Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 79

Go Yohan lightly nodded his head. He subtly raised his eyes, seeming to gauge my reaction, but in the end, he chose not to care about my feelings. I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t even speak. Wow, huh, only bewilderment escaped my lips on the wind. Go Yohan’s face, when he lifted his head, was filled with both guilt and brazenness. He definitely seemed to feel sorry. But he was brazen. So brazen it made me want to go crazy.

“Honestly, I was very lenient.”

“…”

“Do you know how I treat people I really hate?”

Think about it. You should know well. A gloomy smile spread across his thin face.

“No, I don’t really know.”

I spoke honestly. I truly didn’t know what Go Yohan had done. Although he tended to speak roughly, I had never seen Go Yohan maliciously hate anyone. Besides, I didn’t even know who he hated so much. And anyway, as a first-year, I wasn’t very interested in Go Yohan. However, Go Yohan made a slightly strange face when he heard my words.

“Lie.”

Go Yohan’s face was filled with a sneer. It was a fleeting moment.

“There’s no way you don’t know, Jun.”

“…Why?”

Jun. He suddenly switched back from Kang Jun to Jun again. That attitude truly made me speechless. I asked because I really didn’t understand. What on earth was going through Go Yohan’s mind? Why was there no way I wouldn’t know? Go Yohan seemed a little flustered by my question. I naturally became obsessed with Go Yohan’s change. The lingering attachment I had left behind opened its eyes.

“Why? Is that even a question?”

“No, I’m really asking because I don’t know. Why?”

“You only pay attention to guys with high social standing. That’s the kind of person you are.”

“Me?”

I pointed to myself with my finger.

“I’m like that?”

“Yeah, you are.”

At first, I frowned, not understanding. I even thought about myself, my finger poking the center of my chest. Was I like that? If I thought about it seriously, it seemed true. It’s true that my life would be easier if I stuck to people with high social standing. But if I only did that because of social standing, I should have been interested in and groveled to guys like Kim Minho. But I wasn’t.

I asked again, genuinely and without malice.

“…What makes you think that?”

“What makes me think that? Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

“I’m not pretending.”

My expression hardened. Then Go Yohan seemed to notice something strange too, and for a moment, he raised one eyebrow.

“Han Junwoo has the highest social standing, so you liked Han Junwoo because of that, didn’t you?”

“What?”

For a moment, I felt like a hammer had hit the back of my head. It was because the answer was so preposterous. That I liked Han Junwoo because he had the highest social standing. What kind of ridiculous nonsense was that? Han Junwoo originally possessed all the qualities I hated the most. However, I had simply fallen into a feverish infatuation, like a midday nap, captivated by his looks and aura.

“No, it’s not like that.”

“…Don’t lie. It’s not funny, and I won’t be fooled.”

“Lie? Why would I?”

I dutifully responded to Go Yohan’s words, then suddenly felt something strange.

This situation feels unusual. Why? The accumulated suspicions finally started to intertwine. And instinctively, I found the answer. A hypothesis suddenly struck me. Since I had already found the answer once, it wasn’t difficult to figure out the correct answer again.

“Ah…”

Suddenly, my head filled with elation. No way… No, it couldn’t be. But Go Yohan had a history. A history of liking me. A brilliant flower garden bloomed in my chest.

“You, no way.”

Even without hearing the answer yet, laughter escaped my lips. I finally buried my face and shook my shoulders. As I drank in the joy and elation, my surprised body coughed instead.

“…Cough, cough!”

I covered my coughing mouth with the back of my hand and looked at Go Yohan. My body, trembling with coughs and laughter, leaned more and more. Go Yohan looked at me, winking one eyebrow.

“…Why are you laughing like that?”

I clutched my stomach and bent over. I buried my head, which was trying to crawl down, into the blanket and shook my whole body.

“Why are you laughing like that?”

“Oh, no. Sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

Oh my god, I wasn’t a discarded card.

I was still a usable card.

Could there be anything happier right now than realizing that fact! I wiped away a tear that had escaped with the back of my hand. I lifted my head and looked at Go Yohan, who was in front of me. Go Yohan’s face, waiting for me, looked truly strange. I suppressed my laughter. The adrenaline surging through my head invigorated me.

I pressed my lips together, and I told Go Yohan the truth first.

“I… it was admiration, but I liked Han Junwoo not because he had a high social standing. It’s just that we were in the same class in first year, and honestly, he was cool then. Han Junwoo back then.”

“Don’t lie.”

“It’s true. I followed Han Junwoo even when I didn’t know who he was.”

I hesitated a little, then continued.

“…Please don’t take this seriously, though.”

The hospital room became incredibly quiet. So quiet that I could clearly hear Go Yohan scratching his pants. I avoided his gaze and simply looked at the ordinary hospital wallpaper, then added.

“If, if I really only admired people based on social standing, I would have groveled to someone like Kim Minho too, wouldn’t I?”

Even then, I never said I liked him. That was my bottom line. My gaze carefully moved from the wallpaper to Go Yohan.

“…”

Interestingly, Go Yohan looked quite shocked by my words. I felt an uncomfortable sensation at that expression. What was it? That face. Acting like an idiot who had lost something. Why was he like that? It was even absurd that he was shocked just because I didn’t choose people I liked based on social standing.

What on earth did he think of me? Did I look like such a trashy person?

For the sake of my honor, I genuinely defended myself. I wanted to appeal that my deference to him wasn’t because of his social standing. What was I trying to make myself look good for, even then?

“So in the first year, I didn’t even know you existed. Just that there was a famous kid in the West Wing?”

To be honest, I hated that famous you from the start. The reason was my disgustingly childish jealousy. But I kept my mouth shut, thinking that saying such things would only make me look ridiculous and that he might despise me. I didn’t want to say anything more.

Go Yohan didn’t answer. He just kept scratching his thigh hard in the same state as before. Conversely, it was I who became anxious watching him. I more actively took my own side. I wanted to complain that I had absolutely no lingering feelings for Han Junwoo. For myself. For my own desires.

“Yohan, and you seem to be mistaken. If you think I started to hate Han Junwoo just because his social standing dropped, that’s a huge misunderstanding.”

It was true. I swallowed once and continued.

“I just hated the person who hated me.”

After Han Junwoo humiliated me in front of Han Taesan, had I ever felt my heart flutter when I saw him? No matter how much I thought about it, I hadn’t. That’s just how I am.

“As proof, I have no interest in Han Junwoo at all right now. I don’t even know what he’s doing with his life.”

“…”

“You’d know well, wouldn’t you? We were in the same class in second year.”

I finished my answer with satisfaction. And as I sat quietly watching Go Yohan, he remained silent. Go Yohan slowly swallowed his lips. A very slow time passed. Go Yohan’s eyes surveyed the air with a slightly confused look.

“…Ah.”

Go Yohan opened and closed his mouth. He seemed to be trying to say something, but it didn’t come out. Go Yohan’s long fingers scratched his pants again. Lines appeared along Go Yohan’s fingernail marks. I saw his fingers, pressing hard on his pants, turn white.

“Was that so?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“I didn’t know you were like that.”

His tone was mocking. But unlike usual, his voice was a little softer. My head calmed down with that voice.

“…No, it’s fine now that you know.”

And then I regretted defending myself. Why did I say it so nicely?

What was I trying to do in this situation? Try to make things work with Go Yohan? Am I crazy? The circuit of my thoughts, driven mad by the sudden hope I realized, sent a chill down my neck. Kang Jun, you crazy bastard. What on earth did you say? You’re so obsessed with men.

Haven’t you clearly experienced what happens to your life when you like men? Crazy, stupid bastard.

I hastily opened my mouth to cover up my foolish mistake.

“Right, I guess I had a lot of misunderstandings about you too, now that I think about it. We only met and started getting to know each other in second year.”

I mumbled excuses and racked my brain. What should I do? How can I get through this terrible school year smoothly, as a card that hasn’t been completely discarded? What should I say to avoid Go Yohan’s hostility, but also to maintain a state where we don’t get closer? Now, fear pressed on my head more than joy. I was still at the mercy of Go Yohan’s every action, determining my future.

Go Yohan, who heard my words, slowly closed and opened his eyes. He still had a thoughtful expression. What was he thinking so deeply about? Go Yohan’s heel lifted slightly, then came back down.

Finally, Go Yohan opened his mouth. And what he said was a little strange.

“…You really didn’t know me?”

Was he shocked that he wasn’t famous? Because he was the kind of guy who would get upset if he wasn’t noticed.

“I didn’t know you at all. Of course, I heard a lot about Go Yohan from the West Wing. You were famous.”

A very condescending tone slipped out. It was the doing of the mask of Kang Jun I wore.

“But that was it. We never exchanged a single word, and we were in different buildings… so I just forgot. That’s why when you first asked to eat lunch together, I naturally thought you were talking to Han Junwoo. That’s why I was surprised at first.”

“Then now?”

Go Yohan’s voice cut across my words. It seemed he wasn’t very interested in what I was saying, and wasn’t concentrating at all. Dororok. I heard the sound of Go Yohan’s head spinning. Go Yohan smirked and tapped his chest with his finger.

“…Do you think I hate you?”

“I don’t really know.”

After much thought, I chose neutrality.

“It’s been a while since we fought.”

It wasn’t wrong. We hadn’t eaten together, hadn’t hung out, and didn’t have overlapping friends.

Saying ‘I don’t know’ is like being able to change your mind anytime before you know. I gave myself a second chance. If I said yes, I would truly cross a point of no return, and if I said no, I would immediately gain Go Yohan’s favor, but then I would have to live a life of constantly watching Go Yohan and fearing him.

I smiled awkwardly and counted on my fingers.

“Uh, I mean, when was it that we fought? Anyway, it’s been quite a while, right?”

“Hey.”

“Right, even though we were both very upset, we already said we’d forget about it and forgive each other, so there are no lingering feelings…”

“Hey, Kang Jun.”

“Huh?”

The finger that had been tapping his chest, revealing himself, now descended back onto Go Yohan’s leg. His unusually long fingers intertwined, forming a large fist. Blue veins stood out beneath Go Yohan’s thin skin. I tensed, waiting for that change. The pendulum swung. Towards my lower side.