March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 46

Was he swallowing even the curses? The breaths scattering nearby were fierce. Sehwa squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the warm hand to push his face away. Unconsciously, his body tensed up, and his closed vision was a bruised blue, as if he had been hit.

But after what felt like a considerably long time, the man remained still. The warmth he had barely obtained was still beneath Sehwa’s face.

“……”

As relief returned, his stiff shoulders slumped. He always thought that human greed had no end. He should have been grateful for not being cruelly abandoned, but as life became bearable, another desire quietly bloomed. Now, he wanted the man to caress him a little. Like before, gently stroking his forehead or cheek. That felt really good…

Sehwa, who had been excitedly indulging in his imagination, soon recalled his situation and folded his desires. The place Sehwa lived was the abysmal bottom. No matter how hard he flapped his wings, he could never truly soar, so he would have to come down to the ground someday, and the point where he would land was far below others. The moment of falling never got easier. It always hurts. So, he had to be satisfied with this much. Anyway, he had never experienced more kindness than this, so it was hard to even imagine. As always, resignation was swift.

“Water?”

A nonchalant question dropped from above his head. Sehwa kept his eyes closed and simply exhaled. He didn’t need such a thing, so he hoped he wouldn’t distance himself under the pretense of taking care of him.

However, contrary to Sehwa’s wish, a rustling sound came from afar, or rather, nearby… anyway, a stirring sound. The fortunate thing was that the man hadn’t withdrawn the hand he had offered. The sound of a lid opening, the gulping of liquid, and the crumpling of the plastic bottle’s bottom occurred in succession. Following the busy movement of his other hand, veins bulged on the back of the hand Sehwa was pressing down on. Sehwa somehow found this subtle pulsation, which he could only feel by being so close, sensual.

Soon, the hand slowly pulled away. Instead, body heat wrapped around his neck. He had thought it was just comfortably warm when his cheek was resting on it, but when his fingers touched other parts of his body, it felt chilling. He instinctively flinched his shoulders at the sudden caress, and a shadow abruptly fell over his face. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel the man was close.

Moist flesh slowly descended upon his dry lips. It was the man’s lips. Water gurgled in through the slightly parted gap in his surprise. It was incomparably colder than the fingers gripping the back of his neck, so much so that his head momentarily throbbed. But the unpleasant sensation was brief. Only after the water passed down his throat did Sehwa realize how incredibly thirsty he had been. It was unbelievable that he hadn’t thought of it until now; a fierce thirst had risen. Was it because it was a dream? The transfer of sensation was difficult.

As if checking if he had drunk it all, a hot tongue swept through every corner of his mouth. The man parted the roof of his mouth with the tip of his erect tongue, heavily rubbed the touching flesh, then retreated. He sucked at the moisture that flowed from his mouth down his cheek as if kissing it, and gently bit his lips.

That much water showed no sign of quenching his thirst. His lips were already drying again. Feeling regretful, Sehwa desperately clung to the man. “More, please, a little more.” Perhaps sensing his unspoken plea, his lips, which were touching his, curved into a small arc.

“Where did you learn this, again?”

His tone was close to a reprimand, but Sehwa read the faint, thread-like smile hidden within it. So he decided to be a little bolder. He himself, with a greedy gasp, took his lower lip into his mouth. Just as the man had done a moment ago, he gently enveloped it with only his lips, and he readily parted his mouth for him. The soft flesh inside met. Sehwa clumsily breathed as he frantically sucked his tongue.

With a little water and a kiss, he felt a bit more conscious, yet still hazy. No, the more they kissed, the more feverish he felt. Sehwa flailed, reaching out to lightly place a hand on the man’s shoulder. He tried to hold onto the fever that spread like intoxication, and a memory that flickered through his dimming vision. Sehwa thought for a long time about the owner of this rock-hard shoulder, the man in his dream who had touched his forehead and stroked his cheek.

He knew. This sensation, this body so hard it seemed it could never be broken… he definitely knew it.

“I… I… did wrong…”

As that thought reached him, an unexpected apology burst out. At the habitual, natural plea, the muscular body his hand was resting on noticeably stiffened. He repeated “I’m sorry” like a parrot, but couldn’t recall the reason, so Sehwa tilted his head slightly.

“I won’t… do it again…”

Even amidst that, his stiff tongue moved diligently. His mouth was dry and parched, but words of apology welled up like a spring, showing no sign of diminishing no matter how much he drew from it.

“General, sir… I…”

General, sir… Who was that again?

“Never again…”

“Ha.”

The man’s lips twisted obliquely. It was a sneer, completely different from the round arc they had formed a moment ago.

“Call me… ‘honey’… I’ll… make good sounds, too…”

Upon his clumsy lips, which were uttering incomprehensible words, cold, moist flesh descended again. Even as he gulped down whatever was given, Sehwa begged for forgiveness several more times. His tongue wouldn’t roll as he wished, making him anxious. He didn’t know why, but he felt he couldn’t stop talking. Because… if he did, then…

“Fuck, will you shut your mouth?”

As he stammered and acted pitifully, the man, unable to bear it any longer, got angry. Hot tears welled up at the tip of his chin. The man’s deep sigh, as if he was about to explode, swept across his face. The corner of his consciousness, which he had barely held onto, began to fray. He felt pathetic for always incurring someone’s hatred, even in a dream.

“Ugh…”

He had unconsciously tried to turn over, but all his muscles screamed, jolting him awake. Sehwa slowly pushed open his eyelids. His eyelashes were all matted with tears, so he had to rub his eyelids several times, like a cat washing its face, before he could properly open his eyes.

After blinking his dazed eyes a few times to focus, everything he saw was unfamiliar. First, the gown he was wearing was quite different from the one he had worn before. The fabric was much thicker and the size was larger. Wearing something like this and being completely covered by a blanket, he must have been sweating profusely.

Sehwa carefully pulled back the sheet and sat up. He had gotten used to the waterbed, so the feel of the mattress beneath him was also unfamiliar. He pulled back the curtains fluttering by his head, and outside, everything was reddish. Dawn? Or was it sunset? In a neighborhood where neon signs flashed 24 hours a day, it was even harder to gauge the time.

“Players are always on standby, serving with sincerity…” The banner, always tacky, fluttered in the wind as if sobbing. He didn’t know how or when he had moved from the bunker, but seeing the familiar outdoor scenery, which he could draw even in his sleep, confirmed that he was definitely inside the house. Moreover, the undeniably tacky furniture was definitely the boss’s taste.

If there was a place inside the house that was somewhat unfamiliar to Sehwa… there was only one. The general’s bedroom, which the soldiers had blocked him from entering.

Inside, it was ordinary. Although it was larger than the room given to Sehwa, the layout was the same: a bed, a sofa and table, and a bathroom. The difference was that there was a large wardrobe on one side, and it truly felt like a space meant for rest.

Sehwa, who had been running his hand through his hair, which had started to rustle as his sweat dried, finally got up his heavy body. He didn’t know. He felt sticky, so he wanted to wash first and then think.

His memories were chopped up into chunks. Anyway, the general had treated him badly… that he remembered clearly. That things had ended very badly before he lost consciousness, too. Sometimes, he would pass out and then open his eyes, only to find his cock still churning inside him.

As the water poured down, Sehwa rummaged through his hazy mind. As the shower stall became dim with steam, the fragments of consciousness he had tried to push away, conversely, became clearer. Ah, yes. The general had scoffed, asking why he liked him. So he denied it… and then, out of spite, he talked back and was severely punished.

The general had called Sehwa’s name as he pleased. He had thrown away Sehwa’s humble wishes contained within it. He deliberately called him intimate pet names like “honey,” scoffing at Sehwa’s heart, which had dared to feel pity. Before, he seemed only focused on humiliating him, but now, he relentlessly provoked reactions by only probing in the direction Sehwa felt. It wasn’t for his own pleasure. It was because it was convenient, because he wanted to scoff at him crying and begging even as he hated it, because it was simply amusing… that was it. He hated his body, which went against his will, and thought several times that he wished he could just pass out, and eventually, he actually did. That was all.

Sehwa stood under the water, his shoulders slumped. “Do I like him?” Even though he had begged, saying he was sorry and wouldn’t talk back again, he still couldn’t agree with that statement. He didn’t know why the general had such a misconception.

He didn’t usually have an ideal type, but if he had to choose, he preferred someone kind. He wanted to harbor feelings for such a person. He knew that, given his circumstances, he wouldn’t be able to meet someone who grew up in a good environment. People usually met those of similar backgrounds. Even knowing that being together would only ruin each other’s lives, he wanted to meet someone he could stay by and heal the wounds he might have suffered. If he could no longer be lonely with the person he loved, he felt it would be worth it even if his debts doubled.

In that sense, the general… was far from his ideal type. Of course, his appearance was indeed remarkable. He had been mesmerized by him from the start and sometimes even felt a thrill just looking at his face. But that was merely awe for a beautiful creation. It was simple astonishment, not an intimate feeling. Sehwa knew now. That beauty was a useless poison, so… he had never given his heart to the general.

Sehwa lifted his stopped hand and wiped away all the remaining soap from his body. Only then did he wonder if it was okay to shower here. He had stumbled into the bathroom he saw immediately because he felt tired and sticky, but if this was indeed the general’s bedroom… he was the kind of person who would make a huge fuss just for letting him sleep in his bed. And now he has even taken a luxurious shower here. What excuse would he find this time?

Sehwa diligently moved his hands. He didn’t want to owe the general any more. The ledger was now in his hands. He had only been promised a new ID, but hadn’t even seen it. More than anything, as long as Lieutenant Kim’s matter wasn’t resolved, he wouldn’t let him go. He was someone he would have to keep seeing for a while, even if it was scary and he hated it… he didn’t want to get caught for anything else.

“Looks like you’re feeling better now.”

As soon as he hastily hung the showerhead on the wall and turned off the faucet, a low voice echoed in his ears. Sehwa was startled and stumbled. He almost fell hard but managed to grab the faucet and the shower stall wall quickly to regain his balance.

The general clicked his tongue softly and walked towards him. He was dressed comfortably, as if he had just exercised, and was covered in sweat. His tight-fitting T-shirt clearly revealed his broad chest and defined muscles. With his suit off and his hair down, he looked much younger than usual. No, to be more honest… he looked completely different from the man who had tormented him last night. Sehwa lost his words again and just stared blankly at the general’s face.

“Why? Are you going to wash me?”

If not, the general gestured with his chin for him to come out. Was he just letting him use the bathroom? Sehwa curled his body and cautiously exited the shower stall. He grabbed the towel hanging on the wall, barely covering his front, and brushed past him. His piercing gaze touched his profile and the back of his head.

He thought he would definitely hear a reprimand if their eyes met. Perhaps a continuation of the same exhausting sex they had in the bunker. But the general said nothing and let him go. With the sound of pouring water in the background, Sehwa carefully moved his steps. He couldn’t tell what whim he was indulging in, so he had to leave while he allowed it.

Not wanting to put on the sweat-soaked gown again, he crossed the living room towards the small room with the waterbed. Clothes were hanging on the hook on the wall instead of a gown. It was the indoor wear he had worn in the bunker. It smelled faintly of fabric softener whenever he rustled the cloth, as if it had been washed.

Even though he knew it was much better clothing than the gown, he hesitated to reach for it… partly because his memories of the bunker weren’t good, but also because of the symbols embroidered on the top. A star, a flower, a bird. Even as ignorant as he was, he knew what these patterns symbolized.

Sehwa hesitated for a long time before putting on the clothes, only after the sound of water abruptly stopped. Had he been dazed for longer than he thought? His hair was already half-dry.

The bottoms seemed to be the same ones he had originally worn… but the problem was the top. The neckline hung much lower than it would have on the garment’s true owner, almost completely exposing his hollow collarbones. Moreover, the shoulder seam dangled around the middle of Sehwa’s forearm. No, it seemed even a little lower than the middle.

Just then, the sound of a door opening wide came from afar. Steps, momentarily hesitant as if searching for something, soon came straight towards him. It was a confident stride, as if he was certain his guess was correct.

Sehwa swallowed hard, his head bowed. He had no idea what kind of expression to show the general. Still, he didn’t want to just sit obediently on the bed, so he awkwardly stood up… and at the same time, the intruder abruptly stormed in.

His gaze, sweeping over his awkward appearance, held an unreadable emotion. Whatever it was, his mere gaze felt like it could set his body on fire. Just as his face began to flush for no reason, a short snort, “Ha,” was heard from above his bowed head. He seemed to be in a bad mood again, all by himself.

If he opened his mouth, he would get angry about him saying something he didn’t like. If he apologized, he would be displeased with that too… So Sehwa decided to remain silent for now.

“……”

But… how was he supposed to interpret this hand suddenly extended in front of him? As he just stared, unable to discern his intention, the general clicked his tongue.

“You chattered so well when you were out of your mind…”

The general’s hand, which he thought was retreating, suddenly gripped his cheek. Sehwa gasped for breath, his cheeks pressed in like a goldfish. After seemingly enjoying his ridiculous appearance for a moment, the general began to rub the back of his hand roughly against his face. He didn’t seem to be trying to slap him. He seemed to be hoping for some kind of reaction… but he couldn’t even guess what it was. While Sehwa had been momentarily out of it, the general had reappeared as an even greater enigma. Even before, his direction and speed had been hard enough to keep up with.

“If you act like this, it’s going to be difficult.”

“……”

“It makes me wonder how you’ll act if it hurts even more.”

“…I don’t quite understand what you’re saying, I…”

The general, as if he didn’t want to hear it, tossed something at Sehwa. It was a black outer garment with the same emblem as the indoor wear. If this was also the general’s clothing… it would surely be as oversized as the top he was currently wearing. Last time too, he gave him clothes that looked like hot dog wrappers… Was this rag-like style his preference?

“Put it on. We’re going out.”

“…Just this?”

It was better than being in a gown, but he still wasn’t allowed underwear. Moreover, the indoor wear felt similar to pajamas. Even if he put on the outer garment over it, he wouldn’t look presentable. And to go out like that, where were they even going?

“Are you perhaps interested in your parents’ story?”

“…Pardon?”

“The people who gave birth to you. Aren’t you curious?”

Sehwa blinked blankly. He wondered what kind of expression he should wear when facing the general again. Although they weren’t close enough for the word “awkward” to fit, he thought such an atmosphere would linger for a while. Still, as long as he didn’t mock his name or say nonsense like “don’t like me,” it seemed bearable. In terms of the intensity and frequency of violence, the boss was far worse than the general. He had endured several years under him, so he probably had nothing more to be sad about.

But… wasn’t this topic too sudden?

“Come out first. Let’s eat and then talk.”

“You woke up after four days,” the general said, turning his body. Sehwa just stood there, rooted to the spot, bewildered. Parents? The people who gave birth to him? Words he had rarely uttered in his life rolled strangely in his mouth. Why was he bringing this up now…?

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, I…”

Sehwa pushed away all the words that were unsettling him. Putting aside the sudden topic… he was not in a state to sit across from the general and eat. Just the thought made him feel like he would choke. It was already difficult enough to endure his gaze, and he didn’t have the confidence to analyze and ponder a topic that was only unfamiliar to him.

Sehwa mumbled and took half a step back. Had he said he had only woken up after four days? Then, could he use that as an excuse?

“I just woke up, so I don’t really feel like eating yet…”

At his timid refusal, the general, who had been about to stride out, stopped abruptly.

“…You go ahead.”

His eyes, as he sharply turned around, held a chilling glint. Afraid of being cut by his sharp gaze, a submissive remark popped out of his mouth. And then he immediately reproached himself. How thick-skinned. Even so. The words that came to mind in this situation were ‘You go ahead’…

“You’re not going to eat?”

The general took a large step towards him. The distance that had opened up closed instantly. In fact, they were much closer than before Sehwa had retreated. Moisture, whose source he couldn’t identify, mingled together.

“As I said, I don’t really feel like…”

Sehwa mumbled softly, tracing the small stream of water that had formed on the floor. His voice sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

“The one who trembled, hating to starve, yet rustled around to hide bread crumbs…”

The general took another step closer. Now, truly, there was nowhere left to retreat.

“You don’t feel like it?”

Sehwa hid his trembling hands in his drooping sleeves. The more he hunched his body, the more the large top slipped down.

“If you just speak comfortably here…”

If he didn’t eat… wouldn’t it be good not to spend money on food? The restaurants near the house were expensive and the taste was just mediocre. The general probably wouldn’t want to eat such cheap food either. If he wasn’t there, he could cross the port and eat wherever he wanted, so it would probably be more convenient for him if he skipped the meal. But why… what else was displeasing him now?