Omega Complex Novel (Completed) - Chapter 18

Kim Dohyun frowned, pressing his lips together. I awkwardly fiddled with my cap, lowering my eyes.

“I told you, I like Choi Taegyeom.”

Even though I liked Choi Taegyeom, I had never dreamed of dating him. For me, relationships were a much heavier matter than I thought, and it was something I couldn’t easily imagine even with someone I liked. Naturally, I couldn’t say yes to Kim Dohyun’s youthful audacity.

“And…”

I hesitated whether to say this or not. Was I adding unnecessary words? Would Kim Dohyun be hurt by my words? Was I reacting too seriously to someone who was barely twenty? Countless worries came to mind, but I chose to speak calmly.

“We haven’t known each other long enough for me to understand why you like me.”

I had never felt any affection for me in Kim Dohyun’s actions. The consideration and interest that should fundamentally accompany the feeling of liking someone. Of those, he had only shown ‘interest,’ hadn’t he?

“You don’t know anything about me, except that I’m an Omega.”

“What’s that…?”

A hollow laugh escaped. Not from me, but from Kim Dohyun. Kim Dohyun covered his eyes with the hand not holding the cigarette and let out a faint sigh. It was a sigh mixed with laughter, but it felt somewhat self-deprecating.

“What does that matter?”

It was a surprisingly confident question. The conditions I mentioned seemed to have no effect on Kim Dohyun. Hoo, Kim Dohyun let out a short breath and inhaled cigarette smoke.

“Because I don’t know the person, I need to get to know them. The moment I feel like I want to get to know them, the conditions for dating are met.”

Cigarette smoke dispersed. The thick smoke momentarily blocked Kim Dohyun and me. Beyond the smoke, his face felt somewhat alien.

“What’s the fun in dating someone you know everything about from the start?”

Slowly, I shifted my gaze. How should I answer? My 고민 was brief.

“Then find someone you can get to know each other with.”

I agree with Kim Dohyun’s statement about needing to get to know someone. However, I didn’t see confession and dating as a challenge. I liked Choi Taegyeom after I had already gotten to know him, and because I knew everything, my feelings didn’t change. Don’t emotions deepen as you get to know the other person?

“Someone your age, not me.”

“…Senior, you’re such an old-fashioned person.”

I lightly touched the back of my head at the words that burst out like a sigh. Even if he called me old-fashioned, there was nothing I could do. That’s just what I thought.

“And I don’t like younger guys.”

“Huh…”

This time, Kim Dohyun truly looked dumbfounded. The light sigh that escaped him seemed to show how bewildered he was. Instead of adding anything, I opened the door to the smoking room. Fortunately, this time Kim Dohyun didn’t try to stop me either.

I had no intention of returning to the table immediately. Choi Taegyeom, whom I had left at the drinking party, weighed on my mind, but it would be better than reeking of cigarette smoke. The place I found after leaving the smoking room was the restroom, and only after washing my hands and rinsing my mouth did a troubled feeling belatedly set in.

I didn’t think Kim Dohyun’s confession was serious. In the first place, he didn’t seem to like me, and he himself said he “didn’t know if it was a romantic interest.” It was just light curiosity, or a fleeting suggestion. It wasn’t the kind of thing that would hurt him if I refused.

Moreover, he was different from the kids I had seen until now. Unlike those who would blush, stammer, and tear up, Kim Dohyun calmly presented his thoughts. It was closer to a unilateral notification than an expression of affection.

‘Tae-Taegyeom!’

Countless confessions came to mind. Of course, the object of the confessions was Choi Taegyeom. Choi Taegyeom, always the center of popularity, received confessions constantly, and I, who was always stuck by him, naturally became a witness to all of them.

‘…I like you.’

The confessions he received were always filled with tension. The person would hesitate for a long time before speaking, and their voice would tremble when they finally did. As if uttering “I like you” was so difficult, they would sometimes look relieved after confessing. And they would add, with trembling voices:

‘I’ve liked you for a long time.’

For a long time, since when exactly did they like Choi Taegyeom?

The lines were similar, but the people were diverse. There were Omegas, Betas, and occasionally even Alphas. Most of them were people I wondered, ‘Where did they even see Choi Taegyeom?‘ so sometimes I didn’t understand the emotions they displayed.

‘If you’re okay with it…’

How can they be so desperate? I couldn’t understand how they could foster feelings that even the person themselves didn’t know about, and then place expectations on them. It was also strange that they had developed such strong feelings without even having a conversation with Choi Taegyeom. I was also curious about why they felt the need to express their carefully hidden feelings now.

‘Will you go out with me?’

But emotions are contagious. A single word filled with desperation has the power to make the observer’s heart pound. It’s as if I become the person involved, completely immersed in the confession being uttered.

‘I’m sorry, but…’

So, the moment Choi Taegyeom uttered words of refusal, my heart shattered. His resolute expression, and his dry voice, instantly crushed my fluttering heart.

‘I have someone I like.’

It felt like I had been rejected. Even though it wasn’t my confession, the calm refusal felt directed at me. Even though I didn’t even like Choi Taegyeom at the time, my heart sank at the words “I have someone I like.” Of course, the person who confessed must have been even more hurt than I was.

I think I was confused. I couldn’t understand why I felt this way at all. No matter how immersed I was, I was just a passing bystander. I couldn’t judge whether I was allowed to feel these emotions.

He had someone he liked?

Suddenly, the question that surged up gradually turned into disappointment. I felt bad, a little let down, and more than that, betrayed. I didn’t like the fact that Choi Taegyeom had relationships I didn’t know about, and though it was childish, it upset me.

‘You got confessed again.’

So I deliberately spoke as if I wasn’t interested. Normally, I would have pretended not to know, but that day I wanted to get to the bottom of it. Choi Taegyeom instinctively frowned, looking a little flustered. After a brief hesitation, he sat down and subtly asked back.

‘…You saw?’

‘Casually.’

I answered nonchalantly, but in truth, I was nervous. My heart pounded, curious about what he would say. What if he told me not to worry about it? No, what if he shyly told me he had someone he liked? Choi Taegyeom being shy, that was something I couldn’t even imagine.

‘You have to say that for them to listen.’

Fortunately, Choi Taegyeom opened his mouth before I could ask anything else. When I didn’t reply, he turned his body towards me and looked at me directly.

‘You have to say you have someone you like for them to give up immediately.’

It didn’t sound like he was lying. It didn’t sound like he was making excuses, nor like he was trying to change the subject. He just continued, as if he truly meant to make the other person give up.

‘You should also refuse that way if someone confesses to you.’

‘…’

‘Say you have someone you like.’

A hollow laugh escaped me. It wasn’t because Choi Taegyeom’s words were absurd. It was because the feeling of disappointment, as if it had never been hurt, melted away. It was out of the blue. Who would confess to me anyway? And to even add advice as if it were a good idea.

‘…Would I even confess?’

Looking back now, it was a very strange emotion. I empathized with the confessor, yet felt relieved seeing the rejection. Even though I was just a friend, I felt upset at the mention of him having someone he liked. Whether it was the disappointment one feels towards a sole friend, or some other emotion, I couldn’t even understand my own complex feelings.

‘You might.’

After that, I witnessed him being confessed to several more times. Choi Taegyeom usually rejected most confessions by saying “I have someone I like,” and each time, the other person turned away without lingering regret. No, to be precise, it was more accurate to say they couldn’t compose themselves enough to show lingering regret. Most of them cried, got angry, or ran away in embarrassment.

‘How does it feel to be confessed to?’

What I hadn’t understood then, I was slowly beginning to understand now. The only way to kill growing emotions is to cut off the overflowing parts. They probably couldn’t control their overflowing emotions and intended to forcibly cut them off. That’s why they pulled out their feelings, even knowing they would be rejected.

‘It’s annoying.’

I can’t forget Choi Taegyeom, who replied like that. How he frowned and sighed, as if truly annoyed. To think that the emotion he felt watching those who cried, laughed, and got angry because they liked him was merely annoyance.

‘…Aren’t you happy?’

‘What’s happy about being confessed to by someone you don’t know?’

Choi Taegyeom said that and lay down on his desk. He rested his head on his right arm and glanced up at me. His bangs, which had fallen down, slightly tickled his eyes.

‘Unless it’s someone I like.’

I thought it was cruel. Emotions could be so one-sided. Feelings could bloom so selfishly. Beyond being regrettable, my chest ached. So I couldn’t say anything and just brushed back his fallen bangs. He closed his eyes happily, and his fine hair intertwined between my fingers.

‘It’s hard.’

‘Hard, my foot.’

Choi Taegyeom spoke in a calm tone. He even smiled faintly with his eyes closed. A gentle voice flowed through his parted lips.

‘I mean, I want to be confessed to by someone I like.’

It was hard to believe he was the same person who had so coldly rejected confessions. He didn’t even have someone he liked. To have that expression, that voice… I thought it was cheating.

‘Why don’t you confess?’

‘Because I don’t have the courage to confess.’

The words about not having courage were not a lie. Having watched him for a long time, I could fully imagine the kind of rejection he would utter. Choi Taegyeom rejects by saying “I have someone I like.” Choi Taegyeom rejects by saying “I don’t like you.” And Choi Taegyeom rejected this by saying “These feelings are burdensome.”

Just watching was painful, and just recalling it was agonizing. Knowing how my feelings would be cut, how could I confess to Choi Taegyeom?

‘I told you, I like Choi Taegyeom.’

If only I could, I wanted to tell him. Kim Dohyun confessed to me, and I rejected him just as he told me to. That his words were an excuse, but mine were sincere. That I rejected him because I liked him.

But conversely, I also wished he didn’t know. If he were to say something like “Good luck” even as a formality, wouldn’t these feelings that grew all alone be too pathetic? Wouldn’t I, who was rejected by mentioning Choi Taegyeom, become a very pathetic person?

The feeling of liking was one, but my thoughts were utterly complex. Since I started liking him, since I realized it was unrequited love, everything had been a bundle of contradictions.