In This Life I Will Be The Lord Novel - Episode 242

Perez followed silently behind me.
I was walking as fast as I could, but there was no way I could shake Perez off.
Eventually, the carriage departed with Perez inside.
I knew he was sitting next to me, but I didn’t turn my head in that direction.
I sat pressed against the window and didn’t look at Perez.
I didn’t want to show him my face right now.
At first, I intended not to speak at all, but after a small cough, it was I who spoke first.
Perez’s anxious gaze was just too desperate.
“…Why did you get in?”
Fortunately, my voice was normal.
“You seemed busy with an earlier appointment.”
A surge of emotion again.
Recalling how he had rushed out immediately after the meeting and then seeing him with Ramona, an absurd anger welled up.
Even though I knew perfectly well I had no right to feel this way.
“You should get off before leaving the Imperial Palace… sniff.”
Ah, I messed up.
I had been holding it in so well.
My body’s instinct to stop my nose from running finally won out.
“…Tia?”
Perez’s voice, as he moved a little closer, trembled.
And I felt his hand cautiously reaching out to me.
“Why, what.”
I turned my body further away and answered curtly, as if nothing was wrong.
But he wasn’t fooled.
His hand, trembling slightly like his voice, gently pulled my face towards him.
In the end, Perez saw my face.
Through my slightly blurry vision, I saw his red eyes.
His pupils, shaking as if an earthquake had struck.
Perez, with a shocked expression, kept staring at me.
Frozen, without even a flicker of movement, he asked in a strangled voice,
“…Are you crying?”
“No, I’m not crying.”
I said, wiping my face with my sleeve.
But it was no use.
“Ugh.”
As if my tear ducts had suddenly broken, tears streamed down, ignoring my desire not to cry in front of Perez.
Perhaps it was out of embarrassment.
“Tia. Don’t cry. If you cry…”
Perez frowned and wiped away my tears.
His face was pained, as if someone had punched him hard in the chest.
He clearly had no idea why I was crying.
“Why… are you crying?”
See?
For a moment, I was angry at myself.
Why am I crying?
I made this decision, and I resolved to accept it.
“Tia, please. Tell me.”
Then, Perez tightly gripped my hand.
His always warm hand was now cold and stiff, telling me how desperate he was.
Still, I can’t say it.
I clearly thought that.
But my body betrayed my will once again.
“Because you smiled at someone else, Perez.”
“?”
“What?”
“You smiled in front of someone else, not me.”
“That’s…”
Perez looked a little flustered.
I quickly shook my head and preempted him.
“I know. I know how foolish I’m being right now.”
It’s just a smile.
Even for Perez, who rarely shows emotion, he’s been close to Ramona for several years since the academy.
They might be much closer than I thought.
“I know, but it still feels strange. My heart feels strange.”
To be honest, I was scared.
“I’m sorry, Perez. But I’ve lost confidence.”
“Confidence?”
“The confidence to watch you with someone else.”
Tears burst from my eyes again as I spoke.
Without a moment to stop them.
“Ah.”
As I started crying again, Perez didn’t know what to do.
He wiped my tears with his trembling hands, looking even more pained himself.
I gripped the hem of his clothes and said,
“I don’t want you to have someone more precious than me.”
Perez’s hand, which had been incessantly wiping my cheeks, stopped abruptly.
And he hugged me tightly, saying,
“I swear.”
His large hands pulled me closer until I couldn’t get any closer.
“There’s no one more precious than you. Not now, and not ever.”
And his red eyes gazed deeply into mine.
“Just seeing you cry like this makes me feel like I’m going to die, so how could I…” Just then, Perez’s gaze fixed on my lips.
“How could I…”
His words just spun in circles.
The hand holding me tightened.
Then, the carriage jolted once.
It was probably passing through the main gate of the Imperial Palace.
“Ah.”
Perez blinked slowly, like someone waking from a dream.
And he muttered in a low voice,
“That was close.”
“…What was?”
But he didn’t answer.
Instead, he just gazed at my lips with slightly languid eyes for a moment, then let out a short sigh.
And finally, he wiped away my half-dried tears with his thumb.
“So don’t cry.”
It was strange logic.
I looked straight into his eyes and said,
“You know what?”
“Yes.”
“How would you feel if I was doing this with another man in a carriage?”
As soon as I finished speaking, Perez’s face hardened.
As if a ‘whoosh’ sound could be heard.
Like an ebbing tide, emotion drained from Perez’s face.
At the same time, I felt the temperature inside the carriage drop by several degrees.
It wasn’t enough to bother me, but it was definitely bloodlust.
Clatter!
The carriage shook violently again.
There wasn’t a bump in the road.
“Hey, you brats, what’s wrong with you?”
Neigh!
I heard the coachman’s flustered voice from outside.
The horses, much more sensitive to this kind of aura than humans, seemed to have been spooked and were rearing.
I chuckled and said,
“Yes, that’s how I felt.”
Actually, Perez was only guilty of smiling.
But I decided to overlook that subtle difference.
“So let’s take some time to think.”
I said, stroking his cheek, just as Perez had done to me.
“I need time to sort out my thoughts.”
“Tia.”
Perez said urgently.
“If it’s because the current law doesn’t allow the Empress to also hold the position of family head…”
“I know. That there’s a way.”
At my words, Perez paused and closed his mouth.
“That’s why I’m going to think about it more carefully.”
Other people wouldn’t have a reason to worry like this.
If they liked someone so much, what more thought would be needed?
“You and I are a little different. We’re not people who can just meet and break up if we feel like it.”
“…Break up?”
Perez’s face darkened rapidly.
“No, that’s not what I meant!”
Hmm.
I hesitated for a moment, then said in a very small voice,
“I like you. I really do. But for us to be together, we need to be prepared for it.”
What started as a small voice grew softer and softer.
Until, at the end, it was almost inaudible even to myself.
“Ah.”
But for Perez, who had somehow surpassed human limitations, it seemed to be no problem at all.
“Li-like…”
His face turned bright red, as if it would burst.
This guy, seriously. Making the speaker embarrassed.
“What, what. It’s not the first time I’ve said it.”
I said, lightly tapping his shoulder.
But my fist was quickly caught by Perez’s hand.
“No way.”
He brought his hot lips to my curled fingers and said.
And with his other hand, he gripped the chair behind my back.
Creak.
A small noise came from the chair as he leaned in, his weight shifting.
“Perez…”
I tried to stop him.
Because I now knew what those eyes, like the glowing embers of bright red charcoal, meant.
But Perez whispered in a desperate voice,
“Just once.”
I should be used to it by now.
My heart still pounded at the sight of his face with those long eyelashes lowered.
“Tia, just once.”
A low voice, like a tickle in my ear, made me feel dizzy for a moment.
His lips hovered right in front of mine, as if seeking permission.
“Please.”
Ah, I lost.
I closed my eyes without a word.
His fingers intertwined with mine.
In the end, Perez didn’t get out of the carriage until I arrived at the restaurant.
“We’ve arrived.”
The carriage stopped, and I heard the coachman announce our arrival from outside.
Of course, I had already tidied my clothes and was ready to alight from the carriage.
It was just as I placed my hand on the carriage door handle.
“Wait a moment.”
Perez leaned in and stole a kiss from my lips.
“My mark is still a bit left.”
“Ahem.”
I gave a small cough and deliberately opened the carriage door wide as I stepped out.
“Hmm? Your Royal Highness?”
“You rode all the way here together?”
The nobles who had already arrived and were waiting in front of the restaurant whispered, recognizing Perez.
“Please take His Royal Highness back to the Imperial Palace.”
I said to the coachman in an even more assertive tone.
“Then I’ll see you later, Your Royal Highness.”
Then, Perez, peeking his face out from the corner of the open carriage door, looked at me.
He’s smiling right now!
No one else might know, but I did.
His face seemed expressionless at a glance, but his eyes were slightly narrowed, secretly smiling.
“Yes. Thank you for today. I feel like my worries have disappeared thanks to the Acting Head. Please return safely, Acting Head of Lombardi.”
He was very dignified.
Not a single part of his etiquette was out of place.
He was so different from how he had been just moments ago…
“Let’s go. To eat.”
My face was starting to turn red again, so I said that and quickly turned away.
A somewhat persistent and intense gaze followed me until I entered the restaurant.
***
Perez and I met again sooner than expected.
“You’ve perfectly confirmed that no one is left inside, right?”
“Yes, Acting Head of Lombardi.”
Today was the day the Angenas family mansion was to be sealed and confiscated.