Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 17

Han Junwoo’s reasoning ability is indeed at rock bottom. Did he think that by doing that, Han Taesan would only look at him? This is why love is terribly disgusting. It makes you lose all reason and interpret everything arbitrarily. And then, if you mistakenly believe that interpretation is the truth, irreversible things happen.

Those who live and die for love are all like that. You must think the most negatively and choose the most unmoving action to avoid that fate.

I gathered my thoughts again. A night with the moon rising. A dawn when I thought I would fall asleep. Han Junwoo called. With the words, “Come find me.” I took a breath after hearing Han Junwoo’s short words. And in my mind, dozens of thoughts came to me. And finally, I answered.

“I’m not going.”

• …

“Do you think I’m an idiot? Die, you bastard.”

Did my voice tremble slightly at the end? I don’t know. But I probably handled it well with composure. I’m usually good at most things. Except for unrequited love.

My refusal, which was an absolute impossibility for Han Junwoo, was by no means a rebellion against Han Junwoo. It was neither jealousy nor anger. In fact, there might have been some of those emotions, but more than anything, what oppressed and controlled me was the cube jungle.

I knew too well what would happen to me if it became known that I met Han Junwoo at this time. Because I am that kind of person.

And I use that fact as an excuse to protect myself. Again, because I am that kind of person. My love was too timid and calculating to care for Han Junwoo more than myself.

Two days after Han Junwoo’s desk was overturned, his textbook was thrown into the burnable waste.

It wasn’t difficult to find the culprit. After a few periods, there was a guy who triumphantly smiled at Go Yohan. And the group kids said that during the previous period, he had bragged in the bathroom about throwing away all of Han Junwoo’s textbooks.

“How truly brave.”

I looked at the cardboard box placed next to the blue trash can. The box, with its edges all torn and paper fluff rising, contained the power struggle between Go Yohan and Han Junwoo.

Two days ago, Han Junwoo lost to Go Yohan in a place he didn’t know.

The motive was sufficient. At first, I thought it was bullying, but after I sensed an unusual ‘certain emotion,’ the kids around Han Junwoo also noticed his strangeness. It became increasingly clear that Han Junwoo’s feelings for Han Taesan were not vague hatred, and his violent attitude was not bullying. Finally, the sight of Kang Jun and Han Junwoo fighting provided confirmation. However, I didn’t feel the need to explain or feel guilty even as I watched public opinion turn against Han Junwoo.

I’m not foolish enough to drag my life to ruin with my own feet. I knew very well how my explanation would look to the other kids. I might seem kind, or loyal. But the cube society had over thirty egos, and a small question would sprout in one of those egos.

‘Why?’

I fear that.

I put my head down on the desk and closed my eyes. I’ll just sleep. And then, as if it were something new, I wished that when I opened my eyes, everything would have changed to how I wanted it. I almost fell asleep like that. I probably would have fallen asleep if I had let myself.

Something poked the top of my head, and I opened my eyes with a jolt. I touched my head and sat up, and Go Yohan was also touching his forehead.

“What? That hurt.”

“Why are you sleeping so early in the morning?”

“None of your business. What’s that?”

“Oh. This? I picked it up on the way here. It was in the school’s recycling bin.”

Go Yohan held up a crutch tucked under his right armpit and smiled slyly. My face crumpled automatically. Go Yohan always does such strange things.

It didn’t hurt much, but I was worried my hair was messy, so I rubbed the crown of my head. Go Yohan, who had woken me up, turned around, kicked a chair with his leg, and then sat down on the chair that almost fell over. He managed not to fall. He threw his bag on the desk and then lay down, using it as a pillow.

“You woke me up, but you’re going to sleep?”

“I was worried about you, telling you to study instead of sleep. It doesn’t matter if I sleep or not. My grades are a mess anyway.”

“Don’t lie.”

I turned my body and grumbled, constantly refuting Go Yohan’s words. Strangely, I wanted to refute everything Go Yohan said. As I did so, I nudged Go Yohan’s foot, and Go Yohan said slyly,

“Hey, how can you hit an injured person? You trashy bastard.”

His expression, a mix of playfulness and sarcasm, exasperated me, and this time I kicked the crutch. The crutch fell towards Go Yohan, but he, still lying down, simply raised his hand and lightly caught it. Go Yohan, who never took his chin off his bag despite my interference, laughed silently, then suddenly said,

“I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”

“What?”

“You didn’t fall, did you?”

Damn it, does it show? My face wasn’t hurt much. My momentary surprise faded, and I brazenly said, subtly wiping my face with the back of my hand,

“No, I fell.”

“Haha.”

Go Yohan, still burying his chin in his bag, chuckled lightly.

“Really?”

Go Yohan turned only his eyes to me and pointed with his index finger. I didn’t understand his intention and asked again.

“Why?”

“Because you’re brazen.”

The moment Go Yohan leaned the crutch against his body and laughed, I acted like someone who had forgotten how to think.

What is he talking about?

“…What’s brazen?”

“In my opinion, you didn’t fall, but…”

“…”

Go Yohan’s words were always puzzling, but never had they brought such fear.

The eyes staring at me were calm and still. Dark pupils in bright irises stared at me quietly. It was like the question of where the tip of his arrow was aimed. Clearly, the tip was aimed at me. I forgot how to think. My head was trying to wake me up with only two words alternating: No way. It can’t be. No way. It can’t be.

Finally, Go Yohan’s eyes crinkled.

“It looks like you bumped into something, that’s all.”

His thin eyes curved long like a snake. My mouth went dry, and I felt breathless. Gulp. While Go Yohan opened his mouth, I didn’t even blink.

“That, it’d be embarrassing if the kids found out.”

“…”

“I’ll keep it a secret.”

And Go Yohan brought the hand holding the crutch to his mouth, whispered, and winked one eye. The breath I had been holding leaped up and hit my chest. Go Yohan didn’t seem to wait for or expect my reaction. This time, he pointed to his bangs with the hand he had held to his mouth.

“But did you copy my style? Then it’s a bit bad.”

While I was speechless, Go Yohan playfully wrinkled his nose.

“Then I’ll sleep.”

Go Yohan yawned and immediately buried his head. I looked at the thick crown of his head and spoke clearly.

“I didn’t copy it, and I didn’t cut it.”

“Oh, really?” His voice, muffled by the bag, mumbled.

“Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world.”

Go Yohan prayed. In his hand was his report card.

Fourth period. As soon as English ended, we received our midterm report cards from last month. Go Yohan buried his head in the opened report card, read his scores, and then suddenly recited that prayer. He threw his head back with a sigh and exclaimed loudly,

“Ah. I’m dead.”

I folded the report card, which I had only checked for scores, in half. I put it in the front pocket of my bag and then looked at Go Yohan, who was sighing behind me.

Since his head was tilted back, all I could see was Go Yohan’s Adam’s apple. It pulsed largely, as if rebuking me for staring. I kept my gaze on Go Yohan’s neck and said,

“That’s not the prayer you use for that.”

“I don’t know, all prayers are the same, I guess. Hey, is it God or Lord?”

That’s when I discovered one of Go Yohan’s suspicious traits: his unique faith.

“How can you ask me that? It’s your religion, isn’t it?”

“Jun, don’t be so hard on me. I thought you knew everything since you’re so smart.”

“I don’t know. I’m irreligious.”

Go Yohan, who had been tilting his head back endlessly, suddenly bent forward. Our eyes met, and I instinctively turned my gaze towards the window, pretending not to have looked. But somehow, my chest felt pricked, and I felt like a thief caught stealing.

I idly turned my gaze from the window to near Go Yohan’s stiffly ironed shirt. The wrinkle-free white shirt, revealing his neck, settled there, then his collarbone jumped out with Go Yohan’s dynamic movements.

“Really? Then, would you like to go to church?”

“What? No.”

“Oh, why not? Let’s go. If you go on weekends and Christmas, they give you presents. Fruits, snacks, and tteokbokki.”

“Are you seriously going to church just for that?”

“Of course, obviously.”

Only then did I properly look at Go Yohan’s face, and the pen he held on his lewd lips caught my eye. At first, my pride wouldn’t let me admit it, but at this moment, I had to admit that Go Yohan was handsome. That obnoxious bastard. Finally, the pen stuck between his nose and upper lip obstructed his lip movements, creating a very inaccurate and full of complaints.

“But your way of speaking is a bit… It’s not like you’re taking it. It’s good if they give it to you.”

“Can you believe in religion with such impure thoughts?”

“Everyone starts with those kinds of thoughts. Originally, it’s just with good intentions. Huh? If they give you delicious things, that person must be a good person. Faith in God goes from a good person who gives snacks to absolute faith. The beginning and the process don’t matter. What matters is the present, that I believe now.”

Go Yohan often talks nonsense. Sometimes even Han Junwoo would get drawn in. Sometimes it really was nonsense, and other times it was something that could even sway me. This time, it was the latter.

I raised my left hand and swept back the bangs tickling my forehead. But they obstructed my view again, so this time I shook my head from side to side. Thin strands of hair swayed in front of my eyes. Gathering my bangs near my temples lessened the itchiness.

I had been so distracted that I even forgot to cut my hair.

Since Han Junwoo and Han Taesan weren’t coming, the front of the teacher’s desk was always empty. I never had a reason to look at that empty seat. Six days ago, the homeroom teacher called me to the staff room and asked if I had heard from Han Junwoo, but I answered truthfully without hesitation.

“No. I haven’t.”

“You haven’t made up with Junwoo yet, have you?”

I smiled bitterly without a word. It was a thoroughly intentional smile. In truth, I didn’t even want to smile.

“Yes. Junwoo was a bit… very angry with me.”

“Junwoo was angry first? With you?”

“Yes.”

With the rumors, the homeroom teacher didn’t seem entirely oblivious to the meaning of my words. The teacher said, “Okay. I understand,” and dismissed me, then sat down and muttered something under his breath. It seemed to be roughly about complaints about Han Junwoo and his father’s shouting, but I pretended not to hear the pathetic monologue and turned my body, though I kept my ears open. That’s how I grasped the atmosphere in the staff room.

Also, after school, while I was preparing for my tutoring at home, Han Junwoo’s father called. He asked if I knew where Han Junwoo was, just like the homeroom teacher, and I replied,

“No, Junwoo doesn’t contact me anymore either.”

• So…

“I’m truly sorry I can’t be of help.”

• No. Why would you be sorry? It’s okay.

Lately, Han Junwoo’s father’s calls rang more frequently than usual. But each time, a similar conversation unfolded. I hastily hung up the phone, sensing a subtle attempt to link Han Junwoo and me closely.