March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 89

Gi Taejeong gazed at the shopping bag on the table, then turned away as if without any lingering attachment. Just as Sehwa had done a moment ago.

“Call Lieutenant Na to my quarters. Do you happen to have blood collection tools? I want to use them right now.”

“They’re in the car, but…”

“Bring them, no. We’ll do it on the way.”

“Excuse me, Brigadier General… May I ask what happened?”

Lieutenant Park asked cautiously.

He understood that Sehwa had left in an abnormal way… but it was hard to believe that Gi Taejeong had willingly allowed him to leave. Even if he was planning to bring him back, given his superior’s personality, he would have held onto Sehwa even if he cried and begged to be let go.

“Sehwa drugged me.”

“…Yes?”

“Hesta, Allion, Tyrant. All three mixed, about 30mL.”

As Gi Taejeong listed the names of the drugs, the faces of the two adjutants were filled with horror. Mixing three deadly substances. And 30mL… it was enough to kill an ordinary person several times over.

“B-but… he might have just said that and used different drugs in reality, couldn’t he?”

Lieutenant Park’s face hardened, and he said nothing, while Sergeant Choi stammered, desperately trying to defend Sehwa.

“If he hadn’t used those drugs, in that dosage, I wouldn’t have lost my mind and collapsed.”

“But… that wasn’t, that wasn’t his intention. Sehwa knows that you’re a bit different from ordinary people. He must have been sure it wouldn’t be fatal…”

“That was his intention, exactly.”

Gi Taejeong casually stuffed the piece of paper he had been holding in his hand ever since he woke up into his pocket.

“He chose these potent drugs, thinking it wouldn’t matter if I died.”

“…Brigadier General.”

“Lieutenant Park.”

“Yes.”

“Proceed with the pregnant woman’s guardian registration process as planned. We could do it without Sehwa’s consent anyway, couldn’t we?”

“That’s true, but…”

The deadline had long passed. Still, he waited without rushing. He knew Sehwa well, how he would shrink whenever this topic came up, which was why he hadn’t said a word until now.

If the guardian registration period passed, a fine would be imposed daily. It was a trifling sum for Gi Taejeong, but for Sehwa, it was an amount large enough to make him faint. He had been quietly handling it without showing any sign, fearing that Sehwa might be pressured to register quickly if he found out.

He wanted to hear Sehwa ask him to be the guardian. He wanted to see Sehwa write his name on the document with his own hands and smile as he looked back. But if this was how it was going to be.

“…I should have gotten a ring instead of shoes.”

Gi Taejeong narrowed his eyes slightly and curved one hand to form a semicircle. Was Sehwa’s ankle about this big? Then he drew a small cylinder with both hands and twisted it this way and that. His neck circumference seemed to be about this much… And what about his dick size?

Gi Taejeong’s grip tightened on his hands as he traced and kneaded the phantom afterimages. He planned to create the most luxurious ornaments the world had ever seen for Sehwa, who would soon be in his grasp. He would lavishly embed expensive jewels that suited his pretty face, adorn him from head to toe, and not let him take a single step out of the bedroom.

“If I had marked him as mine everywhere, he wouldn’t have had time for such absurd thoughts.”

Sehwa had said he didn’t know how Gi Taejeong’s attitude had changed from the beginning, or what feelings he harbored now. Then it was time to make him realize. If he put shackles on both his ankles and neck, tightened his penis root so he couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone, and didn’t even give him a gown, then he would know.

“Brigadier General, please calm down a little…”

“I’m perfectly calm.”

The past, when he was elated all day as if on drugs, was the real problem; now, he was as clear as if he had been doused with ice water. Both his mind and his vision.

Ultimately, Sehwa would remain by his side of his own free will.

Gi Taejeong was confident he could find out how Sehwa escaped the house, where he was staying now, who he had contacted, and what he had eaten, all within a day.

It would be an utter misfortune for Sehwa, but Gi Taejeong was a person accustomed to the blood-drying pursuit of the hunted. Moreover, Sehwa was merely a civilian. Even if he was a notorious drug dealer born and raised in a den of criminals, he couldn’t beat a soldier. So…

“…Ah.”

Gi Taejeong, who had been walking unhesitatingly, suddenly closed his eyes tightly at the surge of nausea.

More than Sehwa calling him a monster, or saying it didn’t matter if he died…

The request not to like someone else in the future, Sehwa’s tearful self-mockery asserting that Gi Taejeong would soon forget everything and live well anyway, the final declaration that he no longer had feelings for him to the point of talking about a future with another person…

Sharp needles and blades kept slicing at Gi Taejeong’s heart.

Sehwa, with a glum expression, filled a pot with water. The old stove sputtered and gasped before finally igniting a flame.

He hadn’t found work today either.

No one trusted him enough to hire him. No matter how hard he pleaded that he had done everything imaginable, everyone pushed him out the door, saying his voice, heard through the gas mask, was too young. A scolding that a child shouldn’t be here was a bonus.

If he started by saying he was here to pay off debt, that he would die if he couldn’t earn money, they would show a little interest, but then they would click their tongues when they saw his pale, thin hands, wondering what use they were.

He knew well where the drug dens in Zone 2 were. He also knew very well that he could easily earn money by subtly luring them. All he had to do was mix the drugs they had in various ways and help them administer it a few times. Then they would come begging him to mix drugs for them, money in hand. Compared to dealing with customers in the house, it wasn’t even work.

Still… he didn’t want to make a living that way. There was a calculation that rumors would spread and it would be dangerous, but he also didn’t want to do it for the sake of the baby in his belly. What was the point of eating well and sleeping comfortably in a warm place that way?

“Ha…”

According to his original plan, he should have moved lodging today. He knew that simultaneously listing his name at various accommodations to confuse his pursuers was a basic principle of escape. So he had planned to gather daily wages and move accommodations as needed…

He wasn’t completely out of money. Fortunately, the smuggler had safely brought Sehwa to Zone 2 and even politely requested an additional trade.

What he offered in exchange for the badge were a few gas masks, spare clothes, a few packs of ramen, and some cash. It was a meager amount, far less than the value of a single badge, but it was desperately needed.

If it had been a request from the fence, who was eager to put the item on the market, he would have refused, but with the smuggler, it felt okay. He was someone who knew the value of the item better than anyone. He wouldn’t use it immediately without being told. He would cherish it and only take it out when absolutely necessary. That was enough.

So, even though he had more leeway than at first… it wasn’t enough to live idly for three weeks or more. He had to find work somehow.

“Wow, this time I really boiled it well.”

The spicy ramen broth filled the old kitchen. Sehwa deliberately mumbled in an excited voice. Saying it out loud somehow made him feel better.

If he thought it was a cherry and chewed it, it sometimes tasted like a real cherry, and if he imagined it was strawberry flavored, it seemed to taste like that too.

Sehwa roughly wiped the sticky communal dining table and plopped down in his seat. He made sure to memorize the locations of the back door and windows, listened for any sounds outside for a moment, and only then, feeling relieved, picked up his spoon.

The baby was a bit fussy. Was it because he had only eaten luxurious things until now? He kept nagging Sehwa, craving expensive foods that were hard to find even in Zone 4, let alone Zone 2.

Forcing down the ramen broth he was already sick of, Sehwa recalled the first cherry he had eaten. Then, inevitably, the owner of the hand that had given him fruit came to mind. Gi Taejeong’s face, smiling faintly as he looked at him as if he were precious, and his low voice calling out “Lee Sehwa,” washed over him like waves, and then…

In the end, he could do nothing but stare blankly at his own idleness reflected in the cheap spoon.

It was unbelievable that just a short while ago, he had slept with that man in a spacious two-story house, on a huge, soft bed from which he couldn’t fall off no matter how much he rolled. It felt like a lie that he had woken up with a pounding heart, unable to hide his growing affection each day.

“…Eggs, hmm, ramen tastes better with eggs?”

He tried to change the subject, but it backfired. Mumbling to the empty air, Sehwa finally dropped his head.

Gi Taejeong… was it so hard for him to say “I’m sorry”? The overflowing emotions and memories constantly made Sehwa’s knees buckle.

Hearing scoldings like “you’re useless, go back,” and curling up in a musty room, an unbearable sense of self-loathing would wash over him…

“…Should I buy eggs for dinner even if I don’t find work? I have that much emergency money, at least.”

Whenever that happened, Sehwa spoke to the baby even more intimately. He didn’t want to break down like this; he wanted to endure somehow.

His heart, which had been running on sweet illusions, had lost its way, and if he didn’t cling to something immediately, he felt like he would lose his mind.

Yet, he dared not utter words like “I’ll give birth to you,” “I’ll be good to you,” “I’m your dad.” He would just mumble meaningless things to his thin belly and eventually fall into a shallow, almost fainting sleep.

“Actually, I… always wondered? Why did my parents have me…? But now I think I understand a little.”

Every time he was reminded that he wasn’t alone, his fear subsided.

He would jump up at the slightest sound from outside, or curl up completely, and then, if he felt nothing, he would finally breathe a sigh of relief, sweating coldly. It was a wonder he hadn’t had a nervous breakdown.

In the midst of all this, talking to the baby in his belly brought some calm. When he recalled the tiny, jelly-like body on the ultrasound screen, and the diligently thumping heart, the corners of his mouth would unconsciously turn up.

It was strange. This child carried the blood of a man he now hated, yet because of him, he could still endure.

Now that he knew the baby had eyes to see and ears to hear, he quickly abandoned any nasty thoughts that surged up. Even though he knew there was an easy way, he resolved to earn money in a somewhat honest way. Even though he was sick of eating only two meals a day, and only ramen, for several days, he could resist the temptation to easily extort money from drug addicts.

“Thank you, because you’re here…”

When he thought of the child who would have lived a much happier life if he hadn’t come to him, he felt sorry, but…

“…Still, I feel like I’m still living like a human being…”

Sehwa unnecessarily patted his still flat belly. Perhaps because of the ramen, it sounded more watery than before.

After thoroughly washing the pot, whose bottom was scorched black, Sehwa gazed out of the kitchen for a long time, then cautiously moved.

The sky outside, though it was daytime, was completely black. Like the bottom of the old pot. The fire had been put out long ago, but they said it was like this because a significant amount of harmful substances had been burned without any precautions.

“…Should I give you a name too?”

Sehwa, looking at the black dust clinging to the window, suddenly asked the baby in his belly without realizing it.

It was a bit absurd and embarrassing to suddenly make this decision while looking at the ominously black outside from a shabby motel room… But anyway, thanks to this baby, Sehwa could, even in this situation, not give up on the “proof of existence as a person” he had yearned for his entire life.

“Yes, instead of just saying thank you…”

Now they were in a relationship where they would die together, and calling him “you” or “baby” felt a bit strange.

Sehwa curled up and became lost in thought.

He wanted to give him a good and beautiful name if possible. Giving nicknames was not something to be taken lightly. Sam-wol-i, Sakura, Hong-dan-i… how small he had felt because of those pathetic nicknames.

In that sense, he absolutely hated the flower that was the origin of his own name. Even if the word “flower” wasn’t directly in it, anything that reminded him of flowers was out.

“Then what should I do…? Ha-neul-i (Sky)? Haet-sal-i (Sunshine)?”

Sehwa rubbed his cheek against his knee and counted the things he liked. But the sky… everything up there seemed to belong to Gi Taejeong. Moments when he flew through the sky with him kept coming to mind, so he decided to exclude all of them.

“Forest? Tree?”

He turned his gaze to the ground. He had recited it reflexively, but after saying it, it didn’t seem bad either. Sehwa nodded slightly. Yes, something strong like a tree that wouldn’t budge even in a typhoon would be better than a weak, pathetic flower.

“But Seup-a (Forest-y), this pronunciation is a bit difficult, ah… Sae-ssak (Sprout)…?”

Sehwa, who had been contemplating if there was a prettier nickname for a dense tree, suddenly thought of a cute word and lifted his head sharply.

“Sae-ssak…”

For something improvised, he quite liked it. No, the more he thought about it, the better it got. A brave sprout, small now, but with the potential to become anything later.

“…Sae-ssak.”

He quietly called out to the tiny, bean-like baby, whose existence he still couldn’t feel, but who had grown a little more.

“Sae-ssak, can you hear me?”

It was strange. Just giving him a nickname, not even a real name, made a warm feeling, which he had been trying to ignore, bubble up like a spring.