Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 53

That bastard Go Yohan. He did see it after all!

“You, by any chance, picked that up? Did you intentionally write that pollack gangjeong or whatever on my sticky note? Did you do that to test me?”

“Don’t try to buy time, just answer my question. I know you’re racking your brain like crazy.”

“You crazy bastard. I was trying to write that I hated Han Junwoo and stopped.”

Ha. Go Yohan’s sneer filled the air. ‘He’s really good at making things up.’ He looked at me with such a face. I also let out a hollow laugh at his face. And I patted my chest with my palm. Meaning, I was suffocating. Go Yohan, seeing my actions, asked without wiping away his sneer.

“Then what was that you hastily scribbled out?”

“That was……”

Your name.

However, I couldn’t bring myself to say those words, so I closed my mouth. At my silence, Go Yohan sneered even more strongly. As soon as I saw his face, which didn’t trust me, I wanted to blurt out the truth, but reason suppressed me. Should I just tell him? What kind of expression would Go Yohan make then? Thinking about what would happen after I told him, a strange anticipation excited me. But that was a micro happy ending.

“……”

Should I choose an unknown future just for that one moment of pleasure? I would never do such a thing. After much deliberation, I decided to surrender a small hand and end this situation. For a macro happy ending. Since it was already exposed, it was better to admit it than to stubbornly deny it.

And Go Yohan looking at me with such suspicion was a little annoying. I ran my fingers across my forehead. Was the direction I chose really correct? My hesitation was short-lived.

“Okay. I’ll be honest. Since you seem to already know.”

I briefly exhaled slowly and continued.

“Yes. It’s as you thought. I, I liked Han Junwoo.”

“……Haha.”

Go Yohan let out a strange laugh. A deeply distorted laugh. A flustered Go Yohan lost his protective curtain, revealing all his emotions. In his crumpled expression, I saw Go Yohan’s frustration. That expression tightened my lower abdomen. My knees felt tingly.

“Listen carefully. I liked him. It’s not ‘I like him’.”

At my words, Go Yohan slowly raised his head. His thin eyes gleamed strangely.

“It’s in the past. Would you like a stupid bastard who beat you to death without rhyme or reason and without thinking about the future?”

“……”

Why no answer? Go Yohan was seriously considering that again. Go Yohan, who had been thinking with furrowed brows, finally replied like this.

“I think I could.”

“……”

What kind of bastard is this?

“Then, I’ll change my words. Would you stand by and watch someone you like fall apart like that? So no. I said no. I understand you think that way. But the me you’re thinking of…”

My mouth stopped on its own. If I hesitated here, it would only arouse suspicion. My mouth instinctively closed. Really? Can I just let this situation pass like this? A desire deep within me whispered.

This could be a golden opportunity. When do you think you’ll ever get an opportunity like this in your life? Think about it. If you let this pass, your daily life will be the same as when you liked Han Junwoo. But Go Yohan is different. If not now, there might never be a moment to tell the truth. Won’t you regret it? I forced my mouth, which wouldn’t open, with all my might. I pulled my hand and tightly gripped the end of my sleeve.

Yes. I’m rational. I’m afraid of deviating from a normal life.

“I’m not that kind of person. I don’t like men… Han Junwoo was just an admirer. As you might have noticed, I’m a snob. Look how I lost interest after Han Junwoo’s downfall. Isn’t that right?”

I want to die for the foolishness of letting the opportunity slip through my fingers. But I believe this is the answer for me. I had to believe that. That was my path. A safe shortcut. Having made a resolution of despair, I held my head high and looked at Go Yohan. But Go Yohan always does something unexpected.

Go Yohan was grinning. And he lightly sat down next to me.

The soft mattress rippled. Go Yohan’s movement, carrying his weight, touched my body. And Go Yohan subtly tilted his chin up. The pale Go Yohan disappeared.

The arrogant Go Yohan, with a brazen expression, spoke again.

“You’re just like me. I don’t like you either.”

“……What?”

“I’m a bit of a snob too. I favor smart kids, you know.”

Bullshit. I barely managed to hold back a curse word from escaping my mouth. What is this bastard saying right now?

“Oh, really? That’s good then. Then you can be friends with Ahn Jisu now.”

“No, why would I? She’s second in the whole school. You’re first in the whole school. Aren’t you?”

“……Then what are all those pictures of me in your photo album?”

“Oh. Those? I liked you. Past tense. Admiration. You know? I’m quite the snob.”

Bastard. I fiercely clutched the blanket. Go Yohan made the exact same excuse as me. If I refuted him, it would be refuting my own words. At times like this, being unnecessarily smart is annoying. Damn it.

“Okay. Then we’ve both sorted things out well.”

Yes. Still, the situation wasn’t bad. I just had to let it pass. We just had to act like nothing happened. But my chest felt tight, and my eyes were hot. Tears were on the verge of spilling out.

I felt disappointed. He acted as if he had no lingering feelings for me. That made me so disappointed and angry I wanted to go crazy. And if this ended like this, we wouldn’t even be able to be friends. We couldn’t go back to how we were before.

“……”

“……”

Reason had made the decision, but lingering feelings I couldn’t let go of dominated my mind. I hated Go Yohan. But if Go Yohan were to show lingering feelings here, it would be difficult. Go Yohan is doing well right now. But I didn’t know why I felt like acting like a child. Was it because it was the first time someone liked me? Was it because the fact that the person I liked liked me back felt like a miracle?

Yes. That’s it. Something that could never happen in my life happened, and I was the one being childishly stubborn. Let it go. If I raised my head, I might glare at Go Yohan and even reveal my resentment, so I kept my gaze on the blanket and spoke.

“Then please delete all my photos in that photo album.”

“……Huh?”

Go Yohan’s voice was stiff. His voice made my heart flip again. I raised my head again and looked at Go Yohan. Then Go Yohan avoided my gaze. He looked at the floor with a guilty expression, then subtly looked at me and asked.

“……Why?”

“It’s obvious. And it’s unfair. I have no weaknesses against you, but it’s strange that you secretly took pictures of me and kept them. Delete them. And I want to check if there are any backup files. While we’re at it, show me your computer too. Right now.”

“You can’t do that.”

The brazen mask disappeared again like cotton candy touching water. Go Yohan’s voice began to tremble at the end.

“I’ll delete the photos. And there’s nothing on the computer.”

“Then show me.”

“I swear. I promise God. These photos here are really all there is. Anyway, my father checks my computer every time, so there’s nothing to see.”

Go Yohan’s hasty excuse was suspicious. It sounded like a clumsy lie he had just thought of. The blanket tangled between my fingers.

“What? Why does your father check your computer?”

Now that I thought about it, it was strange. The treatment Go Yohan received. Rehabilitation. Go Yohan, who is strangely obsessed over religion even though he didn’t even properly know Catholic prayers. Fragments of memory flashed. And finally, that piece shone.

“……You, you got caught.”

Go Yohan used the Bible as a whip. No, to rephrase it. Go Yohan’s father used the Bible as a whip.

“You got caught being gay by your family, didn’t you?”

Go Yohan’s eyes sank again. He acted as if he was deep in thought. It was the first time I had seen his face desperately contemplating something. I might have felt pity for that face. I might have been concerned because Go Yohan was the most difficult problem in my life.

I had given the correct answer, but I might have gone crazy because Go Yohan turned that correct answer into a wrong one. Still, my genes ultimately choose the predetermined path.

“That’s right, isn’t it……?”

Even thinking about it again, I really do resemble my parents. I’m devoted to the person I love, but I also commit selfish acts for my future. Resentment and caution, lingering feelings and desire for success, a mix of selfish emotions and a future plan without the military. Thousands of incomprehensible emotions pricked my toes like needles.

A mere eighteen-year-old’s illness, suffered only on a bed.

My only first crime, committed at just eighteen years old.

“Should I help you?”

I betrayed God for a momentary desire. That’s what eighteen-year-olds are like. No matter how much I denied it, I was also a reckless eighteen-year-old. The sweetness I had tasted tickled me.

Go Yohan’s sunken eyes slowly gleamed. Ah, he found the answer.

“Huh? Should we?”

Go Yohan’s finger lightly pressed my fingernail. His long hand traced the lines of my fingers, feeling the bones between my knuckles and the back of my hand. Past tense, admiration, what nonsense. I didn’t stop smiling. Go Yohan’s heavy gaze swept over my face. Its end rested on my mouth. Go Yohan spoke.

“How?”

My fingers tapped Go Yohan’s finger joints. Go Yohan’s fingers slowly rubbed the flesh connecting his fingers. I didn’t pull my hand away.

“First… make your parents trust you.”

“Yeah, and then?”

Go Yohan wasn’t a fool. He would understand exactly what kind of situation this was. His thick eyelashes were half-closed. Go Yohan’s head slowly lowered. His hot breath brushed my lips. I quietly looked down at his approaching lips.

“……”

Just slightly, faintly, the tip of his upper lip was about to touch mine. Our hot breaths were already intertwined, tickling each other’s lips. I learned for the first time that lips could be pressed by breath. A ticklish sensation touched my upper lip. It was the moment of crossing the point of no return. I quickly pulled my head back and covered my lips with the back of my hand. The hidden corners of my lips didn’t come down.

“What are you doing?”

“Huh?”

“What were you trying to do just now?”

“……Uh. That is.”

Go Yohan’s eyes, having missed their target, were filled with a sense of lack.

“That is……”

Go Yohan feigned nonchalance, moving his gaze to the air, then looked at my hand covering my lips. Though I couldn’t see it, it felt as if heavy liquid, like regret, was dripping from Go Yohan’s eyes. Go Yohan, with a slightly flushed face, raised his hand and slowly grabbed my wrist. And he pressed down with force. I desperately resisted, afraid he would see me smiling.

“Jun-ah.”

His hand coming down was forceful, but the voice calling me was like a dog seeking permission. This dual nature made Go Yohan difficult, and even more difficult. Giving up on forcing my hand down, he brought his face to my palm. Go Yohan’s breath was about to touch the center of my palm. I hastily pushed Go Yohan’s head with the hand not covering my mouth. Thwack, a sound was heard.

“……What are you doing, really.”

Go Yohan’s wet hair, pushed by my hand, swayed in the air. His head slightly tilted, he quietly looked at me with thin eyes. He didn’t seem to be in a good mood. Go Yohan’s thin hair covered his cool eyes. He’s scared, but he’s also greedy. It’s absurd.

“Go Yohan.”

Looking at Go Yohan like that, I spoke leisurely and confidently.

“Delete my photos from your phone.”

“……If I delete them?”

His heavy, damp voice resonated behind my knees. I struggled to hide the laughter that involuntarily escaped me.

“Just delete them if I tell you to.”

What do you want, what more do you expect? I laughed, muttering a half-sincere joke to myself.