March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 83

Sehwa desperately avoided Gi Taejeong. He felt like he would either cry like a madman or scream. No, was he already doing that? …He wasn’t sure. Seeing the device next to him beeping loudly, it seemed he was still alive and hadn’t died yet.

His head, starting to burn with a fever from overwhelming anxiety, couldn’t make proper judgments. He just didn’t want to be with this person anymore. That was all.

He didn’t want to go back to the official residence, sit across from him and eat as if nothing had happened, or fall asleep intertwined as if they were one body.

But he also couldn’t confront him now, saying he knew all his schemes, that he had just confirmed the confidential document with the drug manufacturing method. This was just before the trial he had been so eagerly awaiting. There was no way a foolish hostage who had been behaving well would be allowed to cause a disturbance. From then on, Gi Taejeong would drop even the pretense of acting and treat him purely as a tool.

Rebelling now would only benefit Gi Taejeong. More than anything… he still lacked the courage to face the truth. He couldn’t bear either outcome right now.

Even just sensing Gi Taejeong’s presence made his stomach churn, but if he were to hear an affirmative answer from him. If he were to receive a cold stare, devoid of even a hint of shallow affection.

Then he felt like he would want to die.

Sehwa bit his lower lip hard. He wouldn’t cry. He would somehow breathe properly. Just in case Gi Taejeong tried to kiss him, using hyperventilation as an excuse.

But his tear ducts had already burst, and his vision, completely blurred, saw nothing. He must have liked Gi Taejeong more than he thought. Indeed. It had only been a few hours since thinking of him had made a faint blush spread from his earlobes to his fingertips.

He had liked him a lot. Even though he hadn’t expected it to be this disastrous, he had diligently liked Gi Taejeong, even knowing that the end wouldn’t be good.

“…Does it matter if you have to stay only inside the house?”

Breaking the rough silence, Gi Taejeong spoke.

“……”

“Go for a few days, then.”

Sehwa barely managed to lift his eyes and look at Gi Taejeong. Surprisingly, he seemed to be granting permission.

“The building itself has been adopted as evidence, so even if a high-ranking official like Oh Seonran comes, we can suppress them by force. Touching the house at this time would only escalate things, so others wouldn’t dare to stir trouble…”

As if pleased by the returning gaze, Gi Taejeong lightly tapped Sehwa’s nose. It was one of his favorite actions. Gently touching various parts of his face with a finger bent like a hook. Now, it seemed he was gauging how much Sehwa had calmed down, and to what extent he could accept another’s touch.

“…I can go?”

“Three days. Even if it’s very hard to be here, no more than that. I’ll finish up the work and come pick you up on the last day, so be aware of that.”

Interpreting his lack of response in some way, the man chuckled softly.

“How could I say no when you’re making a face like that?”

“……”

“Especially when you’re so stressed you’re even bleeding.”

Gi Taejeong scanned the IV pole, the vital sign monitor attached to Sehwa’s finger, and his still flat stomach in turn. Ah… he was being lenient because of the baby.

Thinking about it, it seemed Gi Taejeong had only started acting somewhat softer towards him after he became pregnant. Even Oh Seonran had said it was strange that he wasn’t trying to recruit him, so at this point, if he were to miscarry, he would be doing this out of regret, right? The man’s gentle gaze ultimately plunged Sehwa into despair.

“Lee Sehwa.”

He nodded obediently, as always, but Gi Taejeong frowned as if displeased.

“Why do you keep making that face?”

“…What kind…”

“You keep smiling strangely, you.”

Even if he didn’t know what he was feeling, didn’t he look obviously hurt? Was he supposed to keep smiling brightly even now?

If ‘Lee Sehwa’ became the subject, rather than ‘the baby’ or ‘a useful body,’ then perhaps there was a limit to how much leniency he’d receive for being in pain. Indeed, in the past, if he looked sullen or showed signs of being upset, Gi Taejeong had disliked it, calling it impertinent.

Sehwa wiped away the moisture clinging to his eyelashes and smiled. It was half out of spite. Because he was told not to make such a face, he tried his best to force a smile onto his lips. At that, Gi Taejeong stared at him with an even more rigid expression.

“…Ha, you.”

“……”

“Whatever treatment you received at the entrance, whatever Oh Seonran said… ignore it all. They’re all bastards who won’t be able to utter a peep to you once the trial is over.”

Through the watery film over his still shimmering eyes, Gi Taejeong filled his blurred vision. The image that Sehwa had so ardently loved split into two, then three, then merged back into one, repeating the process. And each time, a kaleidoscope of emotions flickered across the man’s face.

Though he appeared calm, Sehwa easily read the man’s chaotic, mottled emotions. It was strange… yes, a strange realization. He had loved this person so deeply that he could read even these subtle signals, and Gi Taejeong… seemed to be unbelievably weakened by his tears.

From Gi Taejeong’s perspective, there was no need to give him a breathing space like this. There were countless ways to ensure his physical well-being. Rather, confining him to the bedroom under the pretext of health would have been a more preferred option for him.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Because I cried? Is that why… you’re allowing it?”

“…Yes. I don’t want to see you bawling.”

This was the man who had been displeased even when a slight stain appeared on the stamp he’d put on his perineum. The man who hadn’t allowed him even a scrap of a T-shirt so he couldn’t defy his will.

Gi Taejeong himself would know better than anyone. That allows him to be away from him, in Sector 4, and alone for several days, was an action completely unlike him.

Sehwa blinked slowly. Then, as if making a decision, he slowly tried to sit up. No, he merely indicated his intention. Before Sehwa could exert any force, Gi Taejeong supported his body with a surprisingly delicate touch. As if to make up for his earlier rejection.

He wouldn’t attach any more meaning to Gi Taejeong’s words and actions, but he still wanted to ask one more time. The end of a rebellion is either the death of the rioters or a revolution. And Sehwa had no expectation of his own success. It was a desperate question, delivered one last time before committing an irreversible act. No, it was a fervent prayer hoping for even a meager response.

“…General. Why… did I become like this?”

Please, just tell me honestly now. You don’t need to explain in detail, just a single word. Please.

“Well. For now, stress seems to be the biggest cause,”

“No, not that… my constitution. How… I changed so I could have a child.”

“Why that suddenly, ah. Did Oh Seonran say something?”

“……”

“Damn it, what did that bastard say that…”

“…It’s not like that. I was just too nervous by myself earlier, and it’s just… when I went to the hospital earlier, the manager asked…”

Gi Taejeong twitched an eyebrow, displeased. Rather than having a guilty conscience, he seemed annoyed that someone had treated his possession carelessly.

“Just let whatever they say go in one ear and out the other. And Oh Seonran is someone Lieutenant Kim serves.”

“……”

“You can tell just by the fact that he came to find you right before the trial. Even if they present certificates or whatever, it’s all nonsense because they have ulterior motives.”

Still, Oh Seonran had a certificate. The confidential document he had shown him on the spot earlier also perfectly matched Lieutenant Kim’s instructions. But Gi Taejeong? What could he prove to him? Had he ever been sincere, other than wanting to exploit him… even once? What had this man been thinking all this time, watching him wholeheartedly declare his love for him?

“I’ll confirm it after the trial. I’m concerned about them bringing up your parents.”

“…After the trial, you mean.”

“Yes. I’ll check the certificate… and tell you everything about what happened.”

Sehwa rubbed his constantly tangled eyelashes and opened his eyes wide. He also shook off the pus-like moisture on the back of his hand. He tried his best to hold onto the already shattered pieces of his heart and understand, but what he got back was a response lacking even sincerity. At this point, he felt he had done enough. It was truly the end.

“Hmm, I might even get a special promotion this time.”

Perhaps displeased by the continuously sinking atmosphere, Gi Taejeong occasionally offered short remarks.

“If I go up two ranks, I’ll be a Lieutenant General, not a Brigadier General.”

“……”

“I need to finish all the work before that. That bastard Lieutenant Kim set fire to the Sector 2 warehouse, saying he’d destroy all the evidence, so the sky route there is completely blocked. It’s hard to go back and forth, and even the soldiers stationed there are currently short on drinking water… This, on top of everything else, has made me quite busy lately.”

“……”

“Oh, if I become a Lieutenant General, I’ll get a bigger official residence, you know? You can decorate it however you want.”

“…Me?”

“The place you’re in now is a bit bleak, isn’t it?”

Without his agreement, Gi Taejeong was fitting him into his future like a component.

Sehwa found himself laughing. It was a hollow, empty laugh, like a shriveled balloon squeezing out the last bit of air it held. Indeed, a knife-like wind blew through the cracks of his literally shattered heart.

Yes, he still didn’t know anything for sure, but one thing was certain. This child, the starting point of all these events, the child Gi Taejeong could wield as his most powerful weapon, he would do as he pleased with it. He wouldn’t be swayed by Gi Taejeong, Oh Seonran, or Lieutenant Kim, or anyone. He might have lived a pathetic 21 years like this, but he would not let this child become anyone’s necessity, means, or tool.

He couldn’t spend his entire life running away. No matter how well he hid, he would eventually be caught. Overcoming official authority was a distant dream. Moreover, the people who would chase him… Just calculating the ranks of Gi Taejeong, Oh Seonran, and Lieutenant Kim sent shivers down his spine. At best… a few months? No, even a month might be difficult. Still, wouldn’t that be enough to deal a slight blow to the trial?

So he wouldn’t aim for a perfect escape. It would be enough for the plans of those who used his body and child, who treated him like a toy, to be thwarted. Whether he was caught and shot, decapitated, or locked in a laboratory and experimented on… that was no longer his concern. Let them do as they pleased.

“Oh, right. Cookies.”

“……”

“Where are those from? I’ll buy them for you.”

Gi Taejeong’s voice, constantly asking something, was painful to hear, so Sehwa closed his eyes, feigning fatigue.

Had he said Sector 2 was paralyzed now? If the sky was so opaque that visibility was difficult, wouldn’t everyone be wearing gas masks or regular masks? It wasn’t unusual for people to dress like that anyway, as the air quality there was never very good…

Moreover, he knew the geography of Sector 2 inside out. He also knew a few quack doctors who might be able to help. He just needed to evade the house’s surveillance personnel well… Sehwa, who was calculating, paused his breath at the overwhelming sense of futility.

He was back to square one. He had fought tooth and nail to climb to Sector 4, and had been excited about getting a resident ID for the inner city… but now he had to escape back to Sector 2.

The people in the house would probably mock him, wouldn’t they? Saying that a two-cent life didn’t know his place and messed around, ending up like this. That he wanted to live elegantly, and now he got what he deserved…

Each time his ribcage expanded and contracted, the air filling his lungs turned into thorns, pricking his heart. Sehwa put all his strength into his body, not wanting to show even a tremor of his eyelashes in front of Gi Taejeong.

“It’s fine now. Let’s go.”

“Are you crazy? You haven’t even finished half your IV drip. Your graph isn’t normal either.”

“No, I’m fine. Let’s go.”

It was time to stop acting childish and wake up from the fantasy that had never been granted permission in the first place.