Passion Novel - Volume 1 - Chapter 14

Jeong Taeui gave a wry smile, annoyed at himself for thinking of Xinlu even in a situation like this.

“Well, I’m the one who’s curious. Just how often do you call Uncle that I end up answering every time I’m here?”

‘To be precise, you’re the one who’s there every time I call, Taei. But I have been calling quite frequently lately. Until recently, I wouldn’t call even once a year.’

“Why? Is Uncle nagging you to quickly get your hands on Laurent Gastier’s book?”

Jeong Taeui pulled up a chair and sat down, forcing a weak smile. But come to think of it, this man wasn’t an antiquarian bookseller. Or maybe he did it as a side job.

‘Haha, I’ve already sent that. I sent it by sea, but it should arrive before the end of this month.’

Ilay laughed. Even though it was a mechanical voice, his cheerful tone felt refreshing. The heat in his head seemed to cool down a bit. The coolness that came amidst the heat felt good.

He had wondered whether to answer the phone or not, but it seemed he had made the right decision. This man gave off a cool vibe.

Jeong Taeui swept back his fallen hair and smiled faintly. “That’s good. Once the book arrives, I’ll be the first to read it,” he murmured languidly.

A moment of silence passed over the phone. The fingers tapping intermittently on the desk seemed to be probing him.

‘Taei. What happened?’

A quiet voice asked subtly. The voice, tinged with an intriguing light, could have been unpleasant, but surprisingly, it didn’t feel that bad. In fact, he even felt like rambling on in his exhausted state.

“Does it show that much?”

‘To say it doesn’t show… well, your complexion is, shall we say, quite flushed.’

“……”

Jeong Taeui roughly rubbed his face with the back of his hand. Now that he was starting to cool down a bit, the alcohol was kicking in.

‘A complicated face. What could be so troubling in that simple world confined to an island?’

“……Ilay. You know…”

Jeong Taeui trailed off for a moment. He hesitated, feeling like an old drunkard grabbing a stranger to rant, but he had already started talking.

“Have you ever had something… sexually immoral happen to you?”

Jeong Taeui said seriously. A brief silence passed over the phone, then the man replied in a slightly deflated voice, as if it was an unexpected topic.

‘I’m not sure what you mean by something sexually immoral. What specific situation are you referring to? If it’s an unethical relationship, let’s see… are you talking about incest? Or a relationship with someone who has a partner? Or perhaps rape, assault, or other acts that are taboo in human society… From a conservative perspective, a same-sex relationship could also be included. Well, there are so many, I’m not sure which one you’re referring to. Take a guess.’

“……. Well… I could take a guess if I really had to… but it’s not something that heinous.”

Jeong Taeui muttered, slightly disgusted by the torrent of inhumane words. Hearing those words somehow made his own heart feel a little lighter. He hadn’t had thoughts that crossed such taboos, with one exception.

‘Heinous, you say.’

Ilay chuckled. But he didn’t elaborate on that and continued.

‘You see, my desires and emotions operate separately. So, there have probably been quite a few times when something sexually immoral has happened, by your definition. Yes, I’m curious to know what that sexually immoral thing that happened to you today was.’

“……”

‘Why? Did some bastard come and assault you or something?’

“……, …….”

This man’s thoughts were a bit extreme. Not only extreme, but they also jumped in unexpected and bizarre directions.

Jeong Taeui let out a long sigh and laughed weakly.

“What kind of blind fool would come and try to do something like that to me? No, it wasn’t anything that grand… What am I saying, I sound ridiculous. It’s just that the guy I have feelings for touched me a little, and I got all worked up like a kid and just… stood there in front of him. Just stood there…”

Jeong Taeui hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say next. Silence returned from the other end. The fingers that had stopped slowly tapped the desk one by one, indicating a lack of understanding.

He muttered, “Why would…” then suddenly exclaimed as if he understood, “Ah!”

‘So, did you molest him or something? And now you regret it, I see.’

It was Ilay again, jumping in a strange direction.

Jeong Taeui stared at the monitor with a dumbfounded expression and sighed.

“No, it’s not like that. It’s not like I got aroused in bed or in some intimate setting. We were just normally drinking tea and talking, and I got an erection in front of someone who doesn’t have those kinds of feelings for me.”

‘Hmm…?’

Fingers tapped the desk, tap, tap. Now he could roughly understand even from the way the hand looked and moved. That meant he still didn’t quite get it.

‘I’m not sure I understand. It’s not that I can’t guess how your mind works… but that kind of shame is a feeling I’ve never experienced, so it’s difficult for me to comprehend. It doesn’t seem to serve any purpose in life. If it were me, I would have advised you to just go for it since you were already aroused. Rather than groaning with such a frustrated look on your face.’

Jeong Taeui frowned. He rubbed his face with his palm, wondering if it was still so flushed. He probably shouldn’t have drunk the alcohol.

“Just go for it, huh… What about the other person’s feelings?”

Ilay didn’t answer. It wasn’t that he didn’t know or was thinking, but rather that he seemed to be avoiding the answer. Hearing him reply with a subtly amused “Well…” Jeong Taeui realized that this man had his own answer but was deliberately not saying it. And Jeong Taeui, sensing that, didn’t press the issue.

‘If it were me, I’d just sleep with anyone I felt desire for. Emotions are just temporary whims, not worth so much agonizing over, in my opinion. Or rather, I wouldn’t consider a fleeting desire inferior to a lasting emotion—if such a thing exists.’

“Are you a hedonist?”

‘For the time being.’

He affirmed with a smile. Jeong Taeui nodded. Although he couldn’t fully agree with the man’s way of thinking, he understood what he was trying to say. Jeong Taeui didn’t disregard pleasure either. But still, his way of thinking was very different from this man’s in some aspects.

Jeong Taeui chuckled dryly and stroked his neck.

Regardless of their differing opinions, this kind of conversation that flowed without any awkwardness wasn’t bad. He enjoyed talking with this man in that respect.

Suddenly, Ilay burst into laughter, as if something was amusing. A low chuckle followed briefly.

‘Every time I talk to you, I can’t help but think how different you are from Jeong Jaeui in so many ways.’

“Well, we are different people. Were you talking to me all this time looking for some resemblance to my brother?”

‘Not exactly, but the thought that you are Jeong Jaeui’s younger brother has always been in the back of my mind.’

Jeong Taeui sighed and chuckled.

Was this man also one of those who approached him because of his interest in the genius Jeong Jaeui? No, but he didn’t seem to have any ulterior motives, so it was hard to say he approached him. It would be more accurate to say that he was a bit more interested in Jeong Taeui because he was Jeong Jaeui’s brother.

He was past the age of feeling slighted by such things, and it happened so often that it had become a part of his life, so it wasn’t a big deal anymore.

“You’re very interested in my brother.”

When Jeong Taeui mentioned it subtly, the man laughed it off nonchalantly.

‘Is there anyone who isn’t interested in the genius Jeong Jaeui? At least not in my circle.’

“Haha, right. So, what do you think when you compare us?”

‘Hmm? Compare… I haven’t consciously compared you, but alright, let me think… It comes to mind immediately, without much thought.’

“Ah, what is it?”

‘Jeong Jaei is more human. In many ways.’

Jeong Taeui fell silent. Most of what the man said was like this, but this particular statement was quite unexpected. It was something he had never heard before—at least not openly—and something he had never thought about himself.

In many ways, Jeong Jaeui is more human.

Jeong Taeui gave a bitter “Hmm.” He had certainly never considered himself to be full of humanity. But he hadn’t expected to hear such a thing. Contrary to people’s prejudice against geniuses, he knew well that Jeong Jaeui was a person with a great deal of humaneness.

“Without me knowing, I must have done something terribly heartless to you, or perhaps my brother bestowed a great favor upon you. This could easily sound like an insult if misunderstood by just a hair’s breadth.”

‘That’s not what I meant. For example… yes. Perhaps it’s that Jeong Jaeui suffers more from anxiety and anguish than you do. That’s what I mean by being human.’

Jeong Taeui was speechless again.

The casual words that the man tossed out without much thought were unusually striking today.

Anxiety and anguish, huh? Maybe so. Unless he had gone in and out of his brother’s mind, how would he know what was inside? Since individual emotions cannot be extracted as absolute values, it’s not a matter of comparing who is more or less anxious.

“But objectively speaking, my brother is lucky enough that you might think he doesn’t even know what anxiety and anguish are. He’s the kind of person who left home saying he needed to experience misfortune himself.”

Jeong Taeui shook his head and muttered. Ilay was silent for a while, looking at him. He somehow felt like the man was smiling on the other side of the monitor.

‘Certainly, Jeong Jaeui is extremely unlucky. To the point of throwing up both hands and feet in surrender. But, have you ever thought about what lies at the root of that luck?’

The smile disappeared from Jeong Taeui’s face.

He had felt something was off since a while ago. Something was nagging at him in the man’s words, but he hadn’t known what it was. Now, he had a vague idea.

This man knew something that he had never thought about or needed to think about.

“He’s my brother, but it seems you know him better.”

Ilay seemed to immediately grasp the meaning of Jeong Taeui’s bitter words. “Oops,” he muttered, sounding genuinely embarrassed, and showed his open hand.

‘My apologies. I didn’t mean to offend you. Shall we drop this subject?’

Ilay concluded the conversation in a light tone. Jeong Taeui stared intently at his white hand before finally sighing. It wasn’t a topic he wanted to dwell on.

‘You seem much calmer now. The flushed look on your face has returned to normal.’

At those words, Jeong Taeui, who had been rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb as if tired, turned his gaze to the mirror. As the man said, the flushed look that had refused to subside had returned to normal.

Jeong Taeui idly swept his face with his palm once more, and Ilay’s subtle voice reached his ears.

‘But if it’s someone you have feelings for while being stuck on that island, it probably wouldn’t be a woman.’

Jeong Taeui replied sullenly to Ilay’s ambiguous remark.

“Of course. I haven’t even held hands with a woman since high school, except for a handshake.”

‘Ah, so that aspect was also included in something sexually immoral. Indeed.’

Ilay murmured to himself as if he understood. Jeong Taeui, who hadn’t brought up the topic first but had no intention of hiding his preferences from the start, shrugged.

“Yeah, so is it unpleasant?”

‘Unpleasant? Why would I be unpleasant about someone else’s preferences?’

Ilay said, bursting into laughter. His words clearly drew a line. Even though they were talking so casually, they were clearly strangers. Not only practically, but also emotionally.

Jeong Taeui then suddenly realized.

This man, while conversing so freely with Jeong Taeui, didn’t have any intimacy or liking for him. He didn’t have the opposite feelings either. He was, in the truest sense of the word, a pure stranger, nothing more and nothing less.

Even though it was obvious, Jeong Taeui felt a vague surprise. He had just realized that he had developed a considerable sense of familiarity with this man. It had only been a few phone calls, but as most people do with someone they had talked to several times, Jeong Taeui had also developed a familiarity equivalent to the time he had spent with him.

But for this man, none of that mattered. He wasn’t someone whose feelings were proportional to time and intimacy. He was someone who had given plenty of room for such a thing, yet he hadn’t noticed at all. Even if they talked dozens or hundreds of more times, the feelings this man had for him would remain the same as for any other stranger.

Leaving aside the issue of being cold or not, he was outside the emotional spectrum of ordinary people.

When it comes to being human, I don’t think you have any right to say anything about anyone…

Those words rose to his throat, but he swallowed them back without saying anything. He had no intention of arguing, and now that he knew the man was drawing a line as a stranger, he felt it would be presumptuous to offer such advice to a stranger.

“That’s a shame. I actually quite liked you.”

‘Ah, if it’s in the context of something sexually immoral, then anytime is good.’

“……No. That’s definitely not what I meant.”

Jeong Taeui muttered, sounding exhausted. Ilay, who of course would have known, chuckled softly.

Just then, a faint mechanical sound came from afar. The regular beeping sounded like a timer, an alarm, or a page. It was coming from the other end of the phone.

Ilay seemed to look around. He let out a deep sigh and tapped the desk with his fingertips.

‘They always call just when a person tries to relax. I have to go now.’

“Alright, then let’s see each other again if we have the chance next time.”

‘Yeah. —Ah. Come to think of it, the joint training between the Asian and European branches is almost upon us, isn’t it?’

“That’s right. You know it well.”

An antiquarian bookseller, a weapons dealer, a man who, depending on how you looked at it, was incredibly suspicious.

However, the schedule for the joint training wasn’t exactly a secret, and Ilay—though he couldn’t know the specifics—seemed to have a close relationship with his uncle, so it wasn’t strange that he knew.

‘Joint training right after entering the branch, that must be tough. Good luck. Try not to die.’

“That’s quite an ominous blessing, but thank you.”

Jeong Taeui chuckled incredulously, and Ilay seemed to smile a little. And then the call ended.

*

It was a Friday night of mixed fortunes.

Friday evening, after the regular work hours, they held the lottery as scheduled. Who would stay at the Asian branch, and who would go to other branches. As they already knew, those coming to the Asian branch for this joint training were from the European branch, and those going from their side were headed to the South American branch.

Jeong Taeui thought he didn’t care either way, but seeing his colleagues loathe the European branch so much, he also felt a desire to stay and see those faces once. However, for the sake of his own peace, it would probably be better to join the team going to the South American branch, which was considered relatively better.

Besides, when he closed his eyes—or even without closing them—that video vividly came to mind.

In it, a still neat and tidy man extended a black-gloved hand, gripped the other person’s neck, pierced it, and left a dark red mark.

If he were to encounter that man.

Jeong Taeui, who had briefly imagined such a thing, felt a sudden chill and shrugged.

I need to take good care of my own life.

Thinking that, Jeong Taeui randomly picked a ball from the box. It was number 62. Following him, the rest of the members each drew a ball with a number from 1 to 96. Then, the instructor came out and took a ball from another small box. That ball had the number 2 on it. An even number.

While Jeong Taeui wryly spun the number 62 ball in his hand, those who would stay and those who would leave were decided. Even numbers would remain at the branch, and those who drew odd numbers would leave for the airport at dawn the next day, Saturday.

After the lottery, a restless atmosphere filled the air as they dispersed.

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue as he left the large lecture hall with his colleagues, their faces wearing subtle expressions. Now that it had turned out this way, there was nothing he could do, but for the sake of his safety, he had wanted to go to South America.

It seemed that Jeong Taeui wasn’t the only one who thought so. Among those who had vehemently criticized the European branch, those who ended up staying didn’t look too pleased. However, those who were going to South America didn’t have particularly joyful expressions either.