Lick Me Up If You Can Novel (Completed) - Chapter 206

“Hello, Mr. Niles.”

The doorman greeted Koi with a smile as Koi gasped, his breath catching in his throat. Fortunately, Koi felt relieved to see a familiar face and replied in a broken voice.

“H-hello, Ash… haa, has Mr. Miller… returned?”

He managed to ask between ragged breaths, and the doorman nodded.

“Yes, he went up three hours ago.”

The doorman confirmed, then walked ahead and pressed the elevator button.

Koi’s heart, which had hastily boarded the elevator, now began to pound for a different reason. I’ll see him soon. Very soon. Finally.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, Koi shot out like a bullet. He rushed through the spacious house, and when he finally reached the kitchen, Koi gasped.

He was there. Seeing the tall man leaning one hand on the counter, drinking whiskey, and looking out through the full-length window opposite him, Koi froze, covering his mouth with his hand.

Ash.

His voice, soft as a whisper, died in his palm.

Haa, haa.

Short, ragged breaths continued to escape his lips. His shoulders heaved with each breath, unable to speak further. When his vision blurred with an inexplicable surge of emotion, Ashley turned his head. Their eyes met, and for a brief moment, Koi’s entire body froze.

But that moment didn’t last long. A slow smile spread across Ashley’s expressionless face, and he opened his mouth.

“Koi.”

Ashley set down his whiskey glass and spread his arms wide. Koi immediately rushed into them.

“Ash…!”

As he frantically ran and tightly embraced Ash, a sense of reality instantly washed over him. The thick body filling his arms, the warmth of his skin – it was undeniably real.

This isn’t a dream.

He had dreamed of Ashley countless times. But each time, he tried to grasp him, he would slip away, moving further and further. This time was different. Koi fumbled, checking Ashley’s body.

It’s real. He really came back.

“I missed you.”

At Koi’s words, Ashley also hugged him, whispering tenderly.

“Me too.”

“Then why…”

A tearful voice escaped, and Koi forced himself to suppress his breath, continuing to speak.

“What happened? Why didn’t you contact me…? Why, after coming back… Ah, no, it’s okay. It’s enough that you’re back. This is enough.”

He hastily erased the resentful words, repeating that it was okay. With his face pressed close, feeling the warmth of Ashley’s body, Koi heard Ashley’s heartbeat. So regular, so ordinary.

“Ash…?”

Koi’s excited voice settled into an uneasy calm. He hesitated, then looked up, meeting Ashley’s purple eyes directly. It was then that he felt something was off. Just as Bernice’s words flashed through his mind, Ashley smiled brightly and kissed his cheek.

“How did you know to come?”

At the familiar, gentle voice, Koi half-believed, half-doubted, and opened his mouth.

“Miss Bernice contacted me. She said you were discharged. I ran here as soon as I heard.”

“…I see.”

Ashley murmured after a slight pause. He still smiled, comforting Koi.

“You worried a lot, didn’t you? I’m sorry, I’m fine now.”

Koi leaned his head against Ashley’s chest again and confessed with difficulty.

“Miss Bernice said there was something wrong with your memory… A-are you okay? Nothing serious, right?”

“It’s nothing.”

This time, the answer came without hesitation. Ashley added dismissively.

“Bernice just exaggerated. Don’t worry about it.”

“Is your memory really fine?”

When Koi asked for confirmation again, Ashley brushed it off lightly.

“It’s not serious. More importantly, Koi, you were at Al’s house, weren’t you?”

At the sudden change of topic, Koi replied distractedly.

“Ah, yeah… something, something happened…”

“What happened?”

Ashley smiled and rubbed his nose against Koi’s. At his cute lover’s playful gesture, Koi laughed and hugged his neck.

Ariel’s words, which had weighed so heavily on his mind, vanished instantly.

It doesn’t matter.

Koi whispered the words he had repeated countless times to himself and opened his mouth.

Ash loves me now.

“Al said you don’t love me.”

Koi continued, still smiling.

“You said that you were trying to make me happy only to make me just as miserable. You told Al that, didn’t you?”

Ashley watched him silently. Koi’s fluttering heart slowly sank. Ashley still had a smile on his face, but his eyes did not. As the purple eyes quietly gazed into his, a corner of Koi’s heart began to sprout with unease.

“…Ash?”

He forced himself to maintain his smile and spoke.

“It’s a lie, isn’t it? …What Al said was just a joke, right?”

Koi’s voice trembled faintly. He desperately wished Ashley would deny it. Even if it was a lie, he wanted him to say it didn’t happen.

Then I’d believe everything…

“And?”

Ashley asked. Instead of the answer Koi desired, he asked another question.

“What else is there?”

Koi found it hard to keep smiling. Feeling the strength drain from his lips, he replied with difficulty.

“You… were engaged.”

He continued, painfully squeezing the words from his vocal cords.

“You had someone you were going to marry… She was rich and very beautiful.”

At the last words, Ashley frowned. Koi hesitated, then confessed.

“I ran into her by chance at that French restaurant. The person I was with happened to know her…”

Having barely managed to say that much, Koi gathered all his strength and forced a smile.

“There must have been some circumstances, right? You’ve always liked me, haven’t you?”

Koi asked repeatedly in a trembling voice.

“It’s me you’ve liked all this time, right?”

As he urged for an answer, the arm around Koi’s waist loosened. Koi watched as Ashley released him and took out a cigarette and lighter from his pocket.

Phew, Ashley exhaled a long stream of smoke. The white smoke cut through the air, then blurred faintly. He brought the cigarette back to his lips and replied.

“It’s true.”

Koi stared at him with wide, surprised eyes. Ashley spoke in a completely emotionless, everyday tone.

“It’s all true. Everything you said.”

Koi felt his mind go blank for a moment. Even if Ashley had hit him hard on the head, he wouldn’t have felt this dazed. Koi, who seemed completely stunned, barely managed to open his mouth, but no words came out.

“Why did you do it?”

Ashley asked, as if speaking for Koi. The affectionate face from moments ago was gone, replaced by a cold, stern expression that looked at Koi.

“It took longer than I thought. I thought Al would have blabbed to you already.”

Ashley said, as if finding it curious. A thought flashed through Koi’s mind, and he quickly asked.

“No way, did you intentionally say those things to Al? Why?”

Did he guarantee that no matter what I heard, I wouldn’t back down?

As a chill ran down a corner of his heart, Ashley opened his mouth.

“Because it wouldn’t change anything if you knew.”

He narrowed his eyes and gave a faint smile. Koi felt Ashley was like a stranger he had never seen before. Is that really Ash? Where did the man I loved so much go? Who is that, really?

“You… didn’t love me?”

Koi barely opened his mouth to speak. He knew how pathetic the question was. But he couldn’t help but ask. Desperately hoping Ashley would say it was all a joke, he looked up at him. Ashley exhaled smoke, then opened his mouth.

“I told you, I love you.”

Who could believe words of love spoken in such a cold voice? Ashley continued to speak indifferently to Koi, whose face had turned pale and rigid.

“It’s the same now. I want you to be happy. Truly, with all my heart.”

He placed the hand holding the cigarette over his left chest and smiled. Koi became even more confused, his mind unable to process it properly.

“I… it was always just you.”

Koi stammered, confessing.

“I’ve always regretted hurting you. That’s why I came all this way, I worked my heart out to earn money to meet you…”

I thought we truly connected.

“You never told me you were going to marry someone else. …I know it’s in the past. You didn’t know what I was thinking, so you could have liked anyone else. But you told me, it was only me. You said you’d always only had me, so how could you? And then you tell me you love me again, how am I supposed to believe you…?”

Unable to speak further, Koi closed his mouth. His vision swam, but his heart throbbed relentlessly. Seeing Koi’s expression, Ashley frowned and laughed as if in disbelief.

“Koi, what exactly were you expecting from me?”

He spoke, still with a hint of laughter in his voice. As if he couldn’t suppress his sneer at how ridiculous Koi looked. Then he shook his head and confessed with a sigh.

“You abandoned me.”

Koi felt as if he had been struck on the head again. As Koi remained silent, Ashley continued with a smirk.

“Did you think I would forget that? Koi, you’re not a naive child anymore. You should have realized that I wouldn’t trust you.”

Suddenly, his vision turned white, then slowly regained its color. Koi blinked his eyes repeatedly, trying to restore his faded, blurry sight, and whispered.

“…Then, are you trying to get revenge on me?”

All the words you’ve said to me until now, the sweet kisses, the heartfelt confessions, all those words about love.

Just to hurt me…

The tip of the cigarette Ashley held glowed red and burned. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled with a sigh, saying.

“Koi, what good would come from such a petty act? It would just be a waste of time.”

“Then what is all this, explain it so I can understand!”

Finally unable to bear it, Koi shouted. He felt suffocated and couldn’t endure it without screaming. But in contrast to Koi, who was at his limit, Ashley remained calm.

“Is there anything more to explain? That’s all there is. While you were preparing to meet me for the past ten years, I was also preparing in my own way.”

“Preparing to make me miserable?”

At Koi’s question, Ashley scoffed.

“Well, wouldn’t that depend on your perspective?”

He was playing with words. Koi felt like a commoner standing opposite him in court, fighting an unwinnable battle. Finally, Koi completely lost his will and slumped his shoulders.

“What exactly do you want…? Do you want me to have never appeared before you? Do you want me to go back to the West?”

Feeling like crying, Koi quickly calmed his breathing. When his heart ached at the thought of never seeing Ashley again, Ashley let out a disbelieving sigh, “Ha.”

“So? Are you going to abandon me again?”

At the taunting words, Koi hastily shook his head.

“I’ll never leave your side this time. …Unless you tell me to leave.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Koi added cautiously, but Ashley cut off the lingering attachment bluntly.

“Do whatever you want. Stay here or go back to the West. You won’t be able to abandon me again anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

Koi asked uneasily, seeing Ashley raise the whiskey glass to his lips. But Ashley glanced at him, then replied indifferently.

“You’ll find out soon.”

A foreboding feeling once again unsettled his chest, but Ashley merely smiled and raised his glass as if in a toast. Having emptied the remaining whiskey in one gulp, Ashley glanced at Koi, then suddenly spoke.

“How’s your body?”

“…I’m fine.”

Sometimes he was tired to death, but Koi didn’t say so. “Really?” Ashley said, stroking his chin, then shrugged one shoulder.

“If you’re done, why don’t you leave? Or do you have something else to say?”

Seeing Ashley deliberately check his wristwatch, Koi barely managed to collect himself. If he retreated now, he might never see Ashley again. He took a deep breath and composed himself.

“I still have something to say.”

When Koi spoke, Ashley looked at him as if inviting him to speak. Gazing at his indifferent, bored expression, Koi opened his mouth.

“Let’s get married, Ash.”

The smile vanished from Ashley’s face. Seeing his face harden like a mask, Koi gained confidence and spoke again with emphasis.

“Marry me.”

Ashley said nothing. Koi stood tall, waiting for an answer, as Ashley stared at him without even blinking. Ashley exhaled briefly, frowned, and chuckled humorlessly.

“What are you suddenly talking about? Was it you, not me, who had something wrong with your head?”

“I’m perfectly fine. Your ears aren’t wrong either. I asked you to marry me. I’m as serious as your feelings for me.”

Koi said, his face serious, speaking quickly. It would have been perfect if he had a ring, but he couldn’t help it. Koi continued, emboldened.

“You said you believe I love you, right? And you love me too. Then isn’t it all settled? We should get married, of course.”

For the first time, Ashley closed his mouth without a word. He seemed completely unprepared for Koi’s counterattack, but Koi felt no satisfaction. Ashley was probably rummaging through his mind, trying to figure out Koi’s true intentions. But there were no other intentions at all. Koi had simply said what he was thinking, just as Ashley had.

Just then, his cell phone rang, and both their gazes simultaneously turned to the same spot. It was Ashley’s phone, ringing on the counter.

“I’ll leave now.”

Koi spoke first, before Ashley could answer the call. Meeting Ashley’s gaze, which had returned to him, he continued to speak clearly.

“I’ll buy the ring. I wanted to give you a chance to propose, but you missed it, so don’t blame me.”

After listing only what he had to say, Koi turned his back and walked out. He thought he heard Ashley call him from behind, but he didn’t stop.

Even as he rode the elevator down, he felt unreal. It wasn’t until he had exited the building and turned the corner that the tension finally released, and he let out the breath he had been holding.

“Haaah.”

He sighed loudly, then slumped to the ground. His head spun belatedly. He had never dreamed he had such a bold side to him.

How will Ash react?

He couldn’t imagine what would happen next. The only thing certain was his own heart. Koi had no choice but to trust himself and move forward.

Phew, he exhaled another trembling breath, taking a deep one. Suddenly, his phone vibrated. Startled, he checked the number, frowned, and tilted his head. It was an unknown number.

It might be spam.

The call ended after a moment of hesitation, but then it started ringing again. Feeling like he should answer, Koi carefully pressed the call button and brought it to his ear.

“Yes, hello?”

He spoke cautiously, and a cheerful voice immediately came from the other end.

– Koi, is that Koi? It’s me, Bill!

“Bill?”

Koi exclaimed in surprise, without realizing it.

“Koi!”

“Bill!”

Meeting in the hotel room, the two embraced each other as soon as they saw each other’s faces. The warmth of their bodies and the firm arms brought a stronger sense of reality than anything else. Bill seemed to feel the same, hugging Koi tightly, shaking him vigorously, and letting out a hearty laugh.

“How long has it been? How have you been? You look a bit thin, huh?”

“I’m fine. More importantly, what happened? Weren’t you in the middle of training?”

When Koi managed to pull away and ask, Bill gave a wry smile and held up one arm.

“I got a bit injured. It’s not serious, but they said it’d be good to rest from training for about two weeks.”

“How did that happen?”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing.”

Koi belatedly noticed the bandage wrapped around his wrist and was startled, but Bill laughed and waved his hand. Sharing the tea and dessert Bill ordered, they briefly exchanged updates on how they had been before getting to the main point.

“So you’re here on vacation? All the way here?”

When Koi asked, Bill replied with an ambiguous expression.

“Well, that’s part of it, but there’s another reason.”

“Huh? What is it?”

Koi asked again, but Bill casually changed the subject.

“How about you? Did you meet Ash? That bastard, he’s got quite a reputation as a lawyer here, doesn’t he?”

Bill held up his index and middle fingers on both hands to form a V, emphasizing “reputation” and lightly wiggling his fingers. Koi scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward, and replied.

“I don’t know much about that… I did meet him.”

He hesitated, then stammered, compressing what had happened as much as possible to his friend, who had always supported Koi along with Ariel. At first, Bill listened with an intrigued expression, but his face gradually grew serious, and by the end, his jaw dropped in surprise.

“You proposed? Suddenly?”

“Yeah.”

Koi, more shocked than Ashley, felt embarrassed and averted his gaze.

“Ash keeps pulling away, so what else was I supposed to do? I had to push him.”

“No, you’re right, but…”

Bill looked at Koi, feeling both bewildered and proud. He never thought Koi, who he always considered timid and intimidated, had this side to him. Feeling a surge of emotion, he exaggeratedly patted his friend’s back.

“Hey, you did well. You really did well. You’re cool, Koi. Yeah, that’s what a man does. That bastard Ash isn’t even a man. Why is he backing out when you push him hard? What’s the point of having a big one if he’s going to chicken out? Tell him to just cut it off, is that a man?”

No, that’s a bit problematic…

Koi thought to himself. I need Ash’s thing too. Cutting it off is problematic.

“Anyway,” Koi said, quickly changing the subject.

“Now that I’ve done that, I’ll have to see how Ash reacts.”

Bill nodded in agreement, then frowned.

“But what’s that bastard Ash’s game? Does he really love you?”

“I think that was sincere.”

Koi said with emphasis, then quickly lost spirit and slumped his shoulders.

“But I don’t know what he’s thinking. It doesn’t make any sense at all.”

Yet, he couldn’t back down. Koi had already given up on Ashley once. This time, he had vowed never to do so again and had come all this way. His only option was to move forward.

“First, I’ll have to wait and see how Ash reacts. I’ll wait about a week, and if he doesn’t contact me, I’ll go find him at his office or somewhere. This time, I’m going to buy a ring and propose properly.”

Bill’s eyes and mouth rounded into an ‘O’.

“Your initiative is amazing. Well, you did work for ten years to get here.”

“Yeah, if Ash had said he didn’t love me anymore, there’d be nothing I could do, but since he says he genuinely loves me, there’s no reason to give up.”

Seeing Koi speak with conviction, Bill nodded, saying, “Yeah.”

“You’re right. Anyway, don’t forget that Al and I are always on your side.”

“Thank you, that really helps.”

Koi replied sincerely. Without Ariel and Bill, he wouldn’t have been able to gather this much strength. Even now, thanks to Bill appearing at just the right time, he was able to steady his wavering heart.

I won’t make a mistake this time.

After reaffirming his resolve, he changed the subject and asked.

“I’ve told you everything about me. Now tell me about yourself, why are you here? There’s a reason, isn’t there?”

He belatedly realized he had forgotten to mention the gender transformation, but he had missed the timing to say it. He also felt that he should tell Ashley first, so Koi waited for Bill to speak. Bill scratched his short hair, then hesitated and opened his mouth.

“Hey, you… met Al, right? How’s Al doing these days? I mean… is she seeing anyone?”

“Huh?”

Seeing Bill’s slightly reddened cheeks, Koi suddenly understood everything as if a revelation had struck him.

“No way, you?”

When he exclaimed in surprise, Bill, unbefitting his large frame, covered his face with both hands and bowed his head deeply.

“What do I do, I really can’t live without Al.”

Koi stared at him blankly, his mouth agape. He thought their relationship had completely ended when Ariel came to the East, but was that not the case?

Koi hastily gulped down water, took a deep breath, and opened his mouth.

“Tell me, everything.”