In This Life I Will Be The Lord Novel - Side Story, Chapter 37

“Hmm.”

I woke up to a gentle hand massaging my feet.

As I forced open my heavy eyelids, I saw Perez sitting at my feet.

He had finished preparing for his commute to the Imperial Palace, dressed head to toe as the Emperor, and was concentrating intently on massaging my feet.

“Good morning.”

I greeted him with a slightly hoarse voice.

Then a gentle smile bloomed on Perez’s expressionless face.

“Did you sleep well, Tia?”

Now in my fourth month of pregnancy, Perez looked very thin.

It was due to the morning sickness that had continued until recently.

That’s why the Imperial Palace aides were reportedly so afraid of Perez, who had become sensitive and sharper.

But Perez, when dealing with me, was still like spring sunshine.

“I told you you don’t have to do this every morning.”

He must be busy commuting to the Imperial Palace after his early morning training.

But Perez even squeezed out that time to give me a foot massage every single day without fail.

“You could get a little more sleep and rest during this time.”

But Perez shook his head.

“Your body is getting heavier, so your feet will be strained. For now, it’s just in the morning, but from next month, I’ll do it every evening too.”

I had tried to stop him a few times before, but Perez was stubborn.

“…You’re impossible, really.”

But even as I said that, I didn’t pull my feet away.

I simply closed my eyes languidly at the refreshing sensation spreading from my soles.

According to Estira, the fourth month is when the stable period begins.

Perhaps because of that, Perez’s morning sickness had fortunately subsided a little since last week.

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Still can’t eat proper food well?”

Perez replied with a bitter smile to my question.

He had been barely surviving on fruits and biscuits because of the morning sickness he was experiencing on my behalf.

Since a while ago, he had been able to eat bread and light soup, but it was still far from enough.

I felt grateful, sorry, and touched by Perez.

“How can you suffer like that? I hope your morning sickness goes away soon.”

“It’s okay, I can bear it.”

Perez moved to the other foot and said.

“Rather than Tia suffering, I’d rather be a little bit uncomfortable.”

“…I think I really married well.”

I deliberately wiggled my toes and mumbled, and Perez let out a small laugh.

His large hands, skilled at loosening the muscles from my calves to my soles.

There’s really nothing he can’t do.

Watching Perez, who had started concentrating silently again, my eyes began to droop.

“Today is your day off, isn’t it, Tia?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Then sleep a little more. You need to recover from the fatigue.”

Perez, who seemed to have to leave for work, approached and kissed me.

“Mmm. Shall I?”

Perhaps because it was a long-awaited holiday, my heavy body felt like it was sinking deep into the bed.

I should see him off, but…

“I’ll be back. See you tonight, Tia.”

With that low whisper, and feeling the warmth briefly touch my belly, which was now starting to swell a little, I fell asleep once more.

When I opened my eyes again, it was already close to noon.

“I really slept well.”

I stretched refreshingly once, then habitually rubbed my slightly protruding belly.

As much as I wanted to rest a little longer, I had to eat for the baby.

With Catherine’s help, I lightly washed up and changed, then headed to the dining room.

“Are you eating, Aunt?”

“Oh, Tia. It’s been a while.”

Shananet, who was already having lunch in the dining room, greeted me warmly.

I reached for the bread among the food quickly prepared for me and asked.

“Are you busy these days?”

Shananet had recently been preoccupied with a new mine discovered in the border region of Chesayu and Sheshou.

“That’s true. It’s a complicated matter in many ways, isn’t it?”

Father, the lord of Chesayu, had entrusted the development of the discovered mine to Lombardi Mining, and Shananet was in charge of negotiating on Father’s behalf.

“If you need any help from me or Pellet Merchant Guild, please let me know anytime.”

“It’s fine for now. The work itself isn’t difficult. However…”

Shananet, uncharacteristically, trailed off.

What is it?

I felt a subtle premonition.

“What’s wrong?”

I asked casually.

“There’s someone who keeps bothering me.”

“Bothering you? Are they interfering with your work?”

“No, not that. But it is annoying.”

But Shananet’s expression was strange as she said that.

“For example?”

“They keep sending flowers and tea leaves, and when we meet by chance, they talk to me.”

…Is this what I’m thinking?

“And they keep smiling, which is unlike them.”

Right. That’s it.

“Aunt, is that…”

“They definitely have an ulterior motive.”

Shananet narrowed her eyes as she cut the meat.

It seemed she was interpreting the signals from that person in a completely wrong way.

I don’t know who it is, but I already feel a little sorry for them.

“So, Aunt, you mean they keep sending flowers and tea, and keep talking to you and smiling, that person?”

“Yes. It’s absolutely not their personality.”

“Could that person be interested in you, Aunt?”

Clink.

Shananet’s movements stopped.

“…Interested?”

“Yes. It seems like actions someone would take towards someone they like or have a crush on.”

I subtly probed Shananet.

Shananet pondered for a moment, then firmly shook her head.

“They’re not that kind of person.”

“What kind of person are they?”

“Taciturn, inscrutable, cunning…”

Shananet then took a sip of water, as if shaking off her thoughts, and said.

“Anyway, they’re not that kind of person. Enough about me. How are you, Tia?”

I was curious about who Shananet’s ‘that person’ was, but I supposed I would find out naturally over time.

“I’m always the same.”

I replied with a shrug.

“Still, it’s fortunate that it’s going smoothly for a first child. You’re past four months now, aren’t you?”

“Yes. Soon to be five months.”

“You’ll be able to feel the baby move soon.”

“Fetal movement…?”

“Yes. Gilliu and Mayron kicked my belly so much as soon as they had legs. I couldn’t even sleep properly.”

Shananet smiled.

“It was fortunate that I handed over all my duties to Vestian after I found out I was pregnant. I could take naps and focus on prenatal care.”

“Oh, you did…”

Fetal movement and prenatal care.

My head became complicated with unexpected words.

“Oh. How are you doing with prenatal care, Tia?”

This time, I couldn’t answer.

I wasn’t really doing anything specifically for prenatal care.

As I smiled vaguely and kept silent, Shananet nodded.

“Indeed. You’re busy, so you probably can’t make time for it.”

“Should I do prenatal care separately?”

I roughly knew.

Listening to music, drawing, traveling.

Nobles in the Empire would go on vacation to scenic villas for prenatal care as soon as they learned they were pregnant.

“Well. It varies from person to person. The most important thing is for the mother to be comfortable.”

“That’s… right.”

“So don’t feel too burdened. Whatever makes you happy is also the path to your child’s happiness.”

“Thank you for the advice, Aunt.”

I nodded with a smile, but my mind was still tangled.

I no longer felt like touching the food that had looked so delicious just moments ago.

“Prenatal care…”

Why hadn’t I thought of that?

I drank the sweet and sour juice feeling down, but my mood didn’t improve.

My sunken heart remained that way until I finished my work and returned to the bedroom.

“They say emotions are out of control during pregnancy. This must be one of those things.”

I sat down at the table by the window, comforting myself.

“Instead of this, I should just work.”

Although it was a holiday, I had prepared some simple documents in the bedroom in case I got bored.

I tried to shake off the persistent thoughts, turning over one document after another.

“Should I try going to Chesayu myself?”

Shananet was doing well enough, but it might not be bad for me to move directly to speed up the mine development.

“Ah, but long-distance travel wouldn’t be good. It’s inconvenient to be pregnant at times like this…”

Flustered.

It was a monologue I had made without realizing it.

It was also a thoughtless remark.

But at the same time, it was something I shouldn’t have said.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. Mommy made a mistake. I’m really sorry.”

I quickly stroked my belly and apologized, but the baby must have already heard.

“Am I really fit to be a mother?”

I was busy with work, hadn’t thought about prenatal care, and was even a mother who thought her child was inconvenient.

“This is… a disqualification as a mother.”

A tear rolled down without me realizing it.

Was I truly worthy of being a mother?

I buried my face in my hands.

Shananet had entrusted all her work to her husband and focused on prenatal care.

Recalling it, Lauriel was the same.

The wild Lauriel changed as soon as she realized she was carrying Marilyn.

She was careful in everything she did, fearing any danger to the child, and even invited famous artists to her home to enjoy operas and artworks she didn’t particularly like.

But me.

“Haa.”

A deep sigh escaped me naturally.

Even during the period when I should have been resting, I was busy with work.

There were times when I cut down on sleep out of a desire not to neglect either my role as Lombardi Matriarch or Empress.

Perhaps the reason there had been no problems until now was simply that the child was strong.

“You must have had a hard time alone.”

I stroked my belly and wiped my face with a handkerchief.

But it was no use.

Tears flowed again almost immediately.

I began to devise various measures to make time for prenatal care.

“Even now, I should completely hand over the Matriarch’s duties to Craney…”

My words trailed off.

I didn’t want to.

It was the position of Lombardi Matriarch that I had so desperately desired.

Even if I rested for a while, my position wouldn’t become unstable, but I still didn’t want to do that.

The positions of Lombardi Matriarch and Empress were things I had achieved, and I couldn’t imagine myself giving them up.

“What’s the right thing to do?”

I was annoyed by the tears that flowed against my will.

As I wiped my face a little irritably, another fear raised its head.

“What will I do after the baby is born?”

I didn’t know how to be a good mother.

Even before reincarnation, I hadn’t grown up with my parents’ love.

Rather, I was neglected and had a bad relationship with them.

Moreover, after reincarnating here, I had been raised by my father.

I didn’t know what a good mother looked like.

“I wish my mother were alive at times like this.”

Tears flowed even more from the overwhelming feeling.

Just then.

“…Tia?”

I looked up at the familiar voice and saw Perez entering the bedroom.

“Why… why are you crying?”

Perez’s face turned pale as if I were shedding blood instead of tears, and he strode over, knelt on one knee, and comforted me.

“Tia, don’t cry. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’ll do something about it. Don’t cry.”

Perez said that and hugged me tightly.

I felt the familiar warmth and scent gradually calm my tumultuous feelings.

“Can you tell me now, Tia?”

“Well…”

I poured out the thoughts that had been disturbing my mind all day, without much order.

It must have been difficult to understand, but Perez patiently listened to my words, stroking my back.

“So… I made a mistake. I said it was inconvenient.”

My nose tingled again, feeling choked up.

And I uttered the thought that had frightened me the most.

“What if the child is born and I ruin everything? What if I’m not a good mother and I do something wrong to the child?”

“Tia.”

Perez quietly stroked my head, then stood up.

“There’s something that might help Tia.”

With that, Perez retrieved something from the bedroom drawer.

It was a thick notebook that showed some signs of age.

“What is this?”

Perez carefully placed the notebook in my hands and replied.

“It’s your mother, Lady Shan’s, diary.”