March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 47

“Speak comfortably here, you said.”

The general slowly repeated Sehwa’s words. His voice, unreadable in emotion, made one feel unnecessarily intimidated.

“Because I don’t want to eat facing a bastard like you…”

Each time he took a large step, it felt as if the ground was caving in under his blade-like strides.

“Are you telling me to say what I have to say and get lost?”

The muttered last words were clearly a curse. He was always foul-mouthed, but when he lost his temper like that, it was especially necessary to be careful. Hadn’t he, in such a state, plucked out the eyes and tongues of his subordinates when things went awry?

So he had to make excuses, saying it wasn’t true. Although, in fact, that was exactly what he meant, he couldn’t simply agree. Even though he knew he had to deny it clumsily, the general’s menacing gaze, staring right at him, was so terrifying that Sehwa couldn’t give a quick answer. He was afraid of what would happen if his obvious lie only angered him more. He felt as if he would bite off his windpipe for acting impudently.

“You don’t even say empty words, do you?”

The general snorted, as if dumbfounded. The taut air made it hard to breathe.

“It’s not like that…”

Sehwa had nowhere else to look, so he stared at the general’s quivering lips, the twitching around his jawline. The general, lost in thought for a moment, seemed to be gauging what kind of bombardment he should unleash to hurt him. But… after a long wait, no painful, needle-like words emerged. Instead, he twisted his lips shut and merely brushed back his hair, which kept falling forward, without much care.

Sehwa also hesitantly shifted his gaze, following the general’s eyes. His sharp gaze was fixed on the top he was wearing, specifically the emblem embroidered on the collar. A star, a flower, a bird. It was a brand that confirmed it was the general’s possession, no one else’s.

Looking up at the man’s face again, a slight ease had returned. He didn’t know why, but the general seemed to have somewhat softened his mood upon seeing Sehwa enveloped in his emblem.

“There was a troublesome bastard once. I had to interrogate him, but I absolutely couldn’t kill him, and he knew that very well. The problem was, he knew it too damn well.”

“……”

“He suddenly cut off his own tongue, saying I wouldn’t get anything from him anyway? That crazy bastard.”

“Isn’t that stupid? You can get a confession in writing,” the general reminisced, as if recalling a peaceful time. His face was serene, yet in that monotonous expression, Sehwa could easily imagine a time when the man must have been seething with fiery rage.

“What do you think I ordered to keep that bastard alive, who was throwing a fit, saying he wouldn’t eat anything, didn’t need IVs, and would just die?”

“……”

“There are many places to eat, even if it’s not through the throat.”

The general tilted his head crookedly. His gaze flickered towards Sehwa’s lower abdomen. He felt like he understood the meaning, but he didn’t want to. Could it be that his previous remark about his “lower mouth” referring to his hole was based on experience…?

“Eat when I’m telling you nicely. If you don’t want to end up like that.”

“……”

“I know you’re perfectly fine after being covered with expensive medicine, so don’t give me that bullshit about not feeling well yet.”

Sehwa trembled slightly as if he had been pricked by an electric needle. He had merely said he didn’t feel like eating, but what came back was a cruel hint of torture. A familiar sadness crushed his heart. Putting aside what had happened just before he passed out, hadn’t he himself said he had only regained consciousness after several days? So, he thought it was a normal reaction for anyone to not want to eat right now… He truly couldn’t understand why that would make him so angry.

“By the way, that bastard confessed immediately when I started flaying his skin. Really stupid, isn’t he?”

The general chuckled, wondering why he had cut off his tongue if that was the case. Sehwa, who had been gnawing at the inside of his lower lip, finally put on the large outer garment without a word. It had looked light in his hands, but when he put it on, it felt quite heavy. Was it because of the dazzling star patterns on the shoulders?

“Do you like meat?”

He was going to do whatever he wanted anyway. Why did he ask about his preferences? Sehwa felt as if the ground had dropped out from under him. The general’s large hand seemed ready to tear off the clothes he was wearing and separate his bones and flesh.

The car stopped in an alley not far from Sehwa’s lodging. It was surprising, as the only restaurants nearby were cheap Korean-style eateries. The general’s steps led to the most secluded shop among them. There was no signboard, so he hadn’t even known there was a meat restaurant here.

“District 4 has the largest slaughterhouse, so the pork here is the freshest.”

He said it was one of the few places people from inside the city sometimes visited for a change of scenery. The clean floor, completely free of grease, the comfortable air even though meat was being grilled, the spotless dishes, and the well-dressed staff who silently brought whatever was needed and then disappeared… After hearing the general’s words, everything in the restaurant seemed extraordinary. It was, in a way, a beautifully decorated shabbiness, like a movie set. Sehwa looked around the restaurant with a strange feeling. It occurred to him that the squalid side of District 4, which he had struggled so hard to escape, might be like junk food that someone enjoyed for entertainment.

The entire restaurant seemed to have been rented out, as the interior was quite spacious but there wasn’t a single customer table. He probably hadn’t made a reservation predicting when he would wake up… He must have driven out all the existing customers with his tyrannical behavior.

While Sehwa grumbled inwardly, appetizing side dishes were served, and a white charcoal grill and griddle were brought in. The reddish meat sizzled as it cooked. Having only eaten thin frozen meat after large construction projects, he realized for the first time that pork could be this fresh. Crispy bean sprout salad, which seemed to crunch if touched, and perfectly fermented kimchi began to sizzle and grill around the edges.

The general, without even holding tongs, expertly cut the meat with just scissors. And with one hand. The pieces were so uniform that if he hadn’t seen it himself, he would have thought he had used a ruler and a knife. How much blood must he have seen to become so skilled at cutting and slicing… Sehwa shuddered, shaking off the terrifying thought.

At first, he felt at a loss as to how to endure the awkward silence again, but time passed quickly as he admired the strange restaurant and the spread. So, how much would a place like this cost? He didn’t have money… Just as his thoughts branched out to that point, the fully cooked meat was abruptly pushed forward. Just in time, bubbling doenjang jjigae (soybean paste stew) and a steaming mound of gyeran-jjim (steamed egg) were also served. The finely chopped green chili peppers and white tofu in the stew looked appetizing. Moreover, it wasn’t scraps, but thick, diced pieces of meat that filled the broth. His mouth watered, making his earlier claim of not wanting to eat seem ridiculous.

“Are you playing coy?”

“…Pardon?”

“You eat well, so why hold back?”

“Or,” the general paused. Sehwa quickly picked up his chopsticks, wondering what terrible threat he would make this time. His hands awkwardly moved for a moment due to his discomfort. He placed fluffy white rice on a clean lettuce leaf and added a piece of perfectly grilled meat. The kimchi and bean sprout salad, enhanced by the meat’s oil, were a bonus.

“Didn’t you say you didn’t feel like eating?”

The general looked at Sehwa, who was chewing his ssam (wrapped food) intently, with disbelief. Embarrassed, Sehwa bowed his head and counted silently. His shabbiness was nothing new to hide, but still, if he ate too frantically, it might spoil the appetite of the person eating with him.

He slowly counted to twenty before picking up his chopsticks again. He ate a few more ssam, dipped some in soy sauce with pickled onions, and even took a large spoonful of steamed egg… only then did he realize he was the only one eating enthusiastically. The man sitting opposite him was silently cutting meat. He hadn’t put on anything despite the cold, and now he had even rolled up his sleeves, perhaps because it was hot in front of the grill.

“Um… should I grill it?”

Swallowing what he was chewing, Sehwa cautiously extended his hand. This time, he had truly been thoughtless. Considering the general’s status, he wasn’t someone who would be grilling meat. And he didn’t know what kind of tantrum the man would throw if things went wrong, so since they were already at the restaurant, he decided to quietly act as a subordinate. Besides, wasn’t there something he had to tell him? The story about his parents.

“Who are you calling old-fashioned?”

The general poured a pile of garlic onto the grill, telling him to just eat what was given. Muscles rippled in his forearm as he moved. Sehwa fell into thought. He wasn’t sure if he should simply accept his words. Has anything the general said so far ever been entirely truthful? He had said he wouldn’t do it until the end, but he ended up penetrating him. He had said it was nothing, but then he proposed robbing a shelter disguised as a criminal. It was all lies. Or just stories with the core missing.

“Anyone would think I starved you, really. Who was it that threw a fit saying they didn’t feel like eating?”

Sehwa, embarrassed, lowered his eyebrows. He couldn’t tell if he was simply teasing him or if his tone was accusatory. The general, realizing that Sehwa was uncomfortable with him being the only one eating, then began to grill the meat with exaggerated gestures. As if deliberately trying to make him choke, he even served him stew and pushed side dishes closer, even when he protested that he was fine. It was clearly intentional.

What on earth was he trying to do? Sehwa, with a tearful expression, had a sudden thought and picked up a lettuce leaf. He put a generous amount of rice, three pieces of meat, and carefully coaxed the greens, which looked like they would burst at any moment, into a round ssam. He decided to try something rather than choking by constantly worrying about the general. If he made a ssam for him, at least he wouldn’t just be idly eating…

“Um…”

He cupped the end of the lettuce and called the general. He only raised an eyebrow and looked at Sehwa.

“This…”

As he mumbled, trailing off, the general simply looked at the ssam Sehwa had made.

“What do you want me to…”

The general’s face, which had been about to reprimand him, suddenly stiffened. He only moved his eyes to look at the ssam offered to him. He seemed to have understood Sehwa’s intention a beat late.

The general, who had been frozen for a moment, exhaled sharply through his teeth. It was a rather rough movement, enough to make the bangs covering his forehead lightly sway. He didn’t seem angry… but he didn’t look pleased either.

Had he overdone it? Embarrassed, Sehwa mumbled excuses, pulling out every word he could think of. He felt like he was eating too comfortably by himself, and since grilling meat and serving side dishes was always his role as the youngest wherever he went, he felt a bit uncomfortable just being served like this, and also, since he said he would tell him about his parents, he was the one who was eager…

But even as his outstretched hand across the grill grew warm, the general remained silent. He did nothing, only staring at Sehwa’s fingertips. His pale forearm, exposed from rolling up his large sleeves, began to turn red from the heat. Just as Sehwa, unable to bear the embarrassment any longer, was about to pull back the lettuce wrap,

“……”

Only then did the general lean forward. He even tilted his head as if to kiss, and swallowed the large ssam whole. Crunch, the sensation of vegetable stems being chewed vibrated to his fingertips. Startled by his momentum, as if he would chew and swallow his fingers too, Sehwa tried to pull back, but he glared at him menacingly, as if telling him to stay still. The general swallowed about an inch of Sehwa’s finger, then licked away all the moisture that had gathered on the plump flesh beneath his fingernail, before finally retreating.

“What are you doing? Not making more?”

The general roughly wiped his mouth with his thumb and gestured arrogantly with his chin.

“More…?”

“Then what, do you want me to make it for you this time?”

Sehwa shook his head, his face pale. The thought of eating something the general had made for him? It made him feel like he would choke just thinking about it. He rolled up his long sleeves, which kept slipping down, and shook the water off the lettuce. He diligently moved his hands, stuffing meat generously into the green leaves like a hamster stuffing food into its cheeks.

What was it to live? He had said he didn’t feel like eating and was threatened with having his skin flayed, yet now, seeing the meat dishes, his eyes went wide, and he was stuffing it down his throat. And beyond that, he was now preparing to make ssam for the man who had always hurt him, constantly watching his reactions. The situation of sitting across from the general and eating as if nothing had happened, belatedly struck him as problematic, and a hollow laugh escaped him. His life framework, which was never quite normal to begin with, felt like it was crumbling even further after meeting the general. Now, he didn’t even feel like resenting him. He easily agreed, easily crumbled, and easily felt okay again, stuffing down his food… It just felt like it was all his fault for being so easy.

“What is it, again?”

“Pardon?”

“Why are you laughing like that?”