Into the Rose Garden Novel - Chapter 2.2 Always dreaming of my own sin

His legs trembled, and his hands clenched as he walked through the short corridor. The sound of his shoe heels was much faster and louder than usual. If his father had been alive and seen that sight, he might have dragged him to the study and wielded a switch, even now as an adult.

Just then, the carriage was ready. Aeroc quickly jumped into the carriage, merely slinging the coat offered by Viscount Derbyshire’s servant over his shoulder. The carriage, which had started immediately, picked up speed when Aeroc signaled. Inside the shaking carriage, Aeroc could finally relax his twitching lips.

A belated thought occurred to him: perhaps it was all his own delusion. His pride was so deeply wounded that his reason almost shattered.

When Kloff accepted the count’s invitation, he was also with Raphiel. If Raphiel didn’t come, Kloff wouldn’t appear either, so he had no choice but to invite him. Seeing the two of them walking affectionately and embracing each other, he couldn’t regain his composure from jealousy. How could this be?

Using a popular trend at the time, which Aeroc deeply despised, as an excuse, he made a proposition to Kloff that was worse than a pig in heat. Of course, he expected to be rejected. However, he thought that if he appealed this much, Kloff would show a little sympathy. Even that shattered his pride, but he wanted him that much.

However, the cruel Kloff mercilessly crushed his proposal with brutal words, and because of it, Aeroc experienced an unfamiliar sensation of his eyelids trembling and his eyes burning. He had believed that a sophisticated response could mitigate the embarrassment somewhat, but he never imagined being so explicitly condemned.

He couldn’t understand the situation at all, and he deeply resented Kloff and his lover for making him experience such misery. Aeroc decided never to acknowledge them again. He walked along the cedar path to control the jealousy that surged even when he remained still, but it did not help calm his mind. Instead, the bitter and cool woody scent, similar to the body odor of the person he didn’t want to recall, only tormented him.

For a while, he secluded himself at home, immersing himself in everything that could distract him: music, reading, horseback riding, or chess. He read classics repeatedly in his study with strong tea, and later even devoured gardening books he rarely looked at. After several months of near-seclusion, the things he had forcibly filled his mind with finally drove out the memories he didn’t want to recall.

Aeroc, now able to smile smoothly again, held the tea party he had postponed. He felt it was better to fulfill his aristocratic duties and engage in pleasant conversation among comfortable company rather than be alone. Exchanging light greetings without much thought and discussing matters inside and outside the country, he gradually felt as if he had returned to his old self.

No, he mistook it for that. He heard from a certain alpha in heat, who loved to spread useless rumors, that Kloff and Raphiel were engaged. His slightly stiff smile soon deepened.

He should have stopped then. If it was hard to pretend not to see, he should have gone on a distant journey to keep them out of his sight entirely. But Aeroc couldn’t. The ugly jealousy had not been removed by months of seclusion. Instead, as if resentful of being suppressed, what had been a subtle ember exploded into a raging inferno, burning fiercely.

The young couple, engaged and married before the year was out, were invited to many gatherings. It was perhaps natural for Kloff, now responsible for a household, to build connections as he had started a private investment management business. And many people were very fond of the newly formed couple. Aeroc had to endure the torment of his insides burning as he watched the happy pair.

Raphiel, who had always been good-looking, shone more brightly than ever after marriage. Aeroc had to admit that. People called him lovely rather than brazen, seeing him naturally lean into his husband’s embrace, his cheeks flushed as if in a dream, as his husband affectionately held him. A terrible sense of defeat and humiliation welled up. He knew all too well that even if he were an omega and became Kloff’s lover, he could never be like that.

Something he could never possess.

That was the first frustration he had ever experienced. It was disappointment and anger at himself. Everything new was unfamiliar and difficult to handle.

The monstrous emotion, which he had barely kept in check, finally began to engulf Aeroc when he saw Raphiel, whom he met at Viscount Derbyshire’s tea party a while later, with an unmistakably large belly, surrounded by everyone and receiving blessings. It burst the dam of reason he had barely held back and surged forward furiously.

The alpha, soon to be a father, kissed the crown of the omega’s head, who sat as if exhausted, then sneered at the man who was watching him from a distance, probably looking terribly pale and ghastly. The overflowing, uncontrollable emotion had already consumed the count from head to toe.

When a person who firmly believed they had never been hurt discovered a torn heart for the first time, especially when they possessed an almost arrogant self-esteem, the unfamiliar wound instigated an unintended rampage.

Whether by chance or led by his unconscious, Aeroc, finding himself standing in a bottomless pit he had never set foot in his life, threw gold coins to a pack of dogs with servile eyes and fierce fangs, demanding they tear apart the most beautiful bride in the world.

He was torn by the rough teeth of the dog pack, but not to the point of death. The next day, although his limbs creaked, Aeroc was clearly alive. Was it because he had no dignity left to die? Or simply because it wasn’t his time to die? He couldn’t quite understand.

The men seemed pleased with Aeroc. They came in droves, not after a long time but still at not-so-short intervals, and embraced him. Rolling around in the bottom, a fear he hadn’t felt since his first miscarriage surged anew. He didn’t want to go through that again. Having no pride left to protect, Aeroc tried to please them in every way, attempting to take them orally to prevent them from ejaculating inside him, but in the end, he had to take it below a couple of times.

Exhausted and unable to fall asleep immediately, Aeroc staggered to find a place to wash. Quite some time had passed since he started living in the bakery’s shed, but he still wasn’t allowed inside the house.

It couldn’t be helped. No one, even at this bottom, would welcome a street whore into their home. The shed was merely a dusty, cobweb-filled storage room for old tools, so there was no place to wash nearby. Aeroc had to limp all the way to the river, which was quite a distance.

The giant black serpent flowed today as well, its silver scales glinting. Cold tongues rose to his bony ankles, calves, knees, and thighs, washing away the filth that wasn’t his. After nearly dying of hypothermia from washing late at night, he decided to wash only the necessary parts.

Aeroc shuddered as the cold water penetrated his body. He wanted to get out of the biting water, but if he didn’t wash thoroughly, something else might happen. He never knew when his heat came and went, and even after repeated miscarriages, he wasn’t unable to conceive. Hoping that nothing would happen this time, Aeroc couldn’t get out of the water until the sensation in his lower body almost disappeared.

A long time later, when he was shivering from head to toe, he moved his aching feet and got out. With nothing decent to wipe himself with, he shook off the water and put on his pants. The thin pants clung to his wet legs. Aeroc rubbed his thighs with his hands, trying to suppress the continuous goosebumps, but it was little use. He wanted to return to the shed quickly and rest.

He turned through the alleys, trying to pull the clinging fabric off his legs, and wasn’t looking ahead. He didn’t know when he had taken a wrong turn, but when he straightened up, it was a strangely bright alley. His eyes stung, and he blinked, shielding them from the artificial light. He seemed to have arrived in front of a night tea house at some point.

Startled by the gazes of people who stared at the suddenly appearing beggar, Aeroc quickly turned away. Outside the bottom, he was nothing more than a bug. Just being seen was enough to get beaten to death. It was a fact he had learned to his bones during his first year abandoned on these streets.

Aeroc kept checking if anyone was following him and ran towards the darkness. Even without looking ahead, the smell of the sewer guided him. But that smell was soon blocked by something else. His blindly moving legs didn’t perceive that fact and took a few more steps, causing Aeroc to collide with someone.

“Hmph.”

He quickly covered his mouth with both hands, startled by the sound, and crouched down. It was an instinctual lesson to get hit less. But no kicks or punches came. The person Aeroc had bumped into merely grumbled in an unpleasant tone.

“Watch where you’re going.”

His tightly closed eyes snapped open. A cool piece of clothing brushed past him as he crouched. Like a sunflower drawn to the sun, he unconsciously turned his body towards the edge of the clothing and automatically stood up, following him as if possessed. And he stretched out his rough fingers and grabbed the luxurious fabric, which glowed deeply even in the faint lamplight. The other person stopped abruptly and turned around. Dark eyes and a wrinkled brow. Tightly pressed lips.

“What is it? Do you have something to say?”

A deep, resonant voice. Aeroc took another step closer. His rough face, half-hidden in the darkness, was revealed under the orange light. The other person frowned when he saw him.

“Kloff.”

At the surprisingly easy utterance of the name, the other person’s eyes finally widened in surprise.

“Aeroc?”

Kloff, who had been slightly stiff with shock, then curled his lips. And he somewhat roughly brushed away Aeroc’s hand, which was holding his clothing. After smoothing the hardly wrinkled fabric a few times, he threw a familiar sneer.

“So you’re still alive, it seems?”

Ah. Why was he hurting again? Aeroc was a little surprised that his internal pain receptors were still functioning. He thought they had completely died, but it seemed not. Instead, since he had lost all ability to run wild uncontrollably, he could smile quite easily. There was nothing to answer the question of whether he was alive, so he simply offered a normal greeting.

“It’s been a long time.”

He wasn’t flustered, as he had shed another layer of his ragged heart when he had accidentally seen him and the child before. As if he had been waiting for this moment, Aeroc naturally looked at Kloff closely. He couldn’t properly gauge how much time had passed, but it seemed it wasn’t enough to bring any change to this strong alpha. Kloff was still as steadfast and incredibly beautiful as a hero from a myth. And the clear sneer on his lips, which he had once believed to be devoid of emotion.

“Yes, as you say, it has been a long time. I never imagined meeting you in a place like this.”

“I was just passing by.”

“Ah, you were out, it seems. Your attire was so light I didn’t recognize you at all.”

Kloff deliberately showed exaggerated friendliness and overtly looked down at Aeroc’s bare feet. Aeroc, looking down as well, moved his feet slightly together and blushed. And he subtly hid his hands, which had been lowered to his sides, behind his back. Seeing that, Kloff smiled gently.

“Is the Count Teiwind troubled these days? To forget his shoes and come out for a night stroll. As someone who once received delicious tea and pastries, I apologize for not realizing it sooner. I’d like to take off my shoes and clothes and give them to you right away, but they wouldn’t fit, so it would only inconvenience the refined Count.”

“Such…”

He tried to refuse. He was more afraid of what might happen if he received clothes heavily imbued with Kloff’s scent than of the insult. His body, born an alpha, had changed into an omega solely for him. If he smelled the scent, which would be even more alluring after such a long time apart, he didn’t know what would happen to his body, which couldn’t properly go into heat due to being broken. The thought of being in heat at the bottom was terrifying.

His already not-so-deep complexion turned stark white, and Kloff let out a small chuckle. Then he took something from inside his coat and threw it at Aeroc’s dirty feet.

Clink.

It was a silver coin, gleaming brightly even in the faint light. Aeroc looked up at him, bewildered, and Kloff, with eyes devoid of humor, threw a look of contempt and said,

“Go buy some clothes. Who would believe you were once a count looking like that?”

Before he could say anything, Kloff turned without a moment’s hesitation and walked briskly towards the light. Aeroc remained rooted to the spot until the long, tall shadow gradually faded and completely disappeared.