March Novel (Completed) - Chapter 119

“Is that all?”

Sehwa tilted his head slightly, as if unable to grasp the intention of the accusation.

“What do you mean…”

“I’m just making excuses again, aren’t I?”

“Yes…?”

“You always cried or grimaced whenever I spoke like this.”

At first, he had acted lightly, but later it was genuine, I was born a bastard and raised like this, what can I do? It was an unavoidable choice to maintain this position… He had always offered poor excuses whose gist didn’t change much, even if the tone softened slightly. He thought it was the same just now. But…

“It’s strange that you’re not crying now.”

“……”

“Ah, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m just curious about the difference.”

Sehwa blinked docilely. Then, his eyes, which had become much larger due to weight loss, and his tightly closed, pale lips curved ever so slightly. It was like a freshly steamed rice cake softly crumpling.

Ah. Gi Taejeong let out a small groan. Lee Sehwa smiled. Although it was a sigh-like laugh, as if in disbelief, it was a laugh nonetheless. Even if it was for a very fleeting moment, it was something.

The image of Sehwa, who had smiled faintly at him when he had lost his memory and knew nothing, and the bright face that had turned to him while picking up an apple much earlier, overlapped like a phantom over his now hardened expression. Gi Taejeong unconsciously reached out his hand as if mesmerized towards Sehwa’s cheek, then quickly came to his senses and retreated.

“…Tell me. Why didn’t you cry this time, and why did you smile?”

It was a foolish question even to his own ears. He knew it, yet he stubbornly demanded an answer. General. He wanted to bring back that cheerful address that now felt so distant, but how could he do it?

If he were to make excuses to himself, this was an irresistible force. His tenacious instincts whispered. Now is the time. I must understand this difference. If he even pretended to fix himself according to it, someday he might be able to make Lee Sehwa smile brightly. He wouldn’t leave his side even without being restrained by a dog collar and chains.

“Lee Sehwa.”

Instead of grabbing Sehwa’s hand arbitrarily, he held the end of his large hospital gown sleeve and shook it. Gently. So as not to hurt him. So as not to surprise him. He was trying, but it wasn’t easy. Would a ruffian holding cotton candy without an umbrella on a rainy day feel like this? He wanted to protect that fragile thing, which melted with just a little moisture, safely under a pouring rain… but how could he do it?

Tearing and breaking were easy, but cherishing and being careful were difficult. When he had taken Sehwa as he pleased, he had been busy stripping him and making him cry. He had only given him empty praise, causing resentment to fester within Lee Sehwa…

“……”

Sehwa twitched his eyebrows in distress and just rolled his eyes. Perhaps burdened by the man who seemed to be loading his words, ready to shoot at him the moment he opened his mouth, he just moved his lips a few times and then let out a small sigh.

Gi Taejeong felt a tingling sensation down to his toes just from that. Sehwa was showing a different reaction. He wasn’t trembling and watching his every move, nor was he crying or vomiting because of him, nor was he asking him to give up parental rights in exchange for his body.

Although it was closer to being dulled from being worn down by various experiences, it was definitely a different vibe from the attitude he had shown in recent days. It was completely different from when he had sat down and cried, holding the baby shoes, telling him to take them and get lost. Perhaps something could change in the future? Not wanting to miss even a sliver of possibility, Gi Taejeong persistently pressed Sehwa.

“Because you just spoke honestly…”

Sehwa, sensing that Gi Taejeong wouldn’t easily back down, stammered.

“This time, you didn’t just notify me, saying, ‘No matter what your situation is, this was my circumstance’… but you immediately explained that you were sorry… that it was a mistake…”

Sehwa, a little embarrassed, touched his earlobe with his free hand and took a couple of steps back.

“It’s not that your words were good… or that I can understand them, but…”

“I know. It’s that it wasn’t so disgusting that you wanted to immediately push me away, right?”

“……”

“Yes. That’s enough.”

The method to elicit even a slight reaction from Sehwa was so simple it was almost frustrating. Rather than explaining why things had to happen, or offering alternatives for how he could compensate, it was about interpreting his own words and attitude from Sehwa’s perspective, however crudely. It wasn’t about offering baby shoes out of overwhelming emotion, but genuinely considering ways to change the child’s life. Such small things…

After all, Sehwa had always liked trivial things. He was the kind of person who smiled happily when given a cake box rather than an expensive luxury item of considerable asset value.

“If that kind of attitude and way of speaking is good…”

Gi Taejeong took a big step, closing the distance Sehwa had created. No, he stood even closer than before.

“I have a question.”

A moment of regret washed over him, feeling as if he had taken a long detour when there was such an easy path, but he begrudged the time to feel frustrated. He had learned the basic formula, now it was time to apply it.

He had to advance at the right time to plant his flag and claim this territory as his own. And Gi Taejeong desired victory more desperately than ever. Even though it was frustrating that his opponent was none other than himself, he desperately wanted to win.

“What did you write and erase on the note you left for me?”

Sehwa just mumbled ‘note…’ with his mouth, then nodded, saying, ‘Ah, ah.’

His heart throbbed in a distinctly different way than before. He barely managed to suppress the urge to whine like a child, asking why he was acting as if he had forgotten everything. He barely endured his own childish impulse to act out again, solely driven by the thought that he couldn’t go back to the past.

Hmm, perhaps Sehwa’s increasing childishness in front of him also stemmed from this feeling. Because he liked him, and because he wished the other person felt the same way. Since emotions couldn’t be judged by efficiency or suitability, he probably had no choice but to cling to him stubbornly.

“Even if it’s a curse, it’s okay, just tell me. No, can you… tell me?”

When he changed his command into a gentle request, Sehwa’s brow furrowed deeply. Gi Taejeong, however, read affirmation in that hesitation and deliberation. Even though he hated him and cried, lost his mind, and then shut himself off from speaking… Lee Sehwa was still Lee Sehwa. He couldn’t bring himself to be harsh to him, even with just this much concession.

“People say that first love… doesn’t come true…”

But what Sehwa hesitantly said was something he had never imagined,

“I wrote that I thought those words were not wrong… and then erased it.”

Gi Taejeong could only stare blankly at him.

…First love? An expression he had never imagined hearing in his life rushed over Gi Taejeong like a broken dam.

“Originally, you don’t do such things with the other person’s permission… but after writing it, it felt a bit funny, and I thought I didn’t need to specifically tell the General that I… had such serious feelings by myself… and be ridiculed until the end…”

Sehwa slowly closed and opened his eyes. He seemed to be sifting through the moments he had cried hidden alone.

“So… I erased it.”

The last added words were almost a whisper, barely audible. He was clearly embarrassed, yet there was also a sense of relief.

First love.

Gi Taejeong chewed on that word several times. He crushed it in his mouth, gnawed at it, and traced its faint sensation with the tip of his tongue.

Love.

First, love.

“…Then let’s just say it wasn’t the first time.”

Gi Taejeong abruptly grabbed Sehwa’s hand, which was carefully trying to pull away. This, too, was an irresistible force. He felt he couldn’t bear it otherwise, so he gripped his thin forearm tightly and turned him back around.

“Gen-General…”

“You almost died and came back to life. You even lost your memory for a bit. So let’s just say the first time ended then.”

Clumsily, but as gently as possible, so as not to burden Sehwa… He eventually abandoned all the newly learned approaches and clung to him incoherently.

“I’ll do well. If you tell me, I can fix it now.”

“That’s…”

“I’ll change as if I’m reborn, so let’s make this the second time.”

A hint of surprise briefly spread in Sehwa’s widened eyes. But it was merely a reflexive reaction to Gi Taejeong’s sudden action. Soon, bitter resignation filled them, and he dropped his pale neck as if placing it on a guillotine. The subsequent reaction was obvious. It would be a refusal.

“I’ll start the process to register the child as a 5th Star resident now, so be aware of that… We’ll talk about this in detail after the trial.”

Gi Taejeong stubbornly insisted, knowing that nothing would change even if he didn’t listen to Sehwa’s denial. He preempted him, giving him no chance to refuse.

He was a rotten bastard, so he couldn’t be satisfied with just this much. He wanted to make him smile. He wanted him to smile because of him. He didn’t care how long it took, he wanted to see Lee Sehwa clinging to him again like before.

“The child’s residential area issue… I wasn’t deliberately trying not to do it, I just didn’t think about it while waiting for you to wake up, and then while monitoring for side effects.”

“……”

“Yes, the child isn’t more important to me than you are. And probably never will be. Still, I’ll pay attention to the child now, so I can make up for the nonsense I said in front of you before.”

“……”

“Still, this isn’t nearly enough, is it? To be your second man.”

It wasn’t a question he expected an answer to. He just wanted to subtly press him and leave a lingering impression; now was the right time to retreat. Gi Taejeong lightly raised both hands and stepped back, as if he wouldn’t force him anymore.

Sehwa gnawed at his innocent lower lip, then dropped his head. With only the round crown of his head visible, it was impossible to tell what expression he was making. He just rubbed his forearm, which had been held, a few times. Each time his sleeve fluttered with his weak gesture, red handprints appeared and disappeared faintly.

Finally, it was the day of the trial. Judging that appearing in his hospital gown would be advantageous, Sehwa only wore a large cardigan over it.

His reflection in the mirror looked utterly ridiculous. Sehwa looked at his clumsy appearance this way and that, then resigned himself and went out to the living room. What could he do? He was born like this, and his situation isn’t good now either…

“Are you up?”

As soon as he opened the bedroom door, Gi Taejeong approached him with a faint smile. Second Lieutenant Park and Warrant Officer Choi, who had been waiting with him, also glanced at him with flustered expressions.

The trial was literally just around the corner, but recently, he had been acting as if he had no interest in anything but Sehwa. Moreover, he kept saying uncharacteristically sweet things.