Passion: Diaphonic Symphonia Novel - Chapter 5

Looking straight at Jeong Taeui, Ilay smiled. A smile appeared in his icy eyes. It was an unfamiliar look even after seeing it for years. He didn’t know why that smile in his eyes looked so strange.

‘Of course, it’s a masterpiece. That face of yours, desperately trying to appear nonchalant, even though you want to hang up the phone and run away, or even hang yourself right there, right now.’

“…”

This was the moment. The moment his rotten personality felt so acutely on his skin.

“Is it… good?”

He asked crookedly, meaning, ‘Does it make you feel good to be so malicious?’ Ilay, though he clearly understood the meaning, gave an off-kilter answer.

‘Originally, I didn’t intend to do this, but seeing you, it makes my appetite grow. Seeing what I’ve only seen in my mind for two months, seeing it again like this… My lower body is aching so much my heart trembles.’

His object, which had stood up stiffly, seemed to be nearing its climax, ill-suited to his low, nonchalant voice.

The piercing, unblinking gaze, the slightly lower voice, the faintly pleasure-filled breath, the sticky hand stroking his genitals—all of these pierced Jeong Taeui’s chest at some point. As he said, to the point where his heart trembled.

Suddenly, his neck felt hot.

Damn it, living with this guy, my head must be messed up too.

‘Taei. Open your legs wider. …Taei.’

Seeing himself obediently spread his legs wider at such words, he himself thought his mind might have gone a little crazy.

Wishing that he wouldn’t get an erection in this situation, Jeong Taeui leaned his head back against the chair. He wanted to close his eyes, but the dark eyes that held his gaze wouldn’t allow it.

Taei, he heard him call again.

At the same time, a hazy, sticky liquid splattered across the screen.

Behind the marks that stuck to the screen in dots and slowly streamed down, he could still see the cool eyes staring intently at him.

“…”

‘…Indeed, it’s not good when we’re not actually together.’

The moment he heard that, the irritation he had momentarily forgotten resurfaced.

This guy, just seconds ago, splattered all over the monitor that a person was clearly looking at, and now he’s saying it’s not good?

But before Jeong Taeui could burst out, Ilay swiped his finger, covered in the residue, across the monitor. Jeong Taeui flinched, as if that finger had touched him directly. Ilay smiled faintly.

‘Right. I should relieve your desires too, but I can’t when we’re apart. My apologies.’

“…Don’t mention it. You absolutely don’t need to bother about that.”

On his part, it would be even scarier if the other person tried to fulfill his desires.

However, Jeong Taeui, swallowing those words with his petty pride, clicked his tongue in displeasure and glared at him.

“Okay, now tell me what you want to say. Why did you call?”

After his head cooled down a bit, the vague topic that had been lingering in his mind resurfaced. But Ilay only looked at Jeong Taeui without a word. Then he muttered to himself,

‘You don’t seem to think I called just to ask about your well-being at all.’

“Just get to the point, stop beating around the bush. What is it? Are you curious about Uncle’s news? Or about the UNHRDO guys?”

“Only someone who would check in should,” Jeong Taeui thought as he asked, and Ilay tapped the side table for a moment, then shrugged as if it didn’t matter.

‘Instructor Jeong Changin went there, so you must have met him after a long time. It’s a shame. I wish I could have seen him after a long time too.’

“What are you talking about with a face that’s not disappointed at all? If you’re so disappointed, you can see him in a month. He seems to be coming back.”

‘Hmm…?’

“There’s an International Aviation Technology Forum in Frankfurt next month, and he said he’ll be back then. Oh, right. Jaeui hyung is attending that, so it’ll probably be a family reunion day for me, for once.”

“Can I put my clothes back on now? At least I’d like to put on my underwear. And also, now that that guy’s satisfied his urges, can’t he just put it away?” With such thoughts, Jeong Taeui subtly pulled his clothes closer. Then he suddenly realized.

Ilay was silently staring at Jeong Taeui, his chin resting in his hand.

“……Why?”

‘Did he say that before he left…? So, he’s going to Frankfurt?’

A bitter clicking of the tongue was mixed with the end of his words.

Jeong Taeui stopped pulling at his clothes and silently stared back at him. For a few seconds, neither spoke.

“……I think so. He said then that he wouldn’t have enough time to stop by Berlin. Both Uncle and probably Jaeui hyung too.”

‘That’s regrettable.’

“What is?”

‘Let’s look forward to the day we meet again.’

Jeong Taeui fell silent again. This time, the silence was a little longer than before.

Jeong Taeui carelessly threw down the clothes he was holding and sat up straight towards the monitor.

“So, in short, don’t go?”

‘Yes.’

“Even if I’m going to see my family?”

‘See you next time.’

“……”

‘……’

After staring at Ilay with a bewildered expression for a moment, a look of displeasure gradually filled Jeong Taeui’s eyes. That displeasure soon spread into a fierce glare.

“I don’t want to.”

‘Don’t go out needlessly; stay put there.’

“Hey, you go out all the time, but you tell me to just stay cooped up at home…!”

‘Don’t go out.’

“I don’t want to!”

Actually, he didn’t dislike it that much, and he didn’t have a desperate resolve to absolutely meet his uncle and brother this time, but hearing such a cold, cutting command revived a forgotten surge of anger.

When Jeong Taeui snapped back, Ilay’s eyes instantly turned chilling.

‘Jeong Taeui. Don’t go.’

Each word distinctly pronounced, a low voice like a blade pierced his ear.

Hearing that voice, his timid heart slowly began to peek out again. But as soon as he recognized that timid heart, a lament close to self-mockery welled up.

My life, how did it become such that I can’t go where I want to go and can’t see the people I want to see?

“What’s the reason I can’t go?”

Jeong Taeui asked discontentedly. No answer came back from the other side. So he asked again.

“What’s the reason I can’t go?”

‘Because I don’t feel like it.’

Ugh… this guy, really.

Jeong Taeui’s eyes instantly narrowed into triangles.

‘Jeong Taeui. When someone speaks nicely, just obey.’

His voice, even lower, had lost its playfulness, no longer sounding pleasant. The commanding tone in his words became even more pronounced.

Jeong Taeui tilted his head and looked at the screen. Ilay inside it also looked back at Jeong Taeui. With a face devoid of any smile.

At some point, his insides twisted. Very impulsively. Suddenly, unexpectedly even to himself.

Jeong Taeui leaned forward. He pressed his face close to the screen, looked straight into Ilay’s eyes, and smiled. Then he slowly said,

“I’m going to leave for good before you come back in a month.”

‘Jung Tae—’

No sooner had he finished speaking, his name cut off midway by a voice three times more menacing, Jeong Taeui hung up the phone.

With the voice abruptly cut off and the screen dark, Jeong Taeui clutched the phone and glared intently at the screen. As if it might flash bright again and reveal a fierce face. Then, startled, he even pulled out the phone cord. After that, he stared at the phone for a few more seconds.

“……I……”

Finally, Jeong Taeui let out a small sigh and mumbled like a groan as he slowly put down the phone.

“What audacity did I have to do this…?”

He muttered distractedly, staring blankly at the phone, until at some point he clutched his head.

‘I must be crazy. How am I going to handle this?’ Jeong Taeui, who had been muttering and scolding himself, suddenly snapped to attention when he heard faint footsteps in the distant hallway outside. Only then did he realize he was sitting naked in a dark, empty room, and he quickly gathered his clothes. All the while, he kept muttering, “I’m crazy, I’m crazy…”

A problem that cannot be resolved even after a hundred days of thinking inevitably drags in secondary regrets and self-reproach.

Why did I say such things? Why did I do that? As he regretted, a pitiful feeling followed, striking his chest.

When he quietly mulled it over, his own fault wasn’t that great, yet he found himself pathetic and pitiable for having to timidly mutter words of regret.

Having spent the night almost wide awake regretting and lamenting his lot, Jeong Taeui stumbled out of the house and was now awkwardly looking up at the sky.

What fickle weather.

Yet, for the past two months or so, it had hardly rained, and the sky had been so intensely blue it felt like proper summer weather had finally arrived.

Even when Jeong Taeui left the house that morning, there had been some dark clouds in the sky, but vivid blue patches were clearly visible between them.

But now.

Outside, a downpour accompanied by thunder and lightning was falling. The wind was also raging, making it seem as if the whole world was covered in rain.

“It’s pouring as if the sky has a hole in it……”

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue, looking outside.

It wasn’t far from here to the house. A little over five minutes if he ran. But the rain was so heavy that those five minutes would be enough to turn him into a drowned rat.

Actually, getting a little wet didn’t matter, but there was no important reason to deliberately go back home now, enduring this heavy rain. So, he had been waiting for the rain to stop or lessen for about an hour.

‘Should I just go? Think of it as a rain shower.’

Just as Jeong Taeui reached for the doorknob, a flash of lightning instantly seemed to ignite the gloomy world. It was so bright that his eyes momentarily widened. He unconsciously froze, and after a moment, thunder roared majestically as if the sky were collapsing.

“……Since I’ve waited this long, maybe a little more……”

Jeong Taeui quietly let go of the doorknob and went back inside.

Inside the silent church, devoid of people.

In the church, neither too big nor too small, statues were placed at intervals along the walls. And behind them, stained-glass windows.

Even though it was supposed to be a sacred and solemn space, in the midst of the noisy thunder and lightning, it felt eerie, dark, and empty.

Jeong Taeui sat casually in a seat near the door and gazed at the crucifix far ahead.

He had no religion. No one in his family had a specific religion, and he himself had no interest. During his cadet days, his immediate superior instructor was a devout Christian, so he occasionally got caught and forcibly dragged to church on Sundays, but he was never particularly impressed or moved.

So, until now, he had lived indifferently, without any particular liking or disliking for any religion.

But perhaps it is human nature to want to cling to something when one’s spirit is strained.

……Even so……

Jeong Taeui scratched his head. He had a bitter taste in his mouth.

He could still hear Kyle’s quiet voice, barely holding back laughter, in his ear.

‘Where are you going?’

That morning, Kyle, who had finished breakfast a little later than usual and was just getting into the back seat of James’s car to hurry to work, had looked at Jeong Taeui shuffling towards the main gate and asked, puzzled. Jeong Taeui, with his gloomy mood intact, answered what was on his mind.

‘Just to the church for a bit to atone for my past life’s karma……’

He probably didn’t understand the exact meaning of Jeong Taeui’s sentiment, which had deepened to the point of tracing back to a past life, but Kyle suddenly made a strange face. Jeong Taeui soon deciphered that indescribably subtle expression. It was a face mixed with laughter and patience.

He had already mentioned it at breakfast a little while ago.

When Kyle asked if he’d had a bad dream because his expression wasn’t good, he had unconsciously replied. That Ilay had called last night.

Kyle, blinking his eyes, stopped his fork mid-air while picking up parsley from the salad, and asked, ‘Why him?’ And to that question, Jeong Taeui, half-distracted, mumbled,

‘He said he called to check in.’

Then Kyle made an extremely bizarre face, but after observing Jeong Taeui’s expression, still stuck in the abyss, he thankfully didn’t ask anything further.

After that, hearing Jeong Taeui’s remark about ‘past life karma,’ he could well guess the cause.

Kyle, who usually looked at Jeong Taeui with pity, wondering why he had somehow gotten on that guy’s bad side, again refrained from openly laughing, showing consideration. Instead, he merely cleared his throat diligently and asked, as if greatly pitying him:

‘If atoning for your past life’s karma at church brings you peace, then that’s a good thing in itself, but Taei, would it be alright if I pointed out a flaw in that statement…?’

‘I’d appreciate it if you could do it later…’

However, when Jeong Taeui answered gloomily, he soon nodded and fell silent.

So, Jeong Taeui, who refused Kyle’s offer to drive him to the church entrance, wishing him well, went to the church just a few minutes from his house, still in his somber mood.

And now.

Perhaps because the church was so deserted and quiet, or because he was tired and sleepy from barely sleeping last night, or perhaps because he had momentarily lost his mind while atoning for his unknown sins, when he suddenly came to his senses while sitting there, two hours had already passed.

He was surprised to see the time and was about to leave for home when he noticed that outside, it was pouring rain.

“……”

Jeong Taeui smacked his lips and scratched his head.

‘Things aren’t going my way today. Neither the weather nor my mood.’

Sitting in the church, Jeong Taeui sighed as he steadily looked up at the statues.

Come to think of it, he had dozed off earlier and hadn’t actually atoned for his past life’s karma. Should he try confession, which he’d only heard about? But would they do it for someone who wasn’t Catholic and had hardly ever been to church?

‘Probably not,’ he thought, shaking his head, then Jeong Taeui suddenly imagined himself confessing.

‘I think I committed a great sin in my past life. I got involved with a terrorist and became a wanted criminal myself. What’s more, that terrorist did such shameful things to me, things I can’t even describe. Just last night, you know…’

He imagined himself rattling on with such stories, then shivered and vigorously shook his head.

‘I really do foolish things,’ he thought, sighing self-deprecatingly as he bowed his head deeply.

It was then that, in the church, where there was no one and only quiet stillness, the sound of rain suddenly grew louder.

He raised his head and looked around to see someone opening the door and entering. Through the open doorway, he could still see the pouring rain. It seemed the rain wouldn’t stop anytime soon.

Who could be such a devout worshiper coming to church through this heavy downpour? Jeong Taeui stared at the person without any particular thought.