Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 95 My Bottom Line

“You scared me. You said something so strange.”

“Honestly, it wasn’t strange.”

“No, it was strange.”

Looking back, my mistake actually helped. Because of this mistake, we had something to talk about. Honestly, the only thing I could talk to Shin Jaehyun about was, ‘Why did you ignore my calls?’ But in this awkward atmosphere, I had an opportunity to throw in a joke or two. It worked out well.

Feigning hesitation, I sat down at an empty desk a little distance away. I thought it was quite natural. Then, to smoothly continue the conversation, I chided Shin Jaehyun, whose face was flushed.

“You’re taking it too seriously, aren’t you?”

“Ah, well, from my perspective, it was a bit like that. It was a bit strange.”

“Was it really something to feel that way about?”

“Usually… when someone says something like that…”

Shin Jaehyun mumbled, omitting his words. It was probably a consideration to avoid harming my reputation, but my conscience was already pricked by thousands of thumbtacks.

“Americans are more conservative and prejudiced than I thought.”

“Americans? I’m clearly Korean. And Korea is just too obtuse.”

“Funny, that’s all based on American standards. You… sycophant.”

“No. Korea is a bit peculiar. Physical contact and praise that feels awkward among people of the same sex are rampant.”

“Just for something like that. You’re narrow-minded.”

“No. That’s not good at all.”

“Why?”

“Well, isn’t it because they ignore the very existence of homosexuality that they take such physical contact or remarks lightly? People of opposite sexes don’t usually joke around like that.”

Ahem. Shin Jaehyun cleared his throat, stroking his reddened neck as he continued.

“Especially you, you shouldn’t do things like that.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re handsome.”

“…”

I unconsciously looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. I spoke accurately, extremely objectively.”

“Ah, right.”

I tried to let it go anyway. This wasn’t the time for me to argue and show off my pride.

“Okay, well, I’ll try to fix my way of speaking.”

“Liar. You half-ignored it.”

“…”

But Shin Jaehyun ignored my consideration to let it go and forced the topic back out.

“I’m not joking, you really need to think about this seriously. Honestly, I think the intensity of one’s words is very much related to one’s appearance.”

“What?”

An unexpected opinion popped out of Shin Jaehyun’s mouth. Those words, from Shin Jaehyun’s mouth? My face must have been filled with shock without me realizing it. Shin Jaehyun laughed somewhat awkwardly, fumbling his words.

“Was that a bit of a lookist remark? It was a bit, wasn’t it? I apologize if I offended you.”

“Well, it was a good thing for me, so I don’t care.”

“Even that ‘good thing’ is a bit… I don’t think so.”

“Hey… just let it go.”

“But, you know, I’ll just say this.”

My mood soured at his constantly lecturing tone, so I asked him sharply, and only then did Shin Jaehyun try to organize his thoughts. But even that attitude was quite rude. At least from my perspective.

“To speak coldly, what good-looking people say comes across a little differently to others.”

At ‘good,’ his index and middle fingers of both hands wiggled twice. It was still a very unique habit.

“I’m worried about you.”

“Worried? About whom?”

“Of course – you.”

“…Huh.”

Shin Jaehyun looked down at me from above. For a moment, I felt like Shin Jaehyun was stepping on my head. Goosebumps rose. My defense mechanism came out as aggression. I reflexively pointed out what Shin Jaehyun was doing to me.

“Are you lecturing me right now?”

“I’m not lecturing you, I’m deliberately telling you for your own good.”

“Who asked you to worry about me? And there’s absolutely no need for you to worry.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Yeah, really.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think so.”

Now, Shin Jaehyun’s voice also had a subtly sharp edge. He must have been angry at me for not listening to him. As expected, I don’t get along with this guy. He makes me physiologically uncomfortable.

“What do you know?”

“Me? Not me, but the quick-witted kids probably know. They’re just keeping their mouths shut.”

“What? What on earth do they know?”

“Are you pretending not to know, or do you not want to know?”

“So, what?”

“Wow.”

Only then did Shin Jaehyun’s calm voice burst out. It was the first time I heard Shin Jaehyun raise his voice. Shin Jaehyun exhaled in disbelief and hit his head with one hand. Then he raised both hands to cup the back of his head and even let out an exclamation by himself.

“Wow, I thought so. The darkest place is right under the lamp.”

I was just as frustrated.

I racked my brain as much as possible, but I couldn’t figure out what Shin Jaehyun meant. What on earth was it? What did he want to say? I wanted to yell, but I also had my own social decorum. So all I could do was clench my fists and stare at Shin Jaehyun. My intention was to urge him to answer quickly if our eyes met.

Shin Jaehyun ran his hand through his hair, thinking to himself, then deliberately met my gaze.

I shot him a look filled with my demand. However, Shin Jaehyun, still looking at me, swept his hand across his chest. At the same time, Shin Jaehyun’s emotions instantly died down like fire touching water. It was truly an astonishing sight.

“No, I’m sorry for raising my voice.”

“…”

Can a person change so suddenly? I forgot that I should be angry and observed his strange transformation. In an instant, the kind, relaxed, and positive Shin Jaehyun, whom everyone spoke of, reappeared. He regained his dignified expression. Then he put his hands on his hips and said,

“Right, I apologize for trying to lecture you. Even I think that was a bit much.”

“…Okay.”

“What about you?”

“Me?”

Shin Jaehyun looked at me, lightly inviting me to speak. I saw a faint mask in his expression. It was a habit I also had, so I recognized it. Just like the diligent Kang Jun, there was a kind Shin Jaehyun. A mocking thought suddenly came to mind. He seems to be pretending to be kind, just like me. I scanned the crack of truth that I had glimpsed with narrowed eyes.

“If you have nothing to say, then fine.”

“…”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t forcing you. I’m not offended either. I created this situation first, so it’s my responsibility.”

However, the reason I couldn’t get angry like before might be because I implicitly felt that Shin Jaehyun was truly kind. Seeing Shin Jaehyun return to that previous smile, I hesitated a little before opening my mouth.

“Let me ask you one thing quickly.”

“What is it?”

“What is it that I don’t know?”

At my question, Shin Jaehyun frowned with a look of realization. And what he said was this:

“I made a mistake. Forget about it.”

“Forget about it? This is the second time you’ve said that.”

“Second time,” I repeated. At the word ‘second,’ Shin Jaehyun’s eyes widened. “Huh?” a gentle voice asked.

“You asked me to forget it, this is the second time.”

“Ah, shoot…”

“You say things like that by yourself, make people curious, and then irresponsibly just ask them to forget it.”

“You’re right.”

Long fingers wiped his nose. He seemed embarrassed. But Shin Jaehyun never finished his answer. He just glanced at me and then said something else I couldn’t understand.

“But you can’t tell me?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Even if it concerns me?”

“…”

“Shin Jaehyun, there’s a limit to how much you can ignore someone.”

Did he think that if he just let it go, I’d also just say, “Oh, okay,” and move on like last time? Last time, there was a time limit with Go Yohan, but now there wasn’t. That meant I had the leisure to confront Shin Jaehyun.

“You tell me not to praise others, you abruptly lecture me about my way of speaking, and then you say it’s all because you’re worried about me? And you say I don’t know something, but then you say it’s not my business so I should forget it. Wow, they said Shin Jaehyun was kind. But looking at this, you’re just a condescending jerk. You.”

“Hey, Kang Jun.”

“Was helping me just like, volunteer work for you?”

Today was the first day I ranked 12th, the day I received a shitty compliment from Go Yohan, and the day I realized again that there are no truly kind jerks in the world. Everything just pissed me off. Everything was annoying.

Yeah, damn it. Honestly, Shin Jaehyun didn’t do anything wrong. He was just unlucky to run into a pissed-off Kang Jun. Shin Jaehyun had no obligation to tell me something he knew. Everything I desperately blurted out just felt pathetic.

Ah, Kang Jun. Truly embarrassing and shameful. Who are you unleashing your resentment on? My face burned. My neck gradually shrank. Finally, I bowed my head deeply and said in a shrunken voice,

“I’m sorry for suddenly lashing out. Don’t worry, I won’t pretend to be close to you again.”

And I packed my bag. I roughly slung my bag over my shoulder and turned around. A few steps and the door was right in front of me. If I opened this door, Shin Jaehyun would be over. As expected, Shin Jaehyun and I were incompatible. There’s no way I could ever like a bookworm like him.

Damn it, just as I was wondering how to escape from Go Yohan, Shin Jaehyun suddenly spoke.

“Me too.”

Stop. The hand reaching for the door froze.

“I’m a little scared of Go Yohan too, Kang Jun.”

I turned around. There, instead of the mysterious, unique boy, was an ordinary high school student you could see in any classroom. I had only turned around and looked, but in that fleeting moment, Shin Jaehyun seemed to have shrunk by a span. And comically, I wanted to mock that tiny coward to my heart’s content.

“You too?”

But the mouth that was about to spew venom was tightly shut. The truth was, I too, I too felt awkward around Go Yohan.

“Don’t lump me and you together. Are you really scared of just one high school student?”

And, pitifully, my life, which had been lived entirely on pride and bluff, did not easily crumble.

“And why is Go Yohan coming up here?”

“Well, because it’s a story he has to be in.”

His calm voice settled on the floor. His voice was as quiet as water, making me calm down as well.

“Do you know what the kids are saying behind his back these days?”

As soon as Shin Jaehyun asked me the question, he added more to his words by himself.

“They say it was better when Han Junwoo was here. You know, that unique friend. I feel sorry for spreading rumors about him like this. I keep doing things I feel sorry for… But from what I see, the kids aren’t missing that friend, they’re missing Go Yohan, who was conscious of that friend.”

“…You must have misheard. Who misses that gay, that gay bastard?”

“Kang Jun, that’s really mean.”

His gentle tone hardened. It was clearly accusatory.

“There’s no need to disrespect that friend so much.”

“What? Ha! That’s ridiculous. Hey. What do you know?”

“And they can miss him. Han Junwoo is one of those stories that always comes up in our school when there’s nothing else to talk about. And at the end, they all say the same thing. ‘He once saw my butt in the bathroom. So, did Han Junwoo also target me?'”

Isn’t that obvious? I’ve heard those words too, and I was scared by them too. But why? Shin Jaehyun, reading my thoughts, lightly scratched his cheek and smiled.

“As expected, I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

“You’re insulting him.”

“You really don’t know. They like him.”

Truly bizarre nonsense. Shin Jaehyun, who had said something shockingly absurd, smiled lightly at my expression and continued.

“They’re bragging that Han Junwoo had a crush on them.”

“What…?”

“When you and Yohan were awkward, do you know why the kids bothered you? It was just something between Go Yohan and you, right? And it was especially severe for you. Even kids who wouldn’t normally do that did it. Kids like Yeonjun. High school third-years have nothing else to do. But why did they do that?”

Shin Jaehyun lowered his voice.

“They were jealous of you.”

It was the same thing my parents had said. I shook my head in disbelief at the absurd interpretation.

“That’s absolute bullshit.”

“No. It’s true. Those kids wanted to bring you down.”

“They just found me annoying, I guess.”

“Annoying… they probably did. But in a different way than you think.”

“Different way?”

“To the kids, you’re not Kang Jun, you’re Go Yohan’s best friend. Right?”

“…Hey. You.”

I wanted to say he was going too far, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. Why am I not Kang Jun? Even when I tried to snap back, my mouth wouldn’t open. Shin Jaehyun so blatantly dug into my reality. And suddenly.

“Didn’t all the kids who ostracized you say that? You’re almost Go Yohan’s… I’m sorry.”

“…It’s okay. Say it.”

“Right, back then, the kids used to tease you like you were Go Yohan’s concubine or wife.”

“…”

“Sorry, I saw it in the science lab.”

Shin Jaehyun made a gesture of erasing something with his hand.

“Didn’t you think those words were very explicit?”

“What. That they were brutally ignoring me and putting me down?”

“No.”