March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 72

“…I’m sorry.”

Sehwa pressed his hand to his mouth, then released it, and bowed his head.

“What do you have to be sorry for? I came to you uninvited… Are you still very uncomfortable?”

“Ah, I’m fine now.”

It was a perfunctory reply; he still seemed to feel unwell.

When he found Sehwa in the food court and approached him. As soon as Sehwa saw him, he suddenly started dry heaving, making him think something terrible had happened. As he froze, not knowing what to do, Sehwa mumbled something in a dying voice. Only when he barely made out the words ‘flower’ and ‘smell’ did he realize what the problem was.

What Kim Seokcheol had said belatedly struck him. He had said he was pregnant… With the thought of meeting Sehwa immediately, he first prepared flowers. What he wanted to give him was not just a bouquet of flowers, but he had hastily prepared it because he couldn’t go empty-handed… He hadn’t even thought that Sehwa might be experiencing morning sickness. The flower shops in the 5th district apply various post-treatments to make the scent last longer, and it seemed Sehwa had difficulty enduring that artificial smell.

“Is there anything you want to eat? Or drink?”

Oh Seonran, wanting to make up for their indifferent first meeting, handed Sehwa a menu. He had intended to go to a private lounge to talk where people’s gazes were blocked, but then decided a more open space would be better and moved to a cafe near the food court.

“Pregnant people should eat whatever they crave right away. Otherwise, the baby will be born with uneven eyes.”

“…Huh? Uneven eyes?”

Sehwa’s head, which had been vaguely looking for a place to rest his gaze, immediately turned towards him.

“Yes, so feel free to order. Even if you only take one bite and throw it away.”

“Ah… thank you. But anyway, this child…”

Sehwa, who had been about to say something, seemed to decide it wasn’t something to say in front of a stranger and closed his mouth again.

An awkward silence fell. Only then did Oh Seonran calm his startled heart and carefully examine the man sitting before him, Lee Sehwa, no, Lee Jinwoo’s child. Although his face was youthful, he didn’t give the impression of being a minor. He was taller than Lee Jinwoo, and though somewhat thin, his bone structure wasn’t frail. Yet, in Oh Seonran’s eyes, Lee Sehwa seemed like a child.

“…They said he didn’t resemble him at all.”

“Pardon?”

“Ah, no. I was just talking to myself.”

There are people who have a gentle impression even when expressionless. Lee Jinwoo was like that in the past, and Lee Sehwa was also like that.

Sehwa was in the food court, looking serious as he pondered between cherries and blueberries, and Gi Taejeong’s adjutant next to him was frustrated, telling him to take both. Sehwa shook his head, then met his eyes, and realizing that soldiers were starting to surround them, he looked bewildered, then counted the stars on his uniform and gasped in shock.

When he revealed his rank and name and asked if he could spare some time, Sehwa fortunately nodded readily. The excitement that he wasn’t refusing lasted only a moment. It was closer to familiar resignation than affirmation. Sehwa, hardened by chronic misfortune, seemed unbothered by high-ranking officials arbitrarily controlling his time.

“I still feel unwell… I’m fine. Please, eat comfortably.”

Sehwa looked around with an expression that was neither smiling nor overly rigid. He wasn’t overtly looking around. He was just rolling his eyes, checking the number of people surrounding the place, the structure of the passages, and the location of emergency exits… checking them so he could escape at any time.

Oh Seonran took a deep breath. He was so nervous that his hands and feet tingled. Lee Sehwa, he was the spitting image of Lee Jinwoo. Anyone who knew Lee Jinwoo would have recognized him as his bloodline. Of course, Lee Sehwa’s features were a bit more striking, but from his skin tone to the speed at which he blinked his eyelashes, he seemed to have been cast from a mold.

He couldn’t count how many times he had dreamed of this moment. He had imagined the stories he would tell the child once he found him, to the point of boredom. But… he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

Sehwa followed him obediently, yet his expression hardened in an instant. As if he had put on a mask. His unique way of slightly dragging out his words, which he had used comfortably when talking to Master Sergeant Choi a moment ago, was also hidden. He had roughly skimmed through how Sehwa had lived, but this was the moment when his past life hit him more profoundly than any document.

He must be twenty-one now. The innocent, gentle face he had when he was pondering over the fruits earlier suited his age. No, it would be perfectly fine for him to whine and act even more childishly than before. But this young one was already learning how to change his face like a seasoned adult.

“Excuse me, but may I know why such a distinguished person… has come to find me?”

His expression was still stiff, as if lightly frosted with ice, yet he used a soft tone to avoid displeasing the other person.

Oh Seonran closed his eyes for a moment. His throat tightened at Sehwa’s small habits, which he must have acquired to survive. His wary gaze, full of fear, became nails and hammers, relentlessly striking his heart, which was already burned to ashes.

He was such an idiot. He was in the country. Moreover, he seemed to have frequently contacted Kim Seokcheol… He didn’t know, even when Sehwa was right under his nose. He couldn’t save him earlier, and he let him live like this. Lee Jinwoo’s child. Our child…

“Hmm, you must be surprised that a soldier you’ve never met suddenly came to find you, but you don’t seem well, so I’ll get straight to the point.”

So Oh Seonran swallowed all the stories he had practiced countless times.

How would the child, who had lived such a difficult life, react if he, who had suddenly appeared, told him he was his father? Moreover, he wasn’t even his biological father.

If he had even a photo of Lee Jinwoo, or one taken with Lee Jinwoo, perhaps he could have persuaded him a little more easily. But there was nothing left, and if he suddenly said, “I was your biological father’s lover, I’ve been looking for you for a long time, and now I want to be your family…” Would Sehwa believe this story? Would he readily accept it?

No. He would doubt it himself. Hadn’t Kim Seokcheol misunderstood him as looking for a young mistress?

“The person who gave birth to you, your biological father… I owe him a great debt. A very great one.”

So Oh Seonran decided to put aside his desires. Yes, all of this was desire. If anyone, especially Lee Jinwoo’s child, Lee Sehwa, misunderstood these feelings, he felt like he would truly want to die.

This life, which he had stubbornly endured, looking only at one goal, this faded pure love… But Sehwa had no obligation to accept and understand this. Whatever happened in the past, it was, quite literally, a past that Sehwa didn’t know.

“There was a secret experiment conducted by the military, and the person who gave birth to you was under my command.”

He imagined countless times the day Lee Jinwoo’s child, whom he had belatedly found, would call him father. He wanted to tell him how strongly Lee Jinwoo had endured in that place before giving birth to him, how sorry he was to him, and how much he wanted to love him. Even though they weren’t blood-related, he also missed him all this time and already loved him like his own child. He wanted to comfort the child’s difficult past and reminisce about Lee Jinwoo together. But.

“It’s difficult to explain in detail, but thanks to that person, I…”

Oh Seonran closed his eyes for a moment. The cold wind he often felt when dreaming of Lee Jinwoo wrapped around his body. He knew it was a hallucination, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang in his nose.

“I was able to be promoted to General.”

Jinwoo, Lee Jinwoo.

“So I kept looking for you. To repay the debt… to that person.”

Because I loved you so much, because I still can’t forget you, I’ve been searching for this child all this time… I think it’s better to keep that story between us. If you had grown up well without any problems in a normal home, maybe it would be different, but I can’t tell this child, who has been as unfortunate as you, everything honestly just to ease my own mind. I don’t think I should. I’m sorry, Jinwoo.

“And… I promised. That I would take care of you like a father.”

We. You and I. Let’s remain an immortality, an eternity, known only to us.

“I promised to find the child who was taken away, and to grant whatever that child wished for and cherish them… like that.”

Oh Seonran opened the tattered envelope. It had clearly been put in a new envelope, but because he had gripped it tightly, there were fingerprints all over it.

“What is this?”

The stiff, ornate certificate with gold leaf was embroidered with all sorts of auspicious animals. These were patterns that only the absolute ruler of this country could use.

“Read it.”

Even when pushed close, Sehwa, full of caution, didn’t take it. This was expected.

“Fourteen years ago, when I was promoted to general, this document was guaranteed by the Head of State.”

Oh Seonran smiled faintly and pointed out each detail written on the certificate.

“First, Oh Seonran is officially permitted to reside abroad upon promotion to general. However, this is only possible for the purpose of finding Lee Jinwoo, experimental code name L318-37’s child, hereinafter ‘the child.’ Second, all assets and associated rights under Oh Seonran’s name are transferred to ‘the child,’ and it is clearly stated that even Oh Seonran’s direct family cannot interfere. Third, the land owned by Oh Seonran at the border of the 5th and 4th districts cannot be permanently encroached upon by the state or the military. If ‘the child’ is not found, all of Oh Seonran’s assets after his death will be used to maintain and cultivate this vacant lot. The exact land area and address are attached in the deed.”

The above content is guaranteed by the name and authority of the Head of State. After he read the last sentence, Sehwa could only blink, speechless. His face looked as if he didn’t know how to respond.

“If you wish, you can call Brigadier General Gi Taejeong to verify the authenticity of the document. That bastard, no, that person dislikes me very much, so he wouldn’t do me any favors.”

After that, Oh Seonran hastily laid out the story he had prepared. He wanted to speak more slowly, more kindly, but it wasn’t working.

Now, he was the only one in the world who remembered Lee Jinwoo. So, when he met the child, he had spent a long time contemplating and preparing ways to prove his feelings. He could show and tell everything. But since the frightened Sehwa might refuse to see him again, he had to put everything out there now. To make the child feel a little more at ease. If they met a few more times and grew closer, Sehwa might open his heart someday…

“I deeply regret what you’ve been through… but having worked at the House for a long time, you must have heard the story. That a high-ranking military official has been secretly searching for an unidentified child for a long time. That child was me.”

“……”

“Also… you have several injection marks on your forearm, don’t you? But no antibodies were formed, right? While your constitution isn’t exactly the same as Jinwoo’s… that is, your father’s, perhaps the brokers who took you when you were young,”

“Excuse me…”

Sehwa interrupted Oh Seonran’s rapid-fire words, his lips parting in distress. He trailed off, saying “um,” as if the title of General or the address of “Mister” was burdensome.

“Honestly, I can’t believe everything you’re saying. But… um, I can fully understand that you had a special relationship with… the person who gave birth to me. So…”

“……”

“So you don’t have to explain it so desperately.”

Oh Seonran stared blankly at Sehwa for a moment, then gave an awkward laugh.

“Did I… do that?”

“Yes. You kept looking at me as if you were about to cry.”

Oh Seonran ran his hand over various parts of his parched face. Was that the face I was making? As if about to cry. Desperately…

“I’m sorry. I want to be calm… but I’ve been looking for you for so long that it’s not easy.”

When the agitated conversation, which was neither persuasion nor explanation, ceased, a heavy silence fell. Sehwa awkwardly stared at the gleaming certificate in front of him. After a long while, he finally opened his mouth as if he had made a decision.

“Do I… have to give you an answer right away?”

“No, no. I just wanted to let you know that this happened. As I said, I know it’s sudden and hard to believe.”

Sehwa nodded and carefully pulled the certificate closer to him.

“My constitution… I only found out about it accurately recently. So…”

“What? You just found out? But you said you weren’t addicted to drugs.”

Wasn’t that why he was a drug dealer? Lieutenant Kim must have had a reason for specifically working with Lee Sehwa…

“Ah, that…”

Sehwa hesitated for a moment, as if debating whether to say this. Then, perhaps thinking there was nothing more to hide from Oh Seonran, he continued speaking. It wasn’t out of trust, but rather a guess that since he had come all this way and was high-ranking, he probably already knew everything.

“It might sound strange, but I always thought my body didn’t react to anesthetics or narcotics. But if I think about it carefully, other medicines… for example, cold medicine or aphrodisiacs didn’t work well either.”

“……”

“But I wasn’t deeply aware of this problem, so I didn’t even realize it myself. Selling drugs was my main income, and tasting and trying them were all of that kind. I never even thought that there might be no reaction in other areas.”

You probably don’t understand what I’m saying, Sehwa mumbled.

“No, I think I understand.”

Oh Seonran nodded, his face as if cut by a knife.

“I mean it. I can fully imagine what the situation was like.”

There was no one to carefully observe young Sehwa’s condition. Whether he was burning with fever because cold medicine didn’t work, or whether nutritional supplements had no particular effect… anyway, if he could sell narcotics well, that would have been enough. No, had Sehwa ever even taken good medicine or treatment other than drugs in the first place?

Sehwa himself, desperate to survive, must have been indifferent to himself. So he would have focused only on the most immediately apparent physical phenomena. Limiting his usefulness and constitution only to drugs, like that.

“Hmm, then shall we start with this?”

Oh Seonran tried to sound cheerful as he spoke to Sehwa.

“So, do you want to have the child?”

“Pardon?”

“I heard you’re pregnant. What do you want to do?”

Shattering all the masks he had been wearing so well, Sehwa flustered with a clear face.

“Oh, no… As I said before, I…”

“This might sound strange coming from me, but you can desperately want to have a blood relative, a family member, even if you don’t know how the child came to be. That’s absolutely not a strange feeling.”

Because Lee Jinwoo was like that too. Oh Seonran pressed down the hot lump that kept rising in his throat.

“If you’re worried about being unable to raise the child, I can help. Of course, if you don’t want to, that too. I will help you with anything… truly anything.”

“……”

“…Please give me the chance to do that.”

Oh Seonran placed his hands on his waist in his seated position to hide his uncontrollably trembling hands. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hide the moistness in his voice.

“I’m not asking you to become my adopted son right away. Of course, I’d be grateful if you did…”

However, if he could someday take Sehwa to that vacant lot, where the untraceable traces of Lee Jinwoo were buried, he felt he would have no greater wish.

That empty land, where the laboratory and detention camp had collapsed, was a prime piece of real estate, suitable for anything. Everyone was urging him to sell it if he was just going to let it sit idle. But Oh Seonran planted trees there. He silently laid down grass and, whenever he had a moment, brought in all sorts of beautiful flowers. And he built a massive wall around it. He created a huge, quiet, fantastical space that was neither a forest, nor a garden, nor a botanical garden, and borrowed the name of the Head of State to preserve that irreversible past for eternity.

“If you wish, I can even get a certificate promising responsibility for the child you bear. I still have a few rights left. You saw that certificate earlier, didn’t you? A general can request verification from the Head of State five times.”

“I…”

As Sehwa carefully wrapped his belly and hesitantly opened his mouth, a commotion was heard in the distance.