, isn’t that just a minor clause? What the heck, since it’s come to this, I’ll grit my teeth like a man, get beaten up (a lot), and watch for an opportunity to escape even further this time, making sure I don’t get caught.

The thought that his resolve to run away was somewhat distant from having a manly heart crossed his mind, but he quickly erased it. Bending one’s pride for personal peace was also a kind of manly, difficult decision. He thought it was sophistry, but he quickly erased that thought too. Jeong Taeui quietly sighed and then subtly rolled his eyes again. Ilay was still holding a palm-sized notebook and flipping through it. Rustle, rustle, though slow, his gaze didn’t seem to be paying much attention, making Jeong Taeui wonder what he was looking at, so he followed his gaze.

“…—.”

Ugh. He swallowed the groan that erupted inside him. The green-covered notebook Ilay was holding was a passport. That Republic of Korea passport, with the golden hibiscus mark on the front, was the passport of a person named Kim Youngsoo, which Jeong Taeui carried. Jeong Taeui’s photo was neatly placed on the front.

Having apparently finished looking through the inner pages, Ilay opened the very first page again and stared at it silently for a moment before suddenly opening his mouth.

“Hmm…—. Kim Youngsoo… Passport number JR0203314, born June 12, 19xx, resident registration number 1365814….”

“…….”

“Only the date of birth is real.”

“…….”

Ilay tossed the passport onto the table. Jeong Taeui inwardly clicked his tongue, his face like he’d bitten into a bug. He clearly took it out of my bag as he pleased, this damn bastard.