Passion Novel - Volume 3 - Chapter 61

Good-looking face, smart, strong, capable, good family background, abysmal personality…

Just by listing those words, he might seem like a common bad-tempered rich kid, but he wasn’t someone who could be simply defined like that. Countless people are called “deserving of death,” but few are actually threatened with their lives by an unspecified multitude.

“But actually… he’s not all bad.”

Jeong Taeui suddenly mumbled. He remembered that when he said this before, Tou had asked with a serious face, “What aspects of his human nature made you think that?” and he couldn’t answer. He couldn’t answer, but Jeong Taeui actually thought that to some extent. It wasn’t just because he hadn’t seen him “calmly smile while brutally beating people like dogs” that often in front of his eyes. He couldn’t logically explain why, but the man, though someone to avoid from a distance, wasn’t an object of hatred or disgust.

Perhaps this was what his brother meant when he once casually said, “You are excessively straightforward about people.”

“Still, what am I supposed to do about feeling this way?”

Jeong Taeui sighed and muttered. Of course, his resolve to run away immediately if he saw Ilay even a hundred miles away remained unchanged.

“Taei hyung.”

No matter how much they say beer isn’t alcohol, am I going to become an alcoholic at this rate…? As Jeong Taeui thought that and emptied the rest of his beer, he suddenly heard a voice calling him from behind. Jeong Taeui froze, then slowly turned around. He had heard the door open but hadn’t looked back, thinking it was just someone coming and going as usual.

“Xinlu…”

“It’s dangerous to be outside this late at night, hyung. There are a lot of nasty creatures around.”

Xinlu approached silently like a cat and crouched down next to Jeong Taeui. The space was wide enough that he didn’t need to move, but Jeong Taeui unnecessarily made a show of moving a step or two sideways. As the air shifted, the scent of soap wafted to his nose. Jeong Taeui glanced at Xinlu. He didn’t seem to have just showered, but the scent of soap clung to his soft hair. Xinlu’s long eyelashes, resting on his clasped hands, seemed to rustle whenever he blinked. Still lovely. Although the atmosphere had been rough and awkward lately, Jeong Taeui still found himself thinking this young man was lovely whenever he saw him.

“Why are you out at this hour?”

“Just to get some fresh air… And you?”

“I thought you might be out here, hyung.”

Xinlu only shifted his eyes to look at Jeong Taeui. When their eyes met, he quickly dropped his gaze again, looking melancholic. Seeing that, Jeong Taeui’s heart felt heavy.

Jeong Taeui tried to think what the problem was. Xinlu had been pleading with him, expressing his affection. With words, expressions, and actions. Jeong Taeui also liked Xinlu. It would be hard to find such a lovely young man again. So there was no problem with their feelings being reciprocated. Yet, the reason for the subtly awkward atmosphere was—

“Hyung, as for me.”

As Jeong Taeui quietly pondered each point, Xinlu opened his mouth. Jeong Taeui listened silently. Lately, Xinlu had been low on energy. Or rather, he seemed lost in thought. He was meticulous in handling his duties, but whenever he had a spare moment, he’d just blink thoughtfully, Jeong Taeui had heard from Gyoho in the medical bay. Perhaps Xinlu had been trying to find a solution to this situation in his own way. And he might have come to Jeong Taeui with his conclusion.

“When I heard stories of people, in their youth, being swayed by emotion and throwing away their honor and future for love, I couldn’t understand it. I thought that to live a minimally human life, one first needs to build a foundation of necessities. And when I joined UNHRDO, I thought I wouldn’t have to worry much about my future. Because I’m confident I can rise. You probably also worked hard to get into UNHRDO, hyung.”

Xinlu spoke as if to himself, his head bowed. Jeong Taeui thought of refuting Xinlu’s last point, but perhaps due to his mood, his serious face looked even thinner than when he’d seen him a few days ago, making it hard to casually say, “No, no, I just ended up here somehow.”

“But, hyung. I’m sorry, hyung. No matter how much I think about it, I don’t like you being here. As long as you’re here, you’ll continue to be that man’s junior officer, and I hate that so much. So I want you to quit UNHRDO, hyung. And I can take responsibility so you never have to worry about the future. If you don’t like that, I’ll quit too. For you, I can quit UNHRDO anytime.”

Xinlu spoke clearly and in one breath. Then he looked up and stared directly at Jeong Taeui. Jeong Taeui, stunned by the unexpected offer he had never even considered, merely stared back at Xinlu. Quitting UNHRDO. It was such a naturally arranged future, yet he had never even thought about it. Even though he would be out of here in just a little while.

Thinking about it, it was true. Many things would change if he left UNHRDO. Most of all, he would be free from those troublesome relationships. Although problems like housing or other minor issues might arise, it wouldn’t be as prickly as it was now. …What is it? Is this ambiguous and uncomfortable atmosphere all because of the people inside? Looking back, no one had openly criticized or interfered with Xinlu and Jeong Taeui’s relationship, yet at some point, a sandy, abrasive atmosphere had settled between them.

Jeong Taeui gazed blankly at Xinlu. That’s right. In just a little while, he could leave UNHRDO. Then everything might be okay.

“Taei hyung. Please do that. …I can’t bear you being with that man, with Riegrow. Even when I’m working during the day, if I think you’re next to him, my stomach churns so much I can’t breathe. It’s too painful. Hyung, please stay only with me.”

Xinlu’s slender voice clung to his ears. Xinlu, with his knees on the ground, wrapped his arms around Jeong Taeui’s neck. And he carefully kissed his cheek. At that moment, a corner of Jeong Taeui’s mind grew cold.

—Please stay only with me.

As he heard that pathetic voice, a memory suddenly flashed through his mind: a supple body entangled with Ilay, that rough, hot air, a chillingly sharp voice, and those jet-black eyes that smiled at Jeong Taeui in that moment.

The hand that had been reaching out to embrace Xinlu in return paused just before touching his shoulder. Sometime recently, that man, who had smiled coolly, had bitten into this very shoulder, staring straight at Jeong Taeui.

“…The night before Ilay left Eoryeong for Europe—”

Jeong Taeui opened his mouth expressionlessly. Words seeped out as if on their own. The arms that had been embracing him trembled. The lips that had touched his cheek withdrew.

Xinlu slowly pulled away from Jeong Taeui and looked at him, his frozen eyes scrutinizing every inch of Jeong Taeui’s face. It wasn’t meant as an accusation. In fact, he hadn’t intended to speak at all. But the words slipped out, as if possessing a will of their own.

No, that’s not it. I’m not trying to say that you and that man slept together. What I want to say isn’t that—

Jeong Taeui suddenly realized it then. This subtly rough and brittle feeling wasn’t, as Jeong Taeui had unconsciously thought, because Xinlu and Ilay had been intimate. At that moment, Xinlu, without Jeong Taeui’s knowledge, had been trying to interfere with Jeong Taeui’s life. It was Xinlu’s greed. He didn’t want to share time with Jeong Taeui; he wanted to possess Jeong Taeui’s time. He had actually known it already, but it was only now, so suddenly, that he truly realized.

Jeong Taeui gazed blankly at Xinlu. He had no desire to blame him. He just felt a strange sense of realization, like, ‘Ah, I see.’

“—Hyung.”

Xinlu called Jeong Taeui. His thin voice, as if it could disappear at any moment, faltered for a moment. His urgent, flustered gaze trembled uneasily. Jeong Taeui tilted his head.

“Hyung, I… I didn’t want to lose you. That’s why, that’s why I did it…!”

His hand, gripping Jeong Taeui’s elbow in a hurry, tightened. The grip was unexpectedly strong, as if he was fiercely clenching, fearing that if he loosened his hold even slightly, he would scatter and vanish.

“Hyung, really, I’ll never give my heart to anyone but you, never again. I couldn’t help it because I was afraid of losing you. Taei hyung…!!”

Xinlu cried out urgently. His excessive grip on Jeong Taeui’s elbow and shoulder hurt, and Jeong Taeui instinctively tried to flinch away, but Xinlu, perhaps sensing it as a rejection, gripped even tighter.

“Xinlu! …Xinlu!”

Jeong Taeui called Xinlu, a little anxiously. He reached out to stroke Xinlu’s back, and when he called his name a couple of times, Xinlu fell silent. And then he looked at Jeong Taeui uneasily.

“Hyung. I wish you would stay by my side. Always.”

Xinlu whispered, still clutching Jeong Taeui’s arm tightly. Jeong Taeui looked down at Xinlu. He didn’t know what to say. Suddenly, Xinlu’s face clouded over.

“You don’t want to? …Don’t look so troubled, hyung. Do you dislike me now?”

His voice became wet, as if he was about to burst into tears. Jeong Taeui shook his head. He didn’t know what to say, but he still didn’t dislike Xinlu. So he shook his head repeatedly.

“Hyung, I’m—-“

“Even if Taei stays by your side, he won’t bring you good fortune. His blessings are limited to one person.”

It was just as Xinlu was about to open his mouth. From behind him, slightly above, a slow, leisurely voice drifted. A light puff of smoke followed.

Jeong Taeui stopped shaking his head, which had been denying what he was hearing. He didn’t need to turn around to know the owner of that voice. And it seemed Xinlu felt the same way. Xinlu’s expression, which had been flustered and anxious as he clung to Jeong Taeui, abruptly changed. Expressionless and chilling, perhaps even tinged with a hint of cruelty, Xinlu glanced aside. His gaze, directed at someone over Jeong Taeui’s shoulder, was like a sharp, blue blade. Yes, just like the voice he had uttered in that air of ecstasy sometime long ago.

“Riegrow.”

A voice like venom dripping and spreading across clear, blue water. Jeong Taeui knew at that moment how much Xinlu hated that man. He hated him so terribly that he couldn’t even bear to be in the same space. Perhaps like a beast defending its territory.

Jeong Taeui quietly looked at Xinlu. He felt cold water seeping through his chest. He thought he knew Xinlu well, but he realized he hadn’t known him at all. Jeong Taeui slowly turned around. The building’s window was open a few inches. Cigarette smoke drifted out from within, and Ilay stood beneath the smoke, his elbow resting on the windowsill, looking down at them.

It was a little unexpected. Unlike his amused tone, Ilay wasn’t smiling. He was simply looking down at Jeong Taeui with an expressionless face. Then, as their eyes met, a faint trace of a smile suddenly appeared in his eyes.

“You… what are you doing there?”

Seeing that smile, Jeong Taeui felt a peculiar sting and a chilling sensation. He hesitated, then blurted out. He thought it was a foolish thing to say only after it left his mouth, but the words were already out. He had nothing else to say.

“A gentle and lovely boy was busily searching for someone, so I followed him, thinking of tempting him. It seemed his conversation with the other person was getting long, so I was smoking a cigarette in the meantime.”

Ilay mumbled, holding a cigarette in his mouth. Jeong Taeui unconsciously looked back at the gentle and lovely boy. Xinlu was looking at Ilay. Expressionless, with eyes that conveyed an unbearable hatred for him. Suddenly, Xinlu looked at Jeong Taeui. For a moment, his face showed surprise, then he clenched his teeth.

“It must have been written in the investigation report that flew to you. ‘It has not been confirmed that anyone other than Jeong Jaei can enjoy that fortune by being with Jeong Taei.’ Still, you wanted to confirm?”

Ilay spoke casually. Jeong Taeui frowned slightly, a wave of displeasure rising. But that displeasure wasn’t directed solely at Xinlu. He gave Ilay a fierce look.

“Xinlu.”

Jeong Taeui quietly called Xinlu’s name, without taking his gaze off Ilay. He saw Xinlu quickly shaking his head in the corner of his eye.

“Hyung, that’s not true. I don’t care about such things—”

“When did you hear that I’m a gilsangcheon?”

“Hyung, it doesn’t matter, I didn’t care about such things at all—-“

“I asked when you heard it.”

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue, cutting him off. He wasn’t doubting Xinlu’s words. No, in fact, he wouldn’t mind if what Ilay implied was true. To get angry and disappointed over such things was too much, given how he had lived with an excessively talented brother.

But his heart felt heavy. He felt like he had been a blind man with open eyes, and he was a little disheartened. It wasn’t Xinlu’s fault. Xinlu, who had been silently watching Jeong Taeui’s stiff expression relax and exhale a silent sigh, spoke quietly, as if the intense agitation from a moment ago had never been.

“It was after you came here, hyung. The day after you arrived, I found out. A call came from home. …But that wasn’t the reason.”

—Indeed, that family itself is quite greedy. But I never expected them to try to obtain a gilsangcheon.

Words he had once heard suddenly flashed through his mind. Jeong Taeui looked at the man who had spoken them. He was holding a cigarette in his mouth, his head tilted slightly, looking at Xinlu. A faint smirk hovered in his eyes, as if he could see right through him.

Jeong Taeui sighed deeply. He grimaced bitterly, scratching his head as if to tear his hair out. He felt depressed. It seemed he might need treatment for depression at this rate. This one, that one, there was simply no peace of mind.

Jeong Taeui looked gloomily at his feet, then needlessly kicked an empty beer can. It rolled and stopped against the wall.

“…Ilay.”

Jeong Taeui muttered, glaring at the white, long fingers flicking ash in front of his eyes. Ilay only raised an eyebrow without answering and put the cigarette back in his mouth.

“Why do you—“

Jeong Taeui, who had started to speak, closed his mouth. Xinlu stood silently right beside him. Jeong Taeui scratched his head again, annoyed.

“Why are you—what?”

As Jeong Taeui fell silent, Ilay prompted him. Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue and said sulkily, “Why are you picking a fight? I clearly said I wouldn’t touch Xinlu.”

“Yes, you did. And I’m doing as I said. Did it look like I was touching him?”

Ilay gestured towards Xinlu with his head. That’s when it happened. Xinlu, as if stung, spoke with a sharp, furious tone. “You said it. You said not to touch Taei hyung again. You said not to even go near him again. And you clearly said you understood.”

Jeong Taeui frowned slightly. He disliked this type of conversation, and he didn’t want to face this situation. Moreover, he couldn’t grasp the subject or point of this discussion. Just as Jeong Taeui was about to open his mouth to say something, his eyes suddenly met Ilay’s. Ilay was looking down at him diagonally, lost in thought. As if meticulously considering something, he shook his head almost imperceptibly with each blink. There was no way he could feel good about someone shaking their head while looking at him. Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue and grimaced. Ilay, having finished his thoughts, or perhaps seeing Jeong Taeui’s expression, chuckled. Then he turned his gaze to Xinlu.

“Yes, that’s true. I didn’t intend to, but it seems I caused a misunderstanding. I apologize for that. But let me tell you, I didn’t touch Taei. I have no desire to go that far.”

Jeong Taeui, who was standing at an angle Xinlu couldn’t see, was momentarily taken aback. Xinlu wouldn’t have seen it, but Ilay must have fully seen Jeong Taeui’s dumbfounded expression. He chuckled audibly. Though he subtly covered his mouth, it was obvious he was laughing as he looked at Jeong Taeui.

However, he wasn’t lying. From his perspective, he certainly hadn’t touched Jeong Taeui. It was just that his standards were far removed from others’—at least from Jeong Taeui’s. Jeong Taeui was simply the easiest person he could play “territory” with; there was no inherent reason it had to be Jeong Taeui. Jeong Taeui looked at Ilay with a grim expression. He desperately wanted to retort, but he wasn’t foolish enough to say something unnecessary here.

Fine, do whatever you want. I have no idea what’s going on. All I know is I’m getting more and more depressed.

“But you know… watching you play so cutely makes my stomach twist a little. I just really want to poke you once.”

Suddenly, Ilay said quietly. He carelessly spat out the cigarette from his mouth, then grabbed Jeong Taeui’s collar, who was about to mumble, “If you don’t put that out properly, you’ll set something else on fire…” He immediately pulled him closer, then seemed to encompass Jeong Taeui’s cheek with his other hand, grasping his jaw and forcing his mouth open. And then, as if to show off, he thrust his tongue inside.

“…”

“!!”

It was almost simultaneous. As Jeong Taeui instinctively swung his fist at Ilay’s jaw, Xinlu lunged forward. Ilay, as if he had expected it, easily dodged Jeong Taeui’s punch and glanced at Xinlu. In a very short time, Xinlu, who had approached without a sound, was clutching Ilay’s collar. And the moment his collar was grabbed, Ilay raised an eyebrow. Something akin to a smile appeared on his lips.

That’s when it happened.

Jeong Taeui’s expression hardened. He knew that look on Ilay’s face. He knew when Ilay would narrow his eyes, as if smiling but not quite.

“Don’t, Xinlu!”

Just as Xinlu grabbed Ilay’s collar and tried to pull him, Jeong Taeui intervened by a hair’s breadth. Jeong Taeui, striking down on Xinlu’s fist as if to smash it, freed Ilay’s collar from his grasp. Simultaneously, he slapped Xinlu’s other fist, deflecting it, and blocked his path. They were practically pressed against each other.

Ilay, leaning half his body out of the window; Jeong Taeui, standing right in front of him, his back to Ilay as if shielding him, facing Xinlu; and Xinlu, just a few inches away, who had almost punched Jeong Taeui. Xinlu, for a moment, looked at Jeong Taeui with a startled expression. As if unable to believe that Jeong Taeui had blocked his path and shielded Ilay, he stared at Jeong Taeui, his large eyes wide and round.

“Taei hyung… why…”

“You idiot, fight someone your own size!”

Jeong Taeui, his furiously pounding heart still not settling, unconsciously yelled. Xinlu, who had never heard Jeong Taeui raise his voice before, widened his eyes even further. Jeong Taeui quickly clicked his tongue and softened his expression.

Perhaps Xinlu wasn’t as weak or fragile as Jeong Taeui thought. Or he might have been beyond imagination. However, even if that were the case, he couldn’t imagine Xinlu being able to overcome this monstrous man. Moreover, the expression Ilay had just shown. If Xinlu had gone through with it, he probably wouldn’t be in one piece right now. But Xinlu didn’t seem to think so. With an angry face, he shook his head.

“That’s not true! No, even if my strength isn’t enough, how can you tell me to just stand by at a time like this! I can’t do that!”

“Yes, then you’ll have to contend with Taei. After all, Taei is my junior officer.”

Mixed with Xinlu’s shout, Ilay’s voice, tinged with amusement, was heard. Jeong Taeui unconsciously clenched his fist. His desire to just turn around and land one punch on that face was no less than Xinlu’s. However, the reason he couldn’t act on it was partly because he was his junior officer, as Ilay had said, but also because Jeong Taeui possessed the virtue of knowing when to pick a fight. Xinlu turned his gaze from Ilay to Jeong Taeui. And then he asked in a low voice, “Hyung, is what he said true?”

Jeong Taeui was silent for a moment. If he assumed Xinlu was similar to him, would there be any chance of winning if he sided with Xinlu and beat up that bastard? No, it didn’t seem likely. And if he were the only one in danger, that would be one thing, but Xinlu would be in danger too. A sigh escaped him spontaneously.

“Yes, that’s right. If you insist on hitting Ilay where I am, I’ll have no choice but to stop you.”

As Jeong Taeui answered, Xinlu bit his lip. And then he looked at him with a resentful expression. But that, too, was brief. Xinlu, who had been bowing his head for a while, slowly unclenched his fists. He still looked angry and unconvinced, but perhaps thinking he couldn’t fight Jeong Taeui, he took a deep breath and relaxed his body.

“Taei hyung. Just answer one thing.”

Xinlu spoke, looking seriously at Jeong Taeui. Jeong Taeui tensed, hoping he wouldn’t ask a difficult question, and slowly nodded. Xinlu, with an utterly serious and tense face, asked Jeong Taeui.

“Taei hyung. Do you like me more, or Riegrow?”

Cough, Jeong Taeui choked, coughing loudly. For a moment, he didn’t understand what he had heard and instinctively looked back. Behind him, Ilay, who had been leisurely taking out a new cigarette, paused for a moment, his face stunned. He too seemed utterly surprised by Xinlu’s question. Jeong Taeui opened his mouth to answer, but the words wouldn’t come out, so overwhelmed was he by the absurdity.

He never thought he’d hear such words at his age, from a man this old. Xinlu, facing Jeong Taeui who mumbled and frantically scratched his head, still maintained a very serious expression. Jeong Taeui looked at Xinlu with a troubled look. In truth, there was no reason to be troubled. The answer was simple. But at this very moment, feeling a little exhausted even with Xinlu, he was reluctant to speak.

How did he truly feel about this young man? The answer was simple. He still liked him. Xinlu was still lovely and pathetic. While it was no longer the precarious and even anxious crystal ball-like flutter he had felt before, even reconsidering it with a calmer heart, Jeong Taeui didn’t dislike Xinlu. Even if Xinlu had approached Jeong Taeui with a different intention, that fact remained unchanged.

Xinlu waited for Jeong Taeui’s answer. From behind, he heard Ilay lighting his cigarette. Jeong Taeui, who had been staring blankly at Xinlu, quietly sighed. And he raised a hand to brush back the hair that had fallen onto Xinlu’s cheek.

Of course, I like you.

It was easy to answer that way. But he didn’t answer. He wasn’t in the mindset to answer. As Jeong Taeui continued to stroke Xinlu’s hair for a while, Xinlu slowly bowed his head, looking down at his feet for a long time.

“Hyung… I like you, hyung. So… so much.”

His faint voice, almost inaudible, was trembling. Jeong Taeui quietly nodded, even though Xinlu’s head was bowed so low that he couldn’t see it.

Just then, cigarette smoke wafted over Jeong Taeui’s shoulder. Jeong Taeui glanced at Ilay, who was exhaling smoke silently. Ilay was looking down at them with indifferent eyes. His gaze, inscrutable and, unlike usual, completely devoid of even the slightest hint of a smile, was directed at Jeong Taeui.

Is it funny? In your eyes, which give no great meaning to anyone, does this scene look amusing?

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue bitterly. Angry, pitiful, and depressed, he silently stared at the crown of Xinlu’s head. Again, cigarette smoke drifted over his shoulder and dispersed.