Kiss Me if You Can Novel Completed - Chapter 109

As the door closed behind him, the pheromones that had filled the room instantly enveloped his entire body.

“……Cough.”

His breath caught, and a sudden cough escaped him. After several dry coughs, he finally managed to catch his breath. Even so, the inhaled pheromones were enough to throw his mind into complete disarray. The pheromones that had been disorienting him ever since he entered the mansion now felt like they had reached their limit. Josh closed his eyes, caught between the choices of taking a deep breath or holding it.

Had he taken his medicine?

Josh remembered swallowing his medicine as soon as he entered the mansion. But the pheromones of an extreme Alpha in rut were stronger than he could have imagined. Furthermore, the mark made Josh even weaker. Even if he had taken an entire bottle of medicine, there would have been a limit to how long he could endure. Josh felt as if he had been cornered.

He forced himself to think, slowly surveying the room to awaken his hazy consciousness. Like Chase’s mansion, the room was utterly desolate. Looking at the room, which consisted of nothing more than a tea table and a bed, Josh thought that it wasn’t merely a temporary residence. It was probably his original preference, and no one would bother with interior design in such a situation.

“Cough, cough.”

He forced himself to move, resisting the constant urge for his knees to buckle. The bed, draped with thin fabric, was empty.

He’s definitely in here.

Josh covered his nose and mouth with his forearm, breathing as shallowly as possible, and quickly scanned the room with his eyes. With such an overwhelming scent of pheromones, it made no sense for Chase not to be here.

Where is he? Where on earth?

Limiting his movements to breathe as little as possible required considerable effort to check the room. He suppressed his rising irritation and rapidly moved his eyes. He checked around the bed and even the wall, but it was empty. No matter how he looked, there was no sign of anyone.

No way.

Unable to bear the ominous thought, Josh cried out.

“Chase!”

Josh’s voice faintly echoed in the desolate room. Josh blinked in confusion at the indescribable emptiness. His anxiety doubled, and he finally removed his arm from his nose and mouth and shouted.

“Chase, where are you? Answer me!”

At that moment, a faint sound came from behind him. Josh instinctively turned his body and looked towards the adjoining bathroom. He walked towards it without hesitation.

Haa, haa. Haa, haa.

His breathing was already ragged, and his vision was blurry. If he didn’t find him in the bathroom, he might not be able to endure any longer. Josh forced himself to think about what he would do in that case.

What if he’s not here either?

Click.

As he opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, Josh felt cold sweat trickle down his back. He then realized, one after another, that he had momentarily lost consciousness with his eyes open.

So, rich, thick, heavy, agonizing.

Pheromones.

His mind was at its limit, to the point where he had to recall each word separately. The bathroom, as vast as the bedroom, was saturated with the scent. Pheromones, several times more concentrated than any he had smelled before, assailed him all at once.

And at the end of his dazed gaze, he saw him.

“……Chase.”

Josh mumbled softly, as if to himself. With each step, his legs felt heavy, as if massive weights were tied to his ankles. Between the desire to collapse and rub himself wildly against the floor, and the longing to see Chase’s face, he moved like a machine.

Chase was sprawled on the bathroom floor. It was unclear if he had lost consciousness while trying to wash or if he had been doing something else. All Josh knew was that his naked body was much thinner than before, that his unkempt blonde hair, perhaps washed out after filming, messily covered his gaunt face, and that seeing him collapsed on the cold floor made him wonder if he was cold.

“Chase.”

Josh, who had finally reached him, placed a hand on his shoulder. The protruding bones were distinctly felt beneath his palm. A part of his pheromone-dazed brain reawakened. Josh tightened his grip and shook his shoulder hard.

“Chase. Snap out of it, Chase!”

“He’s in rut.”

As he recalled Grayson’s words, Chase slowly lifted his eyelids. Beneath his abundant blonde hair, his eyes were golden. Josh had definitely seen these brilliantly shimmering eyes before. As he momentarily froze, Chase opened his mouth.

“Josh.”

His voice was hoarse, almost soundless. Chase slowly rose, his parched lips parting.

“Josh.”

Calling his name again, Chase faced Josh, who was kneeling on one knee before him. Slowly, a dry finger lifted and touched Josh’s cheek. It trembled faintly, then stopped in mid-air as it felt the warmth of his skin, and a faint smile appeared on Chase’s face. “Finally,” he whispered.

“You’ve come to kill me.”

Josh’s eyes widened. Chase’s smiling face came into his bewildered gaze. He smiled with a happiness Josh had never seen before and embraced him.

“Please, just kill me.”

Whispering that desperate wish again, Chase buried his face in Josh’s shoulder. Haa, he sighed in relief. It’s really over now. He whispered.

Is this sincere? Or is he babbling nonsense, drenched in pheromones?

Josh struggled to think through his dazed mind, grabbing his arm.

“Chase.”

Suppressing the urge to immediately throw Chase down and climb on top of him required a death-like patience. Josh thought he might actually act on it.

“Chase, get up.”

He gritted his teeth and spat out.

“Let’s go, let’s talk outside first.”

He tried to force Chase to stand, but he lacked the strength. It was impossible to make Chase, who was bigger than him, stand and walk when he was already at his limit just trying to maintain his sanity. In the end, Josh dragged his arm, trying to force him up, and ended up tumbling him onto the bathroom floor.

“Damn it!”

Barely suppressing a curse, Josh examined Chase’s body and paused. Old and recent wounds were intertwined with bruises all over his body. Hadn’t he been on medication? What was this?

“Chase.”

He called his name again, about to ask what had happened, when Chase blinked. His previously dazed, unfocused eyes momentarily turned purple, then golden again. But Josh knew he had regained some consciousness. Josh immediately knelt before him and lightly patted his cheek.

“Chase, are you awake? Chase.”

“……Joshua?”

Chase blinked his wide eyes and called his name. His dazed gaze was for a different reason this time. He opened his mouth again, but it took a few more seconds for a sound to emerge.

“Joshua, is it really you?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

Josh suppressed his surging emotions and forced a smile.

“What a mess you are, don’t you know I fell for your pretty face?”

It was a joke, of course. Despite his tangled, unkempt hair and gaunt cheeks, Chase was more than enough to captivate Josh’s soul, even more than the last time he saw him. Perhaps it was because his unfocused eyes, trembling long eyelashes, and thinly quivering lips made him look utterly pathetic. He was like an opera singer singing in the rain before an empty audience. As Josh bit his lip in pity, Chase spoke again after a pause, his voice trembling even more than before.

“Then, are you going to abandon me now?”

“Don’t be silly, of course it’s a joke.”

Josh deliberately chided him and put his arm around his shoulder. Josh paused at the thin body that came into his embrace. What on earth had happened to him?

“What happened? Chase, who did this?”

Josh asked as calmly as possible. He intended to make the culprit who had done this to Chase’s body pay dearly. Chase stared blankly at Josh’s face, which had taken on a gentle expression, then opened his mouth.

“I did.”

“What?”

“I did it.”

For a moment, Josh was stunned into silence. The murderous intent that had risen to his head instantly receded.

“Why, why?”

“……”

“Why did you do this? Huh? Chase.”

He couldn’t help but keep asking, even as he tried not to press him. Josh genuinely wanted to know. Why would he self-harm and cause himself such pain.

“Because.”

Chase mumbled to himself.

“I can’t take the medicine, and you’re not here.”

“……”

“If I lose my mind, I might go crazy… or rape someone, and I can’t take the medicine anymore.”

“So.”

Josh swallowed and asked again.

“So you did this to yourself? To your body?”

“……”

“To keep from losing your mind?”

Chase paused, then nodded. Josh was speechless again. He had endured alone, enduring until he reached this point. What would have happened if Josh hadn’t come here?

Chase’s face, reaching out to him in a hallucination, resurfaced.

“You’ve come to kill me.”

When had his face ever looked so happy?

Josh, in his hazy memory, recalled the moment he had proposed to Chase. Then, he couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Chase, do you remember what I said?”

Josh, breathing heavily, barely managed to get the words out. Still holding him, Josh continued.

“I said you wouldn’t die as long as I was guarding you, didn’t I?”

“……”

“There’s no way I’d come to kill you, Chase, is there?”

Chase remained silent. Pressed by the pheromones and his silence, Josh felt a suffocating pressure. Chase, who had been silently leaning against Josh, finally confessed.

“I don’t want to go crazy.”

With a sob, he pleaded.

“Oh, please… Joshua, I don’t want to go crazy.”

Chase had been suffering from that fear ever since he presented. Josh knew that. Chase’s fear, dread, self-loathing, and all those emotions transformed into sweet pheromones, settling heavily upon them.

Maddeningly, sweetly.

Josh couldn’t stand the sweetness and let out a rough curse.

“……Damn it, why didn’t you call me sooner?”

If only he had called.

Josh thought for a moment. He hadn’t had any other way either. But he could have stayed by Chase’s side. He could have encouraged him, cheered him on, kissed him.

It would have been good if he could have done that.

Once again, he had left Chase’s side when he needed him most. For the first time, Josh felt self-reproach and self-loathing.

If I hadn’t presented as an Omega, I could have continued to protect Chase.

After a brief moment of regret, Josh shook his head. No, that’s not it.

“Chase.”

Josh called his name.

“Chase, look at my face.”

He forcibly pulled Chase away from him. Holding his shoulders and keeping a distance, he looked directly at his face, and Chase’s wet gaze turned to him. It was a beautiful face that always captivated Josh. Looking at him, Josh thought this must be how a sailor felt listening to a siren’s song.

“Chase.”

Josh opened his mouth, his voice strained to keep his sanity.

“If you weren’t an extreme Alpha, we wouldn’t have slept together back then.”

Josh spoke slowly, emphasizing each word.

“If you weren’t an extreme Alpha and hadn’t lost consciousness, we wouldn’t have slept together, Pete wouldn’t be in this world, and we wouldn’t have met again and fallen in love like this.”

“……”

“And if I weren’t an Omega, I wouldn’t have been swept away by your pheromones, and I would have been desperate to avoid you. You wouldn’t have marked me either.”

Josh paused, then continued.

“Then we would have just passed each other by and lived and died forever without knowing each other. All the times I kissed you, all the times I said I loved you, would be as if they never happened. Would that have been better?”

“……”

“All of this could only happen because you’re an extreme Alpha and I’m an Omega.”

Having said that, Josh looked directly into Chase’s eyes and declared.

“I don’t regret a single thing.”

“……”

Chase remained silent. Josh realized that the time for choice had come. The choices left to them were extremely simple. To do it, or not to do it. Josh gently stroked Chase’s ear. His smooth ear, without a single blemish, was infinitely soft.

What will become of us?

Josh wondered if he had ever been this afraid. When he decided to have Pete, when he went into surgery alone, when Chase stood in front of the dog to save Pete.

When he vomited blood and collapsed in front of my eyes.

Every moment had been with Chase. Josh couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore. Josh then embraced Chase fiercely.

“Chase.”

With a deep breath, Josh opened his mouth. He heard Chase’s ragged breathing in his ear. He believed Chase was listening to his voice and continued speaking.

“I’m going to mark your ear.”

He felt Chase flinch against his body. Josh gasped and opened and closed his eyes.

“Steward said that if things went wrong, either you or I might go crazy.”

A faint tremor was felt. He knew how much fear Chase harbored without needing to confirm it. Josh added after a sigh.

“Even so, I want to mark you.”

“……”

“Because I’d rather you live with me than die and disappear.”

Having said that, Josh closed his eyes. Slowly lifting his eyelids, he whispered.

“I love you, Chase.”

Chase’s trembling stopped. Holding his rigid body, Josh continued his confession.

“I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. Whether you’re an Alpha or a Beta, none of that matters.”

Josh made his final monologue. A confession that might be his last while sane.

“I love you.”

Until then, Chase showed no reaction. He simply remained stiff, his face buried in Josh’s shoulder. Josh didn’t know the extent of his fear and dread. He simply waited for him to choose. After a long moment, Chase asked.

“……Even if I grow old, will you stay by my side?”

Chase lifted his head. His face was pale from his exhausted strength. Josh opened his mouth to Chase, who was looking at him, his shoulders heaving with ragged breaths.

“When you grow old.”

It seemed that what Josh had once told him, that no one would like him if his appearance changed with age, had deeply affected Chase. Josh met his trembling eyes and smiled briefly, as if imagining something.

“You’ll be a very handsome old man.”

And he kissed Chase’s lips, then whispered with their lips still pressed together.

“Even then, I’ll be desperate to kiss you.”

Chase blinked. Tears quickly welled up and streamed down his face. Soon after, he embraced Josh’s body.

Haa, haa. Haa, haa.

The rough breaths hitting his ears were so intense that he couldn’t even tell whose they were anymore. Suddenly, Steward’s words came to mind.

“If your pheromone compatibility is off, one of you might go crazy.”

It doesn’t matter.

Josh truly thought so.

It doesn’t matter at all.

He wrapped his arms around Chase’s neck and pulled him closer. Their heads tilted, and their ragged breaths mingled. Chase didn’t stop him or push him away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Josh’s waist and pulled him even tighter. As if urging him to hurry. Josh tilted his head, bit Chase’s ear with his lips, then released it and said.

“You won’t smell another Omega’s scent again until you die.”

Was there ever such intense desire and excitement? Josh felt a dizzying pleasure that made his mind go blank as he whispered.

“Until death do us part.”

And then, he bit Chase’s ear hard.