Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 96

It was a confident rebuttal. Shin Jaehyun’s face, as he lectured me, even showed a subtle hint of pride. Like a child boasting about his insight.

“You don’t seem to know. Actions have deeper emotions than what appears on the surface. Missing Han Junwoo is like that too. A boys’ high school seems to be pure barbarism. The instincts of a male and the instincts of a beast coexist there.”

However, I agreed. I was drawn in as if enchanted by his insight. The truth, which had broken through in a direction I hadn’t considered, was a world I had never imagined. What was more shocking was that I couldn’t refute it. I groaned but focused on Shin Jaehyun’s words. He understood boys’ high school more meticulously and sharply than I had thought.

“A man, you see, has the most complex emotions towards another man. More difficult emotions than loving a woman.”

“What kind of nonsense is that?”

I was genuinely appalled. I wondered how such blasphemous words could be so easily uttered in a boys’ high school. When I asked with a trembling voice out of embarrassment, Shin Jaehyun lowered his voice and continued. He seemed to have a slightly triumphant expression.

“You don’t think so? Think about it carefully.”

“…”

“The desire to be recognized and protected by a strong man, and the desire to become a strong man myself… You can feel both starkly opposing desires in everyone’s attitude. A blatant desire, that is. Men only have such obsessive feelings towards other men. There’s a hot, instinctive desire different from loving a woman. Isn’t that right?”

I tried to refute, but I couldn’t. I just waved my flustered hands and leaned against the wall. That attitude seemed to stimulate Shin Jaehyun even more. Shin Jaehyun took a step closer to me and smiled wider.

“That’s why the kids miss Han Junwoo. The desire to be recognized by Go Yohan and the desire to bring Go Yohan down coexist.”

“…Han Junwoo was already defeated by Go Yohan and kicked out of school. He’s just a loser.”

“Yeah. And seeing that, I felt that Go Yohan was a smart kid.”

“What? Why?”

“Look at the timing.”

Shin Jaehyun probably didn’t intend to say this much. He spoke in a slightly flushed voice, unlike his usual self. A higher tone. That showed Shin Jaehyun’s subtle excitement.

“He waited until that kid Han Junwoo showed weakness, then dragged him down to rock bottom at the optimal timing. So that the kids couldn’t admire Han Junwoo carelessly, they called him a ‘pervert,’ and if they thought they missed him, they’d immediately become the same ‘perverted bastard.’ After that, that kid remained a pathetic name.”

“I know Go Yohan is a bit clever. But that wasn’t about timing, it was because Han Junwoo did strange things.”

“No, Go Yohan must have disliked that kid from the moment they entered school. A lot, even.”

“No, they used to be close.”

Because Go Yohan and Han Junwoo’s friendship was clearly natural.

“No.”

But Shin Jaehyun asserted without a moment’s hesitation.

“I’m sure.”

“…”

“From my perspective, Han Junwoo’s mistake wasn’t that he liked men. It was that he considered Go Yohan a friend.”

“…What.”

“Go Yohan doesn’t have ‘Go Yohan’ next to him. That’s why he can be stronger than anyone. I’ve always wondered. Go Yohan doesn’t keep decent friends next to him, does he? Have you ever wondered why?”

“He usually dislikes jerks who are better than him. He also dislikes pathetic kids.”

“Right, but then why did you think he hung out with Han Junwoo?”

“Well, because they were both good at…”

I started to speak, then froze.

No, that doesn’t make sense. Why would a kid who dislikes jerks better than him hang out with Han Junwoo? Even talking behind his back, calling him pathetic? That simple question whispered a clear answer to me.

“See? You think it doesn’t make sense, too, right?”

“Wait, then… are you saying Go Yohan pretended to be friends with Han Junwoo for over a year just to bring him down? For that long?”

“Yes.”

Shin Jaehyun snapped his middle and thumb fingers together and continued.

“And now, the ‘best guy’ next to Go Yohan is you.”

“…”

“I always wondered why that was. What kind of case are you? Objectively speaking, you’re not on the same level as that friend, are you? You’re lower. The answer was simple. All instincts are expressed from the unconscious.”

“…So, what kind of case do you think I was in?”

“That’s what I didn’t want to say.”

His confident voice quietly faded.

“I’m really scared of Go Yohan. I want to be careful. I’m just an ordinary high school student too.”

It seemed clear that Shin Jaehyun had a genius ability to read the flow of things.

Perhaps it was all due to the long period of bullying he experienced when he was young. However, there was something Shin Jaehyun overlooked. I had lived my entire life ‘pretending’ to others. Even when I was angry, I didn’t cross the line, and even when I disliked something, I didn’t show it. Just like Shin Jaehyun’s assets, I also had my own assets.

“Jaehyun.”

I knew how to coax people well.

“…You’re smart.”

I’m also good at pretending to be genuinely surprised. I deliberately bowed my head deeply and tightly clutched my chest with my hand. To strike a more dramatic pose.

“I’ve never thought of it that way, so I was a little surprised.”

“Thanks to living my life constantly aware of my peers, especially during the sensitive period of adolescence. In a distant foreign land.”

“…I see.”

When Shin Jaehyun smiled gently, I lightly smiled back. And then I said in a small voice,

“…You’re right. I pretended to be strong, but I’m scared of Go Yohan too. Sorry for bluffing.”

As expected, Kang Jun is the best at pretending to be pitiful in the world. I mimicked the appearance of a scared high school student. The method is simple. What I just said wasn’t a lie. I just exaggerated the truth. From what I’ve seen, Shin Jaehyun is weak against pitiful people.

“But I trust you’ll understand. You know well. You know what happened to me during that time. How Go Yohan treated me.”

“…Kang Jun.”

“You must have helped me because you knew. And you sympathized with me after seeing that I experienced the same thing. I also know that you helped me without saying you were helping, in case I felt burdened.”

“…”

“And I know you quickly pulled back when you thought Go Yohan might catch you.”

Even if he pretended to be relaxed, Shin Jaehyun was still in the middle tier of the pyramid. He just had something, so he could extend a hand a little. Shin Jaehyun was born with the fate of being able to move freely between classes but not wanting to go to the lower class, and not being able to go to the higher class. Just like me. The difference was that I had Go Yohan as a connection, and Shin Jaehyun had no connections whatsoever. That’s where we diverged.

Perhaps his conscience was pricked by my words, which were almost like an accusation, as Shin Jaehyun frowned.

“…I couldn’t help it.”

“Right, I don’t resent you. I would have done the same.”

Seeing Shin Jaehyun offer an excuse before an apology, I knew I had gained the upper hand internally. Shin Jaehyun, who was weak against both the strong and the weak. I suggested a way to alleviate his guilt.

“However… you can tell me now.”

“Huh?”

“You know I made up with Yohan, right? Honestly, everyone in our class probably knows this.”

“…Yeah.”

“To be honest, I don’t know how we made up at all. Or rather, I don’t know where Yohan’s anger subsided.”

This was truly my genuine feeling. I didn’t know why the situation was turning out this way, but the choice to “take the safe path for now” ultimately led to this result. The important thing wasn’t that I escaped, but that I lost control.

“But I don’t want to go back to that situation again.”

So, in my own way, I was desperate.

“You know how I feel… how desperate I am. How maddening it is to feel alienated in a crowd of hundreds. You know I live in hell five days a week. Even weekends are tormenting. You’re afraid that even a small glance might be about you… right? You felt that way too, didn’t you? You understand, don’t you?”

“…Jun.”

“I want to know. Why Go Yohan keeps me by his side now.”

“Kang Jun.”

“I need to know so I can prepare. I’m not resenting you, and I’m not asking for help. If you don’t even tell me that, you’re no different from an bystander. I’ll keep it a secret. I won’t tell anyone what you said. I really can keep a secret. I can swear.”

“Ah, Kang Jun, that’s…”

I sniffled and covered my face with the back of my hand. At the same time, I relaxed my face, which was aching from being forced into a frown. Then I lifted my head and looked at Shin Jaehyun as pitifully as possible. As soon as Shin Jaehyun saw my face, he hurriedly wiped my face with the cuff of his sleeve. Only with the sleeve, not touching my skin. And then he looked at my slightly swollen face with pity and sighed.

“You’ll keep it a secret, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll keep it a secret. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Well, that, Go Yohan is…”

Shin Jaehyun stopped speaking, hesitated for a moment, then opened his mouth.

“Go Yohan is gay. And he likes you.”

“What?”

“And with very sexual feelings.”

An absurd answer hit me. It felt like a screw in my head was creaking.

“…What did you say?”

“After that, I’ll assume you understand without me having to explain what to do. You’re a high school boy, after all.”

“Wh-what are you talking about? Wait, what am I supposed to do?”

“Well, maybe you could just kiss him once.”

What he said next was ridiculous. I hadn’t asked with that intention. I meant, how did he know? However, Shin Jaehyun, who hadn’t grasped my intention, smiled awkwardly as soon as he saw my face.

“It’s a joke.”

“Hey, you… crazy, are you saying that’s a joke?”

“He’s acting that way because he wants something from you.”

Shin Jaehyun scratched the back of his neck with a slightly uneasy expression.

“That’s why I wanted you to be careful. But I worried that if I said this carelessly, it might insult Go Yohan, and I also wondered if I was just saying unnecessary things to you… I actually thought you might have noticed his feelings to some extent. But I’m really surprised you didn’t know. Did I take it too much for granted?”

This wasn’t a shock. What Shin Jaehyun said next stirred up a stronger wind than the fact that he had noticed Go Yohan liked men. Enough to shake my mind.

“It seems rumors are circulating about Go Yohan.”

“Ru-rumors?”

“Ah, that.”

“What rumors? What kind?”

“…It seems someone is spreading bad rumors, so the atmosphere is uneasy.”

“The atmosphere is uneasy…”

“Just malicious words are randomly circulating. And of course, rumors related to you were included in those rumors. Around me, there was also the Han Junwoo incident, and the reaction was, ‘Would Go Yohan do that?’ But from my perspective, it’s too… true.”

“…”

Damn it, I instinctively made excuses.

“Could it be a misunderstanding? You might have thought wrong. That’s how things appear when everyone says them. Since there was the Han Junwoo incident, aren’t they just suspecting anything?”

“Your words have a point, but there are too many unsettling parts.”

“Unsettling parts?”

“When Yohan bullied you.”

Shin Jaehyun spoke carefully. I tried to read every movement of his lips. I don’t know why. I think I was just caught up in the idea of protecting Go Yohan’s reputation and simply denied everything. Or perhaps it was because if Go Yohan was exposed, I would be exposed too. Anyway, it was true that I was desperate.

“That attitude was very, very…”

As if wanting to soften his words, Shin Jaehyun twirled both hands in the air. After thinking for a moment, Shin Jaehyun closed his eyes tightly once and then opened them.

“Anyway, it was a bit like that.”

“…He’s always a bit like that. He’s always a bit strange.”

“No. Should I say it was even stranger?”

“Right, so he’s always strange.”

I desperately denied it. I even forced a resolute expression. I hoped that my firmness would make Shin Jaehyun feel puzzled and withdraw his opinion. However, Shin Jaehyun betrayed my expectations.

“No, usually when you ostracize someone, you don’t act like that. I know best. I’m an experienced person. That, what happened when you went to the hospital recently, that was my daily life. That’s how the bullying I experienced was.”

“That must be a misunderstanding too. Not all situations are the same. Go Yohan acts that way towards me because I’m useful. Han Junwoo also did that to me. My parents implicitly trust me, so… I helped Go Yohan a lot, and I often did his homework for him.”

“Hmm, but you didn’t do homework alone with that friend Han Junwoo, did you?”

Ugh. I unconsciously bit my lip. But my desperate efforts to change Shin Jaehyun’s mind didn’t stop. It couldn’t. No one else, not me, should have such thoughts. I tried to persuade Shin Jaehyun again.

“…Go Yohan likes unique things. His personality is strange, and he did it before too. He deliberately pretended to be gay to tease Han Junwoo and played pranks. He’s just a sick person who wants attention.”

“That prank wasn’t for attention, from what I see, he’s clearing his surroundings.”

Another strange remark. I narrowed my brows and asked,

“Clearing his surroundings? What does that mean?”

“Kang Jun, what do you think would happen if we actually treated Go Yohan as gay and boasted about it?”

Whack. Shin Jaehyun strongly struck his left palm with his right fist. At the sudden friction sound, I was startled and my hairs stood on end.

“There are already some of your friends who crossed the line and ended up like this.”