March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 140

“Haerim.”

Sehwa, who had quickly approached, looked at the child.

“Why is our good baby crying?”

Sehwa reached down to check the diaper first, and upon confirming that nothing was wrong, he immediately picked up the baby. The way his hands supported the neck and bottom showed a level of skill incomparable to Gi Taejeong’s.

“Our Haerim.”

The prolonged ending of “Haerim-ie” somehow sounded like a song. It was a tone and voice he had never heard before. So, this is how he talks when he’s alone with the child. He really sounds like a dad. It felt different from when he used to whisper to his belly… Gi Taejeong, who had been silently marveling, belatedly realized this was not the time.

“The sitter went to get bottles.”

He quickly shook his watch to open the hologram window.

“He said the radio was broken, so he had to go himself.”

“Ah… right. He said if he didn’t inform them what items to receive in advance, the person in charge couldn’t just approach the protective room.”

“Yeah, so he went.”

His voice was calm as he made excuses, but Gi Taejeong was actually very flustered. The timing was terrible, too terrible. He felt Sehwa would misunderstand that he had approached the child as soon as he left. Himself, flustered, and the baby, wailing. Anyone would think he had made it cry.

“You can rest assured. A few guards followed him, and the communication status seems fine.”

As he pointed to the floating map and prepared to assert his innocence, Sehwa didn’t seem very interested in the sitter’s absence. He didn’t even question why Gi Taejeong had intruded into the bedroom. He simply replied nonchalantly, “Oh, really?” and that was the end of it. Rather,

“Thank you.”

He even thanked Gi Taejeong for looking after the child.

“You were surprised, weren’t you, when he suddenly cried?”

Gi Taejeong slowly blinked. He had secretly braced himself for Sehwa to draw a line and tell him not to come anymore, but Sehwa didn’t reproach him at all. He even turned sideways and showed him the child, who was clinging to his shoulder and whimpering.

“Haerim doesn’t usually cry… He eats well and sleeps well.”

Sehwa said nonchalantly that he seemed to be in a bad mood today.

“But he’s crying this hard?”

“Oh, this isn’t crying hard at all.”

“…Really?”

Tear-like drops were falling from the baby’s cheeks, which looked like sticky rice cakes. He looked so upset and sorrowful, and this was nothing? Then how bad would it be if he cried because he was truly hurt or struggling?

“Excuse me… Major General.”

“Hm.”

“Would you like to hold him?”

Gi Taejeong, who had habitually replied “Uh, uh,” belatedly realized the meaning of Sehwa’s words and reacted sluggishly like a broken robot, “…Huh?”

“Weren’t you taking off your jacket to hold Haerim?”

Gi Taejeong then remembered his messy attire. It was understandable to mistake it for him undressing. He glanced down and saw that he had buttoned it wrong from the middle, and his epaulets and medal tassels were precariously tangled.

“…Hmm, but he’s still crying.”

He didn’t want to refuse. As he fumbled to take off his jacket, not wanting to miss Sehwa’s benevolence, Gi Taejeong was a little worried. If he held him again and a bigger cry burst out, if he really cried hard this time… then it would be a disaster.

“It’s natural for a baby to cry.”

Sehwa patted the hiccuping child’s bottom and then abruptly pushed the warm, young body into Gi Taejeong’s arms.

“Ah, wait a minute…!”

“Oh, are you going to hold him like that?”

When Gi Taejeong adjusted his posture to hold the baby as he had before, cradling it in one arm, Sehwa looked surprised.

“My arm hurts, so I can’t hold him like that for long.”

“…Really? He’s light.”

The baby briefly stopped crying, perhaps bewildered by the raised view. Even though he knew such specific thoughts were impossible for a baby, Gi Taejeong had been attributing all sorts of meanings to the child’s actions since earlier.

“Ah, why are you trying to eat this?”

As he adjusted his posture, the ribbon string of the hat touched the baby’s mouth, and even without teeth, it firmly bit the string and tried to suck on it. When he surprised it and pulled it away, the baby smacked its lips regretfully, but seemed happy and kept smiling brightly.

Is this why newborns are compared to puppies? They try to eat anything that touches their mouth. And they get used to being held… Still, why chew on a piece of cloth? What if there’s an accident? Gi Taejeong could list dozens of cases where such thin, flimsy strings could choke a person.

“You don’t… dislike him?”

He was staring intently at the child’s face, which was still miraculous to behold, when Sehwa mumbled softly, as if surprised.

“Who, the baby?”

“Yes.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

Sehwa, who had been hesitating for a long time, needlessly pulling and untying the already beautifully tied ribbon, finally looked up as if he had made a decision.

“You said something before… Ah, not what you said at the harbor.”

Gi Taejeong coughed loudly, like someone who had choked. He hadn’t expected Sehwa to bring up what happened in the 2nd arc so casually.

“You once said, what good would it do for people like us to have a child, that their fate would be obvious.”

“…That was,”

“You didn’t even ask about Haerim… If you had been interested, you would have found Haerim long ago, and given your personality, you didn’t make any demands, so I thought you disliked babies. Of course, I didn’t intend to show him to you at first either…”

“No.”

What nonsense are you talking about? As Gi Taejeong hastily denied it, his body swayed slightly, and the baby, thinking he was playing, excitedly kicked its feet. Its hands and feet were tightly wrapped, so its range of motion wasn’t wide, but he wasn’t sure if it could even be called kicking… It was truly a trivial squirm.

“I told you. My only exception is you.”

“……”

“You gave birth to this child, so why would I dislike him? It’s just that I…”

Gi Taejeong, who was about to pour out his feelings, suddenly let out a gentle laugh, thinking that the situation had changed slightly from before. It wasn’t that he had hidden the child for some serious reason. It was just a misunderstanding caused by their lack of communication. They had both resigned themselves to it, not wanting their relationship to worsen or to hurt each other.

“I thought you would hate me too. It’s natural to hate me, after I said such… things about the baby in your womb.”

“……”

“And as you said, my personality is a mess. I’m waiting for you to accept me regardless of the child.”

“What does that… mean?”

“You’re kind.”

At his abrupt words, Sehwa pulled back his chin and slightly furrowed his brow. He looked exactly like the baby who had been grimacing from crying just moments ago. Gi Taejeong finally burst into laughter. He had been letting out quiet chuckles for a while, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. No, he didn’t want to hold it in anymore.

“If I keep lingering by your side like this, and if I show that I like the baby… I thought you’d have no choice but to accept me.”

“……”

“But I don’t want to be with you out of necessity, or by chance, like that. It’s true I don’t dislike the child. But I’ve never thought of using the excuse of wanting a family to hold onto you.”

Because my heart isn’t as kind as yours. Only those with potential can truly turn over a new leaf. I’m still too greedy, so I don’t think I can.

“You don’t have to show me the child. Regardless of that, when you’re truly okay, then accept me again.”

Sehwa raised an eyebrow at the words that allowed no variables and only considered him. He wanted to retort something to the overflowing greedy Gi Taejeong, but he hesitated for a long time, only parting his lips as if nothing suitable came to mind.

Gi Taejeong gazed with a fresh feeling at the renewed vitality on Sehwa’s once ruined, pale face. Was it called a ‘baenaetjit’ when a newborn squirmed? He didn’t know why Lee Sehwa, at twenty-two, was still doing a ‘baenaetjit.’ His heart ached at the innocent and childlike manner of his puckering lips and twitching eyebrows, as innocent as a baby’s.

“Major General, you’re… how can you be so greedy?”

“That’s how I got to this position.”

He retorted nonchalantly, but he was actually trembling a lot.

“I’m trying in my own way too. I want to show you a changed side of me, and at the same time, not change too much so you can resent me freely.”

“…Lie.”

“It’s true.”

The child in his arms made a ‘cha-ap’ sound as if adding a commentary. For some reason, the excited baby was mumbling something earnestly with its bird-like mouth.

“Oh, why did you go for a check-up?”

“Ah, I told you my constitution was changing. But it seems I can still have children. Though it’s not certain.”

“…Ah.”

Sehwa glanced down at his belly, saying that no problem had arisen because of that.

Gi Taejeong, with the hand not holding the child, repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fist, then carefully extended it towards Sehwa. He bent his index finger like a hook and gently tapped his belly, making Sehwa’s shoulder twitch.

…That was all. He didn’t shake Gi Taejeong’s hand off in disgust, nor did he harshly slap the back of his hand. He merely stared at the large hand gently stroking his belly, as if he were a young animal dropped in an unfamiliar place, even holding his breath.

“…It must have hurt a lot.”

“……”

“I’m sorry.”

While Sehwa fumbled, unable to find a suitable reply, the child vigorously kicked its feet as if to take his place. One tiny kick instantly revived the atmosphere that had almost sunk.

“…I hoped he would grow tall and strong like a tree.”

Sehwa, smiling vaguely as if troubled or embarrassed, brought a towel and gently patted the baby’s mouth. In his white hand, which had once been wrapped in gauze to detect drugs, now held a soft gauze towel smelling faintly of formula.

Sehwa’s eyes, tossed by various storms, had grown deeper than before, sometimes darkening, but ultimately they shone brightly. Like ripples shimmering on the water’s surface in the dark of night, they tirelessly exerted themselves, glinting.

This time too, Gi Taejeong could breathe thanks to Sehwa, who had approached him first. He had become a human being. It was always Lee Sehwa who extended a hand at crucial moments. It was thanks to Sehwa’s courage that he was allowed to be by his side, and that Sehwa, even guessing Gi Taejeong might dislike it, hesitantly offered for him to hold the child.

“I wanted him to become a big, strong tree that would fill the forest. It also suited his prenatal nickname, ‘Sapling’…”

Sehwa put his hands behind his back, hiding the damp towel, and cleared his throat.

“And back then, I loved the sea so much… I felt like everything would be resolved if I went out to sea…”

“……”

“So I named him Haerim. I looked through the book Commander Oh Seonran gave me and found characters that matched the meaning…”

So, Sehwa said, taking a deep breath,

“Please call him Haerim.”

“……”

“Don’t call him ‘child’ or ‘baby’… because he has the name Haerim…”

The afternoon sun, squeezing through the window, slowly swept over Sehwa’s shoulder, the top of his head, and then his other shoulder. The weather was so good that the trajectory of the clouds scattered vaguely across the marble floor was clearly visible.

Gi Taejeong, lost in the unbelievably peaceful scene, recalled Sehwa quietly whispering to the child on the bed sometime ago.

The voice that wanted to see dolphins. The fan-shaped, cream-colored light. The night he couldn’t take his eyes off Sehwa’s face visible through the narrow gap, captivated by an indescribable emotion.

It was probably from then. That he started dreaming alone, even while forcibly keeping Sehwa by his side. He didn’t know how to insert himself into that warm fantasy, didn’t know how to say a single ‘I’m sorry,’ so he had come a long way around.

“…Sehwa.”

“Why are you calling me?”

Sehwa urged him in a voice full of laughter. Since he was holding him anyway, he told Gi Taejeong to look at Haerim’s face and call his name once.

Gi Taejeong swallowed something that kept surging up his throat, then belatedly opened his mouth.

“…Lee Haerim.”