Lick Me Up If You Can Novel (Completed) - Chapter 120

For a moment, Ashley didn’t react. Koi was curious about his expression but held back, hugging Ashley even tighter.

It was the first time he had spoken about that day. Forcibly recalling the memories he had struggled to forget, Koi squeezed his eyes shut. He desperately wished his courage wouldn’t disappear, and that this would make Ashley not dislike him.

“My whole family was in the car together… I, while playing around with my brother… my brother and I were sitting in the back seat with our seatbelts on…”

He took a trembling breath, then continued.

“I don’t remember exactly. I was probably excited then, or maybe I was annoyed. I grabbed my brother’s seatbelt and we struggled, and I unbuckled his seatbelt.”

The arms hugging Ashley trembled. Still, Koi didn’t release his grip and hugged him tighter.

“I didn’t mean to, I don’t know. Mom turned her head to warn us, and then suddenly a truck from behind… hit us.”

The memory of that moment, vividly clear, made Koi stop speaking. His mother’s screams and cries seemed to echo right in his ears.

“I injured my head and lost my sense of smell, and my brother died.”

After confessing in a trembling voice, he opened his eyes. With a deep breath in between, Koi slowly released his arms. Ashley also sat up and looked at him. By now, the sun had set, and darkness was descending around them.

In the dim light of the early moon shining through the window, Koi, seeing Ash’s complicated expression, bravely continued.

“Mom and Dad fought constantly after that… Mom left home, and Dad has been drinking ever since. Mom, when she left home, she told me…”

It took even more courage to voice her words himself. Koi confessed, clenching his fingers so tightly they turned white, as if squeezing his vocal cords.

“She said, ‘I wish you had died instead.’”

Koi couldn’t bring himself to check Ashley’s expression and hung his head low. Looking only at the floor, he continued to speak.

“My father started hitting me when he was drunk after that. He said I… resembled my mother too much… and that seeing my face made him angry. …He wasn’t like that when my brother was alive. Dad didn’t drink that much, and he didn’t hit us either.”

I’m sorry, brother, I’m sorry, Mom, Dad. I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry that I’m the one who survived.

“My family was shattered because of me.”

Koi whispered in a fading voice.

“That two dollars from before… the one I always carry, Mom gave it to me.”

He continued to confess.

“That’s the only thing I have left connecting me to Mom. Dad tore up and burned all the photos…”

But when he’s drunk, he always calls Mom’s name.

“So I think it’s natural for Dad to hit me.”

“There’s no situation where hitting someone is natural, even if it’s your father.”

Ashley spoke for the first time. When Koi hesitantly looked up, he saw Ashley’s face contorted with displeasure. He didn’t know if it was because of his words, but Koi’s heart still warmed.

“Thank you.”

His nose tingled, and he quickly sniffled. Koi declined Ashley’s attempt to wipe his cheek with his hand, saying it was okay, then opened his mouth.

“This is the first time I’ve told this story to anyone.”

Ashley frowned, seeing his forced smile.

“…Why are you telling me this now?”

He asked, trying to resist the urge to immediately hug Koi, who looked so pitiful. He wanted to hear Koi’s story, but not like this. He had thought it would come out naturally in a calmer atmosphere, after they had shared more intimacy.

There must be a reason why Koi suddenly brought up his story like this.

Ashley couldn’t just ignore the ominous premonition. Instead of hugging him, he tightly held Koi’s hand. Koi’s hand, enveloped in his large one, was so small and insignificant. Koi, who had been silently looking down, took a trembling breath and then spoke.

“Your father’s secretary said.”

It’s strange, Koi thought, listening to his own voice. For some reason, it sounded distant and alien, as if someone else were speaking. Even though he was speaking, it didn’t feel like it at all. Watching his own tongue move as if it belonged to another, Koi continued.

“She said my liking you is a misunderstanding.”

At that moment, the hand holding Koi froze. Koi continued, still looking down.

“She said because my father doesn’t like me, and you’re the only one who likes me, I’m mistaken. That I don’t truly like you, and that’s why I haven’t presented.”

“What does that woman know?”

Ashley couldn’t hold back and spat out roughly. The fact that such a thing had happened while he was unconscious was absurd and infuriating beyond measure. How dare she, who was she to say such things? What did she even know about Koi?

“Saying I’m the only one who likes you, what kind of nonsense is that? You know it too. Bill, Ariel, everyone likes you. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t hang out with you.”

Ashley, having said that much, didn’t forget to add.

“Of course, it’s true that I like you the most among them.”

“…Thank you.”

Koi looked up and managed a difficult smile. Seeing his face, which looked like he was about to cry again, Ashley couldn’t hold back any longer. Ashley immediately reached out and hugged him, whispering.

“Don’t take such nonsense to heart. Only you know your feelings, right?”

“Yes.”

“You truly like me, right?”

“That’s right.”

Koi nodded at the repeated question.

“I only have you.”

“Then it’s fine.”

Ashley said that and stroked Koi’s back.

“Don’t be hurt by words spoken by those who know nothing.”

“…Okay.”

Koi answered again, but couldn’t help but speak.

“Really, Ash. I like you.”

“I know.”

“It’s not because I don’t like you that I can’t be present.”

Despite Ashley’s calm voice, Koi didn’t easily calm down. He spoke quickly.

“I don’t know why my body is like this. Is it because I can’t smell? Is that why I’m insensitive to your pheromones? Maybe it’s because something’s wrong with my head. Something is definitely broken, yes, that’s it.”

Suppressed sobs rose, and Koi bit and released his lip, confessing with ragged breaths.

“It’s my head that’s wrong, not that I don’t like you.”

“I know.”

Ashley tried to suppress his rising anger and spoke as calmly as possible.

“She said the same to me. That you are not presenting is because you don’t like me, because you’re rejecting me.”

He wanted to find that woman immediately and make her pay for hurting Koi like this, but Koi came first.

His pale face, frantic as he tried to stop Ashley before he lost consciousness, wouldn’t leave his mind. He tried to suppress his emotions as much as possible so as not to startle Koi, and instead tried to speak in a gentle voice.

“It’s ridiculous. If you could stop presenting for such a reason, then what would a mutation even be?”

He added it as a joke, but it was true. What’s more, his father had even mutated into a ‘Gamma,’ the most resistant to pheromones. And such cases weren’t rare. Moreover, a Beta resisting a True Alpha’s pheromones? Just with their feelings?

To spout such nonsense.

“I, too.”

Koi mumbled, gasping for breath.

“If I had presented, like you.”

“That’s not it.”

Ashley cut him off without hesitation. Koi was right. His brain was somehow affected by the accident, making him unresponsive to pheromones. Wasn’t that a really good thing for Koi? Not having to go through this terrible experience. Thinking of himself, constantly swayed by pheromones, it was a relief. Koi didn’t need to know how painful this was. Even if Koi never understood him, wasn’t that better?

I’m enough on my own.

Ashley repeated to himself. This pain is enough for me alone.

“You don’t have to prove your feelings by presenting or not. It’s okay, because I know.”

He stroked Koi’s back and kissed his earlobe.

“You know it too, right? That we like each other.”

Koi, who had been silent, nodded slightly.

“I know.”

“Then it’s fine.”

Koi would never need to know how painful it was to have pheromones extracted, how bleak it was to live with this suffering for the rest of his life, or how terrified he was that these pheromones might drive him insane. Ashley would never tell him.

Koi already carried a heavy burden, and he didn’t want to add his own burden to it.

I can’t tell him.

Ashley vowed. I will never tell him.