Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 16 Cube Jungle

A jungle made of wooden floors. Within this tranquil jungle live some thirty beasts.

Everywhere, beasts form hierarchies and gather into herds. The beasts living in this jungle are all eighteen years old. These eighteen-year-old children spend each day in the jungle with a precarious and taut tension, like a thin thread pulled taut.

For me, this tension had been a part of my life since I was around twelve, when I learned how to form a herd. And this is my daily routine, and at the same time, it must be everyone’s.

A cube jungle hiding a pyramid. That is the classroom of the eighteen-year-olds.

“Ah…”

I shook my arm, which felt tingly from lack of blood circulation. I tapped my clenched fist against my stomach, which felt tightly blocked. I exhaled softly and looked at the bowed backs. Green blackboard and apricot-colored nape of necks. Yoonri, sitting on a chair in front of the teacher’s desk, was reading a crumpled newspaper folded in half, while the other kids were either racking their brains over the problems Yoonri had given them, or had given up entirely and were sleeping with their heads down. Yoonri unfolded the newspaper and shouted loudly.

“Those who are sleeping, wake up.”

Before I knew it, it was the fifth period. I, who had been fiddling with problem number 15, scratched my head lightly with my index finger and put my mechanical pencil down on the desk. Then I looked at the empty seats. Two of them caught my eye.

As expected, Han Junwoo and Han Taesan hadn’t come. They probably won’t come tomorrow either. Unless Han Junwoo had a change of heart, or some unknown incident happened between the two of them. But I didn’t know what that ‘incident’ might be.

I lowered my head and looked at the complex problem. Characters filled with Chinese hanja filled my eyes.

I thought I knew everything about Han Junwoo. There was a time when I was arrogant enough to believe I was the only one in this classroom who knew Han Junwoo best. That was one of my prides, overshadowing even Go Yohan’s friendship with Han Junwoo.

In fact, that pride seemed to be what allowed me to endure seeing Go Yohan and Han Junwoo getting along. I secretly enjoyed the fact that no matter how close they got, I still held the upper hand.

I rested my chin on my hand. The thought of me thinking such things was utterly disgusting.

If everyone knew I was thinking these things, how would they see me? The outcome was obvious. I would occupy the lowest and widest face of the pyramid.

That was a terrifyingly scary imagination. I must never be caught. Such a sinister high schooler’s peculiar desire, that is. I must hide it thoroughly, so deeply that even the object of my desire doesn’t know, so deeply that in the end, even I don’t know.

But Han Junwoo couldn’t do that. Everyone in the class knew Han Junwoo’s desire. I raised my head and looked around. Everyone had their noses buried in their desks. I pushed my lips hard into my mouth and glanced forward.

A textbook with footprints, rolling forlornly between the desks, came into view.

For a moment, as if someone was watching me, I quickly buried my nose in my desk, just like the other kids.

And I turned my neck in a different direction than before. It was in the back seat. There, a face was visible, sleeping with his face covered by his arm. A gloomy and delicate face lay as if dead.

“…”

I looked at Go Yohan’s face, then gradually let my gaze drift to his arm. In the meantime, Go Yohan, who was already tall, seemed to have grown even more, as his uniform, which fit perfectly at the beginning of sophomore year, now exposed his wrists. And on his wrist, a brown rosary bracelet was clearly visible. Its weighty presence was Go Yohan’s symbol and identity.

Actually, before I heard about Go Yohan, I thought he was someone who lived on the opposite side of town. That is, the side where Han Taesan lived.

Go Yohan didn’t look particularly wealthy on the surface. His eyes were deeply set, and his eyelids were always shadowed. His faint-colored eyes were always slightly upturned. Thanks to this, a thin strip of white was often visible beneath his pupils, which made him look even more haggard and sharp.

Overall, Go Yohan had a sinister aura, and he looked imposing, but his face seemed impoverished rather than refined. He clearly looked as if something was lacking. That atmosphere gave off a rather gloomy feeling. Moreover, he was bigger than others, making him doubly intimidating. No matter what anyone said, Go Yohan was the tallest student in the entire school.

The fortunate thing, unlike Han Junwoo, was that his handsome features, even when viewed separately, made one exclaim ‘of course’ when put together. Go Yohan was typically handsome. If he weren’t, everyone would have avoided him. To that extent, Go Yohan looked gloomy, scary, and irritable.

However, unlike his face, Go Yohan was indifferent.

It wasn’t just a lack of interest in everything, but rather as if he intentionally or unintentionally erased things from his memory. It was like a non-possession of memories. Ironically, Go Yohan’s personality explained his wealth. It was his only distinguishing feature.

Most notably, he had no interest in money. He didn’t care how much others spent around him or how much they demanded, and if he felt like it, he would casually throw the money he held to anyone. He acted as if he had never learned the concept of currency. He would also forget if he lent money to someone. A few conscientious guys would return the money after borrowing it from Go Yohan, and he would ask with a face full of questions why they were giving it to him.

What was also funny was that he didn’t lend money to just anyone. Only when Go Yohan was in a good mood would he grant requests from anyone nearby, but he would casually refuse those who genuinely needed money urgently.

He was even quite harsh with his friends. I once heard a story that Kim Minho, perhaps out of envy after accidentally seeing Go Yohan’s ‘beloved ride’—his motorcycle, which Go Yohan always talked about but never showed others—bluntly asked to ride on the back and simultaneously thrust his butt forward, only to be immediately kicked by Go Yohan and fall flat on the street like a startled frog.

People at the top of the male hierarchy tend not to fear criticism from others. Perhaps that’s why those who occupy the top spots are always people like Han Junwoo, who are indifferent to others, or Go Yohan, who quickly forgets everything.

I still don’t understand why they would hand over our keys to those wild carnivores of their own accord.

Also, Go Yohan is a self-proclaimed devout Catholic.

At the same time, he was a delinquent student who slept with a Bible under his head, but he followed the doctrines. He didn’t drink alcohol, didn’t smoke, abstained from sex, and didn’t steal money from other students. However, one could tell that the doctrine he followed was bogus just by hearing about the alcohol and tobacco parts. I heard that alcohol and tobacco are permitted in Catholicism.

I heard that religion considers homosexuality a sin. So, did Han Junwoo’s actions feel disgusting to Go Yohan? I licked my parched lips with my tongue.

I felt relieved that it wasn’t discovered. If it had been, I would have been that textbook. In that situation, if Han Junwoo and I had been as close as we were just a few months ago, I wondered if Han Junwoo would protect me. What would happen? Thinking about that brought back a memory I wanted to forget. I took a deep breath. It felt like the food I ate at lunch was regurgitating.

Definitely not.

My past arrogance, thinking he would naturally protect me, is laughable. To Han Junwoo, I was nothing. I was just a high school friend who was okay to hang out with. I know. The eyes that beat me down said as much. Though I didn’t want to know the truth.

Han Junwoo, committing a sin. Kang Jun, committing a sin. But Kang Jun hid it, and Han Junwoo couldn’t. That’s why Han Junwoo is receiving God’s judgment.

A small chuckle escaped me, a monologue just loud enough for myself to hear.

“…What? So, I just have to not get caught.”

Perhaps God has the same personality as Go Yohan.

This time, I looked at the desk attached to the teacher’s desk. It was a rare occurrence, but today, Han Taesan seemed a bit pitiful. You were a poor soul caught up with a demon. Your strength must have been too weak to overcome that terrifying and captivating power. Han Taesan, who is infinitely small and weak, unlike Taesan. So you should have left quickly when I advised you. You foolish idiot.

I know I’m not a particularly good person. I know I’m selfish and only think of myself. That’s why I was punished. Honestly, I’ve even thought this: if you’re going to like a guy anyway, why not like a cunning and sneaky guy like me, so you can live an easier life? Why go through all that trouble liking such a difficult and innocent man?

Now I think this:

Yeah. There’s no way anyone would like me, thinking only these kinds of thoughts. As expected, I know myself too well, and that’s my downfall.

There was a time when I thought I could have everything in the world. Arrogant, arrogant Kang Jun. Kang Jun, who understood the world at eighteen. Bad, wicked Kang Jun. Sorrowful Kang Jun. Kang Jun, who had no one but himself to pity him, and had to endure everything alone.

That day, I couldn’t get past problem number 15 until class ended, and I lay with my head down, feigning illness. Yes, thinking it was still better than Han Junwoo or Han Taesan, whose lives were ruined.

Rumors about Han Junwoo and Han Taesan spread like wildfire. Whether the rumors were exaggerated or if Han Junwoo was truly acting as rumored, there was no way to find out the truth. Han Junwoo’s group within the school had disappeared as desolate as weeds pulled out. Even the few who remained were obsessed with forming new groups and solidifying their bonds, which only worsened the rumors.

“Junwoo, I’m sorry. Who’s closest to Jun?”

“Han, no. Go Yohan.”

I overheard this before homeroom, while passing by. The homeroom teacher asked, and one of my classmates answered. I pretended not to hear and entered the classroom. The homeroom teacher, who had been fidgeting and looking between me and the empty seats, tapped the teacher’s desk with his finger. But then, as if he had thought of something, he spoke with a resigned expression.

“Let’s have a homeroom.”

As soon as homeroom ended, I stood up and packed my bag. As I slung my bag over my shoulder, Go Yohan tapped me on the back.

“Hey. Let’s hang out after school.”

I looked at Go Yohan’s face.

I knew. Because I had been wary of Han Junwoo and Go Yohan’s every move, I knew that the person Go Yohan had just spoken to me most often was Han Junwoo. I thought for a moment, then waved my hand.

“No. I have cram school.”

“Then after that?”

“Self-study. Just go hang out with your friend from the start.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s a headache to be too close with someone whose life is a mess.”

“Aren’t they your friends?”

“People have to gain something in life. If you embrace trash, only your own life will rot.”

“Huh.”

I snorted in disbelief. That’s right. This was why I could get along with Go Yohan better than I expected. Our values are strangely aligned.

“Kim Minho, Lee Seokhyun are trash? Kim Seokmin too?”

“If you ask it that way, then yes. Their quality is different from yours.”

The strange compliment made me feel uncomfortable. Why was that?

“You’re mean.”

“No. I’m not mean.”

“You’re really mean, though?”

“Hmm. It’s written in the Ten Commandments. ‘Thou shalt not lie.’ Huh? I don’t lie, Jun.”

Honestly, Go Yohan is worse than me. I don’t openly treat the delinquents I hang out with as trash like that.

“So I’m a good person.”

“…Right.”

“Since I’m good, can I come over to your house?”

Go Yohan blinked twice. I looked at his face, then nodded.

“Okay. Then.”

If he didn’t bother me, there was no need to refuse. To solidify my position in the group, there was no need to make an enemy of the guy who would become the top.

When I returned from cram school, Go Yohan, who had arrived first, was already lying on my bed, reading a comic book he had brought in his bag. I didn’t even bother to look at the cover and frowned. Something strange, a few workbooks, were slightly visible inside Go Yohan’s wide-open bag. Problems and Go Yohan.

Go Yohan is strange.

Before, when Han Junwoo would proudly talk about the painting that happened overnight in front of Go Yohan, Go Yohan would laugh, tap Han Junwoo’s forehead and shoulder, and say, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” It was clearly a rebuke to Han Junwoo, but I thought it was just their playful banter.

However, strangely, Go Yohan was now clearly showing hostility. Like flipping a switch. A friend’s betrayal is more stimulating than a stranger’s criticism. So, I took out two ice creams from the freezer, gave one to Go Yohan, and asked very carefully.

“Hey, you know what?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to break up with Han Junwoo?”

Go Yohan, being quick-witted, would surely know that ‘break up’ didn’t mean the usual kind of break up. But Go Yohan, who fearlessly tore open the wrapper and shoved the ice cream into his mouth, just smiled, raising one corner of his mouth. Then he chewed the end of the ice cream, swallowed it, and only when his mouth was empty did he answer.

“Is there any reason to be friends with someone whose life is over?”

“Really?”

Is a man liking a man such a serious thing that it would ruin one’s life? I secretly felt a pang of guilt.

“You agree, don’t you?”

Go Yohan, with his gaze fixed on the comic book, asked. His words were mumbled as he held the ice cream stick in his mouth. I pouted and said,

“Of course.”

After that, we didn’t talk about Han Junwoo at all. I knew that my inquiries about Han Junwoo from Go Yohan ended there, so I intentionally didn’t ask further. And so, he prepared to eat a very late dinner at my house before leaving.

“See you tomorrow, then.”

I watched Go Yohan, who was fumbling with his shoes and about to leave, and hesitated before being a little nosy.

“Don’t walk, take a taxi.”

At that, Go Yohan made a funny face. Then he laughed in disbelief and said,

“Oh, okay.”

I went into my room and immediately lay on my bed, pondering Go Yohan’s words.