Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 98

I ran as if fleeing, and only stopped when the school was out of sight. I bent over, clutching my knees, and gasped for breath.

“Haaah…”

As I gasped for breath, the bizarre atmosphere flashed before my eyes like a kaleidoscope. The glances that were intertwined whenever Go Yohan bullied me, the strange atmosphere I felt in the cafeteria. The awkward pretense of closeness between Go Yohan and his group. Perhaps, just perhaps.

“It’s not me. At least it won’t be me.”

I stood up and looked around. It was still a familiar street. But my egg had cracked. What I saw after breaking through the shell was the truth. Shin Jaehyun himself was the proof. The seed had already been planted, and a bud had been blooming without me knowing. Probably.

“No way, right?”

What would happen to me if I kept getting involved with Go Yohan?

I covered my mouth. I felt like I was going to gag. Fear approached like an open-mouthed whale. I was a pathetic mammal stuck in the deep sea. I was suffocating. My arrogant thoughts flashed by.

I should have known. It wasn’t sharks that tore apart corpses in the ocean, but schools of small fish.

“Damn it.”

It’s all because of Go Yohan. It’s all because of that damn Go Yohan! I’ve lived a quiet life. I’ve lived a perfect life! Korea University? Top of the class? My shining future? What good would all that be if my secret was exposed? My only small flaw was about to consume my entire life! That bastard. That son of a bitch! No, no. Get a grip. This isn’t the time for this.

“No. I can’t do this.”

I kicked the ground aimlessly. My intention was to send blood to my legs to cool my head. The heavier my legs became, the lighter my head felt. Damn it, damn it! Just as I was kicking the ground intensely, a small flower garden came to mind: ‘Perhaps, perhaps there’s still a way?’

“Right. Absolutely, absolutely everything I’ve built won’t crumble so easily.”

After all, even Shin Jaehyun didn’t notice me, did he? The fact that I also liked Go Yohan. He even pitied me.

My lie was perfect. The only thing that bothered me was Shin Jaehyun’s and Go Yohan’s group’s connections. Did they have overlapping connections? Or not? If they did, it was good for me, and if not, it was like hugging a ticking time bomb.

What do Lee Seok-hyun, Kim Seok-min, Kim Minho, and Park Dong-cheol think? About me and Go Yohan?

“Think the worst, think the worst. The worst is…”

The worst came to mind surprisingly quickly. Because all I had to do was recall the reality I dreaded the most. The absolute worst was if they concluded that Go Yohan and I already had a messed-up relationship. Or perhaps they thought I had been swayed by Go Yohan and ended up like Han Tae-san.

“…What if they already think that?”

Then their hesitation makes more sense.

“No, right, my thought is correct. It’s definite, it’s those bastards. It’s those bastards. Doing things like ‘deposed Queen Kang’… Damn it, right. The only bastards who saw what happened between me and Go Yohan right up close are those bastards. That’s why they deliberately chose those words. Go Yohan said he made a clumsy test first, didn’t he? It’s definite. They must have thought it was strange too. They must have trashed me just like they trashed Kim Minho among themselves. Those sons of bitches. Shin Jaehyun heard it too. All the rumors that spread.”

A vivid flight of fancy bloomed in my head. Four people gathered in some corner of the school. And their chatter became clear.

‘Can’t these bastards deny it? Why did he take care of Kang Jun so much? Hey, those bastards did it, I tell you! Didn’t you see that gay bastard? He did it too! Hey, who! Damn it, there aren’t just one or two gays in school! There are so many!’

“Right, it’s definite. Bastards who only pick on those who aren’t there are all like that. They insult each other without even realizing they’re insulting each other. Idiots.”

But I, too, insult them when they’re not around.

The hazy imagination gradually became more plausible. Lee Seok-hyun laughed, clutching his stomach, at Kim Minho’s words. Kim Minho seemed equally amused. Park Dong-cheol was flustered, wondering what to do, then finally laughed the loudest. It seemed a bit forced. But eventually, Park Dong-cheol would be the one enjoying it the most. I finished my imagining and bit my thumbnail.

But how will I stop it in the end? The moment they spread rumors, it’s only a matter of time before it’s exposed. In the end, no answer came, and my steps quickened. And so, I ran back to the main gate as if fleeing. As soon as I slammed the door shut, I collapsed onto the garden path, panting.

“Idiots, morons, idiots, sons of bitches… Damn it…”

12th place, gay, Shin Jaehyun, Lee Seok-hyun, Kim Seok-min, Kim Minho, Park Dong-cheol, Oh Yeon-jun, Park Ha-on, Im Yoon-gi, Hong Hwi-jun… They’re all damn it. Everything is messed up. I clenched my fist tightly around the grass on the ground and tried to pull it out like crazy, but I desperately held back. I swallowed the curses that had climbed to my throat with tightly clenched teeth.

My life, damn it, has never gone the way I wanted.

I pushed myself up and headed into the house. I casually answered the housekeeper’s greeting and went into my room, where I collapsed onto the bed.

Then positive thoughts came again. There was a reason.

“No, if such rumors were really circulating, Shin Jaehyun wouldn’t have pitied me.”

Then perhaps my story isn’t spreading behind my back, but I’m just remaining a pitiful victim? Then why? For what reason? Why did I become a pathetic victim swept up by Go Yohan? Suddenly, why?

“Why, why only me?”

But no matter how much I racked my brains, I couldn’t figure it out. It was beyond my control.

Let’s sleep first. Let’s think after I sleep. I can’t do anything with my saturated brain. And when I closed my eyes, I suddenly felt a faint vibration on my thigh. It was multiple times, so it was a call. Is it possible to get a call at this hour? Usually, my parents call late in the evening. It’s still afternoon. So I had no choice but to take out my phone, filled with suspicion.

Go Yohan appeared on my screen.

“Damn it…!”

The moment I saw his name, the headache seemed to start again. I checked the time and ignored the call. I wasn’t avoiding it. It was currently the time I should be in class at my cram school. Of course, Go Yohan wouldn’t know my cram school break times, but this was a rule bordering on paranoia.

But Go Yohan kept calling tirelessly. One call, two calls, three calls. The moment my ignored calls reached the third, I instinctively realized something was wrong. Why three times in a row, suddenly? Anxiety bloomed. Still, I didn’t answer Go Yohan’s call. A true liar never gives up lying until the very end.

“What is it, he keeps calling.”

And the phone call, which coincidentally hung up, further fueled my anxiety.

Why isn’t he calling back? Was it not a big deal after all? Or was Go Yohan playing some kind of mind game? To scare me? I nervously looked at the clock. The ticking second hand made me feel like I was going crazy. There are moments when even the fastest unit, the second, feels slow. This was one of those moments.

“Damn it, why did he suddenly call…”

I used curses to avoid my anxiety. It was an act of showing my courage by speaking harsh words as if nothing was wrong. At times like this, I feel that I’m no different from an ordinary high school boy.

Tick-tock, tick-tock. The minute hand reached the cram school break time. But I didn’t call immediately. All actions must be consistent. Even when lying. It’s rare to be able to call right after break time ends. Usually, about 2 minutes after the teacher leaves. That’s appropriate.

The call didn’t come again. The three consecutive missed calls on the screen made me anxious. Why three calls, specifically? Why were they consecutive? Was he looking for me, or was it nothing important? This is driving me crazy, damn it. Faced with unpredictability, not knowing what might happen, I moved my thumb. And I put the phone to my ear.

The connection was short.

“Hello.”

-Jun. Why aren’t you answering your phone?

“…Sorry, I was in class, so I couldn’t answer. I saw the missed calls.”

Even though I was talking on the phone, my expression twisted as if I were truly a pitiful person. My mouth opened on its own, and a sigh of lament escaped from it. I thought it was a perfect act.

-Lie, you didn’t go to cram school.

Damn it, how did this bastard know? A cold chill crept up my skin from my toes.

“No, I didn’t?”

But I retorted quite slyly. Anyway, there was no benefit in telling the truth now. It was better to be consistent. I thought that was the better approach.

-Ah, no?

“Yeah, no. I’m at cram school right now. Why would I skip cram school?”

-Well, you’re not the type to do that. But it’s really quiet around you.

“Of course. I’m on the emergency staircase talking on the phone. Do you think I’d be crazy enough to talk on the phone in the middle of cram school?”

-What’s wrong with that? We’re residents of a country born of freedom.

“I’m not the only one who deserves freedom. Other kids also have the right to study in a quiet space.”

-Anyway, you never give up a single word.

A dry laugh was heard through the receiver. That bastard.

If Go Yohan had seen my face, he probably wouldn’t have laughed like that. The Kang Jun who never gave up a single word was now pale. Why did Go Yohan say I didn’t go to cram school? Does he know something? Nervous, I waited for the right moment to ask a question. My mouth was gaping like a goldfish, and then the conversation subtly broke. Just before the silence lengthened, I blurted out my curiosity.

“But seriously, why did you call?”

-Actually, I didn’t know it was your class time right now. I just mistook it for break time.

“Then why did you say I wasn’t at cram school?”

-Just.

“…”

-If you had fallen for it, I was going to half-kill you.

That damn bastard. Even his jokes were just like him.

“What about you?”

-Me? What about me?

“Where are you?”

-Where else? I’m home, of course.

“Lie.”

-Ah, you’re imitating me again.

“I’m not imitating you. There’s no way you’re home. You hate being home so much.”

-Oh, sharp. Actually, I’m out right now. Uh… since autumn is coming soon. I feel like I should eat cold noodles. Don’t they sell cold noodles in autumn? Stupid, cold noodles taste best when it’s cold. Oh, right, are you going to do summer vacation supplementary classes?

It was a sudden question. It just popped out after he rambled on about strange things. That question, which stood out unusually in the conversation, somehow made me nervous. It even gave the impression that the original purpose of the call was tacked on at the very end. I hesitated a little, then readily confessed.

“No. I have to prepare for early admission.”

-Ah, right. I have to do that too. Early admission.

“I don’t even want to see the faces of the kids at school.”

-Right, me too. I hate the bastards who follow me around, and I hate the boring, uninteresting bookworms.

“You like those kinds of kids. Bookworms.”

-There’s a standard. A standard.

“Right, so the kid you’re hanging out with now must be someone you’re on the same level with?”

-What, who? Kim Seok-min? Lee Seok-hyun?

“No, you’re outside right now. You must be hanging out with someone. That kid.”

Actually, I just guessed. Just like Go Yohan had guessed about me. However, Go Yohan’s reaction was slightly different from mine.

-Wow.

A small exclamation flew through the airwaves. His voice was so incredibly proud that it actually startled me.

“…Why?”

-Why are you doing this to me?

“…Why, what.”

“Why are you suddenly so interested in me? No, I’m alone! I called you because I was bored being alone. I’ll tell you everything. Is there anything you’re curious about?”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.” I was about to politely decline when, all of a sudden, an unfamiliar voice mixed with Goyohan’s voice came through the receiver.

“Alone, my ass! This crazy bastard. Are you dating?”

And my excuse stopped dead before it even began.

“Wait, is someone with you right now?”

“Huh? No?”

“Don’t say no, I clearly heard something just now.”

“It’s the street. Someone passing by must have been caught on the line. It’s so noisy around here, you know.”

But other sounds weren’t audible. No cars passing, no crowds, not even the loud advertisements you hear on the street.

Lies. Three syllables lingered on my lips. But what I could say was not an accusation, but an evasion.

“…I’m out of time. I have to go back in.”

“Already? Can’t we talk a little longer?”

“No. My grades today, too…”

“Oh, right. I called to tell you that. Congratulations. They came out well, didn’t they? You looked happy.”

“…”

My body cooled down calmly. My head began to fully register another pain. Something so messed up had happened that I’d momentarily forgotten about what came after. My reality is only 12th in the whole school. Don’t forget. Korea University’s Business Administration might be out of reach.

“No, I’m screwed.”

Because of you.

“Totally screwed.”

“What? No way, it couldn’t have been that bad…”

“Class started. Hang up.”

I didn’t want to hear any more about grades, or doing well, or any of that tiresome talk. Even so, Goyohan was the cause of my misfortune. Bad feelings only breed more bad feelings. I was trying my best not to fall into the pit, but did he really have to drag me down like this from the side?

Damn it, I was so fed up with being trapped in misfortune that I angrily hung up the phone. I stared at the black screen for a moment, then turned it back on and put it on silent.

I tossed my now quiet phone into the corner of the bed and lay down. One of my few strengths was being future-oriented. I closed my eyes and forced myself to let go. Right, what can I do about a result that’s already been received? I can only deal with what’s already happened. I should get some early admission counseling. Sometimes, a feeling I didn’t want to face, a resentment of having lost my goal, tried to kill me from deep within my chest, but I endured it.

It was fortunate that I was at least a year older. I am a little more mature now.

I must have fallen asleep for a while. When I suddenly opened my eyes, a fierce rain was pouring down. It was a pitch-black night, making the extended daylight seem meaningless. The sky, full of dark clouds, obscured the refreshing summer. My whole body was cold from the air conditioner.

“Achhoo!”

I sneezed.

I should have covered myself with a blanket. Regretting my foolishness, I headed to the dressing room. I took out a thin cardigan, put it on, and entered the connected room to check my phone. There were accumulated missed calls from the academy.

After that, Goyohan had called once every hour, but it wasn’t particularly noticeable. The sound of falling rain tapped against the window. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. The sound gradually changed to a pounding against the window.

“Mr. Jun… student.”

The sound of knocking on the door echoed, mixed with the rain. Through that, the quiet call of the housekeeper seeped into the room through the crack in the door. I moved my steps and opened the door. Perhaps she had been about to knock again, as her hand, poised to knock, almost touched my chest.

The housekeeper and I both startled, hastily stepping back.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I scare you?”

“No, what is it?”

“Well, your friend is here outside. I came to tell you.”

“My friend?”

“I wasn’t going to let them in without permission, originally.”

The housekeeper’s gaze went to the window across the hallway. The dark sky flashed with light. A loud boom followed. After a moment of silence, she looked at me again and continued speaking without a change in expression.

“They said it’s a downpour. From tonight until dawn.”

“Ah, I see.”

“So I told them to wait by the entrance for now, not to come inside the house.”

“…Who is it?”

It felt like the natural question to ask in the flow of conversation, but I already knew who it was without her saying.

“The person who used to visit often.”

“…”

The thought that crossed my mind was how cold this person truly was. She must have known he was my friend, yet she hadn’t let him in. That was particularly telling. And then, finally, I thought of Goyohan, standing miserably at the entrance, soaked and dripping wet from the rain.

“Should I just tell him to go back?”

“…No.”

But I knew too well that I was too weak and insufficient to turn Goyohan away.

“I’ll go.”

“Yes. And about dinner…”

“You don’t have to make dinner. You can just rest.”

“Yes.”

There was no question of why I wasn’t eating. It was a clean conversation. Leaving the somewhat robotic and blunt person behind, I went down the stairs. Due to the structure of my house, the entrance was visible immediately upon descending the stairs. So, confronting Goyohan was unavoidable.

After all, through the transparent glass, Goyohan, soaked like a drowned rat, was already waving his hand. And on his other hand, there was a plastic bag containing an unknown object.

“Ha, damn it…”

Unlike the rough words that whispered softly from my mouth, I smiled as innocently as possible on the outside. Even as my hand, opening the front door, was clenching with bursting force.

“Hi.”

Goyohan said, still waving the hand he hadn’t lowered. He seemed quite happy to see me. I felt my expression distorting somewhat and desperately forced a smile onto my face.

“What’s suddenly brought you here?”

“Here.”

A black plastic bag touched the tip of my nose. Startled by the sudden cold sensation that traveled up my nose, I pulled my body back.

“What is this?”

“What do you mean, what is it? It’s ice cream.”

“Why ice cream all of a sudden?”

“It’s a bribe and a gift.”

Then Goyohan pouted his lips and made an uncharacteristic lisping sound.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“…You? With me?”

“Yeah. Me. Why can’t I talk to you?”

His slender face tilted to one side. Goyohan, your hair has grown quite long. His damp palm gently patted my cheek. Lukewarm moisture spread across my chilled skin. At that moment, Shin Jaehyun’s warning came to mind.

‘Be careful, Kang Jun.’

“Jun-ah. Your expression is stiff.”

“…”

“They say smiling brings good fortune. Smile, and take this.”

Goyohan forcibly hooked the plastic bag handle onto my wrist. My pathetic hand dangled down as soon as Goyohan let go. The bag, covered in water droplets, brushed against my leg. Regardless, Goyohan, who had been silently watching, tilted his head again.

“Aren’t you giving me a towel?”

“What?”

“Should I just take off my clothes here?”

His delicate face smiled mischievously. His long fingers grabbed the edge of his uniform and pulled it open. Through the gap, his completely soaked white shirt was revealed. The shirt clung to his body, turning into a subtle apricot color. I stared at the boundary between the white and apricot, then sharply turned my head.

“…Just wait a moment. I’ll get it.”

“It’s fine. If you don’t want me to, I’ll just take them off and come in. If you wish.”

“No, I absolutely don’t wish that. I’ll go get it.”