March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 87

“Lee Sehwa.”

Ignoring Gi Taejeong’s call, Sehwa picked up a syringe from his bag. He removed the cap and shook it, and a drop of medicine pooled at the tip of the needle. It was a dark pink, like blood diluted slightly with water.

In a warzone, one inevitably experiences all sorts of situations, so Gi Taejeong thought he was well-versed in every possible emergency. He prided himself on having encountered most medicines and treatments. Yet, even he had never seen a drug of such an ominous color.

“It’s a mixture of sleep aids: Hesta, Allion, and Tyranjeong.”

“…What?”

“……”

“What did you just say? Tyranjeong?”

At Sehwa’s unexpected declaration, his heart pounded like someone was beating a drum next to his ear.

He knew, if nothing else, how dangerous Tyranjeong was. It was a drug chosen by soldiers driven to suicide by post-traumatic stress disorder. Even a taste of half a teaspoon could be extremely dangerous depending on the person; in some cases, it was classified as a poison. And he was holding that much of it…

“Please clear everyone outside.”

Sehwa pressed his index and middle fingers firmly near the crook of his arm, expertly locating a vein.

“What the hell are you trying to do?”

Gi Taejeong’s gaze flickered between the thin arm wrapped in a patch and the syringe in Sehwa’s hand. He couldn’t believe what Sehwa’s actions implied.

Surely Lee Sehwa wasn’t…

“I’m not joking.”

Was he threatening to die in front of me?

“I wanted to pretend we were intimate… then ambush you, stab you with the syringe, and watch you explode in rage….”

“……”

“It won’t work.”

Sehwa shook his head, fiddling with the syringe’s plunger.

“…I don’t even have the energy to put that much effort into you anymore.”

Gi Taejeong, who had been momentarily frozen by the sharp words, widened his eyes at Sehwa’s next action.

“Lee Sehwa!”

Sehwa was trying to inject the needle into his own body.

“Don’t come closer.”

Unable to remain calm, Gi Taejeong took a few steps, closing the distance, when Sehwa warned him in an impossibly serene voice.

“Clear everyone outside, too.”

“……”

“You might not care if I die or not, but the child isn’t involved, is he?”

The possibility that the patch was fake, the likelihood that the drug wasn’t real… Gi Taejeong quickly calculated various scenarios.

Subduing Sehwa himself would, of course, not be difficult. In terms of size or strength, Sehwa could never defeat him. However… what if, in the process, that unknown substance entered Sehwa’s bloodstream? If it truly was a dangerous sleeping drug mixed like a poison, that frail body, wrapped in a patch, wouldn’t be able to withstand it.

“…Lee Sehwa.”

That faint possibility paralyzed Gi Taejeong.

“Still not enough?”

“……”

“I’m just standing here, watching you, wondering what if your crude trick is actually real, damn it….”

“……”

“And you still don’t know my feelings?”

Though the plunger wasn’t pressed and the drug wasn’t injected, the aimed needle kept precariously scraping Sehwa’s skin. Red lines appeared on his pale skin. A few more brushes like that, and he might actually bleed. Sehwa, with his unpredictable constitution, could be in danger from even that much.

“…So what?”

“……, What?”

“Why should I… know your feelings?”

Sehwa, who had narrowed his eyes and was attempting a sharp retort, finally cried.

“Why do I… have to know something like that?”

“……”

“What changes if I know that now, after all this time?”

Sehwa continued to mumble under his breath, words so soft they were hard to catch if one didn’t listen closely.

“If that’s how it was going to be, then you should have told me sooner, much sooner….”

…If only Sehwa had lost his temper and attacked him. If he had at least cursed him out, Gi Taejeong felt he could have been firm. But Sehwa’s voice, the most pathetic he had ever heard… made it utterly impossible to treat him roughly as before.

“…Tell the people outside to go into the waiting rooms on each floor. This is my last warning.”

Sehwa, trembling faintly as if in a spasm, lifted one shoulder and roughly wiped his wet face with his forearm, then cleared his throat and spoke. As if he no longer wanted to show weakness.

“Tell them not to come out, no matter what, until you give the order.”

And in that unwavering gaze, Gi Taejeong read Sehwa’s sincerity.

It was real. This person truly wanted to leave him. Clutching the thin lifeline he had barely twisted out of his miserable life over three short days, he was trying to distance himself from him.

“…Haha.”

Gi Taejeong, who had been standing face-to-face with Sehwa, staring at him as if in a standoff, laughed involuntarily out of sheer absurdity.

“I must truly… be possessed by something.”

Otherwise, he couldn’t explain this situation.

This wasn’t something he should let go of so easily. In District 4, he should have tightened his control even more the moment he heard that nonsense about wanting to rest for a few days out of his sight.

In fact, deep down, such thoughts had taken root. Yet, he had deliberately ignored the dark whispers of his heart and let Sehwa have his way.

He just… wanted to do something for him. Sehwa’s depression was that pitiable. So, knowing it was an action he would never normally take, he had let him go.

Normally, he would have kept the CCTV on and monitored him whenever there was a chance. Strangers like fences entering? Unthinkable.

But… Sehwa had cried.

He had cried endlessly because the cookies he was going to give him were all crushed, and it was heartbreaking to see him shedding tears miserably after being pushed around by people. And a little bit, he felt sorry too.

But what? After turning him half-crippled, now he didn’t care about his feelings at all?

“…Lieutenant Park.”

Gi Taejeong, who had been swallowing down the surge of emotions, finally pressed the call button on his watch. Click, the sound of metal meeting body heat, that fleeting moment felt terribly long.

• Yes, General.

…There was nothing he could do. What if something went wrong with that? Damn it, the kid wasn’t his concern, but he couldn’t bear to see Sehwa get into trouble.

“Everyone, move to the house with waiting rooms on each floor.”

• Yes?

“Not a single one left out, everyone. Don’t come out until I give the order again.”

So, in the end, he recited exactly what Sehwa wanted.

• …Understood.

Though the order was inexplicable, Lieutenant Park didn’t object in the end. After all, a superior’s command was absolute, and he seemed to view it rather calmly, wondering what Gi Taejeong was up to with Sehwa.

“Are you satisfied now?”

Gi Taejeong ground his teeth, taking another step closer to Sehwa. The gleaming needle, looking as if it would pierce his forearm at any moment, became clearer, and he felt a surge of fury. He should have attacked him, tried to stab him, but to use his own body like this, this crazy bastard…

“But you, running away like this won’t solve anything.”

Still, Gi Taejeong didn’t give up and tried to persuade Sehwa.

This was a person who had desperately wanted to live. Unlike others who merely survived outside the city walls, he had endured this far with sheer stubbornness, wanting to cross into the upper districts and live well.

He doubted Sehwa would truly plan to die, so a rational approach seemed better.

“You’ll only be doing Lieutenant Kim a favor.”

“……”

“It’ll be hard to believe right now… and yes, you’re angry… but if you stay by my side,”

“I’d rather be caught by Lieutenant Kim and die a dog’s death.”

“…What?”

“I’d rather die by Lieutenant Kim’s hand than be with you.”

Sehwa, with a stern face, gestured with his chin towards the sofa where Gi Taejeong had been sitting.

“There’s something hidden behind the cushion.”

“……”

“Take it out, and take it.”

It was the most harmless and gentle threat he had ever heard in his life. It was absurdly kind, yet it delivered a blow more devastating than anything else.

Gi Taejeong felt something shatter inside him and patted his chest. To die by Lieutenant Kim’s hand rather than be with him… The more he replayed those words, the bitter taste rose sharply in his throat.

“I told you to find it and take it.”

Feeling somewhat dazed, Gi Taejeong reached behind the cushion as Sehwa instructed. As he swept his hand, his fingertips brushed against a small glass bottle. Inside the reagent bottle, which resembled an ampoule, was the same color of medicine as the liquid sloshing in the syringe Sehwa held.

“…Lee Sehwa.”

“……”

“This, it looks like the same drug you’re holding.”

“……”

“And you’re telling me to drink this.”

“…Yes.”

“You just said to yourself how potent this mixture of sleep aids is….”

“……”

“And you want me to drink it?”

Of course, he wouldn’t die from drinking it. Gi Taejeong wasn’t called an immortal on the battlefield for nothing. While his constitution wasn’t as directly linked to cause and effect as Sehwa’s, he and all the military personnel had an unfounded belief: that bastard Gi Taejeong, even if you kill him, he’ll never die.

Moreover, he never responded well to sleeping pills of any kind. He had never swallowed this much at once, but he had already tried all commercially available types beyond their limits. As a child, it was because he wanted to sleep that badly, and as an adult, it was because he was always a target for others.

So, even if he drank that, he might fall asleep for a while, but he wouldn’t die. However…

“…Did you want to kill me?”

He found it hard to believe that the person who handed him this drug was none other than Lee Sehwa.

“If you wanted to, you should have chosen poison, not just some sleeping pills.”

“……”

“Even I don’t know if I’d actually die if I drank poison.”

Sehwa, with a calm face, stared intently at Gi Taejeong, who was gritting his teeth and speaking. He no longer flinched or watched his reactions. He simply calmly aimed the needle somewhere on his arm.

“I know. You said it yourself, that you’re a monster.”

“…What?”

“…So, I thought you wouldn’t die.”

Monster?

Lee Sehwa called me that?

“You, now….”

Monster. In truth, that word itself didn’t wound Gi Taejeong.

However, the slight grimace on Sehwa’s face as he uttered that word, the suffering he couldn’t hide even in this state… felt utterly genuine.

Though it clearly went against his nature and was difficult for him, Sehwa wanted to hurt him, wanted to leave him… and beyond that, he wanted him to die.

At some point, his relationship with Sehwa could no longer be explained by the logic of power dynamics. The weight of their exchanged words was determined not by the form of packaged language, but by the weight of their hearts.

So, the insult “monster,” which he had scoffed at when heard from others, that childish taunt… when it poured from Sehwa’s lips, it carried a killing power greater than any weapon, aiming to shatter Gi Taejeong.

“Ah… yes.”

Gi Taejeong took off his hat and threw it aside. He had only bothered to wear it because Sehwa seemed to like it; he didn’t usually bother with his dress cap.

“Still, it’s unexpected. For someone who hates the sight of me so much, to still give me a slight opening.”

“……”

“If it were me, I would have chosen a drug that was absolutely irreversible.”

He didn’t know anymore. His insides were so messed up he couldn’t tell what emotion this was.

The anger of having acted like an idiot, unlike his usual self, intoxicated, elated, as if struck by a fever from the first taste of sweetness. The foolishness of being unable to hold onto him, even while being told to just drop dead. And the hollow self-reproach that perhaps Lee Sehwa wouldn’t have found out about all this in such a way…

All tangled together, preventing Gi Taejeong from being Gi Taejeong.

“Being angry enough to want to kill someone… that’s something you can only do if you have the heart for it.”

“……”

“You wouldn’t know who habitually dispose of people.”

Those words were true. Sehwa felt no satisfaction. He wasn’t happy.

He had never wished for a cool revenge, but he didn’t need any of it; he just wanted to disappear from this place quickly. Even in this situation, the foolish heart deep inside, whispering to give him a chance to explain, was dreadful and pathetic.

The needle kept pricking various spots on his arm, stinging. Blood wasn’t flowing yet, but drops were forming here and there. At this rate, it would be hard to inject it in one go even if something really happened…

More than anything, Gi Taejeong, who was staring intently at him from a fairly close distance, would likely notice that he wasn’t as calm as he seemed. No, he might have already noticed. Yet, his hand kept clenching. He couldn’t hide how ungracefully it trembled.

Such a silence, as if the ground beneath his feet would collapse, continued for a long time. Sehwa, who had been holding firm, finally couldn’t bear it and shook his head briefly to overcome the surging dizziness.

And then, finally, Gi Taejeong moved.

His hand, as he opened the cap, was rough. Gi Taejeong wiped away a bit of the drug that had splashed onto his cheek with his thumb. He looked at his wet hand for a moment, then, without another word, he poured the sleeping pills into his mouth in one go. All of them.

…And that was it. Sehwa slowly lowered the hand holding the syringe.

Was it… a relief?

Compared to the three days of anxiety, it was absurdly uneventful. He had thought he might throw a pathetic tantrum and complain miserably about how determined he had been to like him, and how miserable he had become now… He had expected to lay bare his heart and cry ugly tears.

The empty bottle, thrown to the floor, rolled far away somewhere. The sound of the small glass bottle hitting the wall echoed like thunder in the office.

“Ah, damn it….”

Gi Taejeong kept clenching and unclenching his fists. He seemed to be trying to overcome the unfamiliar sensation spreading throughout his body.

But only for a moment, the man’s solid body, like a mountain, slowly collapsed onto the sofa. A displeased languor was evident in his beautifully half-closed eyes. Fortunately, it seemed to be working. Seeing that he wasn’t suffering as if he were dying, it seemed he would simply fall asleep peacefully.

Sehwa reached out and placed his hand over Gi Taejeong’s, which was gripping the armrest tightly, as if trying to withstand his collapsing body. He had always been thrilled by his hand, where veins would bulge with just a little force, and the finely chiseled lines up to his forearm. There was no part of Gi Taejeong he hadn’t liked, but he especially loved his eyes and hands.

“Still, I can’t guarantee how long it’ll last, so I’ll take this with me.”

Taking off the watch from his wrist, Sehwa gently stroked the empty spot with his thumb.

And into the hand of the man who was being so easily robbed of everything by someone as insignificant as him, he placed a simple, pre-written memo. It detailed the drugs used, their concentration, and medicines effective for detoxification.

“…Sehwa.”

Midway through pulling off the watch, Sehwa froze for a moment at his name, called out like an ambush. It was the first time… Gi Taejeong had called him that way.

“You’ll be caught by me soon anyway.”

“……”

“You didn’t think I’d just let you go, did you?”

Gi Taejeong’s closed eyelids twitched. The muscles across his body, like mountain ranges, twitched and rose, and his broad shoulders slowly rose and fell repeatedly.

“I won’t die, and I don’t even think I’ll sleep for long… then I’ll find you again, no matter what.”

“……”

“Probably faster than you expect, without even a chance to run into that bastard Lieutenant Kim.”

His long eyelashes fluttered, and then Gi Taejeong laboriously lifted his closed eyelids. In the man’s revealed pupils… a fire, a deep, dark intensity that could only be described as such, blazed fiercely.

“Still going?”

This, conversely, was Gi Taejeong’s polite threat. Don’t run away like this, when perhaps, even if it took some time, things could have been resolved calmly without resorting to such extreme measures. If you end it like this and leave, you and I can never go back to how we were.

“…I told you, I’d rather die by Lieutenant Kim’s hand.”

“……”

“I hate it.”

Ah…. Gi Taejeong sighed deeply and sank further into the sofa. His head slowly tilted back, and his elegant, sculpted jawline and Adam’s apple twitched, forming a soft curve.

“…Alright, then do whatever the hell you want.”

“……”

“But you.”

With his fading eyes curving into a smile, Gi Taejeong laughed. It was a face so beautiful it sent chills down to his bones.

“If I catch you again, know that you won’t be able to walk on two feet properly ever again.”

So, run away as if you’re ready to die.

As you said, even if you die by Lieutenant Kim’s hand, hide well until the end, without me catching you.

“…Do as you please. Break my neck, or shatter my ankle.”

Parrying the man’s chilling warning, Sehwa, holding the wristwatch and syringe in both hands, stepped back hesitantly. All he had in his bag was less than a million won in cash, a few port badges, and spare underwear and some clothes. With just this… he had to last three weeks. Until he could contact Oh Sun-ran.

“But General.”

Just before turning away, abandoning Gi Taejeong. Putting aside the daunting future for a moment, Sehwa extended his trembling hand towards him.

“Even if it wasn’t as much as mine, even if it wasn’t complete affection….”

“……”

“General, you also had a little… just a little bit of feeling for me… I know.”

He traced Gi Taejeong’s beautifully prominent brow bone, and gently stroked his eyebrows. It was the last time. Finally, lightly cupping and releasing his warmed cheek, Sehwa laughed through his tears. His own face, reflected in Gi Taejeong’s blurring pupils, was so pathetic it seemed all the affection he had built up would fall away. He was just ugly.

“If you find someone you like again later… don’t treat them as cruelly as you treated me.”