Lick Me Up If You Can Novel (Completed) - Chapter 145

Koi strained his ears, waiting for what seemed like an important missing piece of information, but Ashley didn’t readily continue. After what felt like a long time—though it was only about five minutes—Ashley finally spoke.

“…Your ears don’t move anymore?”

“Huh?”

At the sudden question, Koi unconsciously brought his hand to his ear. Feeling Ashley’s gaze fixed there, he blushed with embarrassment.

“…I fixed it. Now, unless I intentionally try to move them, they don’t move on their own anymore.”

Ashley just stared at his ear without saying anything. Koi, feeling awkward, hastily continued.

“It’s strange, having your ears move. It wasn’t easy to break the habit, but it worked out somehow after I tried.”

He laughed, but Ashley didn’t. Still fixing his gaze on Koi’s ear, he mumbled in a low voice.

“…They didn’t move just anytime.”

Koi fiddled with his ear, looking down. He was right. If that habit had still remained, his ears would have twitched uncontrollably the moment he saw Ashley. Because when he met him again, Koi’s heart had pounded as if it would burst with joy.

But now, he was so glad he had broken that habit. They were no longer children, and expressing emotions in such a way might only burden Ashley. Koi intended to start their relationship anew, pretending to be as calm as possible.

He had never dared to hope to be with Ashley again. Koi had only one wish, and it had already come true. So, it was right for him to return to the West now. But human greed knows no bounds, and Koi decided to give himself a little more opportunity. After all, what was left in his life now but his feelings for Ashley?

“Um, Ash…”

“Why did you come here?”

He had opened his mouth with difficulty, but this time too, Ashley snatched away his chance to speak. At the furrowed brow and cold tone, Koi unconsciously swallowed dryly.

“I…”

Koi, who had barely opened his mouth, lowered his head and spoke with difficulty.

“I… wanted to see you.”

His voice was barely audible, completely lacking in confidence. Koi felt like running away somewhere, thinking he had acted arbitrarily and hurt Ashley’s feelings even more. Suppressing the impulse, he spoke with difficulty.

“I just wanted to see you. …That’s all.”

Ashley called his name at his softly whispered words, his head bowed low.

“Koi.”

“Uh, uh-huh.”

He hastily replied and looked up, immediately meeting cool, purple eyes that seemed to pierce his heart. Ashley narrowed his eyes and asked the startled Koi,

“Do you think I’d be happy to see you?”

Koi was speechless for a moment. Ashley chuckled at Koi, who just stared at him with wide eyes. As if to say, You’re truly hopeless.

“You’re still thoughtless.”

He felt as if his heart had plummeted to the floor. Koi just stared at him with a pale face. No thoughts came to mind. Only Ashley’s words kept echoing in his blank mind.

“Goodbye, Koi.”

His last farewell suddenly resurfaced. Only then did another reason for his coming here occur to him. He had to say it now. If he didn’t, the opportunity might never come again.

But wouldn’t it just be an excuse to Ashley?

Another voice cut Koi off. Reason told him to listen to his inner voice and stop him, but he simply couldn’t control his emotions.

“Back then… I’m so sorry for disappointing you.”

It was too late, but he had to apologize. Ashley’s hurt face from back then had constantly tormented Koi. Even at this moment, with the person in front of him, Koi was still seeing his face from that time. Even though he was treating him so coldly and aloofly, Koi still felt as if he was facing Ashley’s face from the very day he had hurt him.

“I’ve always wanted to apologize… for not choosing you back then.”

Each word he spoke felt painful, as if his vocal cords were tearing. Koi resisted the urge to gulp down water and finish his words with difficulty.

Ashley just looked at Koi, resting his chin on one hand. Koi was secretly nervous, unable to tell what he was thinking, when he slowly opened his mouth.

“It’s not easy to abandon your family, is it?”

His pronunciation was somewhat muffled because he spoke with his chin resting on his hand. But it was by no means unintelligible. More than anything, Koi was surprised that no particular emotion was felt. He blinked and watched as Ashley continued, still maintaining his posture.

“We were young and reckless. You probably couldn’t help it either; it seems mostly impossible to abandon a sick family in such a situation and leave.”

Unexpectedly, Ashley spoke as if he understood him, and Koi was bewildered. Ashley chuckled at Koi, who hesitated and couldn’t give a proper reaction, then added briefly,

“Though I wouldn’t understand.”

Koi was speechless. There was nothing to fault in Ashley’s words. It was a perfectly rational judgment, something anyone would say, and there was no blame directed at Koi. He understood. That it wasn’t an easy choice for them, who were still young, to leave behind a sick parent.

Of course, that didn’t mean he understood it emotionally. He didn’t know what Ashley’s parents were actually like, but Ashley had been willing to leave them without hesitation. Remembering him choosing Koi as a matter of course, he thought that this reaction might have been inevitable. It also meant that Koi and Ashley were that different.

It was a confession he had prepared with great effort, but the result was somewhat anticlimactic. To Koi, who couldn’t find his next words, Ashley, with an unenthusiastic expression, brought a french fry to his mouth and asked,

“So, your father? What happened to him?”

“Oh… yeah, he passed away soon after… couldn’t hold on for a few months…”

As his head involuntarily drooped, Ashley spoke without much emotion.

“Should I have waited?”

Koi didn’t know how to react. My father will pass away soon, so please wait for me, how could he say such a thing? Even if his father’s illness was serious, no one truly knew how long a person had left to live, and he couldn’t say something as if wishing for his father’s death, could he?

Of course, Ashley knew. That Koi wouldn’t be able to say anything, then or now. But Koi couldn’t help but ask,

“If I had asked you to wait… would you have waited?”

Ashley’s chewing motion slowed. He stared at Koi without even blinking, then swallowed the french fry and spoke.

“You didn’t say that.”

Having nothing more to say, Koi lowered his head again. An uncomfortable silence ensued once more. He desperately searched for something to say next when Ashley suddenly stood up with the bill. Koi, startled, also stood up, and Ashley said to him,

“Our conversation’s over, right?”

“Ash, Ash!”

Koi hastily chased after Ashley, who was walking away with the bill as if it were natural, and caught him.

“Wait, I said I’d pay for this.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not!”

Koi vehemently tried to stop Ashley from taking out his card and pleaded.

“Let me pay for it, please. Really, I have enough money now. Plenty.”

Please, Koi desperately looked up at him. Ashley looked down at Koi for a moment, then stepped back as if to say, Do as you please. Before his mind could change, Koi hastily pulled out crumpled bills from his pocket and laid them on the counter. After gathering even the coins and barely managing to pay the tip, he let out a sigh of relief. Only then did Ashley, who had been standing by and watching, turn around and leave the restaurant first.

“Ash, Ash!”

Koi hastily ran after him, barely catching Ashley before he got into the car.

“Thank you for coming… I never thought I’d be able to see you.”

He couldn’t let him go like this. He absolutely had to make another appointment. Contrary to his resolve, Koi stammered out his words and then cautiously added,

“Um… I’m sorry for buying you something like this. Next time, I’ll buy something better, so… would you like to meet again?”

Ashley’s words about “cheap hamburger” kept bothering him. He wanted to buy him something better, and he desperately hoped that if he could use that as an excuse to meet him again, it would be wonderful. Ashley looked down at him and replied indifferently.

“Well, I don’t have time this weekend.”

Koi said without thinking,

“Oh, me too. I have plans.”

Ashley didn’t react immediately. Instead, he frowned and looked down at him, then repeated Koi’s words.

“Plans?”

Koi nodded obediently and said,

“Oh, yeah. I made a friend here, and we’re going to see a movie together.”

“A movie with a guy? That sounds interesting.”

Seeing Ashley chuckle, Koi hesitated and corrected him.

“Uh, Julie’s a girl…”

The smile vanished from Ashley’s face.