March Novel (Completed) - Seasons of Fate (Oh Seonran Side Story) Part 2

“Oh? What’s that?”

I was idly sitting around, knowing that Number 37 felt burdened by my presence, so I was planning to just play a game today… when a strange object behind him caught my eye. It was a book.

“Can I see it?”

Number 37 nodded obediently. It was a movement so slight it was hard to discern even upon closer inspection, but it was definitely permission.

“Who gave it to you?”

His terribly thin hands fidgeted endlessly. He seemed to want to explain something.

“Ah, my personal adjutant? The older gentleman.”

“……”

“No? Then the instructor with the scar on his forehead? Oh, he gave it to you?”

“……”

“Those rascals aren’t completely clueless. They know who to curry favor with. Right?”

When I joked, Number 37 bowed his head deeply. At first, I thought he was crying because I teased him, but now I know this is what he does when he’s flustered. He doesn’t know what kind of expression to make in such moments, and even just breathing feels awkward, so he acts like that. I naturally came to realize it from seeing him every day.

“Do you like books?”

When I spoke to him again, he nodded so slowly it was infuriating. Yet, Oh Seonran didn’t dislike Number 37’s snail-like pace.

“I see… I didn’t know.”

Since the whereabouts of the broker who brought Number 37 were unknown, there was little information left about him. Moreover, from the moment he was dragged here, not only his resident registration but all records that could trace the subject’s life were deleted. So, at Oh Seonran’s level, there wasn’t much he could find out about Number 37.

If he had been a first-class criminal, he might have been able to find some trace, but since it was a project the hateful Head of State wanted to keep secret to the very end, there were limits to what a mere colonel could do.

He squeezed the researchers for every bit of information he could, but he could only pick up the scraps of Number 37’s misfortune. That his father had been severely defrauded. That his entire family had attempted suicide together, but by some ill luck, only Number 37 survived. And so, all the unbearable debt had been laid upon him.

Oh Seonran idly flipped through a book he had no interest in. He rummaged through it for quite a while, as if Number 37’s heart was written between the fluttering pages, then suddenly brought up an unexpected topic.

“I like books too. My original dream was to be a poet.”

Number 37 had difficulty even responding to normal conversations, so Oh Seonran knew he would be even more flustered by such sudden and heavy talk. Knowing that, he still somehow wanted to confide everything to him. He wanted to confess something, but this was the only thing that came to mind right now.

“There were times I wanted to be a journalist, a film director was good too… I even thought about opening a bookstore in a quiet place…”

Oh Seonran closed his eyes and traced back his passionate youth.

There was a time when his future, wide open like a highway, that luck others yearned for, felt overwhelming and hateful. It was unfair that his life plan was already set, regardless of his own will. And to become a soldier, no less. He had no talent or interest in military science, and above all, the profession of a soldier stood in direct opposition to what Oh Seonran cherished and loved.

“In the end, I was lazy and cowardly, so I ended up just sticking to the military as my family told me to.”

Whenever the adults would lightly click their tongues, saying “that’s just a phase,” he would seethe and vow. Just you wait. I won’t live like you.

But reality was cold. As time passed, he naturally came to realize. That he was just an ordinary person.

The ambition to change the world, the rebellious spirit that spread like wildfire. There was a time when he secretly boasted that it wasn’t easy to have such enlightened thoughts even when born with a diamond spoon, not just a golden one. It was just the intense pain of adolescence that everyone goes through, but back then, he thought that feeling was something very special. Without knowing how harsh the real world was beyond the glass greenhouse his family had carefully built for him, he just talked big.

“Wow, I’ve never told anyone this before.”

He awkwardly laughed at the rush of embarrassment and looked back at Number 37. He… had an unfamiliar expression. He was still expressionless, but what spread across it was, yes, it was a pity.

“This is the first time I’ve seen that expression.”

Oh Seonran also erased his awkward smile and muttered sheepishly.

“So, you’re still not going to tell me your name today?”

Even if other things were difficult, finding out Number 37’s original name wouldn’t be impossible. But he really wanted to hear it from his own lips. He was even holding his ears and enduring whenever the topic came up, just in case the researchers or his adjutants might mention his name. He wanted Number 37 to tell him directly, “My name is so-and-so.” He felt that only then would it have meaning.

“Alright. I’ll stop for today.”

“……”

“Shall I bring you some books tomorrow?”

“……”

“Still, it’s good when I talk to you like this, isn’t it? Better than me just sleeping around or playing games next to you.”

A faint red streak appeared on his papery white nape, which hadn’t seen light for a long time. Oh Seonran gazed at the scarlet flush spreading like a fever, then quickly turned his head. A soft, reddish glow, just like his, was gently spreading across his own earlobe.

“Phew, I didn’t know what you’d like, so…”

When he casually put down several shopping bags, Number 37 endlessly circled Oh Seonran. He seemed flustered. If he could speak, he would surely have said, “I don’t need this much.”

“I just picked out a few random ones for now.”

It was a lie. He had carefully chosen books primarily sought by people with troubled hearts. But if he told the truth, Number 37 would hesitate and try to hide again.

He filtered out any material that might trigger Number 37’s trauma, such as stories about children or books with military themes. He also excluded all psychology books dealing with mutism, fearing he might seem to be pressuring him to speak.

“This is a collection of classic folklore, and they say stories so detached from reality are light reads. Oh, everything in this bag is related to psychology, but they’re not too difficult. You can read them easily when you’re bored.”

“……”

“Everything in here is religious literature.”

Number 37, who had been standing awkwardly beside Oh Seonran, tentatively reached out his hand. It was only for a moment, but Number 37 showed the most diverse reactions he had ever displayed. He flinched at the cover depicting a fearsome monster, and he buried his nose in the shopping bag containing psychology books, rummaging through it for a long time. He didn’t seem particularly interested in religion, as he didn’t take them all out, only picking up the book on top and examining it. It was a Buddhist text.

“Is there anything you like?”

Number 37, who had been quickly scanning the inside, paused at one section. His gaze was so intense it seemed he would be sucked into the book. What was he concentrating on so much? Curious, Oh Seonran also approached him.

“Let’s see. ‘When the season’s destiny arrives…'”

Among the pages Number 37 was looking at, there was a famous phrase that caught his eye. It was a passage often quoted in the media when depicting fated encounters, but to Oh Seonran, it wasn’t a very romantic story. It meant that those who are meant to meet will eventually meet, and those who are meant to part will part when the time comes. Didn’t it also mean that there’s a natural order that humans cannot control, so struggling is useless?

“Hmm, this is…”

Oh Seonran, who was about to tease Number 37 for being a little cute, soon stroked his chin with a serious expression. This seemed like a bad choice… Wouldn’t Number 37 interpret it as his misfortune being unavoidable?

“Uhm. Shall we look at another book instead?”

“……”

“Wait, are you… crying?”

The book Number 37 was holding fell limply. He seemed as surprised as a flustered Oh Seonran. Ah. Number 37 gasped, opening his mouth slightly, and frantically pressed his wet eyes and cheeks. He looked bewildered, as if he didn’t know why he was crying, which also flustered Oh Seonran. He hadn’t even blinked when they talked about disposal… Was this really that touching? Or was it sad?

“Do you believe in Buddhism?”

The question he finally managed to utter was like that. But Number 37’s tears seemed filled with regret and sorrow rather than the relief of finding a spiritual refuge. Oh Seonran bent down and picked up the book from the floor.

“Season’s destiny… Destiny, huh.”

“……”

“Is there someone you want to see… um, a lover…?”

“……”

“Ah, not that? Then a friend? Or family, ah…”

Oh Seonran, who had been rambling whatever came to mind, realized his mistake and clamped his mouth shut. Number 37’s family was all dead. As the price for being the sole survivor, Number 37 had been wandering this hell ever since.

Oh Seonran bit his lip, blaming himself. He had been about to boast loudly that if Number 37 just told him his family’s names, he would immediately find out the news. He felt disgusted by his own insensitivity.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I just…”

As he belatedly tried to apologize, Number 37 took a deep breath. His thin chest swelled considerably. He seemed to have made some great decisions.

“Huh?”

Number 37, with a resolute face, suddenly grabbed Oh Seonran’s hand.

“What’s wrong?”

What was this? Oh Seonran’s narrowly squinted eyes slowly widened. His slender, chopstick-like fingers hesitated, almost tracing a line on his hand. He seemed to be trying to communicate by writing. Of course, it wasn’t easy, and his face was paler than usual, but the important thing was that he showed the will to move on his own.

And the words Number 37 painstakingly wrote after hesitating for a long time with his finger pressed down. That grand sentence that made him do something he never did…

“…Baby?”

“……”

“Ah, the baby you gave birth to… um, that baby?”

Oh, dear. Oh Seonran repeatedly wiped his mouth with his other hand. Was he crying so bitterly because he realized the child wasn’t his destiny?

He didn’t know how the child came to be, but it probably wasn’t a touching or beautiful story. No matter how indifferent he was to the goings-on, Oh Seonran was also a dog of the military, and he knew better than anyone how those with rank treated the lower classes. That’s why he deliberately hadn’t asked… He must have been missing the child.

Oh Seonran bit his lip. What could I say here to make you stop crying? No, do I even have the right to? I am one of those responsible for this hell you’re stuck in, and I can’t even begin to fathom the depth of your loneliness, pain, sorrow… your suffering, no matter how the child came to be, you wanted to cherish it.

“…Shall I find them?”

Barely pushing back the ugly poison rising to his throat, an impulsive question burst out. With tears still clinging to his swollen eyes, Number 37 stared blankly up at Oh Seonran.

“Your child. I’ll find them.”

“……”

“So, don’t cry.”

He was clearly an unappealing man. Not even that handsome. Just pale and sickly, but… Oh Seonran felt as if he had been forever trapped in his deep, distant eyes, which had lost focus at some point.

Number 37’s lips parted several times. Oh Seonran hesitated, then patted his weary back. The touch of the young master, who had never comforted anyone, was incredibly awkward.

“I can track down the brokers. Of course, since I have to do it on my own without involving my family, it might take some time…”

Number 37’s body, which he was half-hugging, was surprisingly warm. He had imagined that with his pale complexion, his body temperature would be cool, but even though he was terribly thin, Number 37 was just as warm as ordinary people. Ordinarily hot.

“Season’s destiny, that’s a good phrase, so only think of it in a good way.”

This was also a lie. He still thought it was a cruel and cold phrase, then and now. But he didn’t want to see Number 37 cry. He wanted him to at least awkwardly smile.

“So let’s believe. That even though we’re separated now, we’re destined to meet again. That we can definitely find the child…”

From Number 37 in his arms came a scent like that of a library filled with books. A clean and gentle aroma emanating from a serene building bathed in sunlight. He knew well that such a fresh, dry scent couldn’t come from a musty underground solitary cell. But sometimes, some scents are felt not by the nose, but by the heart. And so, they are etched forever.

“How is it? Pretty, isn’t it?”

Number 37, who had been examining the various Christmas decorations hanging on the wall, then awkwardly nodded.

He was still terribly thin, but he had put on some weight compared to before. His pale skin was also regaining a bit of luster. Perhaps it was due to being constantly fed, or perhaps his mind was a little more at ease… In any case, all the reasons were him.

Especially after he promised to find the child, Number 37 changed noticeably. He was still expressionless and slow to react, but he began to express himself in his own way. He would write on Oh Seonran’s hand or on the floor, asking various things, and he would show interest when new objects were brought in.

The biggest change was that Number 37 began to wait for him like a tamed fox. There was a time when he had a mandatory meeting, so he arrived a little later than usual. He hadn’t imagined that Number 37 would be waiting for him, so he opened the door vigorously without much thought, as usual… and with a tremendous thud, a paper-doll-like body swayed and fell backward. He had hit his forehead on the door. …He had been lingering by the door the whole time, waiting for him.

“Aren’t you cold?”

The room wasn’t chilly, thanks to Oh Seonran and his quick-witted subordinates bringing in various equipment. In fact, a warm breeze circulated, making it slightly dry. He asked, knowing full well. “Aren’t you cold?” was their private signal.

When he opened his arms, Number 37 awkwardly embraced him. They just held each other, like animals sharing warmth, pressed close. Very occasionally, when he adjusted his hold on him, his lips would brush his forehead. At such times, he disliked the sudden awkwardness, so he playfully kissed his eyelids, pressed their cheeks together, and nipped his nose. That was all. There were no further sexual acts.

It would be a lie to say he felt no desire. He didn’t know what it was about that stick-like body that moved him, but sometimes he wanted to cross the line with Number 37. But Number 37, who followed him around like a duckling seeing its mother for the first time, was cute. He liked how his empty, doll-like eyes became clear only when they looked at him. He was adorable… That overflowing affection overwhelmingly overcame any base sexual desire.

“Oh, about the child. I think I’ve found a clue. They say they fell into the hands of some brokers quite famous in human trafficking… but there’s still hope. The guys who mostly operated abroad have been seen frequently outside the city walls lately.”

“……”

“The whereabouts of the discarded, no, abandoned test subjects are managed more strictly than I thought, so I was a bit late too.”

Not borrowing his family’s name imposed many restrictions, but he was trying his best. In the process, he also vaguely learned Number 37’s real name. He had no intention of letting on. Boasting about something he didn’t want to talk about would only strengthen the wall in his heart. More than anything, he wanted to hear it directly from his lips. “My name is so-and-so. Please call me this, not Number 37.”

“It’s just talk from small fry, so it’s not certain, but they say there was a widespread rumor about a baby that didn’t respond to injections, asking if anyone would take them.”

“……”

“It might not be exactly the same as you, but the constitution seems roughly similar. Anyway, the characteristics are clear, so I think we can find them quickly. For now, I’ve ordered them to upload all information on children without resident registration, focusing on orphans.”

And Oh Seonran paused for a moment. Was it better for the child to be confined and raised in a laboratory with Number 37, who gave birth to them, or to live a miserable life sold to brokers? From the child’s perspective, which would be the less painful choice? As the only son born into a prestigious military family, he dared not offer any words on this matter. Words like “I understand” or “I’m sorry”… any comfort would be nothing but deception. So…

“Just a casual question…”

He planned to spirit away the child with Number 37 once he found them. After all, he was keeping him alive on a whim. Since it hadn’t caused any major problems so far, he thought he could do this much within his authority.

As soon as they got out of here, he would make sure they received sufficient treatment at a hospital, and then he would arrange new identities for them. He would also find them a place to live and a job. Honestly, he wanted to say, “What job, just live off my money,” but that would burden him, so he planned to tackle that issue slowly.

Anyway, he wanted to ask. If he helped him get out, would he be willing to accept the help? No, even if he wasn’t, he wanted him to agree, that’s what he was going to say…

“…Want to live together?”

A sudden question burst out. It was completely different from what he had planned. But once he said it out loud, the desire to do so overflowed, making him wonder why he hadn’t thought of it sooner. He wanted to stay together. He wanted to escape these gray walls and face his face under real sunlight.

“Let’s run away.”

Let’s get out of here together. At his quiet whisper, Number 37’s large eyes trembled like a candle in the wind. He was crying with his whole body, even though no tears fell.

No matter how immature Oh Seonran was, he wasn’t a child. Even if he succeeded in eloping with him right now, would there ever be a way to permanently avoid the military and his family’s eyes? Right now, Number 37 relies only on him, but… would he, stripped of the wealth and power that had been as natural as breathing since birth, and even casting aside the facade of a colonel, still possess any charm? No, he wasn’t even confident that his own feelings wouldn’t change. Where in the world was there eternal love? But…

“I want to live together. With you and your child… like humans, in peace.”

Even if it meant living day to day in a shabby place, he wanted to be somewhere they could be free, according to their own will. If things didn’t work out, they could put their heads together and worry. And sometimes they might fight, but the next day, they’d lay out small side dishes and comfort each other again. On nights when he slept, he would write shameful poems filled with affection that he couldn’t show him, and so, reliving the youthful recklessness of their young days… he wished they could call that shared memories.

“Number 37, you… make me want to live like that.”