Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 99

I emphasized each syllable. Goyohan smiled, futilely unfolding and refolding his clothes. Rainwater splattered as they flapped. It was no longer worth looking at, so I turned my back. Before going to the first-floor bathroom, I stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall. It was a place where Goyohan couldn’t see me. I watched the sensor light turn on quickly, then opened the black plastic bag I was holding.

It was green tea ice cream.

The ice cream was placed on the low table in the room. Goyohan and I sat facing each other. The carpet was soft, and the air was a little chilly. It was because of the air conditioner. Yet, to be eating ice cream like this… You couldn’t do this unless you were determined to catch a cold.

“I thought you’d definitely be first place. Wow, this test’s questions are seriously messed up.”

During our trivial conversation, a sensitive topic suddenly popped out. This made it clear. Counseling, my ass, Goyohan probably just wanted to tell me this. That’s why he came.

I looked down at the wooden table, avoiding his gaze.

“It wasn’t that difficult. I just didn’t do well.”

“No. It was difficult. I’m telling you, it was difficult!”

Goyohan, who had been licking his spoon, put on a serious face.

“Actually, my rank dropped a lot too.”

“…How much?”

“Uh, well.”

Goyohan spread his arms wide.

“A lot—, a lot—, a lot—, a lot.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Oh, quite good. Picking a fight too?”

The spoon tapped his thin lips. His subtly condescending tone was annoying. The scales always tipped towards Goyohan. After realizing that the ‘Goyohan likes me’ weapon had no real effect on him, I knew it was wiser to choose the path of escape.

“What’s there to not be able to do, Yohan-ah.”

But I also thought, my life is really hard. I could have just shut up and stayed put.

“We’re friends, after all.”

Sometimes, I just blurted out things that didn’t need to be said.

It was all because of that damn pride. At the same time, I felt refreshed inside. Goyohan, who had been listening silently, raised an eyebrow. It meant he was uncomfortable. But then, Goyohan’s face bloomed with a bright smile. A flower bud burst open on his gloomy face.

“See, isn’t it much better when you act like this?”

“Ah… you liked that.”

His relaxed reaction made me feel somewhat uneasy. It felt like he was saying I was only that much to Goyohan. Someone he liked, but didn’t want a change in relationship with. It felt like I had become exactly that kind of person.

“Good. It feels like we’re close friends. Best friends. Talking comfortably and all—.”

“…Can I really talk comfortably?”

“Of course, of course.”

“Like before?”

His long neck moved lightly. I had permission. Goyohan had clearly given permission. As soon as I gained confirmation, my body immediately leaned towards Goyohan. There was a surge of anger because our feelings seemed so different, and a question I desperately wanted to ask came to mind.

“Then, you know, did you really hate Han Junwoo that much?”

“Why that all of a sudden?”

Because I heard a very plausible story about you. I buried the words I couldn’t say honestly. Instead, I threw out a very tempting bait.

“Now that I think about it, you said it before. You said you hated Han Junwoo because he was gay.”

“Huh?”

“But honestly, you like men, don’t you?”

This time, I dug in precisely so he couldn’t escape. His cheerful face gradually distorted. Ah, serves him right. Conversely, I became happy. Of course. Even he must think it makes no sense. Goyohan’s lies are truly so careless. I put down my spoon and rested my chin on my hand.

“Right, that’s really strange. Then there’s no particular reason to hate Han Junwoo, is there?”

“…”

“…It wasn’t because of me, was it?”

At my question, Goyohan’s lips moved awkwardly. It was a smile as if his lips were tied with a string, and that string was being pulled upwards.

“Of course not.”

“Oh, I see.”

I expected this answer. I wasn’t really expecting anything special. It was just a test. A test. I didn’t care much. The sudden drop in my mood was, well… it was just because of what Shin Jaehyun told me. I clenched and unclenched my fist once. Don’t care. I muttered to myself, as if brainwashing myself, and forcibly forgot the question I had just asked.

“…Then why do you hate Han Junwoo? You two were really close.”

“Why are you asking that out of nowhere?”

“Because I’m curious. It suddenly seems strange.”

Goyohan subtly frowned, yet answered as if it were truly nothing.

“There’s nothing strange about it. I just hate lazy bastards who don’t study.”

“Why did you get close to him in the first place? Han Junwoo was always bad at studying.”

“That was networking, networking. I didn’t have a group to lead around more than Han Junwoo did. My head was lacking. Everyone was Han Junwoo’s friend.”

“Ah… I see.”

“Really? Is your curiosity satisfied now?”

“Yes, I understand.”

That everything you say is truly a lie.

Networking? Did Goyohan ever care about Choi Donghwan or Hong Hwijun, Han Junwoo’s friends? Did he ever meet the seniors who went out at night with Han Junwoo? He did give Park Dongcheol, who bowed his head first, a bit of a pass, but even that was suspicious. And he claims he was networking?

“…Well, networking is important, isn’t it?”

That’s why I live like this, in this pathetic state. Having to welcome unwanted guests.

I find myself pathetic. But I can’t help it; acting this way is probably because I haven’t grown up yet. Adults supposedly eat alone and play alone, but for students who have to live half a day in an isolated place for three years, being alone is still too great a trial.

Being alone is so difficult that even Shin Jaehyun can’t bear it and wanders around with groups. For a high school student, being alone is tantamount to suicide.

I picked up the spoon placed on the table. The silver spoon gently scraped the green surface. As the frozen shell peeled away, the inside was revealed. I looked at the deeper green and spoke.

“But when are you going home?”

“Isn’t it raining too much right now?”

“You’re next door.”

“The rain, the rain is pouring down like spears.”

Goyohan’s hands slowly rose. Then he waved his long fingertips to the point of looking vulgar. No sound effects were needed. I could see the wind and rain lashing against my room’s balcony window and the garden trees swaying. I looked out the window despairingly.

“…I should still have a few clothes left here.”

Goyohan, who had lowered his hands at some point, was gently tapping the table with his fingertips. When I turned my head, Goyohan was looking up at me, his head slightly bowed. He looked like a child or a cat asking for a favor.

“You do, right?”

“…Yeah. Probably some.”

“Can I wear them?”

His thin eyelids blinked. My body stiffened. This wasn’t just about changing clothes. He was saying he wanted to stay the night. I wanted to yell immediately. No. You can’t.

“…Sure. They’re your clothes anyway.”

“Really?”

But my life never goes my way, and reality often oppresses me.

“Go wash up first. I don’t want you rubbing your wet hair on my pillow.”

“You’re not going to take it back, are you?”

“I got it. You know where the towels are, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

Goyohan threw his spoon onto the table and abruptly stood up. Then he hastily headed towards the small door connected to my room. It was as if he was afraid I’d change my mind. Of course, it must have been my imagination. I kept my gaze on the door as it was about to close. It was almost completely shut when it suddenly burst open again.

“Can I use your shampoo?”

Goyohan’s half-wet hair swayed through the crack in the door. He spoke as if he had never used my shampoo before. He always used it freely whenever he stayed over. Although I didn’t say anything, it always smelled the same. I couldn’t describe how thrilling it was to have Goyohan smell like me.

“Yeah.”

But now, I hate it so much. I’m scared. I hate you, and I hate that I can’t control myself.

Goyohan, smiling contentedly at my answer, hid his head back inside the door. Click, the door closed.

Only my breathing was heard in the room. I quietly got up. The carpet muffled my footsteps. Soon, I heard the shower turning on from across the room. I looked at the ice cream carton. It was almost all eaten, with only one spoonful of the green mass remaining.

I picked up my spoon and scraped the last of the ice cream into my mouth. A cold, bitter taste lingered in my mouth.

While Goyohan was showering, I also changed into comfortable clothes. At the same time, I took out Goyohan’s clothes, which had been tucked away somewhere. They smelled faintly of dust, so I just sprayed some air freshener I had. When I returned, the door Goyohan had entered was still tightly closed, so I just left the clothes in front of the door and came out.

As I lay on the bed, watching the rain outside the window, the door opened with a creak. Only a long hand emerged from the crack in the door, fumbling on the floor.

“I left it on the left.”

Hesitate. The hand paused for a moment, then bounced lightly to the left. The hand, having found the clothes, slowly re-entered the crack in the door. After a little while, Goyohan emerged, wearing the clothes I had given him and holding his slightly damp, wet uniform. Goyohan, with a towel on his head, smiled brightly and approached the bed, standing idly and saying,

“That’s a relief. They’ve been here for a while, but they’re still fine.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

No, neither of us can go back to how things were. The problem is that I acknowledge that fact, and you don’t. Our friendship was broken by that difference in opinion. No, honestly, it wasn’t even friendship. Our relationship was driven by ulterior motives rather than purity, and that was the beginning of this end.

And the seeds I had sown bloomed in a place I didn’t know, carried by the summer wind.

Goyohan is truly a liar.

I found myself looking down at Goyohan, who was now shamelessly asleep in my bed, and thought. Is this guy faking sleep? But I immediately dismissed my suspicion. It’s hard to imitate sleeping Goyohan. He’s like a corpse.

Goyohan sleeps without making a sound, like a dead mouse. Like a wild animal.

Goyohan’s most recent lie was saying he’d sleep in the guest room, where he always slept. When did my bed become the guest room? I had gone to the bathroom on the first floor because I didn’t want to use the shower Goyohan had used, and this is what happened. And then, he subtly shifted to the left side of the bed, which made me scoff.

Was it intentional, or just a coincidence?

“Whether it’s a coincidence or not, it’s a trap there’s no reason to fall into.”

There’s no need to walk a difficult path. I grabbed my phone and left the room. It was to sleep in the guest room. Unfortunately, I stayed awake all night. My eyes were wide open, like on a day I’d drunk coffee. When it’s dawn, people often do foolish things.

I looked at the dark ceiling and made a futile prayer.

Please help my life go well. Isn’t this enough suffering? What on earth are you trying to teach me through this ordeal? Damn it, are you telling me to love my neighbor? That’s ridiculous.

God always helps me halfway. When I realize that I’m the one who has to solve this, I fall into despair again. Life is a cogwheel. It spins the same cycle again. I’ll promise not to do this again, but I’ll fall into the same thing again.

Why are numbers with ‘1’ so hard to control? Being 1st in school, 12th, and my teens are all hard. The only numbers I could easily control were those without a ‘1’.

I woke up at 5 AM today. No, “woke up” isn’t right, “didn’t fall asleep” is.

I changed into the uniform I had prepared before Goyohan woke up and left the house. When I came out, it was 6 AM. I walked along the quiet morning street, then suddenly caught any bus I saw and got on. Perhaps it was because I wanted to leave my reality, which had turned so crappy. My grades, my connections, everything was crappy.

I even thought it would be nice to just leave like this and just die. I had to go to school someday, but wherever my feet landed, I could always take a taxi back. At least I only had money.

Of course, money always gives me a second chance. At this time, I didn’t know the natural order of things very well.

Using the early dismissal slip from my homeroom teacher again was purely Goyohan’s fault. I didn’t want to show others an overly close relationship with Goyohan. I didn’t want to get sucked into the same misunderstanding. It was clearly going to be a pit. All I could do was send Goyohan a text message with an excuse.

“I have to go to the hospital first. Tell the housekeeper to make you breakfast.”

Ugh, look at him acting close. Disgusting. I know why the kids hate me. I slightly stuck out my tongue and pretended to gag. Still disgusting.

After that, I ran while watching the scenery, and a reply came around 7 AM, which was when Goyohan would have woken up.

“How does it feel to eat breakfast in front of a strange auntie in the morning?”

Correct answer, none of my business. I didn’t even check the message and turned it off.

And to my surprise, the place I couldn’t stand it anymore and got off the bus was the main gate of Korea University. “The next stop is Korea University Main Gate.” As soon as I heard that short announcement, goosebumps ran down my spine, and I jumped up from my seat. Damn it, are you messing with me right now? What is this? I was so angry I couldn’t stand it and just got off. Of course, I soon regretted it when I saw the empty street. I really had no choice but to find a taxi.

“Sorry about earlier. Could you tell our homeroom teacher I’ll be late?”

I belatedly sent a text to Shin Jaehyun. As Goyohan said, I was trying to manage my connections and social life. It was a selfish friendship, but I had to do something like that.

“As expected, no reply.”