Omega Complex Novel (Completed) - Chapter 33

At first, I intended to confess. That I liked him. That I liked him more than I thought, to the point where it was difficult to hide it now. That I brought it up thinking the outcome wouldn’t change even if I hid it like this.

“I didn’t have the confidence to tell you, so I hid it all this time.”

But there was something I had to say first. Before conveying the emotion of liking him, I had to let him know that I was an omega. Choi Taegyeom had to know that the omega he so despised and disliked was me.

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

“Sorry.”

I closed my mouth, maintaining eye contact with Choi Taegyeom. I wanted to avoid his gaze immediately, but I couldn’t because I was afraid of Choi Taegyeom’s reaction. I had to clearly see the change in his expression with my own eyes.

“……You, now.”

Choi Taegyeom began to speak in a voice so faint it was barely audible. A silence so profound that even the ticking of a clock sounded loud swirled between us. Blink, he closed and opened his eyes, then slowly asked again.

“What did you say?”

“……I said I’m an omega.”

A gasp escaped me. The subtly flowing pheromones suddenly intensified. Choi Taegyeom, unable to hide his agitation, stood up from the bed. The place he headed for was the kitchen, where I had placed the medicine.

“Ha.”

A sound that was neither a sigh nor a scoff was heard. In his fingertips, the medicine bag crumpled. It wasn’t just the medicine bag that crumpled.

“……Since when?”

My fingertips tingled. No matter how much he tried to control it, he couldn’t stop the pheromones that had already flowed out. Gush, and then gush again. From Choi Taegyeom, who had turned his head, intermittently chaotic pheromones burst forth.

“Since when, have you been an omega?”

I intentionally didn’t put away the medicine bag. Because the bag, with the medicine name, efficacy, and precautions written on it, would probably say this:

Pericopan Capsule 250mg: Promotes hormone stabilization and pheromone secretion in omegas. Do not take simultaneously with suppressors.

“Since when, exactly…”

“……”

The rest of the sentence didn’t follow. But I could hear the unspoken words he was about to say. That one phrase, filled with betrayal, asking since when I had been deceiving him.

“The day we took the Suneung.”

Choi Taegyeom didn’t even look at me. He just kept glaring at the medicine bag with a darkly sunken gaze. Even from his side profile, I could tell that his gaze was wildly shaking.

“That’s when I presented.”

‘It’s very rare, but there are cases where people present as adults.’

Winter of my nineteenth year. I experienced my first heat cycle right before the Suneung. My whole body burned, and the doctor prescribed suppressors along with an ‘omega’ diagnosis to me, who was dazed and disoriented.

‘Your pheromones were very weak, so your presentation seems to have been delayed. Even though you’ve presented, most dominants won’t be able to feel your pheromones. Conversely, it will be rare for you to feel pheromones.’

He said I wouldn’t know I was an omega unless I had a blood test. That my pheromones were weak, and it would be difficult to get pregnant. That even if a heat cycle came, one or two suppressors would be enough to manage it without much difficulty.

I thought it was fortunate. Because I was recessive, because I could hide the fact that I was an omega, and because of that, I could stay by Choi Taegyeom’s side.

“……Lee Yoonwoo, I never felt any pheromones from you.”

But like those who first present, I also couldn’t endure Choi Taegyeom’s pheromones. The fact that he was a dominant alpha wasn’t important. My body, which had already fallen for Choi Taegyeom, reacted to him constantly.

“I was next to you, even slept with you, but I never felt pheromones from you once.”

“……”

“But how could you…”

“Because I’m recessive.”

His expression of disbelief wounded me again. The moment he turned his head and met my gaze, a part of my heart crumbled. The emotions I thought I had hidden well were torn to shreds.

“I regularly took suppressors and smoked.”

Inside the cupboard, countless suppressors were still hidden. If this hadn’t happened today, I would have taken them tonight before sleeping.

“Since I’m so recessive, that much was enough to hide it.”

“……”

“I could even go to the military because of that.”

I pulled out a cigarette pack from my pocket. It was empty inside because I had smoked them all on the way here. Choi Taegyeom stared at the cigarette pack I had pulled out with unfocused eyes.

“No one knows except my parents. Everyone at university thinks I’m a beta.”

I had tried for five years. Some might call it foolish, but I was more desperate than anyone. I didn’t want Choi Taegyeom to find out, so I deceived everyone, including him.

“What I hid from you was…”

“Kim Dohyun.”

Choi Taegyeom’s lips twisted. He threw the medicine bag down and gritted his teeth. His clenched fist was visibly trembling.

“That bastard, he must have known.”

It felt as if all the blood in my body had turned cold. How did you know that? I couldn’t ask back. Choi Taegyeom had said this with a chillingly hardened expression:

“You must have thought I was really ridiculous.”

Thump, my heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t because dark pheromones poured out from Choi Taegyeom. It was because his gaze was so cold, and because of that, a sense of resentment surged, even though I knew I had no right to feel it.

“Worrying about you getting sick, contacting you, and waiting in front of your house.”

His monotonous voice was cold. Choi Taegyeom, who gasped for breath as if trying to suppress his pheromones, covered his eyes with one hand. A very suppressed voice flowed from his half-open lips.

“But it was a heat cycle…”

“……”

“That bastard Kim Dohyun knew you were in heat and erased his pheromones, but I didn’t even know that and poured out my pheromones.”

My chest tightened. It felt like my throat was constricting as if someone was choking me. I couldn’t forget the expression Choi Taegyeom had made when I asked Kim Dohyun to take me home.

“Am I just that insignificant to you?”

Choi Taegyeom lowered the hand covering his eyes and looked at me. His usual gentle gaze had now transformed into various emotions. His reddened eyes looked like deep, festering wounds.

He bit his lower lip hard and added in a self-deprecating tone.

“Friends are all useless.”

I couldn’t answer anything. That it wasn’t true, or that it was a misunderstanding, or that it was an unavoidable choice. Countless options came to mind, but not a single word came out of my mouth.

That damn “friend.” Just two syllables sent my mood plummeting.

“It’s not like I wanted to hide it.”

I knew this wasn’t a situation where I should get angry. I was the one who lied, and I was the one who had to beg for forgiveness now. Whatever Choi Taegyeom said, apologizing first was the priority.

“I had a hard time too.”

But even knowing that, I got angry. At Choi Taegyeom, who looked betrayed, at Choi Taegyeom, who looked disappointed, and at myself, who was hurt by his appearance. I was so mad that I couldn’t even hide it this time.

“It’s not that you’re ridiculous, it’s that I was ridiculous.”

I had never once thought he was ridiculous. If I had thought that way, I wouldn’t have dared to hide it from the beginning.

“Taking suppressors, smoking pheromone cigarettes, and lying that I’m a beta, that’s what made me ridiculous.”

The more I spoke, the more resentment piled up. The excessive use of suppressors, and the cigarettes I didn’t even smoke. The days when I was so desperate to suppress my pheromones that I couldn’t even release them normally.

“Is it only important to you that I lied, and not why I hid it? Have you thought about how hard it’s been for me for the past five years?”

My breathing became ragged. My stomach was churning, and I felt my pheromones surging. As I slowly gasped for breath, Choi Taegyeom crushed me with a cold tone.

“Then why didn’t you tell me beforehand?”

“……”

“When I was worrying about you without knowing anything, when I said it was a relief you weren’t an omega. No, when I was pouring out pheromones without even knowing it was a heat cycle.”

The atmosphere was such that it would shatter if either of us raised our voice. Choi Taegyeom’s pheromones sharpened fiercely, as if they could cut at any moment.

“At least, when that bastard Kim Dohyun knew, you should have told me.”

“What would have changed if I had told you?”

Sparks flew at the corner of my vision. I tried to calm my anger, but emotions burst out to the point where such attempts were futile.

“How could I tell you, who hates omegas so much it’s creepy, that I’m an omega?”

It was unfair to create a situation where I couldn’t speak and then expect me to tell him. It was also unfair to only show his own wounds, without knowing what kind of struggles I had gone through.

“You’re the one who said you wouldn’t even be friends with me if I were an omega. You’re the one who was relieved that I wasn’t an omega.”

“……”

“If I had told you beforehand, what do you think would have been different?”

Would it have been different if I had told him beforehand? If I had told him the truth on the day I presented. What would our relationship be like now?

“Ah, one thing would have been different.”

No matter what hypothesis I made, the end was the same. Whether Choi Taegyeom got angry, or was disappointed in me, or pretended to be okay and moved on. We wouldn’t have remained friends for five years until now.

“We would have been strangers.”

A heavy silence fell. A precarious atmosphere, like walking on ice, lingered around us. It was even more so because Choi Taegyeom’s pheromones had suddenly stopped.

He spoke in a calm voice with a terrifyingly serene expression.

“……It seems you don’t know why I’m angry.”

The corners of his mouth trembled subtly. He seemed to open and close his mouth as if choosing his words. His shallow breaths were trembling wildly.

“I’m not angry because you’re an omega, I’m angry because you deceived me.”

As soon as Choi Taegyeom finished speaking, he twisted his lips. The slightly upturned corners of his mouth formed a sneer I had never seen before.

“You think I’d dislike you just because you’re an omega, someone I’ve known my whole life. But you don’t think that alpha bastard you’ve known for only a month would do something to you?”

It felt like I had been hit in the back of the head. I stammered to open my mouth, but no words came out of my choked throat. My mind went blank, and my vision was filled with a sense of helplessness.

“You worried about telling me you’re an omega and me cutting you off. But you didn’t think that bastard would harm you when you were in heat?”

This was a part I had never considered. I was so preoccupied with avoiding Choi Taegyeom that I couldn’t think of anything else. Even though, as Choi Taegyeom said, Kim Dohyun could have done anything to me in that situation.

“You said not to worry because you’re a beta. You said you couldn’t feel pheromones, so there was no need to erase Kim Dohyun’s pheromones.”

I recalled the words I had said to him. Just a few days ago, the words I had said to comfort him when he was feeling down, hugging him.

“Are the mistakes I made by thinking you were a beta wrong, but the words you said to deceive me aren’t wrong?”

I wanted to say I did it for him. But I couldn’t, because Choi Taegyeom continued his words with an expression that looked like he was about to cry.

“You’re blaming all of it on my trauma, aren’t you?”

I had nothing to say. The surging anger vanished without a trace. I had to say something, but I couldn’t even open my mouth. Choi Taegyeom’s gaze, his expression, all of it was clearly etched in my mind.

“The past five years.”

Choi Taegyeom’s voice was faint, as if it would disappear at any moment. It wasn’t the volume of his voice, but the emotion he was revealing.

“The five years you avoided me by going into a boarding school, going to the military, and pretending not to be home.”

“……”

“Have you thought about how hellish that was?”

I felt ashamed. It felt like I was standing in front of Choi Taegyeom, covered in filth. As if all my flaws had been exposed, and the situation had become irreversible.

“What if something happened, what if I did something wrong, what if he’s really tired of me relying on him now.”

The five years that were painful for me, were hellish for him too. My unannounced disappearance was also a difficult time for Choi Taegyeom.

“He’ll contact me tomorrow, he’ll contact me the day after tomorrow. Next month, next year, no, he’ll contact me once I’m back from the military.”

The more he spoke, the more agitated Choi Taegyeom became. His voice, which he tried to keep calm, was clearly barely suppressed.

“I wrote over a hundred letters when you were in the military.”

I wasn’t the only one overflowing with emotion. He couldn’t control his surging emotions and sprayed pheromones. It was a calm, heavy, melancholic pheromone.

“I went to your house countless times and came back empty-handed every time.”

“……”

“I couldn’t call or text because I thought you’d hate it, but I participated in every school event just in case I might run into you by chance.”

There were many strange things about Choi Taegyeom’s actions. The fact that he missed me but couldn’t actively contact me. The fact that he tried to create coincidences but couldn’t extend his hand himself.

“But you hid because you’re an omega.”

“……”

“You just didn’t trust me, that’s why you did it.”

Something felt wrong. The person I knew, and the reaction I expected, the five years I had imagined for him, were not like this. They weren’t these intensely heavy things.

“Only I’m an idiot for worrying.”

A subtle sense of incongruity arose. The overflowing emotions were purely transmitted to me. Even if the reason filling my mind screamed that it couldn’t be, everything he uttered was clearly conveyed. It was an emotion accompanied by a slight sense of déjà vu.

“……I’m leaving. I can’t stay any longer today.”

He said that and turned his back without hesitation. The medicine bag lying in a corner looked like our tattered emotions. I couldn’t even think of holding him back and just watched his broad shoulders. The intermittently flowing pheromones felt as if they were weeping.

“Don’t come to school, rest. Don’t come out when you can’t even take suppressors for no reason.”

My heart pounded. Was it the effect of the shot again, or were pheromones bursting out from within? No, perhaps it wasn’t just the effect of the shot. The emotions he poured out kept making me think one thing.

“Don’t starve yourself if you don’t have an appetite.”

Perhaps, the longing he felt was similar to mine. Those five years, the emotions I felt were different, but perhaps they were all the same.

“Take your medicine well.”

“……Hey.”

The words I wanted to say lingered in my mouth. Before that, a short call burst out. He, who had bent down to put on his shoes, slowly turned to look at me.

“……”

I knew it wasn’t true. I knew it could never be true. I also knew that asking this was something I shouldn’t do.

“……Perhaps.”

Choi Taegyeom calmly waited for the rest of the sentence. He was holding the doorknob, but he didn’t seem to intend to leave until I uttered the rest of my words. Even after getting so angry, and being so upset, he was still listening to me in this situation.

“You,”

This is why I keep wanting to delude myself. Even though I know it’s a delusion, I want to doubt, and to avoid doubting, I want to ask. Even though I know this is by no means a good question between him and me, I still want to confirm it.

“Do you like me?”

The question that popped out was light. Despite having exchanged such chaotic emotions until now, it was an incredibly peaceful question. Even I, who uttered the words, was bewildered, and Choi Taegyeom, who heard the question, was dumbfounded. Ha, Choi Taegyeom let out a scoff.

“You, really.”

As if to say, “What nonsense is that?” Choi Taegyeom opened the front door with a bewildered smile. Yes, of course not. A question like “Do you like me?” wouldn’t even be worth answering to him.

The moment I thought that and turned my gaze, Choi Taegyeom’s voice pierced my ears.

“You only just realized that?”

I couldn’t answer anything. The front door closed with a bang. Startled belatedly, I got up from the bed, but he was no longer standing in front of the door.

To be continued in the next volume.

Omega Complex Vol. 1