Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 197

I pressed down on his struggling body and pulled the blanket tighter. His violently struggling body twitched a few more times, then lost strength and went limp. I felt a strange sensation from the weight in my hand.

Frowning in displeasure, I sat up. Sitting on the crumpled blanket, I pushed my bangs back.

…Am I getting a bit dangerous? No. I only imagined it.

“If imagination were a sin, all the bastards in this world would be hanged.”

I cooled my head and thought about it again. His upper body buried in the blanket, his inhumanly struggling body remained in my memory. My mood was filled with an indescribable heaviness.

“Why did I do that?”

I didn’t intend to imagine that far. To imagine killing someone, even indirectly. I must be crazy. What should I do? Am I really going to hell?

Anxiety approached like a giant dark cloud. I bit my thumbnail, then casually threw a nearby zip-up hoodie over my bare skin. I strode briskly down the silent hallway, where no one else was, and kicked open the front door.

‘My shoelace seems to be untied.’

Walking on the sidewalk, I fixed my gaze not on the ground, but on a spire about three mansion roofs away. It was a dark night. Silent night, holy night. While all slept, only Mary and Joseph, people of faith and holiness, were awake. A curly-haired, pure boy sleeps in heaven.

The moment a familiar song came to mind, I gasped for breath and ran towards the church.

And I immediately cursed my thoughts.

“…”

…That’s Kang Jun.

Kang Jun, still in his school uniform despite it being vacation, was walking down the dark road. And he was coming in my direction. Kang Jun’s expression, as he walked along the yellow line, was obscured by the shadows of the streetlights. But it was definitely Kang Jun.

Fuck, why? Of all times, why? Now? Why is he coming this way?

Someone spilled water on my head. Cold water seeped into the crevices of my brain. My head was flooding. Everything about me. Kang Jun came twenty steps closer, no, nineteen steps closer.

Kang Jun, who had been walking with his gaze fixed on the ground, slowly raised his head.

“…”

The orange streetlight reflected in his dark brown eyes. Only Kang Jun and I were on the road, and the time was approximately 12:30 AM. It was the time when this neighborhood was dead silent. My body stiffened as if someone had grabbed my neck tightly. Kang Jun was looking at me. He was looking at me.

Should I… greet him first?

I couldn’t think beyond that. Because Kang Jun was only five steps closer. Because our eyes met. My body found behavioral habits remaining from past memories.

I awkwardly raised my hand, just as I had done sometime before. And naturally, I spoke to him.

“H-hi.”

Kang Jun’s eyes slowly closed and then opened. Kang Jun sometimes did strange things like that. For the first time, I moistened my lips, waiting for the voice that would come towards me. How would Kang Jun respond to my greeting? If I think about it, he’s always smiling at that Han Junwoo bastard. Will he smile at me like that too?

Three steps, two steps.

“…”

His fluttering black hair swished past me, then simply brushed past me. Along with a gaze devoid of any emotion. As a faint breeze passed, indicating his presence, a faint sound of music came from Kang Jun’s ear. Kang Jun looked back as he passed me. And after glancing at some unknown figure, he turned his head back and walked forward.

That was the end of it.

I just stood there blankly between the streetlights. I just stood there… until finally, I imagined strangling Kang Jun directly with my own hands. Imagining the soft flesh under my fingertips, I felt an unpleasantly strong catharsis. It was truly the best and worst feeling.

Kang Jun is evil. And as a servant of God, I have a duty to save myself from evil.

The simplest salvation was escape. I didn’t even need to make other plans. Twice a year. Being able to see my mother who lives in America. It was the only rule my mother requested after deciding to share her life with my father. My mother wanted to boast about her successful marriage and present her grown child as proof to my grandmother’s house.

And so, for the first time, I willingly set foot in America, where I had been dragged against my will every vacation.

Yes, it was time for me to vaguely accept the emotions that were unsettling me.

I curled my body into a ball and pulled the blanket up. Lying under the blanket, covering my face, in the darkened airplane for a long time, my breathing became constricted. The blanket was filled with humidity.

Unable to bear the stuffiness, I finally threw off the blanket. My skin, exposed to the dry air, cooled quickly. The blanket was wet. Only the part that covered my eyes.

“Kang Jun, you fucking bastard.”

I wasn’t crying because I was sad. I cried from the surging anger. It was for no particular reason. I just hated Kang Jun.

I grabbed the crucifix attached to my rosary. I lifted my legs and bent my waist further. I curled my body like an insect stiffening before metamorphosis. Where am I now? I must be floating in the middle of the ocean. The vast, lightless ocean was as dark as space. Is this how an astronaut, lost in space in a spacesuit, feels? Empty and lonely.

Even after vacation, I had no reason to encounter Kang Jun. That’s how I saved myself from evil.

However, within the inescapable confines of school, I dealt with it through imagination and prayer. If I happened to spot Kang Jun, in my imagination, I’d strangle him, kick him, and push him out a window. It was okay to do that to Kang Jun. Then sometimes, forgetting my sense of justice, I’d search for Kang Jun on my phone. Fuck, Kang Jun really is a devil.

It was one day after Kang Jun had died thousands of times within me. I saw Kang Jun’s name right above mine on the 2nd-year class roster. It was alphabetical, and we were in the same class.

“Ah.”

Annihilation was approaching again.

“I’m totally fucked.”

They say enemies meet on a single log bridge. But is Kang Jun my enemy? A very ambiguous question fell upon me. Do you masturbate to your enemies? I don’t know. He’s the first one like that in my life.

There was no escaping. For an eighteen-year-old, school was like an empire.

What should I do when I first meet Kang Jun? That bastard will definitely ignore me again. Han Junwoo. Junwoo-ya. He’ll act like that and torment someone to death. He’ll probably do it without even realizing how he’s tormenting someone. However, Kang Jun won’t know that a single word from him no longer hurts me much.

Applause for GoYohan, who has accepted everything. Since no one else will, I guess I have to do it myself. I accepted it, and once accepted, it’s easy to escape. If you think lightly, it becomes light.

The first thing to do at school was decided. The thing to do was ‘do nothing’.

The new school year began, and the classroom was filled with tension. This was because the East Wing and West Wing were randomly mixed. Actually, it was the same in the first year, where they were randomly assigned, but strangely, in the second year, they felt a sense of belonging to their randomly assigned positions and became arrogant. It was truly a pointless thing to do.

Kim Minho was especially bad. He even glared at Han Junwoo, almost in tears.

“Ah, ah… fuck. How did everyone else get separated and only four of us stick together? Fucking hell. I don’t know anyone in this class. Is it true it’s awkward mixing with the East Wing bastards? Really?”

“Why, Lee Seokhyun and Kim Seokmin are here too.”

“Hey! There are only four of us. Didn’t you see that the class is full of only Han Junwoo’s group? Fuck, this is corruption. Favoritism! They just put all his friends in here because that Han Junwoo bastard has money. This is why people need money, seriously!”

However, the bastards who hung around with Han Junwoo also kept glancing at me. I almost looked at one of them, but quickly looked at Kim Minho and said,

“You even know what ‘corruption’ means? How commendable.”

“Don’t I? Huh? Don’t I? This bastard, huh? He’s subtly ignoring me and acting like a jerk. Huh?”

“Minho-ya, let’s speak a little more nicely.”

Anyway, Kim Minho really has a talent for making people feel bad. The only reason I’ve been hanging out with this bastard until now is because I’m nice. Otherwise, he would’ve transferred already.

“Hey, that’s rich coming from you… Hey, he’s coming. He’s coming.”

Kim Minho puffed out his shoulders and chest. The sight was so funny that I burst out laughing. This is why I hang out with Kim Minho. In response, Lee Seokhyun, who was playing a game on his phone, subtly straightened his back. Only Kim Seokmin seemed to be talking loudly among a new group, trying to expand his network.

The guy who approached was the bastard who always stood next to Han Junwoo with a swaggering posture whenever Han Junwoo sat down. With a subtly tense face, he looked at me and said.

“You’re GoYohan, right? Inwoo hyung-nim talks about you a lot. You know him, right? Hwang Inwoo hyung.”

Who was Hwang Inwoo? I racked my brain but couldn’t recall him at all. That means he’s not worth remembering. I just vaguely smiled and replied.

“I don’t know him.”

You should be honest with people you meet for the first time. It’s good to start your school life well, isn’t it? I originally hate fighting and love peace. I pressed the tip of my mechanical pencil tightly with my canine teeth and looked at the approaching guy’s face. And the face beyond him. That face turned towards me from where he sat in his chair.

What are you looking at?

My mood soured instantly, and I shut my mouth.

I threw the mechanical pencil onto the desk. With a clattering sound, it plummeted to the floor. Kang Jun looked at the falling mechanical pencil. What was so special about it? No, it’s not that anything was special. I averted my gaze, overcome by complex emotions. The sky was truly blue. The answer came much later, from an unexpected place.

The first day I made eye contact with Kang Jun, I had an absurd thought.

“Inwoo hyung says he wants to see you. I didn’t know, but you have some money, huh? Our Junwoo’s also from a super rich family. Me too. My family runs a big moving company.”

The nameless guy bent down, placed my mechanical pencil on the desk, and said.

“You know Woojin Trans, right?”

It was a company I’d never heard of. I had no interest. My gaze returned from the sky to the classroom. Kang Jun, who had been looking at me, was now looking at the hallway window. Han Junwoo was in the hallway. Han Junwoo, leaning against the window and looking towards the end of the hallway, was in Kang Jun’s line of sight.

“Later, after lunch, let’s play soccer…”

“No.”

I answered without even listening to what he was saying.

I wasn’t in the mood to do anything today. It was because I realized what that something that had been bothering me all along was. It was the moment when a year’s worth of accumulated data produced a result. The calculator’s numbers changed.

In that classroom, he and I were looking at Han Junwoo. I should rephrase that. He was looking at Han Junwoo, and I was looking at the Han Junwoo that he was looking at. As I moved my hand, the crucifix attached to my rosary hit the desk. And I raised my head and said to the nameless friend standing next to me.

“Let’s do something else besides soccer.”

“…Huh? Oh, okay, whatever, man.”

“It’s childish, but wanna play kick dodgeball?”

Because it’s a sport where you can officially hit your opponent. Hiding my true intentions, I narrowed my eyes. Only then did Kang Jun and Han Junwoo disappear from my sight. Only a blurry world remained. I only saw the guy in front of me ponder for a bit before nodding.

It was good until then. I was just waiting for lunchtime. I wanted to use exercise as an excuse to make him burst out crying or gag once. Of all things, 15 minutes before lunch, the homeroom teacher called Kang Jun to the faculty office. And openly, during class.

Kang Jun, like an idiot, said “Yes,” and followed. Idiot, a complete idiot bastard. Not even realizing the homeroom teacher saw him as a pushover. Yeah, you’re screwing up your own fate. I rested my chin on my hand and tapped the edge of the textbook with my mechanical pencil. The class bell rang, and the other bastards abandoned Kang Jun and went down to the cafeteria. Even Han Junwoo.

I, I just never liked rushing greedily. I didn’t even feel like eating much.