Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 52

As I was about to turn the screen off again, I suddenly looked at the bathroom door attached to my room. The door was still tightly shut. Go Yohan’s absence. The sound of shower water dripping. At that moment, a thought flashed through my mind. Is this perhaps an opportunity? The moment I had been waiting for. I instinctively knew that time had come.

“……”

I swallowed once and stared at the bathroom door. It was still quiet. I quickly averted my gaze and went into the photo album.

“……Here it is.”

I quickly touched the very top of the screen to go back to the first photo and slowly scrolled down. Go Yohan’s photo album was surprisingly barren. There wasn’t a single selfie. All there were were photos of a sunset sky, a cat taken on the street, and a fire hydrant whose purpose I couldn’t even fathom why it was taken.

“No, this isn’t it.”

That wasn’t what I was looking for. The mechanical sound I had clearly heard at dawn. Go Yohan, who lived next door. My head was filled with suspicion. But no matter how much I scrolled up the screen, I couldn’t see any photos from dawn. Then, by chance, I saw a familiar body.

Between photos of a messy bed with unknown intent and blurry landscape photos, there was a familiar school uniform. The face wearing that uniform, the face I saw in the mirror every day. Kang Jun, eating ice cream on the playground stairs, was smiling in Go Yohan’s photo.

“……”

Huh, why am I here?

My hands trembled. From the angle, it wasn’t a frontal shot. It meant it was taken secretly. Was it my third year of middle school? The shoes I had received from my parents for my birthday and discarded when I entered my second year of high school were visible. In that case, the me in the photo was in my first year. The ice cream I was eating was my favorite matcha flavored ice cream.

With uncontrollably trembling hands, I scrolled to the next screen. The classroom floor. Green roadside trees. And the cafeteria. Feeling something strange, I zoomed in on the photo a little. In the center of the photo, I was smiling with my chin propped up. My fingertips turned pale. I fumbled on the screen several times before I could move to the next photo.

A boiled egg. A photo of a screen with a cat crawling. Matcha flavored ice cream. Scooped matcha flavored ice cream. Stick matcha flavored ice cream. A clumsily taken dandelion. Chocolate. The school incinerator. And a back view of someone separating trash at the incinerator. A familiar back view.

“What, what is all this……”

I looked at the shoes. The shoes I wore in my first year of high school. After that, my first-year self appeared in everyday photos. The gaze was always from a distance. Occasionally, I was hidden in ordinary everyday photos. If I zoomed in, I was always there.

My hair in the photo became shorter. It was me in the latter half of my first year, leaning against the hallway window. Because I had cut my hair short then. I was chewing on a chocolate bun. Two, three similar photos. It seemed they were taken consecutively. And the fire hydrant. With trembling hands, I scrolled through the photos.

“What, what is all this……”

A photo of me leaving school. Judging by the location, it was the third floor of the west building. My bag was visible. It was definitely a bag I had thrown away. That was probably before the first semester of my second year began. It was me. And after that, my photos didn’t appear.

The next photos are visible. Bricks. A manhole. A bicycle. Clouds. And a figure at dawn. My hand stopped abruptly. A familiar street. A familiar road. A familiar gate. And me. In front of my house. And my back.

My chest felt tight. It was hard to breathe. My head was hot, and my body was cold to my fingertips. My hands began to tremble visibly.

I hastily turned off the photo album. I even fumbled a few times. I pressed the volume buttons frantically instead of the power button. My head was filled only with questions. Why on earth? There was a set answer, but the probability of that answer being chosen was close to zero, so I shook my head. A tingling sensation rose from my toes. Fireworks spread from behind my knees. A stinging sensation pricked my lower abdomen.

Whether it would be poison or medicine for me. I couldn’t possibly tell.

As I desperately racked my brain, I heard the sound of the door opening. I also heard the sound of wet feet stepping on the floor. I slowly turned my head. It felt like my neck was creaking. A body wearing a damp T-shirt came into view. The wrinkles of the white clothing flowing along his muscles caught my eye. Go Yohan walked towards me, drying his wet hair with a towel. His black hair fluttered heavily between the pure white towel.

“What are you doing?”

Forgetting to answer, I quietly, quietly looked at Go Yohan’s face. Long eyes, thin pupils, a high nose, a cold, fierce-looking face, but conversely, a gentle low voice. His thin pupils rolled and landed on my hand. His low voice became even quieter.

“……What are you looking at right now?”

I looked at the phone in my hand. Go Yohan’s secret, neatly placed between my trembling hands. I had to quickly tell him that his father had called, that his father had asked for my number.

Long legs slowly approached. I looked at Go Yohan’s training pants that didn’t completely cover his long legs. His bony ankles were visible. Unusually long fingers slowly extended. His hand, heated from the shower, touched mine. Go Yohan’s hand snatched the phone from me. His long finger pressed the record button. Of course, what would appear was the photo album, and it was obvious that the photo I had been looking at would be revealed.

“Uh……”

“……”

Go Yohan slowly raised his head, and our eyes met. The bright light from the screen illuminated Go Yohan’s cold face.

Hiccup.

I just stood there, my face flushed, hiccuping. A curtain fell over Go Yohan’s eyes. Dark, quiet, despairing. His body recoiled.

“……No.”

Hiccup. Hiccup. My body jolted on the bed. And Go Yohan suddenly screamed.

“No. No. No. I said no. I said no! No. No. No. No! No! No!”

He tightly gripped the phone he was holding. It was so pale that no blood seemed to flow through it. Go Yohan’s cold face also had its blood chilled. A flustered Go Yohan. A scared Go Yohan. A pale Go Yohan. All of them were Go Yohan I had never seen before. Finally, Go Yohan threw the phone on the floor and stomped on it wildly.

“No. No! I said no. No! No! No!”

“Hey, why, why are you doing this?”

What on earth should I do in this situation? I have never experienced anything like this before. The only things I could feel were the fact that Go Yohan was scared and that I couldn’t just leave him like that. I was always weak when it came to people I loved, and Go Yohan was the person I had a crush on.

“Th-there… there must have been something I shouldn’t have seen.”

What an absurd lie. Even in this situation, I thought that if I said, “It’s okay. I didn’t see anything,” it would only make it more obvious that I had. What kind of foolish strategy was this? It was already too late. Still, I continued to act brazenly. It might work on Go Yohan, who couldn’t think straight right now.

“I just answered because your father called. Your father was looking for you.”

Go Yohan, who had been screaming “No” as if in a fit, stopped abruptly after I finished speaking.

“The screen unlocked when the call ended… I was flustered and pressed something, did something go wrong?”

Only the sound of heavy breathing filled the room. Go Yohan quietly looked back and forth between me and the phone. Did it work? I even forgot that my hiccups had stopped and subtly smiled. It was a fake smile to reassure Go Yohan.

Go Yohan made an awkward face. It seemed to have worked. I assessed the changing atmosphere. However, Go Yohan suddenly reached out and took my phone.

“W-what are you doing?”

Go Yohan, who had been fiddling with his thumb a few times, stopped abruptly. Only then did I suddenly remember my password. 2580. I had never changed it since I bought the phone. It wasn’t just me. Go Yohan had intentionally memorized my password. I foolishly just watched the process.

And he looked at me. Go Yohan’s phone rang. Go Yohan slowly answered the call while still looking at me. Then he hung up on my phone and looked at the screen of his now silent phone. It was despairing. The screen was locked. Go Yohan raised his head and looked at me again. In the deep darkness, Go Yohan’s only shining light. Go Yohan’s empty face, reflected in it, met mine.

“It’s not unlocking?”

His face gave me goosebumps for no reason. I didn’t expect him to check that thoroughly. My hands were sweaty. I unconsciously wiped my damp hands on my thighs. There was no way to avoid it now. My legs trembled, losing strength. I couldn’t even stand. In the end, I chose the direct approach. It was the last choice I truly didn’t want to make.

“You.”

I moistened my dry lips. No words came out. The words that were stuck in my vocal cords, circling, crawled slowly down my esophagus. Should I say it? Or should I not? Did I make the right choice? Or not? Thousands of conflicts arose in my mind. The one that finally won was my last choice.

“Are you gay?”

Go Yohan’s breath hitched.

He pointed at me with trembling hands. It was still evident, even to the naked eye, that he was shaking. Go Yohan’s face grew paler and paler as he saw the direction of my finger. Go Yohan’s hand, holding the phone, also began to tremble violently. Soon, everything crashed to the floor. Crack. I heard the sound of the screen cracking. I finally asked in a trembling voice, barely audible.

“You don’t, by any chance, like me?”

“No.”

“……You’re lying, I saw everything. Your photo album pictures.”

I tried to say it as casually as possible. That I knew all his feelings. Honestly, secretly taking pictures of a classmate for a year is strange, isn’t it? Especially when we weren’t even close in our first year. The strange glances we exchanged. Go Yohan, who particularly disliked gay people. His father, who ignored his son. Go Yohan, alienated from his family. Everything was clear.

Seeing my confident face, Go Yohan’s pupils wavered. And what Go Yohan said was something I hadn’t expected at all.

“You’re the same.”

Go Yohan sneered. The subtly upturned corners of his mouth were strangely relaxed. Or was he pretending to be relaxed? Accusation. What good would it do me to accuse Go Yohan?

“Don’t even think about acting brazenly. I know everything. As you saw in the photo album.”

Go Yohan’s trembling lips stretched thinly. Go Yohan’s gaze always came down from above. I remembered the figure at dawn, which I had last seen in Go Yohan’s photo album. Overwhelmed by an unbearable sense of helplessness and shame, I instantly squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip.

In the end, Go Yohan was indeed the witness at dawn.

I let out a silent sigh and opened my eyes. I couldn’t make excuses. Go Yohan had the evidence. I had simply become a loser awaiting judgment. Go Yohan twisted his pale lips. It was a pathetic sneer. I didn’t burst into tears or beg Go Yohan. I silently watched the strange smile on his lips.

“Actually, I’ve had a feeling for a while that it might be somewhat like that. Since last fall? No, maybe the end of summer. It’s been a while. I’m pretty quick to catch on, you know? Still, I was on the fence until a few months ago when I became certain.”

He’s bluffing. Go Yohan was now squeezing out his last bit of stubbornness to attack me. That attack wasn’t meant to harm me, but to defend himself.

“……What?”

That was strange. I clenched my sweat-soaked fists even tighter. Go Yohan held a weakness, just like me. It was a memory so embarrassing I wanted to die. I didn’t want to show that it was a weakness, so I opened my eyes wider. Because of that, my eyes became dry, to the point of tearing up. Everything Go Yohan had said flashed through my mind like a movie.

The day after I was first beaten by Han Junwoo, Go Yohan suddenly came to my house. And what he said to me then. What he said in that strange atmosphere.

‘I’ll keep it a secret.’

Goosebumps. This bastard. He definitely knew everything when he said that. He knew everything and blurted it out to me. But why is he so afraid? Even though he holds my weakness. Go Yohan stopped his rambling and breathed heavily. He seemed to be hesitating about something.

What on earth was he trying to say? I bit my lip. Finally, Go Yohan’s mouth opened with a very slight hesitation. I held my breath, waiting for the final notification.

“You like Han Junwoo, don’t you?”

What?

The conclusion was an absurd notification. My gaze, which had been glaring at Go Yohan, instantly distorted. And unconsciously, a foolish tone of voice burst out of me.

“No?”

“Lie.”

“I said no!”

“No, what do you mean no? Damn it!”

Go Yohan yelled and threw the phone he was holding in his other hand. The thin device bounced off the floor and hit a drawer. Finally, Go Yohan covered his face with both hands and clutched his bangs. Go Yohan’s body, losing balance for a moment as he bowed his head, swayed slightly.

“You do, you like Han Junwoo!”

Startled by the loud noise, I subtly frowned and was busy trying to figure out what was going on. Damn it, why would I like that loser? It was even annoying to be associated with him. I replied, filled with annoyance.

“No, no! I really said no!”

At my words, Go Yohan raised his head. But the expression on his raised face was a sneer.

“You’re kidding. Then what was that with Han Junwoo’s name written on the sticky note?”

“What sticky… Wait.”

I stopped speaking. The sticky note. Could it be, the sticky note where I scribbled Han Junwoo’s name, accidentally wrote Go Yohan’s name, and then, flustered, threw it away? That piece of paper. And Go Yohan, who had surprised me by writing some nonsensical words on that same paper.