March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 135

Gi Taejeong muttered “happy…” with only his lips. The man seemed extremely awkward, as if he was uttering that word for the first time in his life.

“…Lee Sehwa, I…”

Gi Taejeong, who had tilted his head and smiled bitterly, then merely moved his lips for a moment. He looked Sehwa directly in the face only after one of the ventilation systems stopped operating.

“If you come all the way here and ask me such a thing…”

“…”

“I’m a shameless bastard, so I can’t help but hope a little.”

His words were utterly brazen, yet strangely, they carried a sense of solemnity rather than slyness. It seemed to reveal a determination to pour everything out and end it now, since they would truly never see each other again, and also to draw a line, telling him not to give a guy like him any more leeway.

“…Then how were you?”

“…”

“Have you been well?”

Just then, the huge ceiling fan overhead began to operate smoothly. The plain uniform shirt without any decorations like epaulets or medals, the white curtains around the bed, Gi Taejeong’s hair and his deeply wavering eyes… Everything Sehwa saw subtly trembled.

Sehwa, who had been gazing blankly at the scene, squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them.

“…Yes, I’ve been well.”

“…”

“I’ve been eating well, exercising diligently…”

“…”

“My memory isn’t fully intact yet, so it’s a bit inconvenient sometimes, but I think I’m doing well enough.”

“…Good, that’s a relief.”

For such a grand opening, his reaction was quite simple.

Gi Taejeong was originally a man who was good at embellishing his words. He would say things like, “You must make me your guardian,” or “You are my only weakness and exception”… He was very skilled at expressions that intoxicated the listener while not revealing his true feelings. At least, that’s how Sehwa felt at the time.

Funnily enough, he didn’t know how to say “I’m sorry.” Even a simple confession like “I have feelings for you” was incredibly difficult for him. Yet, when he was playing with people, he would easily say things like, “Sehwa, I like you,” without batting an eye. But when sincere words were needed, he would just ramble on with excuses no one was curious about.

Instead of confessing with “I’ll do well for you,” or “I’ll take care of you,” he was a cruel man who ultimately showed his true feelings by not putting a platinum leash on him.

And then, he finally revealed his true feelings only after everything had shattered and become irreversible.

Even at that moment, Gi Taejeong didn’t break down at all.

Unlike himself, who was already shattered and scattering ashes, the man remained firm even on the beach. He maintained a nonchalant expression consistently, whether handing over the parental rights waiver or putting Sehwa in Commander Oh Seonran’s car. It was always Sehwa who shed ugly tears.

Even when he busily tried to live as Commander Oh Seonran had suggested, there were moments when Gi Taejeong inevitably came to mind. The face that had hurt him would come to mind, sending chills down his spine, and he would tremble in fear, or sometimes he would reminisce about the good times.

Of course, he had childishly imagined that Gi Taejeong would be more upset than him, that he would suffer greatly. But he never expected Gi Taejeong to actually be harmed. He was a man who had never lost to anyone in his life, so he assumed he would recover quickly. Like the military personnel outside who wondered why he was worrying unnecessarily, saying Gi Taejeong would be fine with just one recovery pill.

“And I, now…”

“……”

“Hmm, I don’t use patches anymore. It turns out I don’t have to.”

“…What?”

Gi Taejeong’s tightly closed lips parted slightly. Unable to pretend to be unfazed by this news, he completely cast off the mask he had been wearing so well.

“What do you mean? You don’t need to use patches?”

“They’re not sure of the exact cause yet, but they think it might be a side effect of that A7 drug… Anyway, they said my constitution changed.”

“Then, if you get sick…”

“I can take medicine. Like normal people.”

“……”

“I can also take nutritional supplements, and if I ever need surgery, I can have anesthesia and a normal…”

Before he could finish his sentence, the sudden, powerful grip that felt like it would burst his body made Sehwa swallow the last phrase about having normal surgery.

“…General.”

In his surprise, the familiar title slipped out, and perhaps that call was the fuse, as the hands of the man who had embraced him without warning began to tremble faintly.

“Just a little…”

“……”

“Just this once, just stay like this for a moment…”

The place where Gi Taejeong had buried his face vibrated with a hum. Sehwa neither pushed him away nor embraced him back. Just as he had endured him whenever he came crashing down like a storm, he simply stood still this time, silently waiting for this moment to end.

Then, as the hands wrapped around his back and waist gradually loosened, Sehwa swallowed hard and opened his mouth.

“I used to think that if I just got a new resident ID, I would be happy…”

“……”

“But now I’m a resident of not just the 1st, but the 5th District… and if you ask me if I’m happy, I… don’t really know.”

“……”

“Who was I before? What was my personality like? How did I endure and live when my insides felt so empty, with what… mindset? None of it comes to mind.”

Gi Taejeong showed no reaction. No, he seemed to think he shouldn’t. He couldn’t properly embrace him, nor could he fully let him go; he just pressed his body against him.

“I’m trying… but I don’t think I’m truly getting better. Probably… because of you, General…”

“……”

“Because of you, I… was broken too much.”

“……”

“So, so…”

Sehwa’s lips trembled, and his eyes welled up without him realizing it.

He had cried like a fool all the way from the beach to the hospital, but he had bravely endured since then. He had tried his best to be okay on his own. But then, tears suddenly gushed out at the throbbing heartbeat against his cheek, pressed against his chest.

“Keep, keep feeling sorry for me.”

“……”

“My status has risen, I have more money, and a good adoptive father… so it seems my luck has turned. But what keeps being so hard, what keeps hurting, what it means to me to be able to take medicine like a normal person… The person who can understand that…”

“……”

“That person, incredibly, is only you… General.”

The only person who can understand my worn-out heart is the very person who made me cry so much.

And I am the only one who can pity this man, who was broken long before he met me.

What kind of relationship is this, anyway?

“Until I’m okay, I’ll keep, keep resenting you, General, by my side…”

He wasn’t confident he could get along with Gi Taejeong as before. He didn’t want to be embraced by him, lie in the same bed, or chatter away, wanting to see the man’s face soften.

But since being together was painful and being apart was also difficult… then, perhaps, keeping Gi Taejeong by his side until another answer emerged would be an option.

It seemed like a decision far from happiness. It also felt like he was closing another exit he had barely found with his own hands. But it was so unfair and painful to suffer this contradiction alone that he wanted to hurt him, like a water ghost dragging him down.

And then… perhaps a day would come when he would feel better than now.

Since this utterly dead place would forever belong to Gi Taejeong anyway, wouldn’t a time come when he could look at him and say he wasn’t hurting anymore?

“I’m not saying we’re going back to how things were.”

“……”

“I might hate you, curse you, vent all my frustrations, and then say, ‘It’s enough, let me go now.’ No, I definitely will. Because I…”

“Do that.”

Gi Taejeong leaned his forehead against the hollow where his neck met his shoulder.

“You can do anything…”

“……”

“Just stay by my side. No, let me stay by your side.”

He nodded repeatedly for a long time, as if finding it unbearable. Again and again, until his skin turned red from the friction.

“Lee Sehwa.”

“……”

“…Sehwa.”

The words Gi Taejeong whispered next were too faint to hear properly. They were closer to a breath than a language. But his lips pressed close, and their movement clearly conveyed what sentence it was… Sehwa, who had never dared to dream of hearing those words in such a way until long ago, finally shed tears and embraced Gi Taejeong back.

No, could this even be called an embrace? It was merely a faint gesture of gripping the hem of his top, but thanks to Gi Taejeong embracing him tightly, as if to make up for Sehwa’s part, they managed to be somewhat intertwined.

He wished he were a flower, like his name, but all he had were shabby thorns. And the same was true for Gi Taejeong.

Though they were pricked and tormented by the sharp thorns, they would occasionally push their thorns into each other through the sparse gaps, trembling with ecstasy. It was both painful and euphoric to have something entirely his own, even in his wretchedness.

Warm sunlight or beautiful flowers couldn’t heal this wound. He only truly realized this now, having had to retreat from him, unable to bear the pain any longer. It felt as if he needed to reinsert this man’s thorns into the empty space for the bleeding to stop and a scab to form.

Sehwa, who had stubbornly stood his ground, decided to let go of the answer to this problem. Perhaps he would never know. He might even change his mind tomorrow and tell him it would be better not to see each other.

But no matter how much it hurt, it was only when he was intertwined with Gi Taejeong, only that damp, dark thicket of thorns, that could stop this persistent weeping. He seemed to know only that much.