Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 97

My raised hair stimulated my sensitive skin. I remembered. And immediately. Kim Minho, in particular, kept picking fights with Go Yohan, calling him gay and whatnot. Kim Minho’s current plight was clear even without checking.

“It’s not a prank, it’s a violent test. If you fail there, you become a target of ostracism.”

“…”

“He’s too timid. And he doesn’t want others to find out he’s timid, so he hides himself. That’s why everything he does is a lie. But he’s not meticulous enough, so he gets caught every time. The completeness of long-term lies made with a purpose and short-term lies that come out when you’re angry is different. That’s why Go Yohan’s lies are clumsy. He even covers that clumsiness with bluff. He tells another clumsy lie, pretending he wants to be caught.”

Shin Jaehyun shrugged and continued.

“If he was truly confident in everything, he wouldn’t test the kids with such sarcasm.”

I felt my mouth go dry. It felt like my brain was being vigorously rubbed with an eraser. Shin Jaehyun’s new ‘Go Yohan paradigm’ was truly revolutionary. At this point, I couldn’t dare to disparage Shin Jaehyun as a mere talker. How many people in this school would have noticed that Go Yohan was timid? Shin Jaehyun was definitely no ordinary guy.

“And because he’s that kind of kid, I think he started to care about you.”

“…Well, I don’t know. I don’t believe what you’re saying.”

“If you ask for my opinion, you seem like a very well-made person to me.”

He had hesitated so much earlier, but now he was pouring out words like a dam bursting. From my annoyed perspective, he seemed to be boasting a little about himself. As if he had greater insight than the intelligence shown through grades. But it was also an undeniable fact.

“You have good looks, a good family, you’re good at studying, and your reputation is good. Go Yohan loves that refined self-control so much. Because he can’t do it himself. I often think Go Yohan really hates studying.”

“What? Hey, that’s ridiculous. He studies really hard. He’s a kid who wants to study but can’t… or so I heard.”

“Where? Who?”

From him. But if I said that, I felt I’d be misunderstood even more, so I lied.

“I heard someone in Go Yohan’s group say that.”

“He’s just imitating you, I think? Pretending to be engrossed in studying, pretending to put effort into managing his social connections.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Go Yohan? That arrogant lump of a person? Would he really do that?”

That was an insult to Go Yohan, pure and simple. But Shin Jaehyun’s ‘blasphemy’ didn’t end there.

“Isn’t it because he’s arrogant that he acts that way even more?”

“…”

“How much of a failure must he seem to himself in his own eyes? The reason people around him are suffering isn’t because Yohan is truly a failure, but because of what he does, thinking he’s a failure.”

“That’s…”

“For Go Yohan, there are only two things that are ‘more perfect than himself’: either he hates them out of jealousy, or he wants to possess them. Han Junwoo is the former, and you’re the latter, aren’t you? Did he ever pretend to be pitiful to you? He probably even has a habit of squeezing his own misfortune more intensely. Because he’s arrogant. Making his small misfortunes seem like huge misfortunes to others. Using misfortune as a weapon, in other words.”

“No, he didn’t do that.”

“Wait and see. He’ll do it soon. Then you’ll have no choice but to believe me.”

I reflexively blurted out ‘no,’ but Shin Jaehyun’s theory shook my entire way of thinking and my values. My reaction was the proof.

I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t tolerate the insult to Go Yohan, or if it was due to the unfairness of all the data I had accumulated over two and a half years being discarded. I just wanted to shout ‘no.’ But contrary to my mouth, I felt an immense persuasiveness squeezing my soul whole.

“…Are you allowed to say such things to me about Go Yohan, even though you say you’re scared of him?”

This was my subtle threat. Because I used Go Yohan’s name, not mine. Shin Jaehyun took the threat more seriously than I expected. The sunset reflected on his deeply troubled face.

“Hmm, well, I shouldn’t, but…”

“But you’re speaking so freely.”

“You asked me to.”

Damn it, I had nothing to say. No, it’s better to hear it anyway. Other people’s perspectives were important to me too. Shin Jaehyun’s opinion, who was subtly well-connected, would definitely be helpful.

“And if I don’t tell you, you might get into trouble without knowing anything, and that would be pitiful.”

“Hey, is Go Yohan liking me ‘trouble’?”

You really can’t understand people’s hearts. Because those words made me angry. Why is Go Yohan liking me ‘trouble’? Damn it, is it ‘trouble’ for a man to like a man? The insult to Go Yohan points to my very existence. Damn it, am I, a real gay person, ‘trouble’ itself?

“That’s strange, why are you so angry?”

“Because!”

I was about to raise my voice, but my mind suddenly snapped back. I instantly realized my irrational attitude. Getting angry in this situation was crazy.

“Because you’re two-faced, ridiculous, and absurd. You act like someone who’s against discrimination, but then you talk trash behind their back, which is just unbelievable.”

“Ah, you misunderstood. This isn’t discrimination… No, actually. It might be discrimination against Go Yohan.”

“What’s the difference?”

“It’s different. Go Yohan is scary.”

Round and round, the conclusion was this. He’s scary. His incredibly honest answer left me speechless.

“Because you might get into a scary situation. I’m not boasting about discrimination, but I want to take the side of someone who might become a victim. I also thought it would have been good if someone had helped me. Sorry, this might also be seen as pity.”

And in his next words, I was speechless in a different way. To be honest, I felt a little heavy-hearted. I couldn’t say anything. I felt complex emotions. It felt like my insides were tightly kneaded dough. Frustrated, sorry, and a feeling of dislike.

“Uh, what I mean is, I hoped you’d handle it wisely. Kids like that, you don’t know what they’ll do if they suddenly snap. Like a gun incident due to resentment, though that wouldn’t happen in Korea, right?”

“There’s no way that would happen. And there’s no way what you’re saying is true.”

“If you keep thinking that, well, I can’t help it… Oh, look at the time.”

Shin Jaehyun looked at his wristwatch in surprise. Even that action seemed peculiar in some way. After checking his watch, he quickly picked up his bag nearby. After packing the books he had on the desk into his bag, he bid me farewell.

“I’ll get going then, and please. I trust you’ll keep what I said a secret from Go Yohan.”

“You trust me?”

I would never trust myself. I asked back with a slightly uneasy feeling. Surprisingly, Shin Jaehyun’s voice was clear, with almost no hint of worry.

“Because I think you know well that it’s to your advantage not to speak.”

“So there was a reason you told me.”

“I’m good at reading people, you see. Well, I’ve had no friends since I was little, so I’ve just been observing people all along.”

“…That’s a bit creepy.”

“Everyone else does it too, don’t they? Everyone makes arbitrary guesses about others. I just have a little more talent and am more observant. Uh, could you move aside for a moment?”

“W-wait a second.”

“Huh?”

I quickly grabbed Shin Jaehyun, who was getting ready to leave. Because there was a question I urgently wanted to ask. Who on earth did Shin Jaehyun hear such stories from, and what groups? No, who was slandering Go Yohan? Where could I witness that vulgar jealousy? I was anxious. I absolutely wanted to dig up this secret. But only as long as I wasn’t suspected.

“How did you come to think that? No, how did you hear such things? Rumors about Go Yohan. Where are those ridiculous stories spreading from?”

“Ah, that.”

Shin Jaehyun rubbed his nose with his finger. He seemed embarrassed.

“Kids seem to think of me as one of two things. Either part of their group, or a casual acquaintance they can say anything to. Then they say all sorts of things. Various levels of opinions come out, high or low. That actually helps more.”

“…So it’s various opinions heard from an unspecified number of people.”

“It’s a good sample for statistics. Not having a group has this advantage.”

“No, that would only be possible because it’s you.”

Usually, if you don’t have a group, you get bullied. Shin Jaehyun, who always maintained balance, was also an amazing guy. I had to admit what needed to be admitted. I decided to cleanly praise Shin Jaehyun. My praise must have been sudden. Shin Jaehyun blushed and stroked his hair.

“Thanks for the compliment.”

I had heard everything I needed to hear. The hand that was tightly gripping my clothes slowly relaxed. I withdrew my hand and reassured Shin Jaehyun once more.

“I’ll really keep it a secret from Go Yohan. There’s no good in such ridiculous lies spreading further.”

“…Okay, if, by any chance, this story spreads outside.”

Shin Jaehyun, who had been looking at me with slightly pitiful eyes as I continued to deny, now had a playful tone at the end of his words. Just like a friend. Shin Jaehyun’s strange postures and attitudes somehow had a comforting quality. I waited for what was clearly a warning as if it were a normal everyday conversation.

“I’ll consider you the culprit. Because you’re the only one I’ve talked to about Go Yohan.”

“So you’re saying you’ll never tell anyone else about this, besides me?”

“Yeah, that’s how it is.”

Shin Jaehyun, who was smiling awkwardly to himself, nodded.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll tell anyone. Probably.”

‘Think’? ‘Probably’? I firmly reiterated Shin Jaehyun’s threat.

“Then if you do tell someone else, suspect them first. It’s definitely not me.”

“You’re confident.”

“I can keep a secret. I hear a lot, so you can find out. They might say I’m a bat, but they won’t say I have a loose tongue.”

“Bat is a bit harsh.”

Shin Jaehyun’s expression hardened. Yet, he looked at me with subtly sympathetic eyes. Well, I didn’t care. I had accepted the truth a long time ago.

“It’s true.”

I admitted it coolly. It was something I had been gradually accepting for a long time anyway. Once I admitted it, there was no hesitation. Honestly, what else am I if not a bat? However, Shin Jaehyun was looking at me with a somewhat surprised expression.

“You’re cooler than I thought.”

“Am I? Isn’t it more economical than denying it and getting angry?”

“If I look closely, you’ve subtly changed. Something…”

His eyes, full of interest, lightly scanned me. While I fidgeted under his gaze, Shin Jaehyun’s white teeth showed.

“You’re right, you’ve changed a little.”

“I don’t really know.”

“Well, of course you wouldn’t know, since you’re the person involved. People involved usually don’t know the rumors circulating behind their backs.”

“So, among the things you heard, were there stories centered around me?”

“…Uh, that’s how it is.”

“So a lot of gossip about me is circulating too, huh?”

“Ugh…”

Shin Jaehyun pinched his brow with his thumb and forefinger, forcing a frown. After deliberately making an overly worried expression, he lightly shook his head once and continued.

“I keep making mistakes when I talk to you.”

“That’s because you talk too much.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“So you did hear gossip about me?”

“If that’s what you mean, then yes?”

“…What did you say?”

My curiosity surged again. I blatantly sent him a look demanding an answer. I was curious. About the assessment of me. But at the same time, I also thought it might be better for me not to know. If I’m not curious, I won’t get hurt.

What resolved my conflict was Shin Jaehyun’s attitude, which was more cautious than when he was blabbing about Go Yohan.

Was it because he was embarrassed by his boastful talk, or to avoid making the same mistake twice in front of me, or was it simply out of a desire for me not to get hurt? At this moment, I couldn’t possibly know.

“Even if I knew, I couldn’t say it in front of you.”

“Is it really bad?”

“It’s just average. Don’t try to know. Ignorance is bliss, isn’t it? Even if it were good words, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Don’t be funny. There’s no way it’s good words.”

“Why, it could be. How would you know? You never know what will happen in life.”

And you’re amazing for not telling me until the very end. It was obvious he’d just deflect if I kept asking. Eventually, I stopped playfully pressing him. Asking for favors also requires tact. With Shin Jaehyun as my only connection, I needed to be a little careful.

“Okay, I won’t listen. Go.”

“Good thinking. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. You too. Oh, and…”

“Huh?”

“Thanks for today. Uh, it’s embarrassing to say this, but really, thank you and…”

“…”

“I’m sorry. Now, really, goodbye.”

Shin Jaehyun, who had his bag perfectly slung over his shoulder in a frighteningly textbook manner, gave a refreshing smile. The art room door opened, then closed. Left alone in the art room, I listened to the faint sound of footsteps in the hallway until the very end. As the sound faded into the distance, I hardened my face and immediately slumped to the floor. My trembling fingers dug into my hair.

It was the moment the pent-up heat exploded.

“Go Yohan… You idiot!”

A headache that felt like my head was splitting flared up.

First, I writhed in agony. As always, I vented my frustration. If I didn’t scream, even alone, I would be consumed and die in a fear I couldn’t control. So I screamed in the empty classroom where no one was.

At last, the veil of secrecy that had covered my eyelids was lifted. As I left the school, the quiet playground held me back. Was it just my imagination that the school looked unusually dark when I turned back from the main gate that day? The ominous bird calls at dusk hastened my steps.