March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 137

“Ah, I think I’ll be living near the hospital.”

“Near the hospital? Here?”

“Yes, that… Commander Oh Seonran helped me… Ah, it’s not certain yet, but…”

Sehwa’s voice grew softer and softer, trembling at the end. His chopsticks were clumsy, and he started stammering again. It seemed to be a topic that stirred his anxiety.

“Hmm.”

Gi Taejeong cleared his throat briefly and simply nodded. There wasn’t much else he could do. He had been so relentlessly difficult on this topic when he and Sehwa were at odds. He had feigned ignorance countless times when Sehwa said he didn’t want to live together, when he said to stop… From Sehwa’s perspective, the question of where he would live must have been awkward.

The desire to take him to the official residence still remained. Sehwa peacefully playing with the child? Smiling brightly and asking if Gi Taejeong had come to see him? He didn’t wish for such things. He just wanted Sehwa to be there. Seeing him was difficult and unpleasant… then it wouldn’t matter if he only came and went very occasionally. He had a lot to do outside anyway.

Now that he was finally allowed to show his face and come and go, cohabitation… Gi Taejeong knew it was excessive greed. Even if Sehwa agreed, Commander Oh Seonran might object. No, she would clearly object.

Not pressing him to live together. Not embarrassing Sehwa with self-praise about how much better he was now that he wasn’t saying everything he wanted to… This was the extent of the consideration Gi Taejeong could immediately think of for Sehwa.

He hadn’t been forgiven, and he mustn’t forget that he was in the process of seeking forgiveness. Even as he thought this, an uncontrollable impatience would surge within him.

Especially when the parts where he had hurt Sehwa, such as the housing issue now, surfaced, his heart would stir with a desire to immediately make amends.

He wanted to quickly cover it with good memories. He hoped Sehwa wouldn’t recall their past and make such a lonely expression anymore… He knew that even if new skin grew, scars wouldn’t disappear. He thought he should wait patiently, but when he actually faced Sehwa’s choked-up face, he just wanted to smear all his plausible offerings onto Sehwa’s worn-out heart.

“So, what are you going to do when you’re discharged?”

“……”

“You had so many things you wanted to do.”

Sehwa seemed uncomfortable, so he tried to change the subject. But this didn’t seem to be a good topic either. Sehwa’s face, replying vaguely with “Well…,” was even gloomier than before.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to go to school? Weren’t you going to study?”

“That’s…”

Even though the year had changed, he was only twenty-two, yet Sehwa shook his head with lonely eyes, as if he had lived a lifetime.

“For now, I have something I need to do… It seems like they can’t manage without me.”

What did that mean? Gi Taejeong narrowed his eyes at the vague words, only realizing a moment later that the omitted subject was the child.

“You’ll be too busy with that to think about anything else…”

“……”

“School… I’m not sure about that either. Before, since I’d never been, it was something I dreamed of… but now that I think about it, I don’t know if I’d even do well if I went…”

“Why do you say that without even trying?”

When Gi Taejeong retorted grumpily, Sehwa laughed softly, “Haha.” Sehwa, who had been laughing with an empty sound, scooped up the fluffy steamed egg. Perhaps feeling fortified as the warm food went down his throat, he finally relaxed his stiff shoulders.

“What should I do… I don’t know.”

“……”

“Brigadier General… no, Major General… aren’t you the same?”

“…What?”

“I thought that once everything was over, I could do anything… truly anything.”

For me, that was becoming a resident of the castle, and for the Major General, it was successfully concluding the trial, Sehwa mumbled, slightly turning his head.

Gi Taejeong, selfish as he was, pretended not to notice the emotion, the sorrow, cast by Sehwa’s long eyelashes. He felt that if he delved deeply into that feeling, there would ultimately be no option left but for him to leave. Instead, he simply placed healthy side dishes onto Sehwa’s spoon, gruffly muttering concerns for him to eat more.

“But now that it’s really all over, it’s just… I’m barely, barely breathing. Maybe it’s because things turned out completely differently… So much has changed from what I initially expected…”

It was true. Neither he nor Sehwa had things go according to plan. Plan? Not a single thing had gone as intended.

And then Sehwa swallowed hard several times. What he had barely managed to get down was not really saliva, but something that kept surging up from deep inside.

“…Brigadier General.”

“Hm.”

“Isn’t this… strange? Us, being like this.”

“……”

“After crying and screaming that you hated it, that you wanted to be let go… to just gloss over it, so easily…”

Sehwa, whose nose had turned red, continued speaking with difficulty.

“Easily, accepting the Brigadier General…”

“……”

“Sitting across from each other, eating, talking about what to do next, being like this, sometimes… very occasionally…”

“……”

“I feel like there’s really something wrong with me. It doesn’t make sense. Not just anyone… but you, Brigadier General, me…”

How could he, unless he was crazy? Unless something was wrong with him, how could he possibly?

It wasn’t an accusation meant for him. In a voice still young and fragile, Sehwa was once again cornering himself.

There were no grand metaphors, no smooth explanations. But Gi Taejeong could perfectly read the sorrow Sehwa held in that clumsy sigh.

He cherished him. Though not in an ordinary or beautiful way, he undoubtedly loved him. How could he explain that he was more accustomed to the despair and melancholy of such a person than their joy and happiness? Could he package this feeling, this inability to let go even knowing he was the one who had brought him to this state, as love?

Gi Taejeong stared intently at the face of the person he loved, a face that seemed as if it would wear away at any moment. Sehwa, who had often shed tear-like pearls in front of him, had at some point forgotten how to cry and was merely drenched in moisture like that.

“Then how about this?”

“……”

“Let’s make a bet for 3 points.”

At the unexpected suggestion, Sehwa’s eyes widened as he looked up at Gi Taejeong.

“You have to find three reasons why you’ll continue to sit across from me and eat together. The reasons why you’d still put up with this bastard.”

“……”

“It’d be even better if you could also think of reasons why you’d want to forgive me, while you’re at it.”

When Gi Taejeong added brazenly, Sehwa let out a disbelieving “Huh.”

“One point per reason. If you get all 3 points, I’ll grant you one wish. Anything.”

“…You expect me to believe that?”

“It’s true. I granted one last time too, didn’t I?”

Gi Taejeong tore the tender galbi-jjim along the grain and placed it on Sehwa’s rice.

“If a lot of time passes and you still can’t find an answer, then it’s fine. Just tell me to really stop.”

“……”

“Say, ‘I think I’ve finally sorted out my feelings,’ or ‘No matter how much I think about it, this round is completely messed up,’ and then abandon me.”

At the word “abandon,” Sehwa slightly furrowed his brow, perhaps recalling a past conversation. He seemed a little embarrassed.

“…Then, Brigadier, no, Major General, what about you?”

“Me? I’ll keep waiting. Until you forgive me.”

“What kind of bet is that…?”

“Well, when have I ever made a sensible bet with you?”

When Gi Taejeong retorted playfully, Sehwa’s lips thinned. He briefly twitched his mouth, seemingly bewildered by Gi Taejeong’s impudent attitude, then picked up his utensils again as if to say, ‘Never mind.’

“So, relax.”

“……”

“If you want to get angry, get angry. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to argue, argue.”

Gi Taejeong stared blankly at Sehwa’s thin wrist, exposed from his rolled-up sleeve. It was a relief that it no longer looked like it would break if touched, he thought, and then he blurted out something without realizing it.

“No one ever told me what to do when the final act came.”

Sehwa, who had been rolling his eyes and chewing rice, realized a beat later that Gi Taejeong was answering his earlier question.

“I think I had a similar conversation with you before. I wished for an end, but honestly, I don’t think I seriously considered what would happen after that. There were too many heavy things I had to accomplish right then.”

“……”

“But what I’m thinking now is, well… If you’ve reached the end, shouldn’t you just close the book? Instead of forcibly, unnecessarily, adding rambling details to a finished story where there’s no room…”

“……”

“If you’ve reached the last chapter, just close it and open a new book, shouldn’t you?”

“……”

“Even though I’m trying, I’ll ultimately remain myself, so from now on, feel free to resent me. You might even get annoyed and wonder how a person can’t change… Then, if you suddenly become curious about another world, if you want to open another book, open it then. There will be a new story written there… and then somehow things will work out, won’t they? If there’s nothing, you can just fill it in.”

Sehwa, who had been silently bowing his head, shifted his gaze back and forth. He wanted to pretend not to know and dump all responsibility on the scoundrel in front of him, and he was tired of feeling that way about himself, and his face showed a sorrowful expression, wondering when this tiresome repetition would end. Even if it tasted bitter, Gi Taejeong also had to get used to Sehwa’s pain and melancholy.

“And you’re not easy at all. You’re trying to move forward even after going through all that chaos, so why do you keep saying that someone doing something difficult is easy?”

Gi Taejeong pushed all the precious and good side dishes towards Sehwa. Then he said calmly,

“If something pisses you off, just curse at me. Don’t needlessly hate someone I like.”

“……”

“Why do you keep digging yourself into a hole when you haven’t done anything wrong?”

Sehwa was silent for a moment. He bit his lower lip so hard it hurt to watch, and just stared intently at the corner of the table. Only the sound of Gi Taejeong diligently moving his chopsticks, dissecting side dishes for Sehwa, echoed in the protective room’s kitchen.

The silence was broken much later, when the steamed egg had cooled completely and turned like pudding.

“…It’s because of you, Brigadier General.”

His voice, trying to sound nonchalant, was taut with effort. Sehwa, feigning bravado, was like a small bird. A pitiful young creature with broken wings and an injured ankle, waddling, trying somehow to fly. He was the very embodiment of the kind and lovely Lee Sehwa, who could not possibly be conquered.

“Yes, it’s because of me.”

Gi Taejeong nodded readily.

“So don’t think bad thoughts, just smile.”

Don’t cry, he added, and Sehwa mumbled grumpily,

“You said I could cry if I wanted to.”

His head, bowed low, was round like a chestnut. Gi Taejeong suppressed the urge to stroke it and silently cheered on Sehwa’s unique courage. How much inner turmoil he must have endured, and how much effort he must have put in, to be able to speak like that after being speechless, to be able to have an ordinary conversation with him, of all people.

Gi Taejeong firmly suppressed his mind, which kept wanting to drift towards sentimental thoughts. He hadn’t been granted any feelings from Sehwa yet, and he couldn’t arbitrarily harbor pity or compassion. His job from now on was to silently listen to Sehwa’s complaints whenever he was in pain like this.

What words would be written in the new book Sehwa would open? Would a day come when his story would also be written there? He couldn’t guarantee anything, but it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered except that Sehwa was now slowly starting to walk, that he was thinking of life, not death. As he had once confessed to Sehwa, he was Gi Taejeong’s exception, his only weakness that could not be overcome by any means.

“He’s coming and going without even being discreet now.”

Just as Gi Taejeong was leaving the protective room to return to the Air Force headquarters, he ran into Commander Oh Seonran in the hallway, who had come to see Sehwa. He clicked his tongue in displeasure, but that was all. He had grumbled once, saying, “If Sehwa allowed it, who am I to say anything?” but that was only once.

“Commander.”

Commander Oh Seonran, who was about to pass by without returning Gi Taejeong’s salute, stopped with an indifferent expression.

“There’s something I’d like to ask. Why did you call me back then?”

“Back then?”

“When you took the child out of the incubator… and when you reinforced the security personnel.”

He could understand being contacted, but it was still a mystery why there was no particular restraint when his subordinates brought up absurd talk of disguises.

Commander Oh Seonran had clearly stated, while sorting things out, that he hadn’t expected Lieutenant Colonel Kim to do such a crazy thing. If so, it meant he hadn’t allowed Gi Taejeong’s visit to use him as a shield… Then for what reason? He was a terrible person to Sehwa, even to the point of hitting him.

“…Long ago, I made a promise to the person who gave birth to Sehwa.”