Lick Me Up If You Can Novel (Completed) - Chapter 209

Hours later, Koi was still sitting blankly in the same spot. The only difference from before was that he had gone to the doctor’s office, had a consultation, and returned. But he still couldn’t believe what he had heard.

Truly, pregnant.

Only then did he understand the reason for the occasional abdominal pain he had felt. The doctor had told Koi that strenuous activity had been a trigger and advised him to rest for a while. He also mentioned that heat cycles often occur in early pregnancy, and in some cases, they continue until childbirth. He even heard an explanation that it was due to hormonal imbalance causing pheromone regulation issues, but it still didn’t feel real.

Is there really a child here?

He subtly stroked his belly, but it was still flat. As he sat there, bewildered, a knock sounded, and a moment later, the door opened. It was Ashley, as expected.

“How are you? Do you feel any better?”

Instead of answering, Koi stared up at him. Earlier, he had thought he was just too confused to judge properly, but he wasn’t. Ashley’s tone was still cold, completely devoid of warmth.

He doesn’t feel like the Ash I know.

Now that he thought about it, Ashley’s apology earlier had been too vague. If it were Ashley Koi had known and loved for so long, he would have apologized far more earnestly, and his tone wouldn’t have been so stiff. No, if he had even considered the possibility of impregnating him, he would have come to the hospital in the first place. Just leaving him alone and observing the situation felt too cold and calculating.

He felt it was impossible to hear the reason why Ashley had acted that way from him. Ashley didn’t lie to Koi, but he didn’t reveal everything either. So, in this situation, who would tell him the truth?

A face suddenly flashed before Koi’s eyes, and he was dumbfounded. But regardless of his reluctance, his reason told him: She’s the one you need right now.

Haa, Koi took a deep breath and finally spoke.

“…There’s someone I want to meet. Could you call them for me?”

Ashley frowned when he heard the name but soon granted his request. And it was about an hour later that Bernice arrived at the hospital room.

Knock, knock. At the precise knock, Koi tensed and turned his head. She waited a moment, then opened the hospital room door and stepped inside.

“Ash had some work at the office, so he left.”

Koi spoke first, sensing her gaze subtly sweeping the room. This was perfect timing. If not for that, he would have had to rack his brain to get Ashley to leave.

“What do you need me for?”

Bernice asked in her usual businesslike manner. Koi swallowed dryly before speaking.

“I want to know exactly what kind of brain disorder Ash has.”

After Bernice left, Koi remained alone, staring blankly into space. He couldn’t believe the facts he had heard. But she wouldn’t lie, and if he didn’t trust her words, he wouldn’t have called Bernice in the first place. Excluding the fact that she had treated him coldly, she had never made a mistake or added falsehoods when it came to her work.

So, she must have the most accurate grasp of the current situation.

It was logically understandable, but emotionally, it was difficult to accept.

Junior’s brain is already damaged.

There’s no way to reverse it. Only to delay the damage.

His brain will continue to deteriorate.

Someday, a time will come when he won’t recognize you, or even know who he is. We don’t know when that will be.

Perhaps in a few years, or as late as 10 years from now? It could take even longer.

His limbic system, which processes emotions, is already partially damaged, and his memory is also impaired. It will only get worse. You’ll have to constantly piece together his fragmented memories, just as I and the medical staff here did last time.

Damage to the limbic system is a characteristic of extreme alphas, but in cases like Junior, where it manifested late, the damage is usually minimal. This level of damage is rare.

Is it because of the pheromone shock Angel caused?

No, Junior was already damaged before that. Much longer ago.

This pheromone shock was merely a trigger.

Koi groaned and covered his face with both hands. It was all incomprehensible. Ashley had been damaged before that? Since when? Since he slept with him? Or when they met again? Before coming to the East?

Only Junior would know how that happened.

Perhaps even longer ago.

Suddenly, Koi recalled a forgotten memory.

I had no intention of meeting you.

The words Ashley had spoken when they met again resurfaced one by one, and the color gradually drained from Koi’s face.

You came too early.

You ruined my plans. Completely.

And what else had he said?

Then when were you planning to find me?

When Koi asked, Ashley replied with a bitter smile.

Well. Maybe in about 10 years?

I thought my plans would be complete by then.

At that moment, Koi gasped, covering his mouth with both hands.

&

Ashley appeared at Greenbelt a little over 30 minutes after Koi called him. Koi, who had been staring blankly out the window, turned his head at the sound of the bell and spotted him, his gaze fixed.

Ashley strode inside, surveyed the cafe once, then met Koi’s eyes. Koi tried to smile at him, but his facial muscles wouldn’t obey. He forced a clumsy smile with a distorted expression, and Ashley walked towards him with long strides.

“What are you doing here?”

Ashley stood in front of Koi and spoke. Koi, feeling momentarily intimidated by his overbearing presence with his hands in his coat pockets, gathered his courage and spoke as casually as possible.

“You came fast. I thought it would take an hour.”

“I asked what you’re doing.”

Ashley repeated, frowning. Koi desperately resisted the urge to beg him not to, and pointed to the chair opposite him.

“Just sit down first. We’ll talk after that.”

“…”

“Quickly.”

When Koi urged him again, Ashley reluctantly sat across from him. Watching him run a hand through his neatly combed hair, as if annoyed, Koi began to speak.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been here, hasn’t it?”

Ashley stared at Koi without a word. Koi looked around and continued.

“When I was little, this place was so expensive I couldn’t even afford a single drink. Isn’t it amazing that I’m earning enough now to buy a meal?”

“Even with ice in your drink?”

Ashley scoffed, but Koi smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. I’m an adult now too.”

Ashley continued to look at him with a frown. As if asking what he was trying to say.

Just then, a staff member came to their table, and Koi ordered a warm herbal tea. Ashley asked for a double espresso, but it wasn’t on the menu. He had no choice but to order a cheap Americano. After the staff left, Koi smiled, his face a little more relaxed.

“I’d like coffee too, but they say caffeine isn’t good for you. It’s strange, now that I think about it, it’s been a while since I’ve had coffee. Maybe my body instinctively knew.”

As he unconsciously stroked his belly, Ashley watched him silently. What was Koi trying to say? He chose to wait patiently instead of rashly pressing the other. After a moment of silence, Koi finally spoke.

“I have something to ask.”

He took a deep breath and looked directly at Ashley.

“You really didn’t know I had become an Omega until then, did you? And the pregnancy wasn’t intentional?”

“Yes.”

Ashley replied with an expressionless face. Koi asked again.

“If you had known beforehand that I was an Omega and could get pregnant, would you have been careful then?”

Hypotheticals were meaningless, but it was an important question for Koi. Ashley seemed to think for a moment, then spoke.

“If that were the case, I wouldn’t have slept with you.”

“Why?”

Koi asked as if he had been waiting for the answer.

“Because if you had sex with me, the pheromones you painstakingly built up would dissipate?”

Ashley closed his mouth. It was difficult to read his thoughts from his expressionless face. Koi just waited for him to speak again, and Ashley slowly parted his lips.

“…What are you talking about?”

At the slowly uttered words, Koi noticed that he was inwardly flustered. The fact that he changed the subject instead of answering the question was proof. Koi confessed honestly.

“I met with Miss Bernice. I heard about your condition.”

Ashley’s expression remained unchanged. But Koi didn’t miss the slightest hesitation. Ashley said nothing, but Koi didn’t wait and continued.

“I often thought it was strange. You were very different from before. No, your words and actions changed so frequently that I couldn’t understand why you were like that. But if there’s brain damage, it makes sense. Your severe mood swings, and the reason you sometimes become frighteningly cold, must be because of that.”

Koi, who had been speaking rapidly, took a deep breath. With a trembling voice, he finally uttered the question he had been holding back.

“What I want to know is why you did that.”

Emotion gradually crept into Koi’s voice, becoming intensely agitated. He tried to speak calmly, but his mouth wouldn’t stop.

“I know I hurt you. So if you wanted to hurt me, and you intentionally got me pregnant because of that, then yes, maybe that could be it. But this is a completely different story. Why did you do it? You said I ruined your plans, right? So this is your revised plan? Then what happened to your brain? I don’t understand at all. Explain it to me.”

Koi’s face contorted as if he were about to cry.

“Or am I still not good enough for you?”

“What are you suddenly talking about?”

For the first time, Ashley reacted. As if he couldn’t understand why such a topic had come up. But Koi no longer had the capacity to think rationally. After hours of contemplation without finding an answer, all the negative emotions he had buried in his heart poured out.

“You were flustered when I proposed. Even though you knew I was carrying your child. You said you loved me, or is it that you love me and can have sex with me, but marriage isn’t an option? Because I’m poor Connor Niles?”

At those words, Ashley couldn’t hold back and blurted out.

“What idiotic nonsense are you spouting? Do you see me as trash like my father?”

At his furious reaction, as if a button had been pushed, Koi released his bitten lip and confessed.

“The menu.”

“What?”

Ashley frowned and looked at him. Koi exhaled a trembling breath and confessed.

“That French restaurant menu, I know you faked it.”

Ashley sighed and shook his head.

“What are you suddenly talking about?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know. You deliberately had them fake the menu to match my financial situation, didn’t you? You paid the rest, right? I was so foolishly happy, thinking it was real. How could you do something like that?”

Ashley hesitated for a moment, then angrily pressed Koi.

“Did I cause you any harm by doing that? You went there with a woman when I collapsed. Why there? Wasn’t it to show off? You didn’t have much money, and that was the best restaurant you could afford.”

Koi didn’t back down from his sarcastic remarks.

“You’re right. I wanted to go to the best place I could afford. Because I had been very rude to her, and was about to be again.”

He took a short breath and quickly added.

“I’m sorry I went there while you were collapsing. It bothered me too, but I wanted to sort everything out before meeting you again. I thought dragging things out would be rude to both of us.”

“So what’s the problem? Didn’t everything turn out the way you wanted? Why are you angry?”

Ashley still couldn’t understand his words at all. Finally, unable to hold back his pent-up sorrow, Koi asked.

“Do you… still pity me?”

“What?”

At the sudden words, Ashley’s face contorted. Koi clenched and unclenched his fists, then continued in a trembling voice.

“If you truly cared about me, you would have taken me to a restaurant that suited my financial situation. Not manipulate the prices at a restaurant that suited your standards.”

Ashley froze. Only his trembling eyes moved. Staring directly at him, Koi unleashed his emotions roughly.

“You told me you loved me countless times, but you never once proposed. If I had come from a good family, like the woman you were going to marry, it would have been different. You only felt enough to have sex with me and say you loved me. And then you’d marry someone of your own standing, and I’d be unqualified.”

“What nonsense…”

“Don’t deny it, because that’s your true feeling. You wouldn’t have known. But this is it. You just haven’t realized it, but this is the truth hidden within you. You have no intention of adjusting to me. You only try to make me adjust to you. If you had even a little bit of genuine care for me, you wouldn’t act so arrogantly, as if you were bestowing charity upon me.”

Koi stopped speaking there. His shoulders heaved with intense emotion. He bit his lip to keep from crying, then released it and added one last thing.

“And all you did was self-harm to get revenge on me? Why can’t you do anything else? Did you want me to pity you? Is this how you love me, by hurting me like this? By blaming everything on me and resenting me because I abandoned you?”

He wanted to grab him by the collar and ask what he had done. He couldn’t control the anger welling up from his distress. But the response was still just as cold. Ashley, who had clenched his fists until his knuckles were white, slowly relaxed his hands.

“What do you know?”

His cool purple eyes fixed on Koi. He spoke with a faint sneer.

“You still know nothing.”

“Then you explain it, so I can understand.”

Koi didn’t back down. Ashley was speechless at the strong gaze directed at him, completely undeterred and unashamed. He seemed lost for a moment. Just as Koi was suddenly afraid that he might be having another mental episode, Ashley spoke.

“Why should I bother adjusting to your level? I’ll forget everything anyway, and you’ll just abandon me again.”

Ashley laughed, watching Koi’s bewildered, contorted face. He pulled up the corners of his mouth into a deeply thoughtful smile, but even Koi could tell it wasn’t genuine. Finally, Koi couldn’t hold back and his eyes welled up with tears.

“What’s wrong with you?”

He rubbed his eyes roughly and quickly blurted out.

“Why do you only say such cruel things? I know there’s something wrong with you. But even so, you can distinguish between what can be said and what cannot. Or are you doing this on purpose? You weren’t like this before…”

The sweet memories tormented Koi even more. Just as the thought fleetingly crossed his mind that he wished he could forget like Ashley, Ashley spoke emotionlessly.

“Forget the old me now.”

With a face as expressionless as his voice, he stared at Koi and continued.

“This is who I am now. If you can’t accept it, then there’s nothing I can do.”

To Koi, who only listened silently, Ashley concluded.

“Go back to the West, Koi.”

Koi just stared blankly at Ashley. Perhaps Ashley had wanted to say this. Koi, too, wavered but soon regained his composure.

Don’t weaken. That might also be Ashley’s calculation.

He would hurt Koi and stubbornly prove himself right. He would say something like this, watching Koi leave, unable to bear it any longer:

See, you’re abandoning me again.

He would never let that happen.

Ashley’s condition was because of Koi. It would be simple to end it by embracing Ashley and covering everything up. But Koi chose a different path. Before that, he had to resolve Ashley’s deep-rooted distrust of him. Just like when he was practicing at Ashley’s family ice rink in high school, when he was cornered and burst into tears, ready to give up everything, and Ashley had picked him up. This time, it was Koi’s turn to reach out to him.

Clenching both fists under the table, Koi resolutely lifted his head and stared directly at Ashley.

“No.”

Ashley frowned. But as if expecting this level of resistance, he soon smoothed his brow and spoke without any change in demeanor.

“If it’s because of the child…”

“It’s not. Though the child is the reason.”

Koi cut him off, anticipating his words. He might have expected this problem to be easily solved with his overflowing money, but he was wrong. Koi had been poor his whole life, and a life without money was nothing new to him. Because of that, money was not an option for him.

“I told you, I won’t abandon you again.”

Koi spoke each word carefully, with emphasis.

“But I also won’t tolerate you hurting me like that. Even if you don’t feel emotions, I do.”

Ashley’s brow furrowed again. Seeing the wrinkles deepen slightly this time, Koi gained a little confidence, and he spoke.

“So what are you going to do?”

Of course, Koi also had no idea yet. Koi had not anticipated this situation either.

“I’ll have to think about it from now on, about how we can be together.”

When he answered honestly, Ashley let out a frustrated sigh, ha. Koi looked at his side profile, which was turned away, and said.

“Anyway, I’m not giving up. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed.”

Ashley still had his head turned, only his eyes fixed on him. Meeting Ashley’s gaze, Koi added.

“You want me to leave to prove you right, don’t you?”

Ashley didn’t answer. It seemed to confirm his deep-seated distrust of Koi. Koi silently took cash from his pocket, placed it on the table, and stood up.

“I’ll pay my share. We’re not on a date right now.”

Koi straightened his back and made his final declaration.

“If you change your mind or think of a good solution, contact me. I’ll do the same.”

As he was about to leave, he stopped, remembering something. “Oh, right.”

“You broke the door, so I can’t stay at that house. I’m planning to stay at Ariel’s place for a while, so you know. And don’t misunderstand anything.”

With Ashley’s frowning face as his last sight, Koi truly left the spot. Through the front window, he could clearly see a woman outside the cafe talking to him. She seemed to be giving directions, but the conversation lasted a bit longer. Koi smiled and shook his head, then walked away again. Ashley watched the woman sigh and continue on her way, still sitting in his seat.